I rounded the corner, blood pumping in my ears and pressed myself against the walls as I tried to slow my breathing.
Deep and slow, deep and slow.
I tried to control the exhales right there in between the wall panels. I didn't want the guards to see me because I knew they'd only mock me for it.
But I should have left.
Because now, I could hear a different set of boots clicking inside the room, it wasn't Valden's because these were lighter, slower, and layered with dangerous confidence.
A woman's voice echoed against the walls, sharp and amused. "Still working overtime, Valden? That's rare for you, especially considering they've been calling you for search patrol for the last thirty minutes."
I slowed my breathing and peeked through the cracked window beside me. The woman was tall and slender in the way most Lycarus women were, and her black uniform with the shiny wolf symbol clung to her curves like second skin. Her hair was pulled back into a sleek bun and I recognized her immediately.
It was Second-in-Command Rhea Garrenwhan.
She used to train with the Commander and now served directly under him, acting as his bridge, his advisor. Said to be even more cunning than him and just as strong. Rumour also had it that she was sleeping with him. But that hadn't been surprising, because I knew if there was anyone who could get the Commander on his knees, it would most likely be her.
But now, a faint sense of dread was curling up my chest.
Why would she come all the way here for Valden?
"I was finishing up all the tests for today," Valden said, peeling off his gloves. He turned his back to her while switching off the control panels and scanning equipment.
"I see you've been giving special treatment though," she smiled coldly, walking towards him with a predatory gaze and her voice dropping even lower. "Didn't you have a past with the last one? Are you picking favorites now?"
I shuddered.
How did she even know about that?
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Valden said, turning around and holding her gaze. But that gaze, it wasn't cold anymore, it was just…something else.
That gaze was enough for her to close the distance between them. Her gloved hands slid down his muscular arms smoothly, like it wasn't her first time and her body pressed against each and every crevice of his, leaving no cracks.
"I see the way you look at her, Valden. But I only hope I'm mistaken. Because I know you want me the most. Tell me, has she ever made you feel this way before?"
Her hands again moved downwards and slipped underneath the seams of his leather pants.
My throat tightened and I slapped a hand over my mouth before the whimper left my lips. I should have looked away. I should have just left but my legs remained frozen in place. And I just watched until my heart was torn open bit by bit.
Valden didn't stop her, as her other hand slid to his waist and she leaned in close to his face, whispering something against his jaw before closing the gap and pressing her lips to his.
She was kissing him and he let her.
No, he didn't just let her, he was kissing her back. Hard and deep, as he grabbed her face and closed his eyes, biting and savoring her like he'd been waiting for it all this time. Devouring her like she was the only thing he ever craved.
Her hands were tangled in his hair and his fingers trailed down to grab her hips closer like he couldn't get enough. Like he was starving and she was his salvation. Like her body shaped all his new memories.
And I…I was still standing there, my eyes stinging and watching. Suffocating in silence.
I squeezed my eyes shut and scrambled back behind the walls, but the sounds only got louder. I could hear them kissing, ravaging each other, the sounds of leather against leather, and a gasping moan…that was just unbearable. It was like a knife twisting into me, burying itself deeper and deeper.
I still had my hands over my mouth, now controlling the sobs that threatened to spill out.
"You're tense," I heard Rhea mutter against his lips. "That girl…is she getting under your skin?"
There was a deep silence.
"She's not important."
That one sentence ripped through and shattered something deep and permanent. I wondered if he knew I was still there, if this was all a punishment. Did he really not care at all?
"You're lying," Rhea said darkly. "I saw your face when I came in. You looked worried, in despair. Or-"
"I don't want her, Rhea, and she'd never, never make me feel the same way that you do," he raised his voice. "I don't even know her and I don't care if she was in my life at any point because it's been a long time. And she's not any more important to me than dirt under my boots. She's just a rat, like the whole lot of them. So just drop it."
My chest hurt so badly again and the tears spilled out with no restraints. My back slid down the cold walls until my knees touched the floor. I was shaking now. Shaking and crying and dying inside.
So this was it.
This was all I was to him all this time.
I was stupid enough to believe that there was something between us when he looked at me before. But I had made it all up because I was just another fool who didn't deserve any of it. I spent three years hoping for what he promised. That he'd still remember me.
Because he promised.
I heard the sound of her boots again and the door hissing shut. As she walked away, I looked at her retreating form from behind the wall.
She was smiling.