summary:[1]
Usually, Kabilya is full of sunlight no matter what season it was.
Strangely, the sun's radiance was less prominent this time.
The natural flow of the greenery was still, and almost no traces of falling snow were signaled.
"What a nice weather" the writer's said as she enjoyed her cup of coffee milk at 6h30 in the morning.
The twenty-three-year-olds quotidian was quiet usual, waking up at 6am, to enjoy the peace and quiet of the house as she was savoring her coffee milk.
An outside solitude that didn't reflect the state of her mind.
As her Journaling session began, imaginary arguments carried on, the loud silence of the living room was traded for violent shots of pencils.
Her hands were shaking as her thoughts were spiraling; thinking back at that english test, and the discussion that resulted from it.
"I sacrificed my own school work for you."
"What school work? What in the world do you do in that low level college of yours? And you are always here doing nothing what are you talking about ? You barely even study"
"But I do study, and I do need to work and I am exhausted from assisting the courses, Ramadhan and helping mom in the kitchen every time I come home, then I have to clean the damn dishes by myself"
"What are you talking about?" the mother asked
"You barely helped me, you didn't do it by yourself, and how dare you say you are tired for doing the bare minimum?" the mother added in fury before making her way to the kitchen.
She wrote as her breath got short as her eyes were getting watery.
As the mother started preping in the kitchen, a broken heart with the rage of injustice fuling her steps walked in.
"You have no idea, do you?" Her voice cracked.
"You have no idea how much it hurts to give everything you have and still be made to feel like you've done nothing."
"I try so hard." she sobbed "I try so hard to be there for everyone, to help you, to take care of this house, to keep up with my studies, to build something out of my own life, and somehow, somehow, it's never enough!"
Her voice rose, breaking under the weight of every word.
"You only ever see what I haven't done! You never see how tired I am, how much I'm struggling, how much of myself I've been putting aside just to make things easier for everyone else!"
Tears blurred her vision, but she kept going.
"And do you know what hurts the most?" "It's not even the work. It's not being tired. It's that I could give you every last piece of myself, and you would still find a way to make me feel like I haven't given you anything!"
She struggled to catch her breath.
"You have no idea how many times I've cried alone because of the things you've said. How many times I've wondered what was so wrong with me that nothing I ever did seemed to be enough for you."
Her voice dropped, almost pleading.
"You have no idea how bad it's gotten. How much I've been hurting. How close I've come to doing something to myself that I never, ever thought I would even consider."
The last words escaped her mouth with a strong shouting.
For a moment, there was only the sound of her uneven breathing.
The mom's instincts forced her to march toward her daugther and lay her two hands on her cheeks as she let those few words come out her mouth "It is because you are weak"
At the sound of those words, Eva's body became stagnant, her brain was unable to process anything that had happen after that.
"I am never going to be enough for you am I?" she wanted to say as she reminenced the argument in her head.
Sometimes those dialogues would turn into Eva's charachters backstory, turning her love for writing and imagination into a southing way of externalizing whatever was weighting on her.
Her failed attempts to satisfy her mother's expectations, her lack of trust in the future, her desire to be the woman who does it alll, finish all her chores then get to work on her goals.
Turning every thought, every weight into one of her characters back story as she would listen to a compilation of Yuki kajiura's symphony.
Every note was a fresh breath of air unconsciously penetrating her lungs, immersing her into a dream place she would often think of.
A twin pair deserted Mountains covered in fresh grass, surrounded by a quiet lake lighten by the reflection of the bright moon and its little stars.
After this writing session, an establishment called college would make her get ready so that she would be able to catch the bus.
Fortunately, summer didn't hit yet, so her choice in terms of buses were multiple, no ac required.
That day she would attend her classes, talk with her friends, complain about everything, and at the same time make fun of everything.
When she came back from college, as always, she called one of her parents to get her home, but none of them were available. Instead of waiting for them, she decided to walk the 40 minutes required to get to her house.
Her neighborhood rested on the small mountains surrounding the town. As she climbed the familiar road, clouds began to gather around the slopes.
Slowly, the fog thickened, spreading across the path until it completely swallowed the road.
Soon it became nearly impossible to see ahead without waving her hands to clear the mist.
No one had ever seen a fog this dense on those small mountain plateaus.
Her heart began to race as anxious thoughts invaded her mind.
No one has ever seen such a thick fog in those little plateaus of a mountain; her heart started beating faster, as multiple thoughts barged in.
"What if I fall on the side of the road?" she thought as her anxiety kicked in, thinking of how deep and dangerous the sides of the roads were, those were mountains, not some flat surfaces.
As panic started taking control of her body, an unusual path revealed itself; that path was unknown from her knowledge, but it was the only one she was able to take.
Against all ods, she decided to take it anyway.
The path was getting clearer as she walked on it, and so was her vision.
That was when she noticed a silhouette standing ahead.
A man.
His body frame, looked like one of a soldier from the webtoon's she would read.
The way he stared at her didn't make her question his intentions; except, for the way he was dressed.
He was wearing a long white robe, which covered the frame of his body, but not his busted torso.
Unbothered by his presence, she didn't hesitate to ask him about the reason why he was staring at her so intensely.
"Do you need something?"
"I don't" he answered "I never did. But you do" he added
[1] Rayane and the others monitor Eva’s condition as Jacob finishes the soul-linking process on the resonance table. Laurent, calm but deeply concerned, insists on leaving to help with the preparations while Amelia checks that everyone is stable. Before Jacob leaves, Amelia mentions that Valentina may be with Arnold in the library, hinting that the group is beginning to gather for what comes next.