Chapter 74 Onyi's POV
Darkness clawed at my mind like a living thing. Every time I touched something, it burned or withered away. I couldn't control it. I didn't understand it. I was a monster in my own skin, trapped in a body doing things I didn't want it to do.
I paced in my secure chamber, walls closing in on me. Amanda was the only one who didn't run from me in fear. But even she didn't understand. She thought she could love me through this darkness. But I knew better. I was evil. I was becoming something bad.
Memories swirled of times before this darkness. I was happy then because I had Amanda I had a place in the pack. Now they whispered about me behind doors. They feared me like a plague. The king wanted me gone. Everyone did except Amanda.
But Amanda didn't see what I saw in my nightmares. Flames. Burned bodies. Ruin from my touch. "I'm evil," I whispered to myself again and again. Like a mantra of doom. I couldn't let her stay close. I couldn't risk hurting her like I hurt everything else.
I stopped pacing and leaned against cold stone. Outside my window slit in the wall, moonlight fought to get in. Shadows danced like demons here to claim me fully. I felt them waiting. I felt darkness wanting me.
Amanda's face came to mind. Beautiful. Determined. Loving me despite this curse. But I pushed her away. I had to. For her safety. So she wouldn't burn like everything else did when I touched. So she wouldn't see me turn into something monstrous.
Pain filled my chest thinking of pushing her away. We'd been close. Mated. Now it felt like a lie because of this darkness. Like I'd lost her by losing myself. I didn't know who I was anymore except a vessel for evil.
In shadows deepening in my room like living things, I whispered again, "I'm evil." Saying it made it truer in my mind. Made pushing Amanda away truer too.
I slid down the wall then onto the cold floor. Head in hands, I hid my face from moonlight trying in vain to touch me through the narrow window. I was lost. Darkness was winning.