"What…?!"
"I was joking!" Renshu said quickly, hands raised as if he had to defend himself. "I said nothing will happen, and I meant it."
"Right…"
I turned away, unsure what to do with the strange heaviness in the room. I unpacked a few clothes, changed into something more comfortable, and began washing my makeup off at the basin. Warm water dripped down my cheeks when his voice cut into the silence again as he took his gigantic fake beard off.
"You know," he said, watching me from his bed, "I see you with makeup so often that sometimes I forget what you actually look like."
"And what exactly am I supposed to do with that information?" I asked.
"Take it off whenever I'm around," he replied with a crooked smile.
His teasing had been increasing lately, little bits here and there, and I still couldn't tell whether it was intentional. Either way, I had concluded with the fact that he was a confusing man.
"I need to tell you something, Meilina."
The way he said my name made me freeze. "Every time you say my name like that, something unpleasant usually follows."
He stepped closer, slow but deliberate, and placed his hands on my shoulders to keep me from turning away. He bowed his head slightly until our eyes met, the faint lamplight throwing sharp shadows across his features.
"Big words coming from you," he said softly. "Listen to me. This journey is going to be dangerous. You must stay safe. Don't wander. Don't run off. Don't slip away and vanish like you usually do."
"Yes, yes, I get it." I waved a hand, irritated. "Things like this happen once in a while. I don't understand why you're so worked up about it."
"With you they happen far too often," he shot back. "Do I need to remind you of how you pretended to be a ghost? Or how you sneaked out at night as a maid? Or how you strangled a servant—"
"Wait, when did I strangle a servant?!"
"Back on the ship from Bharat. Your memory is truly terrible—"
"No, that's— how do you even know about that?!"
"That's not the point." He let out an exasperated sigh. "The point is, if I ever find you in the same condition I found you in at the storehouse, I will personally lock you inside my palace with Bao Qin guarding the door."
"You're acting like it was a huge deal finding me there…" I muttered, quieter this time. I hoped he didn't hear, but of course he did.
"Not a huge deal?" He stared at me sharply. "Do you need me to remind you what—"
"Alright, alright! It was a big deal!" I snapped.
Why was he suddenly behaving like this? Why was he acting as if I were a porcelain doll? I let my eyes drop to my crutches leaning against the bed.
Well, alright. He wasn't completely wrong.
He took a few slow breaths, steadying himself, the tension around his eyes softening.
"I just…" he began, voice lower now, "can't have you end up like that again."
Before I could answer, he gently tugged me forward by the shoulders. I stumbled slightly, caught off guard.
"Are you really doing this now?" I asked, startled.
"Yes," he said, tone almost amused. "When else?"
He leaned in so close that his breath warmed my neck down as he trailed kisses around it. His forehead brushed my temple and his hand lightly settles behind my upper back to keep me steady.
"I still don't know why you act like this around me."
"Hm. You're a bit slow. That's why."
"Hey! I am not sl—"
Before I could finish, he nudged his forehead lightly against the side of my face. His breath lingered against my cheek, warm and frustratingly gentle as his lips brushed against it.
"When will you learn to listen to me?" he murmured. "You're reckless, you never stay where I tell you to, and you never think twice."
He finally stepped back, releasing me. I hadn't realized how tense my shoulders were until he finally let it go.
"If you get lost again, I will send you back," he said firmly. "Don't test me."
Then, unexpectedly, his palm cupped the side of my face, warm, steady, thumb brushing the edge of my jaw. The tenderness of it disarmed me completely.
"Goodnight, Meilina," he said, voice gentle. Then he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "Be ready at dawn."
Just like that, he collapsed onto his bed, cloak falling messily over him, and within seconds he was motionless. Asleep, or pretending. Hard to tell.
I stood there for a moment, replaying everything in my head. There was no logic to Renshu. He acted impulsively, carelessly, as if he were following instincts I couldn't comprehend.
Eventually I slipped into my own bed. The mattress was softer than I expected. From the other side of the room came a faint grunt.
Was he snoring?
I had never slept in the same room as him before. Even on the ship, we took shifts, never in the same moment. Being this close, only a few steps away, felt oddly intimate.
It made me think.
I didn't miss people easily. Not if I already had someone right in front of me to anchor me.
Back in Bharat, it was my mother and brothers.
At the mansion, I had Lianyu, Ariya, and Yichen.
At the palace, Shuyin and Lanling, though I hadn't spoken to them in a while.
There was always someone. Someone who made a place feel less empty.
And now?
Now I…
No. It couldn't be Renshu.
He was a high-ranking general, he had responsibilities, status, political expectations. He would eventually marry a high-ranking Chinese woman, and that marriage would serve good alliances.
A warm breeze drifted in from the window, carrying the faint scent of night flowers. It filled the room, settling softly over everything. Wuhan had seemed dull at first glance, yet the longer I stayed here, the more alive it felt.
Was I nervous?
Or excited?
Or both?
Renshu had said it would take five days to reach the border of Yunnan, where I had marked the places to search for the Ku Tu poison. Every night forward would take us deeper south.
Sleep tugged at my eyelids. I forced them shut and let my mind drift. I imagined alternate paths—different versions of life where none of this had happened.
If my father hadn't abandoned me.
If Yichen hadn't seen me.
If Renshu hadn't found me in the storehouse.
Everything… everything would have been different.
And yet here I was.