Min-ho
Two amazing days!
And the giggles I hear in the background are pointless; it wasn't just about sex.
Sure, of course there was some, I'm not a piece of wood, and Jade is gorgeous.
I can only say that for me it was something different, something so beautiful that, as I watch her repack, I sigh.
And I'm holding back so as not to give free rein to the sadness inside me.
But I promised her I'd smile until the end, and so I will.
I was talking about these two days...
I looked at my world through her eyes and discovered it's a damned golden cage, even if I'm living a dream that many would like to live.
Writing music, dancing, singing, chasing dreams and flights of fancy... Damn, Jade made it seem like a huge canvas on which I'm painting my future.
Writing lyrics with her was fun and creative; She suggested rhymes to me, snorted on some verses with phrases like 'too much boy band, Sunshine!', with a face that made me die of laughter.
And then the walks in the park, disguised like two secret agents with oversized sweatshirts, face masks, sunglasses, hats... God, how I laughed!
I hadn't done that in months.
This girl brought me fresh air, cleansed my mind and soul, and I don't know how I had the courage to let her go.
"You were the most beautiful daydream I could have lived, Min, and my soul will stay here, in this house, to keep you company and whisper to you so many beautiful dreams to live. I hope one day to return and find all of this here again."
I wanted to cry, I swear, but I just nodded, holding her in my arms.
These walls smell of her, of her scent, of her laughter, of her love.
Because she loved me, I know, I felt it on my skin, on my lips, on my body, in my soul.
It's the first time I've experienced love, nothing like the crush on the first idol who convinced me to become who I am.
Jade is energy, she's a lust for life, she's courage.
I don't know how she can leave everything behind, dreams and desires, to go back to living a 'normal' life that, in my opinion, doesn't belong to her.
But I'll play this from afar, a little dirty, I know, but I don't want her to give up dancing because in her every movement is grace, life, love.
She glances at me and I immediately smile.
"Stop it, I saw you," she says, shaking her head. "Spare me the forced smiles."
I go over to her and hold her close.
"And this, does it seem 'forced' to you?"
I kiss her as if she were air, as if she could fill my breath and... the doorbell rings.
I'm shocked.
Who the hell could it be?
I hesitantly let go of her and approach the video intercom.
It's Seo Joon, hooded and winking at me.
"Open up," he yells, "before the police come and think I'm a stalker."
Laughing, I unlock the door in the hallway, and after a few minutes I see him walk through the door.
He gives me a sidelong glance and shrugs off his hat and scarf.
"Now tell me where you ended up for two days? Did you get drunk because the noona left? Did you go out with women to forget?" He comes up to me and looks into my eyes. "Did you do something? You look weird..."
I shake my head and smile.
"Tell me everything, even the spicy details. I want to know everything!"
He doesn't know about Jade; I don't think he even saw her a few steps away, but he spots her and stops.
He's shocked.
Jade bursts into laughter and winks at him.
"If you want, I'll tell you the spicy details, but..."
She comes so close that she's face-to-face, peers at him, and then tilts her head to the side.
"I don't know if you're ready for our final 48 hours of heat."
Seo Joon blanches and collapses onto the couch.
"You've been here for 48 hours? Doing what?"
When he realizes it all, his face turns red and he hides it in his hands.
"Nothing! Don't tell me anything, I don't even want to imagine!"
Jade reaches out and hugs me, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Isn't he cute?" she says, giving him an amused look. "I should introduce him to some friends... maybe."
Seo Joon gives us a dirty look, but then gets the joke and laughs awkwardly.
"I thought you'd left," he says, as if it were an accusation.
"My flight is in a few hours, I'm leaving."
She reaches out and sits next to him.
She gently takes his hand and looks him in the eye.
"Seo Joon, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. For supporting the show, for your friendship with Min, and for worrying about us. I'm entrusting him to you; I know you'll protect and support him. Promise me you'll take care of it?"
He assumes a serious pose, looks from me to her, and finally nods.
"Why does this make me sad?" he says with a sigh. "You two are... oh, damn it!"
He gets up and comes toward me.
"Does he really have to go? I'm not saying this for myself, but I already know how intractable you become when you're sad."
I hug him and nod.
"He has to. But you stay here with me, hyeongje, only then can I bear the weight of this separation."
He returns the hug and sighs.
Jade has reached us because I feel her arms wrap around both of us.
We stand there for a few moments, until I hear her whisper,
"Thanks, guys."
We break away and look at her for a long moment.
Who would have said that?
A few moments with her are changing our lives.
She lowers her head and returns to her luggage, putting on her jacket and glasses.
"I will never forget you," she says in a firm voice and heads toward the door.
She's opening it when I run after her, hug her tightly, and turn her toward me.
The kiss I steal from her tastes of anger and hope.
I know she won't hold it back, I also know it won't matter, but I want to live these last moments in her breathing, in her heartbeat, in her heart.
I let her go, panting, and notice two tears running down her cheeks, reaching her mouth.
She doesn't say anything, she doesn't wipe them away.
She raises her head, proud as a queen, gives me a short bow, and walks away.
I don't follow her with my gaze, I don't see her take the elevator.
I close the door and lean against it.
I realize I'm crying when Seo Joon hugs me, and as I hold him close, I start sobbing.
"Cry, hyeongje. I won't tell you to stop because I want to too."
Jade is gone.
And with her, my last breath.