My consciousness returned, and I immediately noticed the cold enveloping my body. My eyelashes rose as my vision intakes the familiar ceiling as every other day. My gaze travels downwards, seeing the blanket bundled beside me, off my body. My arm extended as my fingers snatched the thick material before laying it over me, inhaling deeply as the warmth coats over my body—a tinge of disappointment rushing through me as Calix's scent was nowhere to be found.
My arm slips out the blanket as I grab my phone by my bedside table, pressing on its side button and the brightness causing the squint of my eyes.
4:56
May 6th
Ah, our 4th month dating anniversary.
I groggily sat up, pushing myself up as my back leans on the bed frame behind me. My body's aching swells as I feel myself drained further with each passing second.
I feel like I'm dying.
My eyes gazed through the window, seeing the fully bloomed flowers in their ultimate form. I smiled in heart, unable to incorporate in real life as it required excessive effort.
I'm tired, but today's a good day.
Exhaustion has become my greatest company, and foe. I sighed heavily as I moved my legs towards the edge, before planting my feet on the ground carefully.
I breathed deeply as I stood up, the blanket unwrapping from me. My arms instinctively tied a knot over my body to replicate the prior warmth.
I headed to the bathroom as I began my morning routine.
I'm glad today's a good day.
It's time.
My hands gripped weakly on the handle of the toothbrush as they moved repetitively. My eyes trailed upwards slowly from the sight of the sink, towards my reflection.
I look ugly.
My gaze returned downwards, towards the sink as small amounts of foam dropped out of my mouth. I turn on the faucet as I rinse my mouth and my toothbrush, hissing as the cold temperature penetrates through my skin.
I turned off the faucet and set up hot water in the bathtub.
I dipped my feet inside the scalding water, feeling tensions in my body leaving as I drowned my other feet, before lowering my entire body beneath the water surface. The temperature nearly boiled my skin, but it was nothing.
It feels good.
I slumped down further as my head sank into the water, engulfing my entire being with its warmth. Oxygen was taken away from me, and I felt my lungs panicking as its requirement for air was unfulfilled. I feel my heart beat increasing rapidly as my body urges me to return to the surface and inhale the needed oxygen.
I refused.
Until my body forces me to inhale, and the water enters my lungs—my body jerks in surprise and my head pops out of the water.
I wheezed as I coughed the water out, a throbbing pain in my lungs.
Not yet.
I stepped out of the tub once I felt decently cleaned. I wrapped my body in a towel as I dried myself.
I exited the bathroom, wrapped in my towel as my closet opened with the force of my fingers.
My arms slipped through the tunnel of a blue sweater, before my head popped through the neck hole. Then I slide my bare legs through the slightly rough texture of the jeans, locking it tight by its zipper and button around my waist.
I brush my hair smoothly before heading to the kitchen, filling up a glass with water, and heading over to my bed as I tilt the glass by the window and the water trickles down inside the vase of blue roses, soaking its soil.
Afterwards, I grabbed the sketchbook, and sat on the bed. I flipped through the pages, ending on the last page while admiring the beauty of his delicate art.
Admiring the beauty of the woman he once loved.
I closed it, placed it on the table—and picked it up again.
I turned the sketchbook as I examined the back of it, the dark, thick cardboard rough on my skin. I brought it closer to my eyes as I read it—an address.
My eyes widened, and my fingers grasped my phone—immediately searching it up on google maps, which seemed to lead to nowhere in particular.
I contemplated momentarily, before deciding I would visit before I leave.
I grabbed two mints from the paper-crafted bouquet.
These are the last ones.
I pocketed them both before grabbing my phone, money, and leaving the room.
I left the building, and called a taxi as I showed the newly found address to the driver, who began to steer the car with the destination in mind.
An hour passed, and the car halts as the driver turns his head, signaling our arrival. I paid him, and opened the door as I left the vehicle.
My head spins around as my eyes absorb the mundane view. I was at a relatively high location—a cliff. Perhaps, this would be a better location than my original plan.
There was no one.
That's good. No disruptions.
I squinted my eyes at a sight far away, taking notice of what seemed to appear as a bridge. I walked towards the sight, a bridge confirmed as the proximity allows my brain to comprehend the previously vague sight.
I walked across the bridge, my eyes staring upwards at the blue sky.
I pulled out a mint, unwrapping it and tossing the candy on my tongue as a cool, refreshing sensation bursts in my mouth.
I sat on the railing, my upper body swaying slightly as I shivered, my heart thumping loudly in fear and anticipation of the scenario I was incessantly playing in my head as preparation.
My lips twitched upwards at the sensation.
It felt good to feel.
It felt good to feel an emotion congesting my void heart.
My heart shook lightly as I felt my body bending backwards slightly, nearly losing control of myself and falling.
I closed my eyes, my palm strongly gripping the rail by my hips.
I opened them, impelled to see the view below before leaving.
My eyes widened as the view rushed into my eyes and captivated me instantly. A field of flowers stood, swaying as the breeze blew through. All the colors of all shades displaying the epitome of harmony.
Taken aback, my hands loosened its grip as my body leaned backward—urged further as the wind blew against me.
My eyes bulged—fear creeping in my heart as it thumps loud, and rapidly. I could hear it clearly shouting and cooperating with my mind for my survival.
My legs reflexively locked the railing under my knees and my palm reinforced its hold on the handle tightly, pushing my body back up.
I jumped off the railing, feet landing on the solid wood. I breathed heavily, sighing in relief as the taste of the mint in my mouth calmed me down shortly.
I rotated my body, leaning over the railing as the view implants in my memory.
I glanced around my surroundings, finding a stair that leads to the location beneath me. My feet immediately reacted, bringing me to the narrow, rocky stairs as they stepped downward—forward—carefully, and quickly.
My feet step forward continuously as the breeze exhales, blowing the lines of hair past my face, tickling my skin as it hinders my vision slightly. I brush the strands off my face as I step into the springfield, inhaling the sweet scent of all the varied flowers fused together.
My heart breaks in warmth as a sense of familiarity clicked.
Calix.
This is precisely the subtle scent that often wafts off Calix beneath his stronger, vivid minty scent.
My eyes widened as my lips curved and stretched broadly, feeling energy and happiness returning to me. My eyes closed as I embraced myself in the evocative presence of Calix.
I opened them, and as I felt excitement and joy bubbling within me, I ran through the inconsistent rows of flowers that all represent a part of Calix.
Once I reached the middle, I stopped as I captured the oxygen that is Calix's and lay myself down on the ground, flowers surrounding and poking through the gaps of my body—surrounded by calyxes.
He is the reincarnation of spring.
My realization came too late, I misunderstood his disappearance—it was my mistake.
Yes, he was here all along, engulfing my entire being along the season of spring, and my heart sinks within the field of his flowers.
I loved you, as winter melts for the birth of spring.
I'll love you, as summer warms, and nurtures the flowers' growth.