Outside the humble little fortune-telling shop, two very familiar figures were walking side by side.
Well… one was walking.
The other was strutting like he was about to win an Olympic gold medal in Being Loud.
"Kakashi! Kakashi!"
Might Guy jogged in place, arms pumping like he was warming up for a marathon. "Have you heard!? There is an incredible fortune-teller here who predicts fate itself with 99% accuracy!"
Kakashi didn't even look up from his orange book.
"I heard," he said blandly.
Guy's eyes sparkled with righteous flames. "He predicted three gambling victories in a row!"
"Mm."
"And a broken leg!"
"Impressive."
"And—Kakashi! This is the most shocking!—he predicted love!"
Kakashi finally blinked, pausing mid-page.
"…Love?"
Guy nodded vigorously. "YES! TRUE LOVE, KAKASHI! Youthful, burning, destiny-bound LOVE!"
Kakashi stared.
Then slowly lowered his book.
"…Let me get this straight," he said. "You're dragging me to see a random fortune-teller because he can predict romance?"
"Of course! How else will you ever find a girlfriend?"
Kakashi's entire soul left his body for half a second.
"…Guy."
"Yes!"
"Walk in front of me."
"Mm? Why?"
"So I can kick you through the door."
Guy laughed loudly, slapping Kakashi's shoulder with enough force to break a civilian's spine.
"Hahaha! Your jokes are as sharp as ever, eternal rival!"
Kakashi sighed and resisted the urge to activate his lightning style on the spot.
Still, he followed.
Partly because Guy would just drag him anyway.
Partly because… Kakashi did hear the rumors. And after everything that happened recently, he could use the distraction.
The two stopped right outside the wooden door.
Guy placed a dramatic hand on the handle. "Are you ready, Kakashi? The flames of youth shall reveal our destiny!"
Kakashi muttered under his breath:
"Yeah… destiny… that's definitely what's about to happen…"
He pushed the door open.
The little bell at the top gave a light ding~
Inside the Shop
Obito—still perfectly disguised as Goku—looked up slowly.
His smile turned even MORE devious.
Because now he could see them clearly…
White hair. Lazy dead fish-eyed stare. Orange book in hand.
And beside him: green jumpsuit, bowl cut, teeth shining like a solar flare.
Obito nearly broke character on the spot.
Inside his head?
Oh my god. I'm about to scam Kakashi and Guy. This is peak entertainment. My chakra was not prepared for this level of fun.
Out loud?
He gave the warmest, most wholesome Goku smile imaginable.
"Oh! New visitors! Welcome, welcome! I'm Goku—the fortune-teller!"
Guy gasped dramatically.
"G–Goku-sensei!! We seek guidance!!"
Kakashi looked around.
Then looked at "Goku."
Then looked at the Dragon Ball sitting innocently on the shelf.
"…This place feels suspicious," he said flatly.
Obito's smile twitched.
Relax, Kakashi. You paranoid son of a bitch. If I wanted to ruin your life, I'd do it with style, not a glowing rock.
Guy stepped forward and bowed deeply.
"Great fortune-teller! We humbly seek the truth that will ignite our path of youthful passion!"
Obito nodded, folding his hands together in a wise monk pose.
"And what would the two of you like to know?"
Kakashi hesitated…
And then—
Guy forcefully shoved him forward.
"KA-KA-SHI is actually here because he wants—!"
Kakashi slapped a hand over his mouth so fast Obito nearly burst out laughing.
'Nah, that slap was crazy—blew wind and everything. Ain't no way it didn't leave a mark.'
"What I want," Kakashi said, glaring at Guy, "is to know whether this 'fortune-teller' is actually legitimate."
Guy's muffled voice from under Kakashi's hand:
"Mmmph!! And a GIRLFRIEND—!"
Obito smiled friendly.
"Oh?" he said, voice dipping into a very Goku-like playful curiosity.
"So you… want to know about your love life?"
Kakashi sighed helplessly and stared up at the ceiling.
Guy, on the other hand, was nodding his head like a complete madman.
Obito flashed a wide grin.
"I see."
Now this was entertainment.
He tapped the Dragon Ball gently.
Its stars glowed.
The room dimmed.
Obito leaned forward with the most serious, cosmic, prophetic look in the history of bullshit fortune-telling.
"Kakashi Hatake…"
Kakashi swallowed. He didn't put much faith in stuff like this… but still, a part of him couldn't help being curious about what it would say.
Guy's soul left his body from excitement.
Obito's eyes narrowed like a shinobi sage of destiny.
"I see it…"
Kakashi involuntarily leaned in.
Guy leaned so far forward he was practically horizontal.
Obito continued, voice lowering dramatically:
"…your future…"
Pause.
Silence.
Tension.
Kakashi's heartbeat audibly rose.
Obito pointed directly at him.
Then, in the most dramatic prophetic voice possible:
"…is down bad as hell."
Guy froze on the spot, turning toward Kakashi in a stiff, mechanical motion—his face twisted with deep regret… and pity.
"…"
Kakashi went quiet.
For some reason, that hit way harder than he expected.
The Dragon Ball flickered once like it was laughing.
And Obito kept going—
"Romantically speaking, your future is… rough. Very rough. Like a tumbleweed rolling across a desert. A lonely shuriken spinning through an empty battlefield. A frog sitting alone on a lily pad at night."
Might Guy finally couldn't hold it back, his mouth dropped open. "N-No! Kakashi! Your youth—!"
Kakashi closed his book slowly.
"…I see," he said with the calmness of a man whose soul just left his body for the second time today.
Obito kept going, milking every second.
"But fear not! I also see… a glimmer!"
Guy fist-pumped. "HAH! I KNEW IT! YOUTH ALWAYS—"
"—of POTENTIAL."
Kakashi blinked and raised an eyebrow, his interest quietly piqued.
"Potential?"
Obito nodded solemnly.
"Yes.
A potential chance… to not die alone."
Guy gasped again.
Kakashi stared at him like:
…I should've stayed home.
Guy wiped his tears dramatically with the back of his hand, sucking in a heroic breath.
Then he turned to Kakashi with the seriousness of a man about to make a lifelong oath:
"Kakashi… don't worry."
Kakashi blinked slowly, already suspecting this was going to be terrible.
Guy took a proud stance, thumb pointing at himself.
"Even if you never find love…
Even if your romance remains as barren as a desert! I, Might Guy, will stay with you!
Until the end!"
Kakashi's expression twitched slightly.
"Our bond… is ETERNAL!"
Guy spread his arms and rushed in for a dramatic, emotional bear hug.
Kakashi took a single step to the left.
Guy slammed into empty air.
Thud.
Kakashi sighed with the exhausted gloom of someone used to this for decades.
"…Please don't say things like that in public," he muttered under his breath.
Guy got up instantly, undeterred.
But then...
He suddenly froze.
His eyes widened.
Slowly… very slowly… he turned his head toward "Goku."
Guy's pupils shrank.
And then he blurted out:
"Wait…"
He stepped closer.
Obito tensed internally.
"Mr. Goku… do you… train?"
Obito forced a calm smile.
"A-ahaha, well, I exercise a bit—"
Guy squinted his eyes.
Then leaned forward.
Closer.
Too close.
OH SHIT HE'S ANALYZING MY MUSCLES—
Abort. Abort. Abort.
Obito kept smiling like a wholesome martial artist while internally, he was getting nervous for some reason.
Guy's jaw slowly dropped open in awe.
"That body…" he whispered.
He circled around Obito like a shark studying prey.
"Those proportions… that posture… the stance of a true warrior…!!!"
Kakashi looked up from his book.
"…Guy?"
Guy didn't respond.
He was busy scanning Obito with pure, burning enthusiasm.
"Your deltoids are carved like stone! Your core is balanced! Your muscle density—unbelievable! Your aura… YOUR AURA!"
Obito continued smiling like Goku, but inside he exhaled in resignation.
Real recognizes real… even now my aura's leaking through.
"Kakashi! Kakashi!! ONLY those who undergo extreme, relentless, youthful training develop this kind of aura! It is the same type of intensity I sensed when you first copied my moves!!"
Kakashi's face darkened.
"Guy… you do realize I've never copied your moves—"
Guy grabbed Kakashi's hands dramatically.
"KAKASHI! I CAN TELL!! MR. GOKU HERE… IS A KINDRED SPIRIT!! ONE WHO WALKS THE PATH OF PURE, BLAZING YOUTH!!"
Obito exhaled internally.
Thank god he's stupid.
He almost activated Kamui on instinct.
Guy then turned back to him, eyes sparkling like twin suns.
"Mr. Goku… PLEASE spar with me!!!"
Obito's smile went rigid.
He then let out a wary smile, scratching the back of his head like the friendliest martial artist in existence.
"Ahaha… well, I do train a little to stay fit, but fighting a ninja is waaay too much for me. I'm just a simple fortune-teller. I'll have to refuse."
Guy still looked ready to insist, but Kakashi stepped in with a sigh.
"Okay, Guy… stop causing trouble. Not everyone has your kind of endless energy."
Guy paused.
Looked at Kakashi.
Looked back at "Goku."
…Then he inhaled, chest puffing out dramatically, ready to argue—
But Obito wasn't new to this game.
He switched gears instantly.
"But!" Obito cut in smoothly, placing a hand over the Dragon Ball and leaning forward with a sage-like smile.
"If you want to have a divination… that I can help with."
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