TW: This chapter contains mature themes and triggering content (sexual assault,abuse, violence). Read at your own discretion.
"Die."
Their deaths would make me extremely happy before my departure; it would be a pleasant surprise.
"Die."
I repeated.
The worst night of my life, I was just supposed to watch movies with my mom and have a nice Halloween, while...
"What are you doing?" James woke up and looked at my hands around his neck.
I immediately let go of the handle. We looked at each other in complete silence. I tried to guess his next move, but it was difficult to do so. James is a difficult person to figure out, let alone predict.
"Go to sleep," he said.
"I can't..."
"Why?"
"My stomach hurts," I swallowed. I still couldn't move, and when I made any movement, it caused me discomfort that...
James touched my cheek and ran his finger up and down.
"When are your parents coming back?" I asked.
"Tomorrow, they left Willow Hollow."
The pain intensified again, as if my organs were coming loose from their places and would fall out the other side of my body. I should go to the doctor, but then they'll ask questions about where it came from, if someone did it to me, if someone raped me. I'm afraid of those questions because I never said them out loud, they just stayed in my head where I was safe. Then my mom and uncle would find out about it, what if that information somehow ruined our trip to America and changed something for them? No, we have to get out of Willow Hollow. Immediately.
"Go to sleep," James pressed his lips to my forehead and held them there for a few seconds.
"Sure."
"Will you do it for me?"
"..."
I turned away. I could feel James's gaze on my back, watching me, saying nothing. Like some psychopath waiting for his victim to beat her to death and then dispose of the body.
I felt a hand on my hips, grabbing me and pulling me closer to James.
"What are you doing?" I asked calmly, even though my heart was beating faster and faster.
"I want to hug you," he replied without hesitation. His hands squeezed my chest. I could feel his breath on my neck. "You smell like me now."
"It's your shampoo's fault."
"No shit, Sherlock."
"..."
"Grrr..."
I turned to face him. I accidentally touched James' crotch with my foot. His penis is erect and hard.
"Shit."
I could hear the clock hanging in the room ticking the whole time. I knew I had a meeting at the studio coming up, but I didn't have the strength to go there, especially in this condition. They would see my wounds and bruises, then they would quickly give up on me, and I would be wrapped in shame. There was no point in going there for a while. My body had been hurt, disfigured, and had become hideous. I began to hate myself for it. Why the fuck did I go there?
I bit my lip until it bled, I had nothing else to do. The blood began to flow slowly, and at the same time tears welled up in my eyes.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
"What are you saying?" James looked at me with sleepy eyes. Why does he keep waking up? James' gaze wandered to my lips. "You've cut yourself, you need a bandage."
"There's no need."
"My aunt used to say that too, and now she's gone."
"I'm so sorry..."
"Don't be, she moved to the next town over. I didn't like that stupid bitch."
"Oh..."
"..."
James brought his lips closer to mine and began to lick the blood off them. It was terribly strange and disturbing at the same time. I had never seen James in such a state, and worst of all, he liked to lick more than just that.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
He didn't answer. Suddenly, he put his tongue in my mouth. My tongue and his met and began to rub against each other. I had trouble catching my breath, exhaling heavily through my nose. The sound made by our lips meeting grew louder. I put my hand on his cheeks and started tickling him lightly. I felt James sucking my soul out of me, slowly losing my strength and control over the situation, and that scared me the most.
James grabbed my butt, lifted me up, and laid me on top of him. I could feel his fully erect penis under my butt.
"So?" James raised an eyebrow.
"So what?"
"What do you want to do?"
"..."
"What do you feel like doing?"
My eyelids drooped, I didn't feel like doing anything, I don't even know what I want and what she wants. Emptiness overwhelmed me from all sides. My heart was beating slower and slower, I think it might stop any minute now, my hands don't look the same anymore, as if they don't belong to me.
"I don't know..."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't know what I want..."
"How can you not know?"
I coughed.
"Somehow..."
I fucking hate you, but I love you. And I hate myself for it.
***
"Slow down... James..."
His cock was thrusting into me with increasing force. James held my hands aggressively against the bed frame. At first, I thought he was going to find some rope to tie me down.
The minutes passed, and I clenched my teeth tighter with every second. James began to touch my hips and nipples with his hand. I couldn't hear any words, only the panting coming from his mouth.
"Huh..."
The deeper thrusts caused me great pain, I rolled my eyes, James smiled under his breath and bit his lip.
"James..."
After a second, he came inside me. His loud breathing hit my neck, it was warm and lighter than usual, which bothered me terribly, I hated it.
"How about we go take a bath?"
"..."
He kissed my neck, making a loud sound with his mouth.
"Honey...?" He continues. My head started to ache from his voice. "Are you going to answer me?"
I exhaled, still feeling a strange tightness inside that wouldn't go away. It was very strange.
"I want a smoke," I said and fell silent.
***
My eyes started watering from the smoke; I had never smoked a cigarette for so long, let alone a whole one. James was shocked at first by what he heard; he didn't expect me to ask for that.
James had been sitting in the bathroom for half an hour, and I was slowly getting ready to leave. My whole lower body was sore, and it was difficult for me to sit in one position for less than five minutes.
I took a slow drag and exhaled, a large cloud of smoke came out of my mouth and I felt a slight tightness in my lungs. I wasn't sure if it was normal or not, but I didn't ask myself any more questions.
"I thought you'd throw it up after a few puffs," James came up to me and lit his cigarette.
"Me too."
Silence fell around us.