For a moment, time froze.
Eula's lips landed square on Xu Zheng's mouth.
The crowd around them exploded like someone had dumped chili oil into a volcano.
"Holy sh*t—she really kissed him back!"
"This counts as revenge?! That's not how vengeance is supposed to work!"
"I wanna get wronged too!! Who do I sue to get this treatment?!"
Even the baby girls inside Wanmin Kindergarten pressed their tiny faces to the glass, eyes wide as mooncakes. "Is this… is this how grown-ups fight?"
Xu Zheng, meanwhile, was still processing.
One second he'd tossed out a playful, "If you're mad, just kiss me back," and the next—bam. Lips locked. No hesitation. Just Eula, noble knight, pride of Mondstadt, going in like a torpedo.
He blinked, dazed. "Wait… did I just get sexually harassed again?"
Eula stepped back, expression noble and composed as if she hadn't just kissed a man in front of a dozen toddlers and two gods.
"Hmph. My grudge has been avenged," she said righteously, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand like she'd just tasted something… suspiciously sweet.
Xu Zheng: "...Are you sure that was revenge? Because I'm the one with heart palpitations now."
Behind them, Ganyu was trembling.
Literally trembling.
Not with rage, no—she was too polite for that. But her Qilin blood had started to boil. Her cheeks were puffed, her fingers clenched, and even her precious little cowlick was standing straight up like a tiny angry antenna.
A low cold fog hissed off her shoulders.
"Sweetheart…" she said in a voice that could freeze soup. "Did she… just kiss you?"
"I didn't kiss back!" Xu Zheng cried. "I was a victim! I was frozen in shock!"
"Oh? Frozen?" Her violet eyes narrowed. "Would you like some real frozen, then?"
"I—I plead the fifth!"
In the background, Yanfei was already doubled over with laughter, nearly knocking over a shelf of milk tea. "Bahahaha! Eula, you actually did it! You really kissed him! Now who's the auntie, huh?"
Eula turned red all the way to her earlobes. "You tricked me!"
"I egged you on. You delivered."
"I thought you meant on the cheek!!"
"Next time, use a GPS!"
Just as Eula was about to explode in embarrassment, Xiangling stepped out of the back room carrying a food box.
"All right, you lovebirds, time to stop making out and start checking luggage. Eula, you still heading back to Mondstadt today?"
Eula, desperate for an escape route, nodded like a bobblehead. "Yes! I should've left ten minutes ago!"
Xu Zheng stepped forward, pretending that nothing had happened—ignoring his lips, which were still tingling in a way that made him question everything.
He handed Eula a carefully packed crate. "Here. These are for the Knights of Favonius—and the tiny explosion demon."
Eula peeked inside. One side was full of nutrition-packed rations labeled For Emergency Food Only (he was looking at you, Amber), and the other was full of homework booklets and blast-resistant crayons.
Eula blinked. "What the hell is this?"
"Educational bomb control," Xu Zheng said solemnly. "She'll thank me later."
"She'll blow up your house."
"Occupational hazard."
Then, with a wink, he added, "Also, take Redface with you. He's in charge of logistics for the new Yuning Milk Tea branch in Mondstadt. If you run into trouble, just throw him at the problem and run."
Redface, standing nearby, gave a stiff salute. "I was told I'd be managing a store, not being thrown like a projectile."
"You'll grow into it," Xu Zheng said. "Like a human missile."
"...Sir."
As the group escorted Eula to the docks, Ganyu stuck close to Xu Zheng's side like a chilly shadow, arms folded, cheeks puffed.
"Ganyu," Xu Zheng whispered, "You're really not still mad, are you?"
"No," she said sweetly.
He exhaled.
"I'm furious," she added.
He inhaled it right back.
Eula turned back one last time, holding her sword over one shoulder, wind in her silver-blue hair.
"Xu Zheng," she called.
He looked up.
"Take care of yourself. And…"
She smirked.
"Your lips are softer than I thought."
He died.
Right there. No heartbeat. Just imploded from sheer embarrassment.
Yanfei let out a wolf whistle.
Even Xiangling clapped.
Ganyu summoned a snowstorm.
Meanwhile, far across Liyue…
Inside the Qianyan Detention Center, a certain fat man was curled up in a corner, shivering.
"Please… I've told you everything! The fatui, the secret plans, even what snacks Lady Signora likes!"
But his interrogator wasn't listening.
Because he wasn't an interrogator.
He was a devil.
Wrapped in a warm scarf, red hair tied back, dual-colored eyes glittering like a child's and a killer's all at once, he leaned in with a friendly smile.
"So… you're the one who touched my little brother's shop, huh?"
The fatui officer froze.
"W-who are you?!"
The man straightened.
"Me?" he said lightly.
"Just a worried older brother."
Behind him, a wave of Hydro energy surged—gentle, graceful, and absolutely lethal.
"Don't worry. I'll take good care of your family."