Froozie<3:
I love you babyyy
Babyyy I miss youuuu
Grrrr, nakaramdam rin pala ng lumbay ang maangas na katulad ko.
Ilysm
Miss you
Wuv u
BABYYYY I MISS YOU SO MUCH
I love you always remember that okay
Mahal na mahal kita
Stay with me baby
Ako lang mahal mo ah
Ang ganda mo
Hi ganda
I missssss youuuuu
Where you at?
I love youuuuuu
Nakakainis.
Kate bit her lip hard, her vision blurred with small tears as she stared at her phone screen.
What is she doing?
Why is she like this?
She was backreading again. Every message, every voice note, every "baby" that used to make her heart race now felt like a slap to her already fractured chest.
The chat was still labeled Froozie<3.
Her name in his phone? Probably long gone. Already on archive.
The messages? Still here.
The nicknames? Still burning.
She pressed the power button on her phone, face turned away from the rest of the van.
Sunday.
She should be excited.
This was the start of their clinical rotation in Manila.
A new experience. A break from the routine.
But she felt… numb.
She and Riz had been together before this day. Riz helped her pack, helped her breathe, reminded her to bring her meds, to bring her ID, to bring herself even when she didn't want to.
Riz was still going to Manila, but because of the groupings and alphabetical seating, they weren't in the same van. Riz waved as their vans rolled away earlier that morning, mouthing "Text mo ko agad pag nandoon ka na."
And now… Kate was alone.
At least, it felt like it.
She was seated beside the window, earbuds in, forehead resting on the cool glass.
Outside, the sun was starting to dip low, casting gold across the long stretch of
Pampanga highway. Her body was in transit. Her heart, still stuck somewhere in the past.
The van was quiet. A few were asleep, others scrolling on their phones. Laughter erupted from the back every now and then—but it didn't touch her.
Her phone buzzed. Not a message. Just the lock screen lighting up because of a notification from an app, minecraft.
It still hurt.
Because it wasn't him.
She played her music again.
"–Minumulto na ako ng damdamin ko…"
Cup of Joe's Multo filled her ears, every lyric cutting deeper than she wanted to admit.
She wiped her cheek as a tear slipped down.
"–Hindi mo ba ko lilisanin…"
Her breathing grew shallow. Her hand clenched the hem of her jacket.
She wanted to cry, a loud one. But she also didn't want anyone to see. Wrong timing lagi kapag na ha-heart-broken siya.
This… this was the kind of pain that demanded privacy.
The quiet kind.
The "I'm fine" with a full playlist behind it.
She hadn't slept properly in days.
Not since he left.
Even in dreams, he was there—sometimes smiling, sometimes cold, always just out of reach. It got to the point where closing her eyes started to feel more exhausting than staying awake.
And now she was in the van, heading to the same city where he was.
Manila.
She never thought she'd learn to hate a place just because of someone.
But now she did.
The thought that she'd be breathing the same air as him, that his condo might be within ten minutes of the hotel they'd be staying in, made her want to scream. Or punch a wall.
Or run.
She adjusted her earbud and closed her eyes.
Ganito siguro 'yung sinasabi nilang early stage of healing.
The traffic phase.
The part where your body is technically moving forward but your heart? It's still stuck in the red light.
Still staring at the rearview mirror.
Still checking your phone, hoping for a text you know won't come.
Still making excuses for someone who's already left.
Still missing the memories so badly you start re-reading old conversations like scripture.
You know you should let go… but you don't want to.
Because moving on means accepting it's real.
Accepting that it ended.
And that it wasn't enough to make them stay.
It's confusing. Messy. Brutal.
One foot forward, the other one nailed to the past.
Kate wiped another tear as the van slowed down near another toll gate.
She peeked at her screen again.
Still no message.
She turned the brightness all the way down, locked the phone, and pressed her head against the window once more.
She hated this.
She hated how the world kept moving while she was stuck.
She hated how healing looked like this—not like peace, but like grief.
Not like freedom, but like loss.
Not like forgetting but remembering every damn detail with too much clarity.
She closed her eyes again and whispered into the quiet hum of the van:
"Please… sana makausad ako."
---
The van finally pulled into the city by late afternoon, swallowed by Manila's thick, unrelenting traffic. The skyline loomed ahead—tall, impersonal, uncaring. Just buildings, cars, people... all moving. All unaware of the heart currently trying to piece itself together inside one of the passenger seats.
She blinked as the hotel came into view. Modern. Polished. Big glass windows that reflected the clouded sky. It was nothing like Pangasinan.
It didn't feel like home. Somehow, manila feels like it was suffocating her.
The student coordinator, their group leader called for their attention, calling names as the van neared the hotel that they will be staying at.
Room assignments with their roommates as the rooms had two double decks. Floor numbers. Kate barely listened, luckily her roommates are kind hearted souls, it was alphabetically arranged, she had already known them, they were once her groupmates in a case study.
The van stopped at a huge building, GOLDEN PANDA. That was the name of the place.
Her body just moved.
They stepped off the van one by one. She carried her duffel bag, and emotional baggage like she was used to it. Like it wasn't slowly crushing her spine. Their luggage was at a separate van, it will be delivered at their room later.
As they entered the lobby, her phone buzzed in her jacket pocket.
She yanked it out with a flicker of hope that died the second she saw the notification.
Remind: You have your period soon.
Kate laughed—dry and humorless.
Perfect timing.
She went to the front desk to get her keycard just like what the others were doing and then followed the others into the elevator, staring at the steel doors, watching her reflection in them.
She looked pale. Lips dry. Eyes tired. Her bun was a mess. Her uniform was wrinkled from the hours of travel. And still, somehow… she looked together.
No one would know her heart was in shambles. No one would guess she just spent the entire ride trying not to cry. Or that she was haunted by a voice note that once said: "I love you, babyyy."
By the time they reached their assigned floor, Riz had already messaged.
Riz 🦋:
Room 702 daw kami ni Lex, Christine and Annalyn. Ikaw?
Sabihan mo lang ako kung gusto mo ng yakap or sabaw. May instant ramen ako sa bag, don't test me.
Kate replied a simple: 706. Okay lang ako. See you later, lapit lang naman ng room naming sa inyo eh.
Lying felt like muscle memory now.
When she entered her room, she was alone. Her roommates hadn't arrived yet natraffic ata sa lobby. Buti nakuha niya agad ang keycard niya.
The second the door closed behind her, she dropped everything.
Bag. Jacket. Body.
She sat on the edge of the bed, removed her shoes one at a time. Then, slowly, she pulled out her phone again.
She stared at the chat labeled Froozie<3.
Still there.
Still haunting.
She didn't click it this time.
She just stared at the name.
Her eyes burned again, but she blinked fast. Not here. Not now.
She looked around the room.
Clean. Organized. Sterile.
Just like her heart was trying to be.
But every inch of her body was screaming.
He's here somewhere.
Maybe a few blocks away. Maybe two streets down. Maybe on the other side of this very building.
How cruel is it that the person who made you feel safest is now the very reason you can't breathe?
She lay back on the mattress, arms folded across her stomach, eyes fixed on the ceiling.
This is what early stage of healing really looks like:
Not peace.
Not clarity.
But a silent war between missing someone and convincing yourself you shouldn't.
She closed her eyes.
Froozie<3.
She could still hear him laugh. Still remember how he said her name. Still see the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't noticing.
She could still taste the promises.
Stay with me, baby.
I love you so much.
You're mine, okay?
Lies? Maybe not.
But no longer true either.
And somehow, that was worse.
Kate swallowed hard and whispered into the hotel room air, her voice barely a sound.
"Ang lapit mo…pero lumalayo ka na."