"Welcome to the Bureaucracy of Death"
A non-mandatory but highly discouraged orientation guide for the newly deceased, misfiled, or irreversibly cursed.
WARNING! This document is property of the Department of Existential Logistics and Transference Administration (D.E.L.T.A.).
Any soul found leaking this to the living will be sentenced to 700 years of unpaid clerical duty under Samone's supervision.
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INTRODUCTION
"So, you died. Or maybe you didn't. Either way, welcome."
First off—congratulations. You've either successfully kicked the mortal bucket or stumbled into the Death Bureau via bureaucratic blunder. (If you were just trying to get to the DMV, we apologize. The portals are next to each other.)
In this guide, you'll find useful and mostly outdated information about the structure of the Reaper Bureau, common afterlife procedures, and what happens when paperwork takes priority over your soul.
THE BUREAUCRATIC TREE OF DEATH
"Because even in death, you'll still need a supervisor."
Here's a handy breakdown of the major departments within the Death Bureau. [Please note: transferring departments requires six lifetimes of approval.]
1. D.E.L.T.A.
Department of Existential Logistics and Transference Administration.
- The main governing body for all death-related operations.
- Oversees everything from soul registration to accidental reincarnations.
- Motto: "We Don't Kill You. We Just Process the Aftermath."
2. Reaper Management Division (RMD)
- In charge of reaper assignments, discipline, and scheduling.
- Currently 3,428 years behind on soul retrievals.
- Staff includes reapers of varying competence and caffeine addiction.
> Note: Reapers caught playing dice with mortal fates will be demoted to Pestilence Division.
3. Soul Registry & Processing (SRP)
- Where souls are identified, cataloged, and tagged.
- High risk of "soul slippage" if intern is sleepy.
- Manages living-dead reclassification and reincarnation loops.
4. Fate Coordination Office (FCO)
- Timelines, death schedules, destiny forks. You name it.
- If you died by slipping on a banana peel, yes, it was scheduled.
- Director Samone once scheduled an entire plague just to clear backlog.
5. Complaint Resolution & Spirit Services (CRSS)
- Handles soul complaints, vengeful ghosts, and haunting permits.
- 99.8% of complaints are about "unfair death timing."
- Office plant is haunted. We've stopped asking questions.
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REAPER RULES (YOU PROBABLY WON'T FOLLOW)
1. Do not grant second chances without form R-13X (and a valid death reason).
2. Never bet souls over mahjong games.
3. Reapers are not therapists. Do not offer life advice.
4. Do not get emotionally attached to souls. Seriously. Just don't.
5. Unauthorized scythe enchantments will be confiscated. (Looking at you, Rookie.)
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FINAL WORDS
If you've received this guide, congratulations! you're entangled in one of the most inefficient systems in existence. Possibly by error, possibly by fate, or possibly because you tripped over your cat and fell into a cursed mirror.
Either way, welcome to the afterlife.
Signed,
D.E.L.T.A.
"Keeping Death in Order Since the Dawn of Time."