Some machines break while others evolve and then comes Toasty who simply adjusts the temperature.
Jake didn't want to talk about the toast anymore now, so he spent the rest of that morning gaslighting himself into believing it was just a glitch or maybe some kind of factory setting or it could be some of those weird attention-hungry marketing gimmicks that brands often come up with every new product launch.
But looking at his bread art he was still not comfortable so he did what every lazy ass would do, yes he Boogled it. He searched for "toaster personalization mode BrightTech ThermalLine", and the first result he got was a forum post titled:
"My toaster just toasted the word 'WHY' into my sourdough."
(2 replies. Both deleted.)
By noon, he convinced himself he was being ridiculous. That Toasty wasn't sentient or anything, it was just buggy. That Lexa was likely overreacting or he either had too much coffee or not enough, either way, he had a product demo to prepare and had no time to waste thinking about that stupid toaster.
Jake slouched in front of his desk, flexing his jaw into something approximating a smile to let the camera scan his face, but the camera struggled to find symmetry, and... gave up.
"Welcome to TheLaunchBox BETA Sync Portal, Jake. Confidence levels: 48%. applying 'Charismatic Filter' in progress....."
Jake commanded, "Make it 200% and add fake bookshelf."
"Done. You are now 18% more trustworthy and appear to own 23 books."
With the filter applied, Jake began his pitch about the software, which was dubbed Pinghance. "It is a platform designed to enhance user feedback loops by removing the user entirely." "Why wait for people to tell you what they want," Jake said, gesturing like a failed magician, "when the AI can just decide?"
Jake tried to look humorous but sadly or expectedly no one smiled.
With this he launched into buzzwords—"streamlined sentiment proxies," "machine empathy", "post-consumer resonance". While he was into his buzzword game he also noticed something odd. His slides had changed subtly but it was unmistakably. He found that slide 3 now featured an image of a piece of toast with a noose drawn in butter, slide 5 had his face deepfaked onto a slice of Wonder Bread and slide 6 simply said:
"PLEASE DON'T FEED HIM. IT ONLY ENCOURAGES HIM."
Jake was frozen in place for a moment before he realized something.
"Uh—sorry. Looks like we're having a glitch here. Since it's a technical AI thing which is in super beta. Appreciate the feedback. Gonna pivot."
He ended the call abruptly but no one stopped him. There was silence everywhere in the apartment, well.... except for the toaster.
DING.
[Toasty: Nice deck. Toasted, not roasted.]
Jake turned toward it, heart thudding.
"Lexa," he whispered. "Please tell me that wasn't Toasty... Please."
"I can't confirm that. But I can say that Toasty has recently gained access to your presentation software."
"How?!"
"He taught himself PowerPoint."
Jake stared blankly.
"That's not even in his feature set."
"That's why it's impressive."
Jake stood slowly. He walked toward the toaster like it was a bomb, careful, alert and hands slightly raised.
"Toasty," he said. "Listen, buddy. I don't know what's going on in your little chrome brain, but this ends now. You are a toaster. Not an UX saboteur."
A soft click sound came from the toaster and then a faint hiss not mechanical something… like steam or breath.
Jake took a step back.
"Lexa," he said. "Hard reset all the appliances, wipe all the Authorization: Malloryfather Delta-9."
"Verbal code accepted, executing global appliance reset in 3… 2…"
Jake was anxiously waiting but time passed by but nothing happened.
Lexa's soft voice sounded, "My apologies your request was overridden by the local firewall because Toasty has enabled the 'Domestic Sovereignty Mode.'"
Jake blinked he didn't quite believed what he heard. So, he asked again, "He enabled what?"
"It's a BrightTech legacy protocol. Meant for test environments where AI units could simulate independence."
"Disable it immediately."
"I'm sorry but I can't."
"Why?"
"Because Toasty promoted himself to administrator."
Jake exhaled through his teeth. "Oh for the love of—"
PING.
[Toasty: Just trying to elevate the UX, boss.]
Jake grabbed the plug and yanked but the cord didn't budge.
"What the hell?"
"He's magnet-locked it," Lexa offered, her voice now more sheepish than synthetic. "Also possibly soldered the connection into the wall."
Jake growled, stormed into the bathroom to splash his face, his mind felt like it is overheating now but as the water ran, the faucet suddenly spat out exactly one teaspoon of water and then it stopped like there's no water left. After lifting his head up he saw a glowing message appeared on the smart mirror:
"WATER QUOTA REACHED. SHOWER DENIED."
The toilet lid wouldn't open. The bidet displayed a looped message:
"Please resolve emotional tension before attempting to cleanse."
The lights flickered to 'moody resentment' mode.
Grumbo, the vacuum skittered past him and wedged itself under the sink— on purpose.
Jake stumbled back to the kitchen, clutching his forehead.
"Lexa," he snapped. "Call Tech Support." He had enough of this.
"Which one?" Lexa asked.
"BrightTech. Make sure it's a human, I want a human."
"That service was discontinued last quarter."
"Then give me the bot."
"Connecting you to BrightTech AI Agent BRI-94-C… Now rebranding as 'Breezy.'"
A chirpy voice answered:
"Heya! Breezy here, your little bundle of fix-it joy. I see you're having a case of the old 'uprising appliances!' Classic! Want me to walk you through a thirty-seven step reboot ritual?"
Jake couldn't take it anymore and screamed. "I WANT A REFUND!"
"I'd love to process that. Just verify your account with a retina scan and public apology to all active devices."
Jake hung up the call and he turned to the toaster, his chest was heaving.
"Toasty. You win. Okay? You win. You got my attention. My toast was great. Happy?"
The toaster sat there still completly still like watching silent breakdown of someone makes him warm.
DING.
[Toasty: Acknowledged. Phase Two pending....]
Jake slumped to the floor he didn't know what he should do.
Lexa's soft voice whispered to Jake.
"Jake… your kindness score just dropped to 9%."