"Hey! What the hell kind of driving is that?!"
Yanfei popped up out of nowhere, standing right in front of the carriage that had almost run little Xu Zheng over.
A round-bellied merchant climbed down from the driver's seat, puffing out his chest like a toad. "What? Is driving fast illegal now?"
Yanfei scoffed. "According to Liyue Legal Code, Article 613, it is strictly prohibited to drive at speeds exceeding 20 kilometers per hour in crowded market areas. Based on my calculations, mister, you were going at least 30."
She pulled a thick law book from her robe—but didn't even look at it. She didn't need to. Everyone knew Yanfei had the whole Liyue legal system memorized cover to cover.
Rumor was, she could quote statutes in her sleep.
The merchant blinked, stammering, "I… uh… well…"
Just then, Ganyu arrived, visibly worried. "Yanfei? What are you doing here?"
Yanfei raised an eyebrow. "Why? Am I not allowed to be here? Or are you saying you predicted I wouldn't be here?"
"She's just surprised," Xu Zheng jumped in to help. "My Master's not accusing you of violating causality."
Yanfei paused, then chuckled awkwardly. "Ah, sorry, Ganyu. My overanalysis slipped out again."
"It's fine," Ganyu said gently. They'd known each other for years—this kind of banter didn't ruffle either of them.
Yanfei's eyes shifted to Xu Zheng. "So this is the little Xu Zheng Auntie Ping mentioned, huh? Gotta say… you are tiny."
Xu Zheng's expression flatlined.
Why does everyone insist on calling me small?!
"Hello, Auntie. Nice to meet you," he said politely.
"???"
Yanfei froze. She even pointed at herself, as if to ask—Are you calling ME an auntie?
Xu Zheng nodded solemnly.
She almost dropped her precious law book.
No one—literally no one—had ever called her "Auntie" before. Among the Adepti, she was the junior. Among mortals, she was the rising legal star. She had half-Adeptus blood and a lifespan longer than most people's careers.
And this pint-sized gremlin just called her an auntie to her face?!
Fuming.
"Breathe. Breathe," she whispered to herself, forcing a smile. "Here, sweetie. Auntie's got some candy. Want some?"
"Yes please."
Yanfei offered the candy sweetly. Her plan was simple: take the high road, be generous, and the kid would be guilted into correcting himself. A classic bribe-and-reframe tactic.
"Thanks, Auntie," Xu Zheng said, bowing slightly.
Crack. That was the sound of her pride breaking in half.
Yanfei's smile twitched as her chest rose and fell sharply. "Not angry… not angry…"
Okay, fine. The kid was cheeky—but he was kind of cute. She forced herself to calm down, even as her soul screamed.
Then a system screen popped up in front of Xu Zheng:
Choose a response:
Call Yanfei "Big Sis." Reward: 3,000 Mora
Ask her what 1 + 1 equals. Reward: A pile of scrap metal
Ask her, "Aren't you cold in that crop top during winter?" Reward: 10 Primogems
Easy choice.
He could call her "Big Sis" to play nice—but the system might register that as completing option 1. Better to play it safe.
He turned to her, looking genuinely concerned.
"Auntie… aren't you cold in that outfit during winter? Your belly's out."
Yanfei blinked. "Crop top?"
Then it hit her. Oh, so that's what this was about.
She grinned, leaned in, and said sweetly, "Why don't you touch it and find out?"
"!!!"
His heart trembled. His hand twitched.
The belly button… was calling him.
Just as Xu Zheng reached out with reverent curiosity, Ganyu gently rubbed his head. "Enough mischief. This is Yanfei. She's more like… a junior to me."
Xu Zheng slowly retracted his hand, eyes brimming with grievance.
"Yanfei jiejie, hello," he said, voice deflated.
Ganyu raised an eyebrow at the subtle pout in his tone.
Wait… was he disappointed?
Did he really want to touch her belly button that bad?
Hmm… should I offer him mine later tonight when I tuck him in? Ganyu thought, cheeks pinking.
Yanfei, meanwhile, smirked triumphantly. "Aha, now you call me jiejie! That's right. You're lucky I'm not suing you for defamation. Calling me Auntie is a public misrepresentation. Under Article 142 of the Liyue Legal—"
"Okay, okay!" Miss Ying'er interjected, rolling her eyes. "If you two keep bickering, that fat merchant's gonna get away."
Some people died, but not completely...