(1)
"OK. Here we go."
Looking at myself in the mirror, I murmur.
I've never gelled my hair before, and today's my first time. Well, I look pretty good. I should probably do this more and wear my New York Yankees cap less. And I know I should've worn something more formal, but, believe me, this navy-blue blazer is the best thing I can get from my wardrobe. To make myself look less nerdy, I put on a white hoodie inside that reads GAP across my chest in black lettering.
The morning sunshine must've helped warm up a little, but it's still colder outside than I thought.
If someone'd told me, "You'll eventually do it someday" like three weeks ago, I'd have given him the finger. But today is the day I'll, well, eventually do it – going on a blind date, my first blind date, which was arranged by my mom. To be frank, compared with it, I'd even prefer going to a job interview where all I have to do is answer all the questions instead of asking. As a 28-year-old single man, however, I can't think of any good reason to decline a blind date. My mom must be the most persuasive person I've ever known on this planet. It is no exaggeration to say that she's listed more than 20 harmful consequences of being alone for me. My most helpless moment is when I sometimes have lunch on weekends at her place. She constantly streams some TV dramas or movies in which characters die alone at the end. Then she turns to me with a worried frown or with tears in her eyes and asks, "See that?"
"Mom! How on earth did you know all these movies? Did you google them? What were the key words?"
I guess going on blind dates would be the only way to get my break from all the drama. And this girl is mom's colleague's cousin's daughter. According to the complexity of relationships, I don't think mom knows a lot of single girls. So it won't be a challenging task, I guess.
Here's just one thing: I don't think I'm attracted to women, which some of my close friends know, but mom doesn't. Most of the time, to avoid unnecessary trouble, I observe the straight guys around me – how they behave, what they like and dislike – and then act like them around acquaintances – and mom. But a blind date is something I've never had a chance to observe. So, I do feel a little nervous about that and hope I won't screw it up.
Anyway, I unlock a shared bike and ride off.
The biting wind makes me wanna take back the very thought that the morning sunshine has helped warm up a little. I almost can't feel my hands when I dismount and lock the bike around the café I and that girl are supposed to meet up.
My phone vibrates as I'm about to go into the café, so I have to step back from the door and take it out. It's a call from Lili. I love Lili; we've known each other since we were three, I guess. We went to the same kindergarten and high school. She's the kind of girl who looks sort of quiet and shy yet can kill a big spider barehanded without blinking an eye. I swear that I'm not exaggerating. Because I still remember the day in our kindergarten when a boy who sat behind her cut half of her braid off for fun during the class. I thought she'd cry, but she didn't. Instead, she just dropped down onto the floor to pick the hair up, tied it up with a rubber band, and put it into her backpack. At noon, when that boy opened the lid of his lunchbox, he found there was a spider on his meal, cut in half, several legs sticking in the rice.
"How did your blind date go, sweetheart?"
Seriously? I look at my watch.
"It's barely 10 o'clock, my girl. Does anyone go on a date in the rush hour?"
"Ha-ha. I was kidding. I know you're a late riser. Where are you?"
"I just got to the café where I'm gonna see the girl. It's called…" I suddenly forget the name, so I step back more so that I can see the signboard of the café, "Um… JERRYS COFFEE. Does the name ring a bell?"
"Not really. I'm not that into coffee."
"I don't think I've been here, but the surroundings look a little familiar. Not sure if it's déjà vu." I talk with Lili while looking around. Nothing special, just some stores and restaurants I don't think I've ever been to, either. Then I turn around.
"Ah… That's why…" Through the golden rain trees by both curbs, I see a restaurant on the other side of the road.
ACE.
"What?" Asks Lili.
"ACE. It's across from the café."
"ACE? You mean The Joker's? Come on, you must be kidding. It's not even far from our high school! Where did your sense of direction go?"
"Sense of di…ctation? What's that?"
Unconsciously, I walk to the curb and step on it to see ACE more clearly. The restaurant I'm staring at used to be a bar called The Joker's, where I often hung out with my best friend, Chenhui, when we were high school students. Best friends. That sounds weird to me. It's simply that I'm just unable to select a better word from my vocabulary to describe him. I guess I've gone past it several times, and I did notice it when the bar was renamed. I just never go in. I must say that it doesn't always feel good when memories inflict themselves on me every now and then, so I have to try every means not to cue them.
"Anyway, Yang, I'm calling to tell you some friends of mine booked a villa on Airbnb and are gonna throw a party tonight. You should come."
"Tonight? What party?" I mean, it's not even a festival.
"Uh… Thanksgiving?"
"American or Canadian?"
"Gosh. They have different Thanksgiving Days?"
"Lili, we were English majors, I think we were supposed to know that."
"OK. Fine. But just FYI, I haven't used English since graduation, and you do know it."
Yeah. That's true. She's been a freelance novelist and had already had a couple of novels published online and offline at college. Many of her friends think it surprising that she's good at writing. But I don't. I kinda always know she is meant to be a writer. Unlike her, I'm working as a senior editor at a company engaged in all kinds of online English language courses.
"Anyway, do come with me! I'll text you the address later."
"I…"
Lili cuts me off before I finish my sentence, "There must be some interesting people. I mean gay boys…"
When she says gay boys, her voice becomes lower but clearer abruptly; she must be cupping her mouth with the other hand.
"You are so sweet. You mean I don't have to pretend to be straight tonight?"
"You are gay??"
A voice suddenly comes from behind. I turn back and, at the same time, hang up on Lili as if I was talking with an accomplice instead of a friend.
It's the girl in the photo mom sent me a couple of days ago. I know it's not the perfect time to say, but she really looks nicer in person without glasses on. But will it be too pretentious if I compliment her on that now?
"You are Yang, right?" She has to come to me because I'm too embarrassed to say hi or move.
"Uh… Yeah. Hi." I hurry to stuff the phone in my pocket and reach out my right hand to offer a handshake. Do people shake hands on a blind date?
"You know what you did isn't cool at all. You should've told me this on WeChat." She says while shaking my hand. Her hand is freezing cold; she must've come here by bike as well.
"You mean the fact that I'm… not straight?" Is she literally asking me why I can't add some strangers on social media and tell them I like people of the same sex immediately?
"Yeah. I have a few gay friends. I'm totally fine with it." Good to know.
"Sorry. I'm just…"
"I know." Thank god she's not patient enough to wait for me to find a decent word to excuse myself, "My dad set me up on this. I don't want him to have another heart attack, so here I am."
That's not exactly what I meant to say, but nice to know she's got a similar story.
"Same here. My mom made me. And I'd appreciate it if you don't let my mom know that her one and only son is gay."
She laughs, "I won't tell anything. You should tell her by yourself one day." Then she shakes my hand again, "See you."
"Oh. Thanks. Bye." Is this the end of my first-ever blind date? Much quicker than I imagined.
"By the way, nice blazer. I like it." She says before taking off.
"I like…" I intend to return the compliment, but she's wearing a rose-colored down jacket, sparkling, with Hello Kitty on her belly whose face is split in half by the zipper, "it, too. Thanks."
I gaze at her as she walks away and becomes smaller and smaller until she completely goes out of my sight.
You should tell her by yourself one day.
I've never really considered whether it's a good idea to tell Mom on my own until now.
My phone buzzes. A message from Lili telling me the party's address we were talking about. At the end of the message, she adds, I heard it. Sorry. I wish I hadn't called you.
It's OK. It's not your fault. See you tonight. I text back.
(2)
I've never been a party animal, so when I'm standing in front of the gate of the villa I'm supposed to be at, I'm still hesitating if I should get in or simply text Lili that I'm not feeling well and not able to party. The music inside is too loud, so when Lili yanks the gate open, I take several steps backward as if I was a burglar caught red-handed.
"Here you are! I was about to call you!" She grabs my arm and says, "So now I guess you've known what the party is about."
"Yeah. I think so." Before I am pulled inside the yard, I take another glimpse of the blackboard placed by the gate.
IF YOU ARE SINGLE, COME ON IN 💗
In the center of the yard stands the villa, whose architecture is too complex for me to tell if it's three- or four-story.
"There should be a pool… with people dancing along the edge." Facing the villa, I point at the right side of it, where several people are barbecuing.
"Nobody throws a pool party in winter and stop watching La La Land."
"Lili, this is a party for single people, so why are you here?" I don't even know if Lili is listening, for she suddenly grabs my arm, trying so hard to drag me towards the villa, "Do you still remember a man who you met at college and later became your boyfriend? Where is that poor man now?" I raise my voice because I can hardly hear myself with (Fuck a) Silver Lining by Panic! At the Disco playing in the yard.
"I'm here for you. Idiot!" Lili stops, but her hand is still on my arm, indicating this is just a temporary pause, "See that man in the grey cardigan? I am 80 percent positive that he's interested in men."
Lili points at a man leaning by the villa door, chatting with some girls around him.
"Put down your hand for God's sake." I free my arm from her hand, "I am going home, I really don't like… Oh, he's really cute."
"See? Come on, let's go grab some food first on the roof terrace. Most people are there." Then she grabs my arm again. She's like a procuress coercing me into prostitution. "Let's get turnt up! This is how you start your new life."
I blow out a sigh, "Thanks for your kind reminder." I can't believe she still remembers it.
When I was a freshman at college, inspired by the movie The Bucket List, I bought a notebook intending to make a bucket list for myself. On the first page of it, I just wrote something I'd always wanted to do when I was a high school student, such as Try Skydiving (Check. I did this when traveling with Lili to New Zealand last year. Lili promised to do it with me, but she decided to just take some pictures for me on the ground at the last minute), Learn a new language (Japanese. But I didn't promise myself to learn it very well, so just remembering Gojūon Ordering does count, doesn't it? So… check) and so on.
The last page of the notebook, however, reads Start a new life. I can't recall when I put it down there. Maybe when I wasn't that sober. Since the day it was there, I've been trying all kinds of ways to do it. I had a change of my hairstyle, I tried emo music, I dated a couple of times… But maybe "start a new life" itself is too ambiguous a phrase, every time I want to check it, I hear a voice ask myself, "Is this how you really want it?"
"Just erase it." Lili once said.
"I wrote it with a gel pen." I told her.
"Then tear the page out!"
"Not of a notebook with a beautiful cover. My principles."
On the way to the rooftop, a girl in a velvet evening dress, going downstairs with a glass of wine in hand, says hello to Lili and me.
"Who's that? Why does she know my name?" I ask Lili when we're out of earshot.
"Mei. Remember her? Last time you guys came to my birthday party, she got drunk and told you about me farting during a meeting with my publisher, and you almost laughed your ass off."
"Ah! That's Mei? God, I didn't recognize her. She must be dead serious about the party." Then I turn to look at Lili, "By the way, what do you usually eat for breakfast?"
"I didn't fart!! That was the cushion! THE CUSHION!!" Lili shouts. She must've drunk some wine already.
After Mei disappears, I look around. Lili and I are surrounded by quite a few stunning girls and, of course, men. I can't be sure if I know some of them because most are… delicately airbrushed tonight. I suddenly feel grateful that I went on a blind date, an unsuccessful one though, this morning. But for that, I would be coming here in my yellow down jacket with that baseball cap on, and people could easily mistake me for a food delivery guy. Food. I hope there is some pizza on the rooftop.
The terrace seems colder than the yard – or I am just starving as hell – so I button up the blazer and grab Lili's arm, forcing her to walk with me towards a table on which food and drinks are placed. There is Coke, but not the Diet one, so I just pour a cup of sparkling water for myself and another one for Lili.
"Do you want some pizza or spaghetti?" I give the glass to Lili while scanning the food on the table, "What is that? Lasagna? Hmm… Italian food party…"
"I'm sorry, food detector, but do you still remember why we're here today?" Lili puts down the glass on the table and says, "Let's go talk with that cute guy downstairs and get his WeChat number."
"Lili, don't." I take a sip of the water, "If he's good-looking, let's just… look at him more. OK? Chatting up is never my thing."
"Come on! Do you think I paid the entrance fee for you just because I wanna have buffet with…" Then Lili suddenly stops.
"I knew it! How much was the entrance fee?"
"Guess who I am looking at?" She doesn't answer.
I turn to follow her gaze.
"No way." I put down my glass.
The man we're looking at just came into the terrace and now is undoing his scarf while looking around.
Lee. My ex-boyfriend. We broke up like 3 months before college graduation, and I haven't seen him since then. He used to have curtained hair, kind of old-school, which didn't look bad. But I have to say, he does look more energetic wearing this Ivy League cut. Before his eyes meet ours and I can stop Lili, her hand is already in the air.
"Lee!!" She waves her hand so hard like a survivor on a deserted island, waving to the helicopter coming to her rescue.
"Lili, you know you don't have to do this." I smile at Lee while trying to talk to Lili without moving my lips.
Before he comes and stands in front of us, I almost forget how tall he is.
"It's been a long time!" Lili gives him a hug, "What a small world!"
"It is." Lee hugs her back, "Some of my friends asked me to come, but I haven't seen them."
"Everyone is mingling somewhere." When Lee loosens Lili, she walks to the drink section with a bit of stagger, "Wine, juice, or soda?"
"Wine, please." Lee reaches out to support Lili.
"Nice haircut." I smile at him. A hug is definitely too much; a handshake may be too formal. So I choose to do nothing but stand still there.
"You gelled your hair? You never did that." He smiles back and squints his eyes looking at me.
"This is how boys greet people now?" Lili stuffs a small piece of pizza into her mouth, "He… he went on a blind date this morning… that's why he… Oh my god, the worst pizza ever…"
"Lili, don't talk when eating." Actually, I wasn't gonna talk to Lee about it.
"A what?" Lee seems very curious about this.
"Yeah. A blind date. Mom made me. To make a long story short, it failed."
"Maybe a little too short." Lee cuts another small piece of "the worst pizza ever" for himself, "Where did you go?"
"A coffeehouse called JERRYS COFFEE."
"Is it the one across from ACE?"
"Everybody knows where it is?" I look at Lili and ask.
Lili shrugs.
"I work there. As a bartender." A small laugh escapes Lee.
"You are a bartender? I thought you must be doing something about painting." Says Lili.
I remember that, too. He was enthusiastic about canvas painting at college. I once gave him acrylic and oil paints as a birthday gift when we were together. The out-of-nowhere flashback tricks me into thinking it was only yesterday – knocking on his dormitory door, the gift clutched tightly in my hand. I'm almost able to count how many butterflies there were in my stomach at the moment. Weird. I'd always thought my college life seemed light years ago.
"You are right, Lili. The work at ACE is just part-time. I'm running my own painting studio now."
"Good for you." I say.
"Where is your studio?" Asks Lili.
"Not far from ACE. You should come sometime. Both of you." Then he turns to me, "What about you? Do you have your own bakery now?"
"Bakery? Thanks for reminding me that I've still got an oven at home." The truth is, I've never baked anything after graduation. I'm not joking, but Lili and Lee laugh, so I join them.
"Geez, is that Youyou?" Lili suddenly murmurs while pointing at a girl three tables away from us with her glass, "How much weight did she lose?"
Then Lili looks at me in surprise, like I have any idea who Youyou is. "Excuse me a moment. I have to know how she lost weight." Then she turns to Lee, "Sorry. I'll be back very soon."
Before she leaves, she gives me a quick wink without being noticed by Lee. What the hell does that mean?
"She's not fat at all, why does she have to know how to lose weight?" Looking at Lili walking away, Lee asks.
"You never know girls." I shrug, pretending I don't know what Lili's doing here.
"So… how have you been?" Lee opens a bottle of Sprite and takes a long swig.
"Not bad. You?" Looking at Lee might be a little embarrassing, so I choose to keep looking at Lili chatting with that Youyou girl. When Lili's eyes meet mine, I raise one of my eyebrows to let her know I know why she left. And she blows me a kiss.
"I've been good. Have you… seen Chenhui these years?"
"No. I haven't seen him for 10 years since high school graduation." I look at him while wondering if video chat counts, "Why did you ask this?"
"I… It's just weird." Then he smiles, scratching the back of his head, "I figure it's OK to ask about him now since… we aren't together anymore."
"You did ask about him every now and then when we were together, didn't you?" I tilt my head.
His smile broadens a little bit.
"Hey, how about this? Go on your second blind date at ACE. I'll make you some drinks."
"My second? Do you think I'll have another blind date?" That does sound like a curse to me.
"I bet you will. I know parents too well. By the way, we have great ribeye at ACE."
"Hmmm… Fair point. Let me think it over."
"And… I'll go out on a limb and ask you to think another thing over."
"What is it?" I may sound casual, but I'm so afraid he'll broach the subject of getting back together. I don't think I'm ready for that. It may even take some time for me to be friends with him again.
"Add me on WeChat. I mean… re-add." Then he opens his WeChat and shows me the QR code.
I chuckle and open my WeChat, "Why not? This is what this party is about after all."
(3)
It's already midnight by the time I get home. Lili was totally wasted, so Lee had to make a detour first to drive her home before he could give me a ride. When I finally helped Lili to her apartment, she whispered in my ear, "I think there is still chemistry between you guys…"
"He's downstairs, you don't have to keep your voice down." I took out her key from her purse and opened the door, "What does it mean?"
Lili said nothing but winked at me.
"What?"
"Goodnight, darling." Then she got in swiftly and shut the door.
Lee and I didn't really have to talk when Lili was sitting beside me with her head resting on my shoulder, for she sang along to literally every single song that the radio played all the way home, from American indie rock to J-pop, Mandarin to Cantonese, like a jukebox out of control. However, after Lili had left, the vibes were getting a little weirdly strained even though the music was still on. We didn't talk much except when he had to ask me if we were on the right road or which turn to take. I don't know if he always drives without talking too much or if it was just because of me being around. Once in a while, our eyes met in the rearview mirror accidentally; he just looked away quickly. Or maybe he was just checking the cars behind. Whatever.
When he dropped me off at my residential compound, we chorused "see you next time," though I wondered if the next time we saw one another was in the short run.
In my living room, before I realize, I've already put the key back into the inner layer of my bag, changed into pajamas, selected one of Robbie Williams's CDs, and put it into the player.
"Send someone to love me. I need to rest in arms. Keep me safe from harm in pouring rain…"
It just delights me, so I turn the volume up a little. Yeah, that's what I've been thinking: send someone to love me. I do need a rest from… having done nothing at all. Chenhui must be very disappointed in me, for all that I'm able to hum is Better Man after having listened to all of Robbie's records like thousands of times. What can I do about it? Unlike him, I'm tone-deaf.
I make myself a cup of instant coffee in the kitchen, which doesn't taste good, yet is always welcome at the beginning of December. Having settled myself on the couch, I look at the bookshelf next to me, installed on the wall by the last owner of this condo.
So many books about English language and linguistics have I got that some friends of mine call me professor every time they drop by. Among all the academic books is a novel called Into the White Night by a Japanese writer Higashino Keigo. Strange as it seems, I think I've got into the habit of flipping several pages of that book without even reading them every time I have nothing else to do at home. It's the only novel I've got so far. I really enjoyed reading that one, but I still haven't developed the habit of reading other novels yet. Maybe I just don't like the stuff that may haunt me all the time.
Lying in bed, browsing Lee's WeChat Moments, and recalling all the talking and laughing with Lili and Lee tonight, I find Lee still kind of attractive. However, I guess I'm too drowsy to figure out if it's because he's talkative, he's funny, and good at keeping things fun, or all these traits just remind me of Chenhui again.
I think I need some sleep. It's been a long day.