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Jester by BoredMc
Tokyo Ghoul & Worm Xover Rated: M, English, Humor & Crime, Eidolon, OC, Crawler, Simurgh, Words: 552k+, Favs: 391, Follows: 395, Published: Mar 31, 2023 Updated: Oct 24, 2023
373Chapter 1: 1 It Begins
You always dream about getting Powers.
In this world of Hero's, Villains and Monsters, that is an irrevocable truth.
There really aren't exceptions. Even just some random soulless businessman will at least have the passing thought of how much easier their life and job could be with the help of Powers.
Even for those of us who knew what it meant to be a Cape. What it meant to ๐ต๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ.
Even then, we would think, 'one super traumatic event in exchange for superpowers?' and we would think it to be a fair exchange.
I mean really, get raped once and in exchange you become ๐๐ฆ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ. Who wouldn't take that deal?
Naturally, a Trigger doesn't have to be a rape. In fact, from what rare few Cape's have shared their trigger events, or the unlucky few who had the misfortune of a more ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ช๐ค trigger, most of them aren't really as bad as a rape.
Granted, you can't really do comparative suffering like that, since trigger events are deeply personal, but at the same time there are plenty worse ways to trigger, namely the Slaughterhouse Nine.
Though if I'm remembering my statistics right, I'm pretty sure that there are only two people still alive who were triggered by the Nine, the rest having either killed themselves, gone insane and had to be put down, or died attempting a foolish revenge.
Anyway, I've gotten off track.
See, everyone dreams about getting powers.
Even if you get a weak one like that girl in Stafford, whatever her name is. I just remember the memes about the 'Damsel in Distress'. To be fair, it is pretty funny watching that video of her 'valiantly' standing against her foes and throwing a dramatic arm forward that releases a ball of purple energy.
Of course, that is when it stops being cool as her energy ball just zips around her target and hits her in the face.
Now, you may be wondering how any of this is important enough to warrant an internal monolog, well that's quite simple.
You see, about a month ago, I triggered. ๐๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ช๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ช๐ต. And even though the experience was sufficiently traumatic as the stories tell you, by the morning I was ready to put the whole thing behind me and move onto greener pastures, as it were.
I had thought I understood my power, thought that it was a simple one.
See, I triggered as a Brute. I'm not sure what level I would fit on the PRT's scale, but my estimate would be around a Brute 5.
While I wasn't really that much stronger, well, relatively speaking that is. Against any non cape, I am undefeatable in terms of strength, however, more that physical strength, I found that I am ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ณ๐ข๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ.
As in, knives and stuff literally ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฆ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ด๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ. Do you have any idea how insane it is to stab yourself and for the ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ to be the one that gives?
Not only that, but I regenerate too. That's where I wager most of my Brute rating would come from because I regenerate pretty fast. Without that, I would probably only be a 3 or so.
However, that is not all!
For there is another aspect to my power.
I have these two weird, pulsing red tentacle ribbon-like things that I can manifest from my lower back and they are super long and agile and far stronger than my body.
To be honest, I am not really sure what rating they fit into. Brute or Changer? Probably one of those.
Not that it really matters in the end, because yet again, I have avoided what I consider to be the most important aspect of my power.
After all, this aspect is the reason that I am here, on some random backroad in the countryside driving a recently stolen vehicle and with a corpse stinking up the backseat.
See, I eat people.
Or to be more precise, ๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ.
It didn't take me long to discover that I couldn't eat normal food, not that that is a surprise really since everything I ate tasted like raw, rotten ๐ง๐ช๐ญ๐ต๐ฉ packed inside a cockroach infested sweaty leather boot, all topped with a hefty dosing of year old milk.
In simpler terms, it tasted bad.
At first I sort of just shrugged it off as a quirk of my power, I was too excited by the prospect of beating up Villains, and maybe Heroes too, to bother with the fact that I apparently didn't need to eat anymore.
Of course, it was a week later that I started to get ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ฏ๐จ๐ณ๐บ.
That was when I noticed that despite everything in the fridge smelling like hot garbage, my mother smelt ๐ฅ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ.
Imagine the greatest meal you've ever eaten, now image you have been fasting for a week and you come home to the smell of that meal invading the entire building. It was intoxicating.
However, even with how fucked up in the head I may be, the thought of my ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ smelling like ๐ง๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ made me panic.
In that panic and hunger, I set out to eat everything.
I tried every food available to me, every meat in the shops, every vegetable, every fruit, every biscuit and snack and drink.
The only things I found that I could tolerate was water and weirdly enough, coffee.
As the weeks past, I grew increasingly panicked.
No one knew I triggered except my mom, but even then, I didn't tell her about how hungry I was.
Though, she definitely notice that something was wrong, but she never said anything, letting me deal with my own problems until I ask her to help.
I think that's what I loved the most about my mother, that we were both a little fucked up in the head, though myself clearly more so. See, we were both pretty apathetic individuals, and we were both very open with each other.
In a normal family I think the conversation would have gone some thing like, 'is something wrong?', 'no', followed by an incessant back and forth, however with us it was always a lot more honest.
"Is something the matter?" My mother asked me, fully aware that something was wrong but abiding social customs anyway.
"Yeah, it sucks but I don't really wanna talk about it." I responded, withholding a grimace as another spike of pain shot through my gut.
My mother simply looked at me in the eyes for a moment before shrugging and going back to her phone, "Fair 'nuff".
And that was that.
No needless arguments, no hidden words or lies.
I feel tears come to my eyes and I let them fall even as I remain focused on the dark country road ahead.
Of course, things can never end so easily.
I think, if I lived a more average life, she might have survived, but I dropped out of school years ago and have been living alone with my mom, making meagre contributions to the rent via online work.
Because of this, I didn't leave the house once while I hoped for the pain to go away. If I did, then maybe I would have killed someone else, but as it were, my hunger overtook me.
I don't remember what happened exactly, it was sometime during the fourth week and I hadn't left my bed in days, then I heard my mom enter the flat and the next thing I remember I am kneeled down in our living room, covered in the same blood decorating the rest of the room.
I remember trying to figure out what happened and looking down at the mangled remains of a corpse beneath me.
Frankly it doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened.
๐ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ.
It really says a lot about me as a person that rather than freaking out or crying or killing myself or something, all I did was tentatively lick my fingers, and once I discovered just how ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐ค๐ช๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด she tasted, I simply finished the meal.
We are a pragmatic sort, my mother and I, so I at least know she would not have held any hard feeling on the matter. Probably.
Granted, she would probably be a little miffed about me killing her in the first place, but I don't doubt that after the fact she would have simply shrugged and said 'waste not, want not' and all but told me to devour her.
Like I said, we have always been a little fucked up.
All of that, was only a couple of days ago.
After having committed matricide, it was pretty obvious that I couldn't stick around, so after making sure nothing of my mother went to waste, I cleaned myself up, as well as the blood that had soaked into the carpet so that it didn't stink the place up, and then I got the hell outta dodge.
I wasn't in a rush or anything, still aren't, but there was no need to waste time.
I should have about 12 hours before my mothers absence is noted, and then another 24 before anybody will try and check up on her, at which point they will probably report her missing to the police.
Then again, maybe she will just get fired and no one will call the cops, and since the flat won't start stinking up, thanks to my cleaning, it is entirely possible that no one will notice our absence until next months rent.
So with plenty of time at my disposal, I was in no rush to leave and simply wondered around the edges of town, away from cameras and without any electronics on my person, until I found a truck, this truck, parked off the side of the road with it's owner sat in a foldable chair, fishing in a nearby lake.
Though with it's size I would rather call it an exceptionally large pond.
After looking around and making sure we were alone, I snuck up on the man. Not that it was difficult with the music he was playing and the beer he was drinking.
Then I simply snapped his neck.
Or, at least that was the plan.
However, I hadn't exactly killed anyone before, at least not consciously, so even though I held no moral quandaries about it, I still hesitated, simply due to a lack of experience.
The result was that I basically just roughly rubbed his face and scared the shit out of him.
I must make an awful assassin because rather than 'pushing my advantage' or whatever, I just keeled over laughing my guts out.
I mean seriously, he screamed like a dying chicken and jumped so hard out of his seat that he flew into the 'lake'.
It was ๐ฉ๐ช๐ญ๐ข๐ณ๐ช๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด.
Then again, I have always loved surprising people, as my mom had the misfortune of learning as I frequently hit around corners to scare the shit out of her, and she never learned.
The guy was pretty pissed, but in the face of my wheezing laughter as I struggled to breathe, he calmed down enough to crack a smile and we ended up having a rather amicable conversation.
To be honest, I kinda just forgot about what I was doing there in the first place. I only remembered once he caught a fish and mentioned eating it.
With that reminder, I decided to go for round two and punched him in the face as hard as I could.
I figured if we get into a fight then adrenaline would carry me to killing him without the natural hesitance. What I did not expect, was for him to simply go down and ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐บ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ.
At first I thought I killed him in one punch and was ecstatic, but then he groaned and I figured I just gave him a concussion, which, while not as cool, was enough for my purposes.
And that all leads to now, me, who has never driven a vehicle before, driving this mans truck with his body in the backseat for when I get hungry again.
Then again, it has been about a day and I don't want to eat rotten meat, so I will probably just eat my fill in a couple of hours.
As for my plans for the future?
Well, I've always believed in making things up as you go, after all, your plans can't go wrong if you just don't make any plans.
So for now, the first step is to find civilisation, because I am shit at geography and am simply picking roads at random, with no destination in mind.
Either way, I hope I can have some fun wherever I end up.
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
I am finally back! and with a worm fic this time, her power is that she is now a Ghoul from Tokyo Ghoul, if you don't know what that means, well there isn't much to it to be honest, kinda like a weird vampire but they eat the whole body, not just blood. You can google it.
Also, Advance chapters with the links I'm not allowed to fully type!
pat reon /user?u=41732867
or
ko - fi /bored_works
Also, join the discord with this invite code! Pj3Dttwses
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Jester by BoredMc
Tokyo Ghoul & Worm Xover Rated: M, English, Humor & Crime, Eidolon, OC, Crawler, Simurgh, Words: 552k+, Favs: 391, Follows: 395, Published: Mar 31, 2023 Updated: Oct 24, 2023
373Chapter 2: 2 Dreamer
After a few more hours of driving I am starting to get tired.
I've already eaten Mark, though I only had his arms and legs, since his organs started rotting and were yucky, and I since I don't know anything about body disposal, I just pulled over and threw what was left behind some trees.
To be perfectly honest, even I find it kind of strange just how quickly I've adapted to the thought of cannibalism. I mean, I never doubted that I would get used to it, especially since I don't really suffer from any moral afflictions for it.
As far as I am concerned, if eating people is what I gotta do then it's what I'll do. It's not like they matter anyway, after all, they aren't ๐ฎ๐ฆ and really the only thing that should matter to anyone is ourselves because at least we know that we are real, you know?
But even then, I had thought it would take me at least a week before I could eat humans as casually as, say, a burrito.
However, after the first few tentative bites, I was already scarfing the rest down.
Maybe it's got something to do with just how tasty people are, because I swear I have never eaten anything even half as good.
Then again, maybe my body is making it taste extra good since it's the only thing I can eat.
Eh, it doesn't really matter.
What ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ด however matter, is that I am sleepy and I am already a shit driver, having taught myself how only hours ago, without taking sleepiness into account.
Which is why I find myself pulling into some homestead's house in the middle of the night.
Ok, I don't actually know if it is the ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ฆ of the night or not, just that it's dark out. No need to be so pedantic.
The house itself is nothing impressive, just a typical two floor house that you can find anywhere. Wait a minute, does the attic count as a floor?
Who knows.
As I pull into the drive at a speed that is probably too fast, I only barely avoid crashing into the blue pick up truck in front of the house by pulling the handbrake as I forgot which pedal was the stop one.
Luckily for me, the lights are all off.
Why is that lucky? Don't you want to ask to stay the night or something? I hear you ask.
Well, allow me to reiterate something, just in case you missed it.
๐. ๐๐ข๐ต. ๐๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ.
I have already resigned myself to living like the Slaughterhouse Nine, only with a lot less torture.
After all, it doesn't really matter what I want, not with the hand I've been dealt. People aren't exactly accepting of cannibals these days, who would have thunked it.
Then again, maybe I could live of off people who donate their bodies or even synthetic meat. It does seem to be an option, but it's one that relies on other people so ultimately it's not one I really want to take.
I think it's far more likely that I will simply be killed rather than helped, especially since I'm not even that strong so there really wouldn't be a reason to help me.
These thoughts play through my mind as I walk around the house, looking for any open windows and to my great joy I find one.
Unfortunately it's on the second floor but I don't think that should be a problem with my swanky new power.
Bending my knees, I put all of my strength into a straight jump and though I do barely make it high enough, I was too slow in grabbing the sill which resulted in me falling on my ass.
Ow.
Ok then, take two, electric boogaloo. With a metaphorical hop and a skip that is actually just one single jump, I remember to have my hands ready this time and barely reach the windowsill, leaving myself hanging by my fingertips.
Lifting myself up is enjoyably easy. Really, I've never been that athletic, so feeling so strong and nimble is still pretty awesome.
When I peek through the window, I am greeted by a rather bland room, but I guess that's what I get for living in Ohio.
I mostly ignore the sparse decorations, though I do notice the rather obnoxious Legend poster, ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ณ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ด. Moving on from the unsubtle poster I look to the bed where a girl about my age is sleeping.
Taking care to be as quiet as possible, I pull myself into the room, thankful that I thought to wear loose pants instead of jeans or something that would make climbing into a maybe underaged girls room difficult.
Funny how life is, a month ago my biggest concern was whether I should eat breakfast or just sleep in and have brunch.
Speaking of brunch, my eyes trail to the poor, innocent girl who is probably enjoying her dreams about handsome gay men, I can only assume by the Legend poster, but maybe that's too assumptive of me.
As I get closer, I can better make out what the girl looks like, not that she's really much to see, brown hair down to her shoulders and a pretty average face with only a small amount of acne. Upon closer inspection, I was wrong about my initial assumption on her age. Rather than 19 like me, I's say she's closer to 16.
I don't know what her body looks like under the covers and honestly I don't really care, I'm not hungry right now.
So instead, I simply wrap my hands around her neck, gentle, like a lovers embrace, and then I ๐ด๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ป๐ฆ and in a disgusting cracking pop, her neck is crushed underhand before she can so much as understand what is happening.
Somehow, I keep forgetting that I am kinda strong now, I thought that would be like, half a minute of thrashing around before she died.
Ah well, just makes things easier for me I guess.
Now to move onto the parents, or parent, who knows?
But as I turn to leave, my eye catches a full length mirror on the wall and I notice something distinctly new.
Most of me looks the same, a young woman with blonde hair down to my back, a pair of white ear studs in my ears and a face that could easily be called beautiful. Then again, maybe I'm just vain. I mean, it's not like I'm Alexandria, but I was offered a modelling opportunity once, not that I would ever willingly step into the shithole that is modelling.
However, instead of my normally pale green eyes, I am sporting a pair of eyes straight out of a horror movie. Honestly they're terrifying and I ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ all for it. The iris itself is a startlingly bright crimson, shining like a pool of blood. Flowing away from the iris are small lines of red, like little streams separating from a lake of blood they flow over my now black sclera and leak out a little bit around the eyes like a spiderweb.
I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, I look fucking awesome. It almost makes up for the whole cannibalism thing. Ok, that's a lie, it's just hit me that I'm never going to be able to eat chocolate again, or drink coke, OH FUCK! I can't drink booze anymore!
Man, this sucks, ah well, no use complaining, I should go find out whether it's parent or parents.
Turns out it was singular, just some middle aged man who joined his daughter in having a broken neck, after which he joined her in her room as well, because I wanted the king sized bed he died on.
Now, time to get some shuteye, I should make it to a city by tomorrow, I assume.
Again, I don't really know where I am driving, but it would be nice to be in civilisation again.
After getting comfortable, I close my eyes and slowly drift off to sleep.
๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ธ๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ๐ด ๐ช๐ฏ. ๐ ๐ต๐ณ๐บ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐จ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต.
๐๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ง๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ ๐ต๐ณ๐บ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ค๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ญ๐บ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ช๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ช๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ด ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ข๐ค๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ด๐บ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ง๐ง๐ช๐ค๐ถ๐ญ๐ต ๐ช๐ต ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ข ๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ฑ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ธ๐ข๐ณ๐ฅ.
"๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฃ๐ข๐ญ๐ช๐ด๐ฎ. ๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ?"
๐ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฌ, ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ง ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐บ ๐'๐ฎ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ.
"๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐๐ถ๐ด๐ช."
๐๐ค๐ณ๐ข๐ต๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ช๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ช๐ต๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฆ, "๐๐ฉ๐ฆ, ๐ด๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐บ '๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต. ๐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฐ, ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ญ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐บ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ญ๐ง ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ. ๐๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐บ."
"๐๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ '๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฆ' ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ญ๐ช๐ต๐ต๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐บ๐ฌ๐ฆ. ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ข ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ณ๐ข๐จ๐ฆ, ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ข๐ง๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ฆ, ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต?"
๐ ๐ง๐ข๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด ๐ฉ๐ข๐ณ๐ด๐ฉ ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ข๐ด ๐ง๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ, ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต๐ญ๐บ ๐ค๐ถ๐ป ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ด๐ค๐ข๐ณ๐บ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ณ๐ถ๐จ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด. "๐๐ข๐ด๐ต๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต, ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต, ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต?" ๐ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐บ ๐ข๐ด๐ฌ, ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ณ๐ข๐ช๐ด๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ฃ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ธ.
"๐๐ข๐ช๐ณ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ," ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ด, "๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด๐ญ๐บ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ."
๐ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ๐ด๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ข ๐ด๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ด๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐ข๐จ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ, ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ท๐ช๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ.
"๐๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ, ๐ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด๐ต๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐บ, ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ข๐ญ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ช๐ต'๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ถ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ต, ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ง๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐บ?"
๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ง๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ด๐ญ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต๐ญ๐บ ๐ข๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ '๐'๐ฎ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ, ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ' ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ๐ด.
"๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต? ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ข๐ค๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฑ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ต'๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ง๐ข๐ค๐ฆ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ด ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ง๐ง ๐จ๐ณ๐ช๐ฅ." ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ.
"๐๐ณ, ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ด," ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ณ๐ต๐ด ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ข ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ด๐ข๐บ๐ด ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ด ๐'๐ฎ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ต๐ช๐ค๐ถ๐ญ๐ข๐ณ๐ญ๐บ ๐ด๐ต๐ถ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฅ, "๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ?"
...๐ฐ๐ฉ. ๐๐ฉ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต? ๐ ๐จ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐'๐ฎ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ข ๐ฐ๐ง '๐ด๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฑ' ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ '๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฅ' ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐บ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐บ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด.
"๐๐ฉ๐ฆ, ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ด?"
"๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ'๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด, ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต? ๐๐ต ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ต ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ. ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ, ๐ช๐ต'๐ด ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐จ๐ฐ."
๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต?
"๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ?"
๐๐ถ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ง๐ข๐ค๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ, ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต๐ฉ ๐ธ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ข๐ด ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ค๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฎ๐ด, "๐๐๐๐ ๐๐!"
Jolting up with my heart pounding in my chest, I take a moment to gather my bearings before I recognise the room I'm in and recall what happened yesterday.
The dull covers slide down my bare body, so I like to sleep naked, fuck you, as I look out the window and the midday sun shining through it.
Guess I slept in.
Right, I should probably get going.
First things first I head to the girls room to look for some clothes, as I kinda, mighta got some blood on mine.
Now that I think about it, I should probably burn those clothes, and now that I think about that, I should probably do something about the bodies.
Well, I say that, but it's not like I'm a cop or something, I don't exactly know how to 'cover my tracks' as it were, so I'm just going to go with the idea that the less information available to find the less likely I'll get caught.
I mean, what could they know so far?
Me and my mom have disappeared, reasons unknown, and then a short time later another family pair goes missing, reasons once again unknown.
Most likely they will assume that we have both been kidnapped and presumably will be looking for the mysterious kidnapper in a few days at most.
All this means that I need to hide the bodies.
Eh, I'll just throw them in the truck and dump them behind some trees like the other guy.
Man, I am really lazy about this whole hiding evidence thing.
Ah well, I'm sure it'll be fine.
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Advance chapters with the links I'm not allowed to fully type!
pat reon /user?u=41732867
or
ko - fi /bored_works
Also, join the discord with this invite code! Pj3Dttwses
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Jester by BoredMc
Tokyo Ghoul & Worm Xover Rated: M, English, Humor & Crime, Eidolon, OC, Crawler, Simurgh, Words: 552k+, Favs: 391, Follows: 395, Published: Mar 31, 2023 Updated: Oct 24, 2023
373Chapter 3: 3 Decisions Snoisiced
If you asked Noah what it was like working for the PRT, he would tell you that he's just glad he was born in Ohio, because even if the job of being a PRT director was a massive headache most of the time, he could at least take solace in the fact that he doesn't have to deal with half the shit the other directors complain about.
Hell, it wasn't that long ago that poor Armstrong had to deal with that 'Boston Games' incident, and what a shitshow that was.
But not here in Ohio, other than those Orchard assholes, most of the capes 'round here tend not to be so violent. The only downside of that is that it means the villains aren't killing each other, leaving our Hero to Villain ratio almost as bad as Brockton Bay, and isn't that just a scary thought.
However, the other shoe always has to drop, and the report on the table in front of him tells Noah that his days of relative peace are under threat of coming to an end.
"So what you're telling me is, a probably cape powered cannibal is on it's way to Columbus, and we know nothing about them?"
Noah looks around the room after he's finished speaking, taking in the sight of his advisors and heads of various divisions of the PRT, the only cape present being the leader of the local Protectorate, Bungee.
"Well, I wouldn't say we know nothing, I've already gotten our Thinkers on the job of finding out as much as possible-"
Before the young upstart, Duncan, can finish his sentence, Bungee cuts him off with a wry smile, "'Our Thinkers'? Just say you asked Cousin, no need to act like we have Watchdog on call."
It takes some effort for Noah to keep a straight face at the pinched expression Duncan makes. Honestly though, the young man tries far too hard to make himself sound more important than he is. 'Our Thinkers' he says.
We have one thinker, Cousin, and he isn't even that good at reconnaissance since all his power does is tell them about whoever they make contact with, from body type to their favourite food. He makes a great therapist but in the world of capes all he is really good for is violating those 'unwritten rules'.
As an aside, he chose his name because he claims that only a cousin could possibly know so much about you even when you don't remember shit about them.
Duncan's voice startles Noah out of his thoughts, bringing his attention back to the meeting at hand.
"*Ahem* Point is, we do not know nothing." Duncan says with mild embarrassment that bleeds into irritation as Bungee once again speaks up before he can say more.
"Then would you mind telling us what we Do know, instead of wasting our time?" Bungee could not be more obvious in his goading and Noah idly wonders why he is so upset with Duncan.
Pushing down his irritation, Duncan acquiesces and starts properly briefing us on what we know about this supposed cannibal.
"What we know is that their first victims were likely a mother daughter pair living in Utica. The two of them, Ashley Abel, the mother and Lusia Abel the daughter, disappeared one week ago today, Miss Abel didn't show up for work and was later reported missing, to compound with this, one Markus Finch was also reported missing at around the same time and his truck stolen.
"Following tire tracks of Mr Finch's last known location we were able to discover the culprits general direction, following which Mr Finch's body was discovered dismembered and thrown into the foliage beside the road. The body was at least three days old by the time forensics found it and they say that his limbs were ripped off of the body and his torso was also opened in a similar fashion, though only his heart was missing. From this at least we can give a tentative Brute 2 for being able to rip limbs off with sheer strength."
A few of the people present wince slightly at the gory description, and some even turn green as they open the manila folder and see the photo's taken by forensics.
"Further down the same road, another pair of dead were discovered, a father and daughter this time. They were both found dead in the same room with the same cause of death, a crushing of the neck, once again proving that Brute 2 is a minimum. However, only the daughter, one Taylor Laborne, was mutilated, having one of her legs ripped off.
"From the information available, I believe that our cannibal must have triggered some time between one week and one month ago, following which they engaged in cannibalism, likely devouring Miss Abel and her daughter in their entirety, but it is possible that only the mother was eaten and that the daughter was kidnapped instead-"
Noah can't help but interrupt at that last bit of information.
"Wait, what do you mean kidnapped? Where could this information possibly have come from?"
"Ah, that," Duncan says with a snap of his fingers, "after Mr and Miss Laborne were found and this case opened, I sent Cousin to Miss Abel's flat, since their disappearances happened at around the same time as Markus Finch's and he discovered that while the flat had been cleaned, there was still some blood left on the walls and carpet and he used his power to confirm the identity of who the blood belonged to, however there was only Miss Ashley's blood left and none of the daughters, meaning she might have been unharmed."
With that out of the way, Noah signals for Duncan to continue, which he does with a nod.
"As I was saying, it is likely that Miss Ashley was completely eaten, and then Mr Finch was only half eaten, following which the Labornes were hardly touched in comparison. This leads me to believe that the first instance was out of starvation, either physical or mental, but with the later victims, I fear that they are becoming more... picky."
The already sombre mood quickly plummets as everybody realises the implications of a picky cannibal.
After all, if they only want specific parts, then they will have to kill more people to get their fill. Quite the frightening prospect.
"This new cape is clearly still figuring things out, it would be best if we can put a stop to them as soon as possible. Do we have any idea where they may be now?" The head of the troopers demands.
"Ah.. about that. Judging from the age of the bodies and the direction of the vehicle.. it's quite likely that they are already here, in Columbus." One of the techies hesitantly responds.
Following which, orders are given and plans are made, after all, it's best to capture this new cape while they are still young and making mistakes.
Still, Noah couldn't help but worry. Even now, that monster is walking around his city and all he can do worry and fear about what heinous acts they could be committing right this very moment.
The only comfort he can find is the hope that they will have this cannibal behind bars by weeks end.
...
Man, even ice cream tastes like shit.
Wait, do you think you can make human flavoured ice cream?
It shouldn't be too hard actually, to make a blood slushy or something.
Eh, I'll think about it later.
It does really suck though, see, after I arrived in a city, Columbus, the first thing I did was find some place to sleep, which was as simple as finding an abandoned house and breaking in.
But after that, I finally took a moment to just ๐ด๐ต๐ฐ๐ฑ and relax. Naturally, that was when I had a ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ณ panic attack.
I guess I was running on adrenaline or something, maybe shock. I mean, I ๐ฌ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฅ my ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ!
How fucked up is that? Then what, I just went about my day? Killed another guy then two more for what was basically no reason whatsoever.
I think I was just in shock or something, maybe. It's not like I really regret any of it, well, I regret killing my mom obviously, but I didn't really do that consciously, so it doesn't count.
However, I am a little.. miffed? That I was so casual about becoming a murderer. I mean, I always knew I was fucked up, my mom knew it as well, even if she never liked it. But to accept being a murderer so easily? Well, if I had any hope that there was still some humanity inside of me, it's safe to say that hope is lost.
Well, no point in dwelling on things I don't like to think about. Instead, it is more important that I figure out what the fuck am I going to do with my life now?
I mean, I can hardly even be called human anymore and I don't exactly have someone I can leech off of anymore to live like a NEET.
Not that I want to now that I have ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด. No, I want something ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ. I'm just not entirely sure what exactly it is that I want yet.
Well, let's go over what I need. First there is food, which has a whole lot of problems attached to it, then there's shelter and preferably some luxuries as well, Wi-Fi, comfy clothes and furniture, shit like that.
Now, most of that can be solved with money, though I think it will probably be easier to get the food myself, unless you can just, like, buy body parts from hospitals or morgues or something.
Now, money. How do you make money? You get a job. Fuck working some shitty normie job though, I have ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด. I 'ain't gonna be some desk jockey.
So, how does a cape make money? I could join the protectorate. I have no idea what they get paid, but going off what they offer to the Wards and the probably considerable 'hazard pay' as well as the fact that the incentives have to be good enough to stop people from turning villain, I'd imagine they are paid well.
There is only one problem with that however, you see, I really, ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ hate being told what to do. I value my freedom above all things, hence why I refused to get some shitty job beforehand, because I didn't want to work nine to five and that is enough reason for me.
With that in mind, working for a, most likely heavily regulated, governmental organisation is probably not something that would work out long term.
Like, I have had a job once, working in a Sooubway and I lasted all of two weeks before I was contemplating suicide and decided that it'd be best to quit.
Well, I say quit, but I decided it would be more fun to get fired instead, so I just started giving free shit away to everyone who came in, I still remember those times fondly, 'Oh, you only want a six inch sub? Sure, but would you like a free muffin and maybe a few cookies? I'm getting fired so it's on the house.'
Unsurprisingly, everyone was rather receptive of my aggressive charity. Aggressive because if they would refuse I would just keep offering shit until they accepted something.
Ahh, fun times.
With all that in mind, it seems I will have to use the other method for capes to make money, which is to say, crime.
A shiver of excitement spreads through my body at the thought.
๐๐ฉ๐ฉ, ๐ง๐ถ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ.
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
The time for crime is nigh!
Also, Advance chapters with the links I'm not allowed to fully type!
pat reon /user?u=41732867
or
ko - fi /bored_works
Also, join the discord with this invite code! Pj3Dttwses
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Jester by BoredMc
Tokyo Ghoul & Worm Xover Rated: M, English, Humor & Crime, Eidolon, OC, Crawler, Simurgh, Words: 552k+, Favs: 391, Follows: 395, Published: Mar 31, 2023 Updated: Oct 24, 2023
373Chapter 4: 4 Breaking Tropes
So, crime.
How does one do crime?
More importantly, how does one make money doing crime?
Honestly, this is kinda new territory for me, the most illegal things I've done being petty theft and throwing rocks with copper wire wrapped around them at telephone wires, so I wasn't entirely sure how to go about it, but then I had the most amazing idea I must have ever had in my life.
Ok, that's an exaggeration, but it is a pretty good idea.
See, I may not know how to do Le Crimes, but do you know who does know how to do La Crime? Criminals.
It seems obvious when I actually think the words.
Anyway, since I don't know how to make money doing crimes, I will just find criminals that do know how to make money, and then rob them of all their crime money.
I mean, at that point, am I even a criminal? Is it illegal to steal from a thief?
No idea, but I did just remember that I'm a murderer now so the argument of whether or not I'm a criminal is kinda pointless.
Now however, I have come to a roadblock of sorts.
You see, I did a little light theft last night to get a disguise, nothing extensive, just a beanie to hide my hair, and a Halloween mask depicting a scary lookin' clown, under which I also have a domino mask over my eyes and a surgical mask over my mouth, cuz what if the first mask falls off?
It's not like it's designed for high intensity fights, not that I intend to get into any high intensity fights before even getting some more cash to fall back on.
I also got some coloured contact lenses, only to then realise that there is no real point in doing so and throwing them away, since I can just change my eyes into the cool looking scary version whenever I'm doing cape activities, only to ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ realise that I can still use the coloured contact lenses for my more civilian activities, since I am 'missing' or whatever, maybe 'dead'.
So then I had to get a new handful of contact lenses, cuz putting something in your eyes that has been thrown in the trash is just stupid. Then again, I seem to heal pretty well, so who knows? Not that I really want to test that regeneration any time ever. I am no masochist thank you very much.
But even after all of that, when I was finally standing in my swanky new mask(s) and dressed up in some tight but flexible black clothing, I realised something of grave importance.
I have no fucking idea how to find criminals.
It's not like they just advertise themselves right?
These thoughts led to me once again stripping and putting back on my normal clothes, putting my tentatively named 'cape outfit' in a bag, with the idea that if I, an attractive woman (fuck you, I'm vain), simply walked around the seedier neighbourhoods at night, maybe some gangster will come along and try kidnap me or something.
I mean, I'm assuming that someone will try something if I just walk around for a few hours, and then when they do I can be all like, "Aha! You have fallen for my trap criminal! What's that? No, no I'm not a Hero, in fact, I'm a cannibal! Rawr!".
...Ok, I wouldn't say ๐ฆ๐น๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ญ๐บ those words, but you get the general idea, it's like entrapment. I think. Honestly for all that I can be super smart sometimes, I am kinda dumb most of all the time, so I rarely really know what the fuck I'm talking about, but hey, just go with the flow and everything will work out in the end.
Probably.
So here I am, wearing tight jeans and a red crop top, just to be extra.. uh.. bait-ey? Uh, to be... more attractive as bait? Fuck the english language you get what I mean.
I'm also wearing an open blue hoodie and a stylish white scarf to cover my mouth with, as well as one of my contact lenses, giving me blue eyes.
Honestly, it's not much of a disguise, but it's not like I really need to be overly paranoid about this. I mean, if it was ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ข๐จ๐ฐ๐ฏ looking for me or something, I have no doubt that she would have found me by now with such a shitty disguise, but I'm willing to bet that at the most all anyone is doing to find me is running my face through some facial recognition software connected to traffic cams and CCTV and shit.
I'm not sure if you have ever seen facial recognition software at work, but unless it's the super advanced stuff, then it's kinda very easy to avoid, so long as I don't start staring directly into every camera I see, and I highly doubt my case is priority enough to warrant the advanced shit.
In conclusion, my shoddy disguise should be good enough that no one is going to find me. Why don't I wear a wig? Blonde hair isn't exactly a distinctive trait to track me down with dumbass.
Fuck, I am so bored.
I have been walking around for like, an hour or two, something in the middle, and other than a few wolf whistles that I didn't care about and some more lecherous gazes, nobody has so much as tried to molest me, never mind mug me!
Arrgh! it's so frustrating!
It almost makes me laugh, the thought that I am complaining about no one trying to molest me. Powers sure do make life interesting. But I stop myself from laughing, because that would make me look crazy, and crazy people don't get mugged, cuz you don't fuck with crazy people.
They are after all, crazy.
Half an hour later and I am really regretting my choice of ditching all of my electronics, even with the knowledge of how easy it would be to track me should I have kept them.
I should have stolen a new phone before doing this, it's not like they could track me down from a phone that is completely unrelated to me, so long as I don't do anything that I used to do on my old phone, like log into my 'gram, not that I ever used the thing but you get the point.
Frankly, I never really had any interest in anything social media besides the memes. I mostly used my phone to play Minesweeper or Solitaire. They're simple but I like them. Better than that 'rot your brain with a gazillion 12 second videos' app.
However, my thoughts are broken as I ๐ง๐ช๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ smell a pair of people rapidly approaching me from behind.
Is it weird that the first indication I have of their presence is their ๐ด๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ? Yes. Am I going to dwell on that fact? No.
Instead, I am going to take this left turn into what seems to be 'Shady Alleyway Number 4'.
Ohhh nooo~ it's a dead end~~ what ever am I going to do~?
I jump a little when I get to the end of the alley, to sell the impression that I was just lost in thought or something and didn't realise I took a wrong turn, then I turn around to face my hopefully would-be muggers slash molesters.
Looking at the two of them, I check them both out. The one on the left has short blond hair and blue eyes with pale skin, very aryan, while the other one has brown hair in a braid going down his back almost as far as my own and has matching eyes and dark skin.
Hitler would be mad, seeing an aryan hanging out with a black.
The pair of them aren't wearing gang colours, actually never mind, I have no idea what 'gang colours' look like nor how to identify them, but they are just wearing casual clothes, both wearing cargo pants, one black the other green camo, and they are both also wearing black hoodies.
However, the blonds hoody is unzipped, showing a shirt underneath that has a stylized 'We're the three best friends that anyone could have!' with a chibi drawing of the Triumvirate underneath and a faded drawing of Hero behind a red X.
Ok, that's a pretty funny shirt and I can't resist the undignified snort that comes out of me when I see it which makes him smile with what can only be pride.
Before I can even open my mouth to say some movie worthy lines about muggers and having a bad time, the white guy speaks up first.
"You like it? I had to custom order it, cost me like 70 bucks." He says whole gesturing to his body to properly show his shirt off.
Once again, before I can open my mouth the black dude speaks up this time.
"Ignore James, he has a horrible sense of humour, he was raised by a diener and a comedian and it left his sense of humour irrevocably broken." He says, while pushing the now named James' head to the side, even as he sniggers.
"Wait, what do you mean a diner? Do you mean they worked ๐ช๐ฏ a diner?" I ask without even realising that I have been dragged into a conversation when I was expecting a fight.
"Nah, a diener, d-i-e, it's what you call someone who works in a mortuary, oh my name is Theo by the way, nice to meet you." Theo clarifies while extending a hand to shake.
Without really thinking about it I reach out and shake his hand and introduce myself, only remembering half way through not to use my actual name.
"Ah, uh, yeah, nice to meet you too, my name is.. Alice."
This really isn't going how I thought it would go.
"Well Alice!" White guy James reinstates himself into the conversation with all the grace of a dictator, "we only came over 'cuz we guessed you were new in town and didn't know what you were doing, see, your heading into Red Branch territory right now, so it'd probably be best if you take a detour or something, 'cuz those Irish pricks wouldn't let you just pass through without starting some shit."
What.
Are you telling me that not only am I not getting mugged slash molested, but they are actually just tryna be nice?
This isn't going how I thought it would ๐ข๐ต ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ.
"Uh, Red Branch territory? Can you like, mark out gang territory for me? So I know where to avoid?" I ask, thinking that this can be an even better opportunity than getting mugged.
My question makes them both smile for some reason before Theo speaks up again.
"Sure, you got a map though?"
Embarrassingly, I didn't think to get a map to help me navigate this new city I have found myself in, which is pretty dumb in retrospect.
Not that it matters, because apparently James works in the PRT and is the guy who does the tours so he just so happened to have a map of the city and a pen on hand.
Following which, they do a little doodling and give me a map that has the basic outlines of gang territory and where the Protectorate patrols as well as a brief rundown on the cities capes and how the gangs act.
Honestly this whole thing has been a godsend, these two are like a treasure trove of information and seem perfectly willing to share that information, and I don't forget to tell them.
"Thank you so much, honestly, you guys are like a godsend, I won't lie, I didn't know even a single thing you just told me, so thanks a bunch for the info."
"Hey, it's cool, times can be tough, we're happy to help and don't have anything going on right now anyway. Do you want us to walk you to wherever you're staying?" James offers with a surprising sincerity.
Well, I can't just lead them to where I'm staying, since I broke into an abandoned house and that's not exactly legal, so I say the first thing that comes to mind.
"Ah, actually, I just got here so if you could show me to a hotel or something, that'd be perfect." I say, not realising my mistake until it's too late.
"Shit, you don't have somewhere to stay the night? You could crash at our place for a few nights if you want, just until you get yourself on your feet, I know how it is." Theo gives me a sympathetic look as he puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it gently.
Seriously, what the fuck is it with these two assholes being so damn nice!
"Ah, I wouldn't want to intrude." Comes my lame response that James quickly dismantles.
"Eh, it's cool, we live together anyway and it's a two bedroom but I crash on the couch most nights anyway, so you can take my bed 'till you get a place of your own to stay."
They must have noticed my perplexed face because they both chuckle a little before they turn and lead me away, Theo patting me on the back as he does so.
"Don't worry about it, we've both been there before, we know how it is. We won't pry but know that if ya need anything you can always ask and we'd be happy to help, and if you think it's unfair or something, then you can always pay us back later when you can support yourself."
Goddamn what is in the water here.
As I get led down the street by a pair of the nicest strangers I have ever met, a genuine, happy smile lights up my face for the first time in weeks.
I guess I can always beat up criminals another day.
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
I was going to do the stereotype, but then I figured that not everyone walking around at night is an asshole.
Also, Advance chapters with the links I'm not allowed to fully type!
pat reon /user?u=41732867
or
ko - fi /bored_works
Also, join the discord with this invite code! Pj3Dttwses
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Jester by BoredMc
Tokyo Ghoul & Worm Xover Rated: M, English, Humor & Crime, Eidolon, OC, Crawler, Simurgh, Words: 552k+, Favs: 391, Follows: 395, Published: Mar 31, 2023 Updated: Oct 24, 2023
373Chapter 5: 5 Interesting Conversation
"Alright, we'll both get back while you're out, so just remember to lock the door behind you and we'll see you tonight!" James waves over his shoulder as he and Theo leave the flat early in the morning to go to their jobs.
Yesterday really didn't go how I was expecting it to.
For one, the boys held up to their promise and let me crash with them for now. We all went straight to sleep once we got here, the flat being in the centre of Columbus, a similar distance from the PRT(Parahuman Response Team) and CPD(Columbus Police Department) buildings, since that is where the two of them work.
Yes, I do see the irony of living with two people who work in law enforcement, not that James technically does any law enforcement, since he's more of an intern, but Theo at least is on active duty.
Frankly, the irony of the situation is far too funny for me to do anything to change it, though it is slightly annoying that I will now have to make sure to keep my blue contact lenses on whenever I'm around them.
Now, as James said before he left, I am going to go 'job hunting' some time in the afternoon, which is to say I will be using my fancy new map to run around gang territory in my 'cape outfit' to see if I can't find me some crime money.
I really have no idea what I am doing.
Oh well, I'm sure I will figure it out in time.
I leave the flat with my Bag of Belongings that holds literally everything I own right now, which is just a change of clothes, some canned coffee, because ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต'๐ด a thing apparently, I was never much of a coffee girl before it was the literal only thing I can drink, as well as about a grand in cash, which is mostly made up of birthday and christmas money that I never spent.
It's already late in the evening at 8pm when I leave, only an hour or so before the boys would be getting back and I walk around a bit, slowly making my way back to the territory of the Irish gang Red Branch, before I find a nice, out of the way alley that I can use to change into my 'outfit'.
I leave the my bag in the alley underneath a dumpster, since I don't think it's gonna get collected anytime soon and I doubt any non cape could lift it.
With that out of the way, I jump straight to the roof in a single bound and start running around, kinda just hoping something would happen.
I feel like this isn't the most efficient way to go about this, but eh, I'm sure it will work out in the end, and I am proven right not even a full hour later.
With the sun fully set, and the night sky greeting the world, I spy a pair of men wearing matching green bandannas who are doing what is clearly a shady deal with some other guy just on the corner of the street.
If I had to guess, it's a drug deal, I'm not sure what gave it away, but it might have been the ziplock bag filled with white powder trading hands, but hey, what do I know? Maybe there's a sugar shortage and this guy can't live without his morning coffee with two sugars-
Aaand he's just put some on his hand and snorted it.
Well, that's fun. I'm just going to wait for him to leave before I go and have a 'friendly conversation' with those two fellows down there on the street like a pair of mortals, only cool guys like me ride the rooftops.
That was such a lame thing to say, even without anyone to hear me I'm embarrassed for just thinking it.
Whatever, they're alone now and no one else seems to be occupying the street, so now is my time to shine.
Sneaking across the rooftops, keeping to the shadows, I arrive on the building that they are standing underneath and approach the edge, contemplating how to go about this.
One option is to simply jump down, but the other, cooler option, is to use my freaky blood ribbon things that grow from my back and use them to hang upside down so they can only see my face without looking up.
It would certainly add to the intimidation factor, the blatant use of powers means they wouldn't be able to rationalise things until they think they could stand a chance against me, but then there's the fact that no one knows about my ability and it's just common sense to keep an ace in the hole.
Anyone who doesn't get that has clearly never cheated at, I mean, played poker.
Decision made, I crouch on the edge and listen in on my vict- future conversation partners, so I can get a nice and dramatic opening to enter from, only to freeze once I actually start listening to them.
"-ook, I'm not saying ye're fucked in the head, but how could ya possibly ๐ง๐ฆ๐ต๐ช๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ป๐ฆ the fecking ๐๐ช๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ข๐ฏ? Do ya not get how fucked that is?" Drug Dealer Numero Uno says with completely understandable incredulity.
However, Drug Dealer Duo, clearly disagrees, "First of all, vore has been a fetish since the 90s, secondly she literally walks around naked, ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ, and you can't honestly tell me that the Siberian isn't really fecking hot, just physically speaking, lastly, don't kink shame me." Comes DDD's vehement rebuttal that stuns both Uno and I into momentary silence.
After a moment passes, Uno regains his composure and proceeds to really rip into Mr DDD.
"No, I will shame you, vore is fecked, it's literally cannibalism! What part of being eaten could ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฃ๐ญ๐บ be fecking erotic!? Not ta' mention, who gives a feck if the Siberian has a hot body, she's still a ๐ง๐ฆ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฃ๐ข๐ญ and ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ญ๐ข๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ! You need to see a fucking shrink Shaun."
"I d'nay need a fecking shrink Sean!" DDD responds, his voice rising with his agitation, "It's not like my art is hurting anybody! Just 'cuz I like to draw it, doesn't mean I'm gonna fecking ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐บ. It's just fantasy! I know you watch incest shit, you don't hear me saying your gonna literally fuck your mother, do you?!"
I ignore Uno's response as their argument gets more heated and instead just think to myself.
How the fuck am I supposed to insert myself into this?
I didn't think they would be having such a strange conversation, and frankly DDD is making me a little uncomfortable, since he is basically fetishizing me.
At the very least, I am definitely not going to be eating that guy, not that I'm really even hungry right now but still.
Should I just jump down now? The argument doesn't seem to be ending..
Maybe I can just act like I dropped down as soon as I saw them, and that I didn't hear any of their conversation?
Fuck it, I will do that, I'm wasting time just sitting here otherwise.
Decision made, I don't waste any more time and jump forward slightly, landing in front of them in a crouch, enjoying the way their eyes widen in shock at my sudden appearance.
I had decided how I was going to act in my 'cape persona' back when I got my mask. See, I believe that a life you don't enjoy is not a life worth living, so whatever it is that I am doing, I strive to at the very least, make sure that I enjoy myself and have a little fun.
So, considering the clown mask, which is pure white with a pair of eyeholes that properly display my own glowing red irises, with a pink tear trailing down below my right eye and a black triangle pointing up above my left and a wide, toothy smile with lips almost as red as my eyes and teeth that I painted black.
I decided that it only makes sense to be more 'energetic' as it were.
It also help for intimidation. It's basic math really, the human mind that is, push certain buttons and you get specific reactions, I've always felt that people overcomplicate the act of inter-personal relations.
On one hand I could be demanding and threatening, but on the other I could be completely casual and threatening, and that is generally far scarier, since it gives off the image that you are so far beneath me that I don't even need to put on any airs.
Pushing my thoughts to the back of my head, I leap up from my crouch and flash the two Irishmen a peace sign.
"Aaand she sticks the landing! Hey there! Lovely night out huh?" I speak with a positively cheerful tone as the two fetishists gather their bearings and immediately set out to conform to stereotypes.
"Who the fuck are you!? This is Red Branch territory, if you're here to cause trouble then fuck of, you might be a cape but that doesn't mean Cu won't feckin' spear you!" DDD threatens, even as he takes a step back after looking into my eyes.
Honestly, after meeting with James and Theo, I'm kinda glad for the normalcy of a gangbanger being a typical gangbanger.
Still, I want to keep up the juxtaposition between innocence and scariness, so I make sure to choose my words carefully, my every action measured.
"Uwaaah~ so scary~" I whine as I take a step back and crouch down, putting my hands over my mask, but peaking through my fingers, making sure my eyes never leave theirs, even as I speak as childishly as I can, sounding like a child throwing a tantrum at first, before my voice drops low and quiet with a threatening edge that they clearly don't miss, "I only wanted to talk!~ But I guess we can skip to the end if you want?"
Not waiting for them to respond, I lurch forward faster than they can properly react and grab them both by the face before slamming both of my hands down to the pavement below, making sure to control my strength so that I don't injure them too much.
"My my~ You guys are like, sooo~ clumsy, falling over like that," I quip with the inflection of a typical white trash woman, "maybe if you answer some of my questions, I'll help you up?"
Looking past where my hands are holding the two of them down, I can tell that my act of instability is working just fine if the fear in their eyes is anything to go off, why I can practically smell it.
Wait, is that a feature of my power? Can I literally smell fear?
Something to test later, business first.
"F-fuck you! F-fucking p-psycho bitch! I ain't no snit-" Uno is, unfortunately cut off before he can finish by his own bloodcurdling scream as, once again faster than they can react, I move my hand from his face to his arm and using my leg on his torso as leverage, I rip his entire arm off from the base in one brutal move.
"Sh-sh shhh. There's no need to scream, everything's going to be ok" I hush him, knowing full well how hypocritical it is to pretend to care for his well being at this point.
But he isn't the important one here anyway, this show is all for ol' Triple D.
And as Uno's whimpers die down to light sobs as he starts to get woozy from blood loss, I turn to my other new friend and one look in his blown wide eyes and I can tell that he will tell me everything I want to know, and so I started asking my questions.
Less than an hour later and I am back to jumping across the rooftops, only this time with an actual direction in mind.
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
And things will start kicking off now, I have a very vague plan, almost as vague as my plan was for Murder Wizard. All in all, should be fun
Also, Advance chapters with the links I'm not allowed to fully type!
pat reon /user?u=41732867
or
ko - fi /bored_works
Also, join the discord with this invite code! Pj3Dttwses
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Jester by BoredMc
Tokyo Ghoul & Worm Xover Rated: M, English, Humor & Crime, Eidolon, OC, Crawler, Simurgh, Words: 552k+, Favs: 391, Follows: 395, Published: Mar 31, 2023 Updated: Oct 24, 2023
373Chapter 6: 6 Making Friends Again
It barely takes me ten minutes of roof hopping to get to the supposed 'stash house'.
I've watched enough movies to know that simply barging in isn't a good idea, so I come to a stop on a building across the street from the small warehouse to allow myself a little observation.
The building itself isn't a full warehouse, which makes sense since despite being towards the less populated parts of the city, we aren't actually in a warehouse district.
Instead, it looks to me like the building was just a storage building for the business adjacent to it that has clearly been long out of business.
From the worn down sign of the abandoned shop next door, I think this used to be a textile shop of some sort, so I assume the warehouse was used for making shirts or something.
I shrug my shoulders at the redundant information and focus back on the warehouse.
The front only has a single pair of double doors, so I assume there is a larger opening in the back for delivery trucks and the like. There also doesn't seem to be any guards that are readily apparent, but even from here I can smell the people inside.
With nothing really jumping out to me, I decide not to bother with continued observation and instead make my way over to the building itself, keeping as quiet as I can as I scale my way to the roof, something made all the easier by the fact that I can make my own handholds by simply digging my superhumanly strong fingers into the wall.
Once I make it to the top I am greeted by the disappointment that is a warehouse without a skylight.
No cool, dramatic entrance for me I guess.
Whatever, see if I care.
Making my way to the back of the building, I look down from the roof and see that yes, there is in fact a loading bay, however, luckily for me the two small windows at the top of the garage door seem to be unbarred.
With that in mind, I hop down from the roof, however due to poor form rather than landing in a silent crouch like I intended, I end up sort of just crumpling to the ground in a mildly painful jumble of limbs.
Ow.
Ignoring that, I jump back to my feet and use the age old tactic of digging my fingers into the wall like a spider to climb high enough that I can actually ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ through the windows.
When I finally do take a peek inside, I feel somewhat disappointed by what I see.
I don't know what I was expecting really, maybe a line of half naked women cutting coke or something interesting like that.
Instead, all I get is a group of four pasty white dudes playing poker. To separate them I quickly name them all. First there's Mr Buzzcut, then there's James Blond, Mr Baseball Bat and lastly, The Woman.
I really shouldn't be disappointed, after all, the easier this is the better.
But at the same time, I was really hoping this would be like in the movies.
Eh, whatever, anything can be fun if you try hard enough, so I guess I'll just see how it goes and try to get a good mix of enjoying myself and making that sweet, sweet crime money.
Now that I'm aware that this isn't some den filled with fighters, I don't really see the point of going the sneaky route anymore, so I decide to simply do what I avoided at the start.
The classic loud and proud approach it is.
Taking a deep breath, I steel my nerves, this is my first time, obviously I'm going to be nervous, and I mentally flip a switch to stop acting like myself and instead start acting like my cape persona.
Taking one last deep breath, I plant my hands on the wall above the window, gripping deep into the cement, and I swing backwards until my body is horizontal, then as gravity takes hold of me I swing back down, letting go of the wall as I do so.
Smashing through the glass feet first and flying into the warehouse was exciting, but rolling across the floor in a completely uncontrolled manner after I fail to stick the landing is just embarrassing.
Thankful for my mask hiding my blushing face, I jump to my feet as soon as I stop rolling, and turn to face the Four Musketeers.
A beat passes as they stand there, having gotten up while I was rolling on the ground, looking at me, unsure of what to do.
I break the silence by sticking out one of my hands in a victory sign whilst the other rests on my hip like I'm posing for a camera and I lean forward slightly as I speak with my purposely childish voice.
"Aaand she sticks the landing!~" I exclaim, conveniently ignoring the fact that I did ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต stick the landing.
"Uh, no you didn't." Mr Blond speaks up with uncertainty clouding his voice.
You know what? Fuck you Mr Blond.
I only need one of them to tell me where the money is after all.
"Hey hey! Don't be mean~ it's my first time." I shyly rebut, covering my mask with my hands and wriggling on the spot.
However, the moment they all turn to look at each other in confusion, I burst forth with my full speed, throwing a sloppy punch at Mr Blond.
My punch lands square on his chest and I feel as my fist buries itself through and past his ribs, nearly coming out the other side.
I also feel my wrist break from what I can only assume is shitty form.
As Blond launches backwards and probably dies, I myself cry out, pain being an unfamiliar sensation and am cradling my wrist when I feel a metal bat crack across the back of my head, sanding me straight to the ground.
Double owie.
I try to roll with the force of the hit to get some distance, but once again my inexperience shows and I end up sort of just crawling forward, unbalanced.
But I do make enough distance at least to get back to my feet and I turn around just in time to see the bat coming for my face yet again.
Instinctively, I lean back and dodge the swing matrix style, though I'm pretty sure the only reason I actually succeeded in dodging it is just because my speed far outstrips his.
Before I can get back to being upright, Buzzcut is following up after the bat swing, throwing a sweeping kick for my legs while I am unbalanced.
Once again not really having time to think about my actions, I complete my backwards fall and plant my hands on the ground, lifting my legs over the sweep and pushing off of the ground to launch both of my feet straight into Buzzcut's gut, the result sending him flying a good few feet away.
The bat comes down on me again like a hammer as I lay on the floor, and without really thinking, I reach up to block it with my arms.
I panic for a moment, thinking that the bat is going to break both of my arms, but I clearly forgot about my brute rating as other than some slight pain, all the swing manages to do is make my arms dip inwards slightly.
It's probably going to bruise, at least if I couldn't regenerate it would.
Before he can pull away, I grab the bat and pull him down to my side, spinning us over so that I am straddling him, then I just start wailing on his face.
It only takes a few punches before his face resembles less a face and more a pile of kinda gross gore.
Panting lightly, I get back to my feet, idly getting the feeling that I was forgetting something.
Of course, I am reminded of what I was forgetting when a staccato of what can only be bullets impact my back with all the force of a freight train, sending me crumbling forwards.
It feels like when Mr Bat hit me in the back of the head, only a little worse, far more concentrated and in much greater numbers.
But honestly, it's really not that bad, kind of like stubbing your toe I guess. It sucks, but only for a moment and it's not a pain that is difficult to power through.
Still, I wait until the woman and at least one other person actually stop shooting me before even bothering to get back up.
Only when I hear the clicks that I associate with an empty magazine do I stir, having simply relaxed my muscles as they effectively gave me a very shitty, kinda painful back massage.
Slowly, rising to my feet, swaying slightly for dramatic effect, I stand there, facing away from them with my back hunched before I slowly turn my head to the side, twisting my body only minimally so that I can side eye them over my shoulder.
"Heyyy~ that wasn't very nice~"
Behind me I can see two people. One of them is obviously the woman from before while the other one is a dude that was presumably in a different room.
Both of them are holding guns, the girl holding two machine pistols that I don't know enough about guns to identify, while the guy is holding a bigger gun, I guess.
Again, I don't know a lot about guns, never having bothered to buy any since I didn't leave the house anyway.
I spend a moment just basking in the fear they are showing, especially the woman, her fear is so strong I can practically ๐ต๐ข๐ด๐ต๐ฆ it, and it tastes ๐ฆ๐น๐ค๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ.
I know 'exciting' isn't a flavour, but that's the best way I can describe it and I make sure to revel in it or a second or two before I actually turn all the way around.
Once I am properly facing them, I tilt my head to the side slightly and take a single step forward.
That seems to break them out of their shock and the woman takes a step back, losing her footing and falling on her ass, all without taking her eyes off of me, seeming to not even want to so much as blink.
The guy however, seems to steel himself and backs up much more confidently, reloading his gun as he does so.
Now, we can't have that, can we?
In a single bound I am in front of him and swinging. Without panicking he gives up on loading his gun and instead takes a small step back to avoid my swipe and retaliates by punching the barrel of his gun into my throat.
I'm sure it would have been effective enough to down the average man, but for me it was little more than a mild annoyance, making me choke and cough a little but not enough that I even have to back away.
I smile when I see the realisation in his face that it's helpless to fight me, even if he is clearly more skilled and experienced than me, he simply lacks the raw power that I have available to me.
I don't bother dragging things out either, snapping my leg up in what is probably an incredibly telegraphed move, but even if he can see it coming, there is nothing he can do to avoid it.
I hope he realises that and has time to despair before my hit connects and he goes flying, even impacting the wall a good six feet behind him.
That done, I walk up to the woman who has by now crawled backwards all the way to the wall and is staring at me in terror and with a smile in my voice and my legs straight, I bend at the waist until my face is only a few inches away from hers.
I practically purr my next words so quietly that it might as well have been a whisper.
"And then there were two.~"
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Gonna get a POV shift next chap that will reveal some things if you look close enough, also Lusia will finally get some direction to her life.
Also, Advance chapters with the links I'm not allowed to fully type!
pat reon /user?u=41732867
or
ko - fi /bored_works
Also, join the discord with this invite code! Pj3Dttwses
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