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Chapter 3 - The Fire Butt

The path was quiet — too quiet — except for the occasional scroll flapping across the sky like it owed someone money.

I was just wondering whether I'd accidentally wandered into a magical no-wifi zone when I heard a rickety squeak behind me.

A cart.

Being pulled by a very grumpy-looking old man with a beard like tangled vines and eyes that screamed "I have absolutely no patience for your nonsense."

He wasn't looking at me — just pushing his cart down the road, muttering to himself and humming a tune that sounded like an angry lullaby.

> "Uh… hey there!" I called out.

He stopped.

Looked at me.

Looked at the scroll sticking out of my hoodie pocket.

Looked back at me.

> "You're not from around here," he grunted.

> "Correct. I think I was cursed by an owl app."

He squinted like I'd just said I was made of soup.

> "Speak."

> "Petit feu?"

I said it with my chest. Big mistake.

WHOOSH—BAM!

A tiny fireball burst out and made a U-turn straight into his cart. It lit one of the scrolls on fire and singed the back of his robe.

> "GAHHH!!"

He launched forward with a yelp, slapping at his butt with one of the scrolls as smoke rose from behind.

> "WHAT IN ALL GRAMMATICAL HELLS WAS THAT?!"

> "I think I... uh... mispronounced?"

> "You think?! You nearly flambéed my glutes!"

He threw a scroll at my head.

> "Have you never practiced safety magic?!"

> "I literally got here yesterday, man!"

He stopped, took a deep breath, then dunked his scroll in his drinking jug and stuffed it back into his cart like this was all perfectly normal.

Then, without another word, he pointed one wrinkly finger toward the horizon.

> "Town's that way. Archive's in the north tower. Tell them Tolla sent you. Or don't. Actually—don't."

> "So you're not gonna kill me?"

> "Too tired. Too old. And too flammable apparently."

He started rolling his cart again, scrolls clinking, muttering as he passed me.

> "Can't go one week without a firebutt. Stupid language world."

I watched him wobble down the road, still patting his singed robe like a man who'd seen too much.

> "Yep," I said aloud. "Definitely cursed."

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