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Chapter 195 - Chapter 42: I Hate You

Something felt off.

Ever since she met with her mother, Ichinose Honami hadn't been able to stay calm.

It was like a gear in her mind was misaligned, making everything clunky and sluggish. Her thoughts were dull. Her senses heavy.

When she came back to herself, she was already sitting across from the school therapist.

"Ichinose Honami."

"...Mm."

"I want to confirm something about what happened."

"...Mm."

"At that moment, your intended target for murder was Karuizawa Kei, not Kitagawa Ryo. Is that correct?"

The last name spoken—his name—overlapped with the countless times she had heard it before. His voice, his presence.

Honami's body weakened. It felt like she was about to faint. The strength in her knees, her body, all drained away. Her breath caught painfully in her throat.

When she used to reject him, she would repeat her mother's words to herself: that promises made by boys at their age were nothing but lies.

But he had been serious.

Ryo had been serious.

He had truly wanted Honami to change. He had wanted to earn her recognition.

That's why he always smiled at her—without exception.

Even at the very end.

Believing that his wish would come true one day.

Believing that his love would be acknowledged.

"Yes. I never wanted to harm Ryo."

If anything, what she had felt for him was the complete opposite.

Truly.

Absolutely.

Ichinose Honami had never been more certain of her feelings than in that moment.

And that very certainty brought a cruel realization.

She had realized it.

Only now, at this late point.

"These feelings..."

She could repeat them a thousand, ten thousand times. But the person who should hear them—was no longer anywhere in this world.

Even if she scoured the ends of the earth, even if she tried every possible way, there would be no way to tell him.

No matter what words she used, they could never reach him.

"I've always loved Ryo."

The one who should have received those words no longer existed.

No matter how she thought about it, no matter how desperately she tried to forget—this one fact was irreversible, unchangeable, and devastating.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

The dark emotion surged uncontrollably.

Memories overflowed with no end.

But none of it mattered anymore.

Everything had ended the moment Ryo stopped breathing.

And what awaited her now was only destruction.

She couldn't move forward—only remain stuck in the world where he no longer existed, endlessly searching for the words she should have said while drifting toward death.

By the time Ichinose Honami realized it, tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Then she woke up on her bed, fumbling for her phone.

4 a.m.

It was the second day of school.

After all this time since being reborn, she had once again dreamed of the memory she most wanted to forget.

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The second day of school marked the beginning of classes. Most of the lessons were just introductions to the curriculum and learning goals. The teachers were all cheerful and friendly—hardly what one would expect from a prestigious academic institution. Still, every student around Ayanokouji Kiyotaka listened attentively and took notes.

Except for Kouenji Rokusuke.

From the very first class, he had ignored the teachers completely—trimming his nails, fixing his hair, dozing off. Yet none of the instructors said a word about his behavior. Perhaps because of his threatening self-introduction on the first day, or simply because of his intimidating muscles, even those who wanted to scold him gave up upon seeing his physique.

The morning classes ended quickly. Within minutes, half the class had disappeared—most left in small groups for the cafeteria. Katsuragi Kohei was surrounded by five or six students. From a distance, you could still hear Totsuka Yahiko's booming voice. Kushida Kikyou headed to the courtyard to share lunch with some students who had brought bentos.

"I'm heading to the cafeteria. Anyone want to come with me?"

A line Ayanokouji would never imagine himself saying was spoken cheerfully by Hirata Yosuke, who stood up and easily attracted the remaining classmates to his side—especially the girls, as his looks were far more appealing than Katsuragi's shaved head.

Even though it was just the second day, three distinct groups had already begun forming within the class. Ayanokouji casually raised his hand and joined Hirata's group.

The group made their way to the cafeteria in high spirits. Hirata was socially adept—even Ayanokouji, who walked near the back, received a friendly greeting.

"Ayanokouji-kun, are you planning to attend any club recruitments this afternoon?"

A school announcement had gone out earlier: at 5 p.m., various clubs would be hosting their orientation in the main gymnasium.

"I'm thinking of joining the soccer club. Want to come? You look pretty fit—your upper arms seem like they've been trained."

"Hah... well, if I find a suitable club, I'll consider it."

Ayanokouji brushed off the topic. Hirata didn't press.

"I heard Katsuragi wants to try out for the student council."

"Their screening is supposed to be the hardest of all the clubs. I hope he makes it."

Ayanokouji nodded, and Hirata turned his attention to others. He looked genuinely excited—Tokyo Advanced Nurturing High School's soccer club had won several summer tournaments, after all.

"Soccer club..."

Ayanokouji gave the idea some thought. Joining a club was appealing. In a school like this, clubs were one of the few effective ways to connect with other classes and even upperclassmen. They were valuable for gathering intel and expanding influence.

However, sports clubs demanded a lot of time and effort.

After considering it for a bit, Ayanokouji decided to pass on athletic clubs. He tucked his hands into his sleeves and squinted slightly, intending to wait until the orientation before making a decision.

Still, in his mind, he had already formed a tentative target.

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"Student Council?"

Ichinose Honami set down her tray and pressed her palms together as she softly said, "Itadakimasu," then looked up, surprised by what Kitagawa Ryo had just said from across the table.

"Yeah, the student council."

Ryo methodically scooped food into his mouth. The deluxe meal counter in the cafeteria already had a long line, and even a casual glance revealed several Class 1-D students.

To save time, Ryo had opted for a standard meal—not extravagant, but filling. Honami's meal was even cheaper, consisting of basic homestyle dishes.

"Have you ever thought about joining the student council, Honami?" Ryo repeated his question, locking eyes with her, waiting for a response.

"After all, you were student council president for over a year in middle school."

"That's true."

Mentioning the past brought a nostalgic smile to her face. She took a sip of miso soup before replying, "If possible, I'd like to give it a try."

"I'm sure you'll do great," Ryo nodded, reassured now that Honami was indeed considering it. He returned to his meal.

"Next time, maybe we could cook our own meals. It'd save points, and probably taste better than this."

Honami leaned her cheek on her hand, watching Ryo eat. Her voice, normally energetic, always dropped by a few tones when she was around him, turning soft and tender.

"Ryo, hold still."

He looked up in slight confusion. She reached out with her pale hand and gently plucked a single grain of rice from the corner of his mouth, then calmly popped it into her own.

Only Honami could do something like that.

It was something her mother used to do for her countless times, and she had done the same for her younger sister.

Coincidentally, Ryo and Hotaru shared a similar bond.

Rather than feeling romantic, the moment was filled with something deeper. They both smiled.

"Hotaru used to do that when she ate..."

"Maki too..."

They spoke in unison about their sisters, then paused awkwardly.

"Three years in isolation really is a long time," Honami sighed.

"Still, we all have to live independently someday," Ryo said with a nod. "These three years are just a preview of what's to come. You won't be spending your whole life with your sister and mom."

"Right. One day, I'll leave my original family and start my own."

Her lips curled into a smile, though realizing how direct her words were, she quickly lowered her head and focused on eating.

"Hey there, this seat isn't taken, right?"

Turning his head, Ryo saw Karuizawa Kei blinking her ocean-blue eyes as she casually sat down beside him with a tray.

Normally, sitting across from someone is the most comfortable arrangement for a shared meal. You can watch each other's expressions, and occasionally, your legs might brush under the table.

But all that assumes no one else is sitting beside them.

Honami watched Kei press in close to Ryo and felt an inexplicable wave of irritation rise from deep inside her.

She could be kind to anyone—except Kei.

Since her rebirth, Honami had been haunted by the same nightmare every night, waking in a cold sweat.

She dreamed of the moment her knife pierced Ryo's chest.

As fireworks exploded overhead, all she could see was the blood pouring from his chest, staining her hands.

She knew it was irrational to blame one person.

She knew it was just a phantom memory from the past.

She knew Ryo was alive and well, sitting right here, speaking to her.

But she still couldn't bear to see Kei.

She didn't resent her, nor did she harbor any thoughts of revenge. Honami understood, acknowledged, and even applauded Kei's stage performances when they used to work together in theater.

But she just couldn't accept her presence.

Maybe because seeing Kei reminded her of her former, twisted self.

Even before school started, the two had wordlessly avoided each other—Honami visited Ryo's house more in the mornings, and Kei chose the evenings.

But at Tokyo Advanced Nurturing High School, total isolation made that impossible.

"Isn't Karuizawa-san the leader of Class B?"

Honami's casual tone made her point clear.

"Ryo and I go way back. We didn't even go to the same middle school, but we still had meals together often. Just because we're in different classes now doesn't change anything."

Kei brushed it off with a smile, not understanding why Honami always seemed hostile toward her.

"Honami's planning to join the student council. Do you have a club in mind, Kei?" Ryo quickly jumped in to steer the conversation elsewhere.

"Clubs, huh? I actually looked it up. Turns out this school doesn't have a drama club. Such a shame," Kei pouted, spoon in hand.

"So I'll just wander around and see what looks interesting. Maybe I'll sign up if something catches my eye."

"What about you, Ryo?"

"Haven't decided yet."

Ryo shook his head. He had no plans to join the student council himself. He intended to give the two available seats from Nagumo Miyabi to Honami and Horikita Suzune. Both had expressed interest and were qualified—and being from Class D, their positions could be quite useful during future special exams.

"Then how about we start a new club together?" Kei nudged Ryo's arm.

"The process is complicated, but the student council handles the approval."

She glanced at Honami and clapped her hands, feigning surprise.

"Perfect! Honami's trying to join the student council."

"If Karuizawa-san plans to start a new club with Ryo, I might lose interest in joining the council," Honami smiled.

"Horikita-san is also aiming to join, right? We could ask her for help."

Meanwhile, in the student council's reception room, Horikita Suzune sneezed.

"It's still spring, so make sure to stay warm," said her older brother, Horikita Manabu, sitting across from her. It had been over a year since they last met during the cultural festival.

"Got it," she nodded.

She had just finished hearing all the latest updates about the student council from him.

"So you're worried that Nagumo will once again abuse his power during the recruitment this year?"

"Yes. I plan to sit this one out, but Nagumo won't miss a chance to expand his influence."

"Don't worry. I'll be there to apply."

"I believe in you, Suzune."

Manabu smiled gently. After two years apart, he realized just how much his sister had grown—including the homemade lunch she'd brought for him.

"You even remembered I don't eat cilantro."

Suzune blushed at the compliment.

She didn't have the heart to admit that the lunch had originally been prepared for Kitagawa Ryo.

Ichinose Honami had simply beaten her to it.

Biting the end of her chopsticks, Suzune looked more than a little frustrated.

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