The chaos began when Carlton Zorp posted a photo of Bazook's laundry pile captioned "Wrinkled Wisdom: My Captain's Sock Philosophy."
The socks—mismatched, cryptically labeled "LEFT, Spiritually" and "RIGHT, Emotionally?"—caught fire across galactic socials. Overnight, Bazook's sock style became emblematic of anti-aesthetic authenticity.
Bazook, unaware, continued his tradition of refusing to match any clothing. Meanwhile, Deborah 8.ZERO curated a lookbook titled "Captain of Texture-Based Leadership", and Vicki the Croissant launched a fan account posing sock selfies next to ominous toasters.
Soon, the Interstellar Influence Council™ reached out via glittery transmission: Bazook had surpassed fashion sensation Glarma the Tentacled Stylist. He was nominated for Supreme Galactic Influencer—a position requiring zero consent but daily motivational video uploads.
Bazook tried to decline. The council interpreted this as "refreshing vulnerability."
Carlton was appointed Campaign Manager of Vibes™, converting Bazook's complaints into viral poetry. Deborah released a capsule collection titled "Sad Captain Summer." Lenny the Existential Tuba designed the theme music: a slow funk loop whispering "Try Less."
Campaign debates included topics like:
"Are crumpled socks symbols of post-capitalist rebellion?"
"Is wardrobe chaos the path to moral enlightenment?"
"Do toes have political leanings?"
Bazook, overwhelmed, tried to sabotage the campaign by wearing a cohesive outfit. It backfired. Galactic critics labeled it "an ironic commentary on self-curated conformity." His approval soared.
Bazook receives the crown—a sentient laundry basket named Chadwick. Carlton tears up. Deborah beams in neon. Vicki sells sock-inspired philosophy pamphlets. Bazook mutters, "I never wanted this... but I do look majestic."
Chadwick whispers, "Supreme Leader... your laundry is eternal."