Archived Document: NecreoNet™ Internal Compliance File
Welcome to NecreoNet™, the world's only leading post-mortem social platform connecting expired souls with about to be expired ones. By continuing to post, haunt, like or meme from beyond the grave, you agree to the following:
☠️ 1. Eligibility Criteria
You must be officially deceased (Yes with a Death Certificate issued by the relevant authority). Accidental astral projection, medical comas or 14-minute clinical deaths do not qualify.
Users in limbo must first complete the captcha (Referral works).
Reincarnated users must reapply under a new username (free name suggestions are available to the premium users), but past-life followers will not carry over.
👻 2. Account Code of Conduct
No necro-shaming, necro-cism, post-mortem impersonation, or seance bombing.
Posts tagged #stilldead must be updated every month in order to prevent auto-archiving of your account.
Please refrain from excessive moaning (most usual ones) during livestreams unless marked with the NSFG (Not Safe for the Graveyard) tag.
💾 3. Content Ownership
All ghost posts, haunted selfies, cryptic memes, and subliminal screams remain the intellectual property of the original soul.
NecreoNet reserves the right to:
Monetize your grief through ad placements
License your image for use in theme parks, dating simulators, and courtroom AI reconstructions— both spectral and corporeal.
Auto-correct your wails in order to use it for SEO optimization
📡 4. Technical Requirements
Connectivity may be impacted by:
Salt rings
Garlic-based ad blockers (smells really bad)
Excessive earthly emotional attachments (bad for children's health and safety)
Minimum 5 Ghz soul-frequency recommended for smooth transmortal upload.
🪙 5. Payments & Premiums
Users are encouraged to tip hauntfluencers using SoulCoin™, the world's first emotion-backed Ectocrypt (or the cryptocurrency as the living people likes to call it).
Upgrade to NecreoNet Premium+ Afterlife™ to unlock:
Grave-side story boosts (permitted to force feed the free 2 use ones)
Paranormal push notifications
Verification badge (requires at least 1 million screams and proof of unresolved trauma)
🛑 6. Prohibited Activities
Possessing your former ex or lover without mutual consent.
Live-haunting charity streams without NecreoNet's cut.
Any attempt to override the living's Spookify queue with Gregorian chant.
📬 7. Customer Support
Still confused? You can reach our 24/7 Spectral Support by:
Screaming your lungs out into a bathroom mirror at 3:33 AM
Channeling our Twitty Bird account through an unwilling medium
Whispering your query into a dying modem
By entering NecreoNet, you acknowledge that death isn't an escape—just a badly run forum with eternal lag.
The dead don't sleep. Neither does your feed.™