Grace Carter's POV
Being in love is not always as difficult as it is when you think they're going to abandon you.
It's sometimes watching them stay...
As they slowly move back from walls you can't touch.
---
I woke before dawn, secure in the embrace of the man sleeping close to my chest—Ethan.
I didn't move for a few heavenly moments.
Under my cheek his heart beat slow and steady. His arm was protectively around my waist and every so often his fingers twitched in his sleep, brushing absentmindedly over my back.
It was the most secure place I'd been in for a long time.
The discourse that I had had the night before was still in my mind.
I had heard of his father from him.
This is about a little boy that waited for his father, who was never coming to his school play.
Only once he had seen the tears about his eyes.
Approximately a mother who taught him that love was weakness and vulnerability was failure.
I had held him and when decades of pain drummed out in quiet pieces.
Then when he finally hugged me it wasn't like it was a duty.
It had been a sense of trust.
That for the first time I thought, "I think we're past pretending.For the first time, I thought, "I think we're done with pretending."
For the first time in...
I thought I was not the only one who was in love.
---
With care, I did not wake him, leaving the bed.
I was singing while preparing the breakfast.
It was nothing fancy.
Scrambled eggs.
Toast.
Fresh fruit.
Coffee for Ethan.
Tea for me.
I even lit one of the vanillas that I purchased weeks ago so that the penthouse would feel more like a house and less like a luxury hotel.
When all was set, the kitchen had a warm, inviting, and pleasant smell.
This is like a family lived here.
Here lived love like.
---
"Morning."
I was struck by his voice.
I spun around, my smile burning on my lips.
He was already clothed.
Dark charcoal suit.
Crisp white shirt.
Tie perfectly knotted.
Phone in one hand.
Place the tablet in the other table.
Last night's softness was gone under the smooth skin of Ethan Blackwood, CEO.
"Good morning."
I went over with a smile.
"I made breakfast."
He glanced at the table before looking at his watch.
I wish I could stay here, I wish I could stay here.
My smile faltered.
I have to have an emergency meeting.
"Oh."
I'll get something from work.
He extended his arm to his car keys.
"Maria will be able to assist you in anything today."
I was standing there, trying to clear my mind of the odd sensation in my chest.
"That's it?"
He looked up.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know..."
I looked him in the face.
Well, I guess I thought that something happened last night.
My voice faded and I could no longer say a word.
He turned his head away first.
---
"Grace."
He sighed quietly.
I'm not in the mood for anything... complicated.
I sneaked a little chuckle out.
"Complicated?"
His jaw tightened.
I am in the middle of a merger and have a company.
"I know."
I am on the board's radar!
"I know."
"My mother is..."
He stopped himself.
"I know that too."
"So you understand."
I stared at him for a good while.
"No."
His brows were furrowed.
"No?"
"I understand that your life is complicated."
I swallowed my lump in my throat.
What I don't know...
That's why when we get closer, we are closer.
"...you take three steps back."
---
He tugged his hair as if it was causing him some headache.
I'm working to conserve what we have.
"By pretending that it doesn't exist?
That's not what you are doing.
"It feels like it."
There was a silence in between us.
He wasn't angry.
Neither was I.
Somehow it hurt more that way.
"I've told you things last night, I never told anybody.
"I know."
What comes next, I don't know.
I was surprised at how open he was with me.
I don't know which one of them I have kept away longer, but I have been keeping people away for 32 years.
He seemed to be a little bit embarrassed.
When I get close to you, I feel...
He looked it up for the word.
"...dangerous."
I nodded slowly.
"I know."
I don't believe you do, I don't believe you.
"No."
I smiled sadly.
"Well, I don't believe that."
---
I moved toward her until I was just inches away.
It seems love is a thing that will make you lose yourself.
He didn't answer.
You think that if you let yourself be happy,..."
"A terrible thing will befall them.
He didn't say a word and it was all confirmed.
I softly touched his hand.
"Ethan..."
I'm not asking you to stop being careful, my heart isn't asking you to...
I squeezed his fingers.
It's just asking you to stop treating me like I'm something you've to speed up and get over.
His eyes met mine.
Filled with conflict.
Filled with fear.
Packed with the taste of something that resembled love.
But this made it even more difficult.
---
"I'm sorry."
His voice cracked.
I don't know how you don't panic when you wake up beside somebody.
The confession broke something in me.
Not because it was a cruel act.
It was because it was honest.
Painfully honest.
"I know."
I cried tears that were buried behind my smile.
I understand you're attempting.
"I am."
"I believe you."
Again, I cried myself to the end, but another tear came.
"But, Ethan..."
I gazed at our interlaced hands.
"Your fear is worse on me than your silence ever was."
---
He stepped closer.
I had the impression that he was about to kiss me.
Rather, he laid his own forehead to my own.
"I'm scared."
This was a soft voice.
"I know."
I'm scared I will turn out to be my Dad.
"You won't."
I'm afraid I will not live up to your expectations.
"You already have."
His eyes closed.
"But..."
I ran my thumb over his knuckles.
That's not to say, "you will not always...",
---
His phone rang.
The sound broke the silence.
He had a check at the screen.
Board Chairman.
He let out a defeated sigh.
"I have to go."
I nodded.
"I know."
He hesitated.
I'll be home early.
You need not make any promises to me.
"I want to."
I gave him a little smile.
"So come home."
He nodded and then walked to the door.
He came to a halt after half way.
Turned around.
We looked across the room at each other.
What I said last night, I meant it.
Then he was gone.
In silence the apartment lay.
I sat down at the breakfast table and noticed that there were 2 empty plates.
It was cold outside and the eggs were getting cold.
The coffee was already depleted of its vigor.
I lay my hands on my expanding belly.
I know that your dad loves you.
The baby replied with a soothing flutter.
I smiled.
"I just hope..."
My voice trembled.
"One day he'll come to terms with loving me as well."
In the outside world, the city spread out like a man, as if nothing had occurred.
It was a sad discovery I made inside.
Healing isn't a straight line.
Two can walk together even...
...and still falter in yesterday's apprehensions.
Perhaps that would have been the way loving Ethan Blackwood had to be.
Until he turns into a new one.
But i hoped that the man he already knew would finally realize he was worthy of being loved.