Three seconds.
Thats how long i have between stepping through the school gate and putting on the smile.
I quickly fix my hair in the reflection of a classroom window, tilt my chin up a little, and take three deep breaths like im just about to perform. Becasue i am.
Someone shouts my name.
"Myla!"
I turn, grin wide, and wave like its the best day of my life.
Its not.
"Morning, superstar!"
"You were hilarious yesterday, still thinking about it"
I laugh. I always laugh.
They expect energy. I feed them energy. Thats the deal.
I dance my way through the hallway like a spark with a timer, brushing past groups of friends. Joking. Its easy. Its practiced. Its what im good at, Being loud enough so noone will looks closely.
But somewhere in between the gaps in the words, when noone else is watching, i feel it. That hollow, echoing silence, that hides inside my chest. Like im screaming, but only i can hear it in this world.
I slide into my seat, toss my bag down. Its the saame chair ive had for the past 3 years. Same view. The classroom lights buzz softly above me.
Hes there again.
Same seat. Back corner. Hood up. Silent. Always watching like a hawk searching for food.
I catch his eye for a second before he looks away.
He dont talk to anyone. People say hes weird. Maybe he is. Or maybe he just dosent know how to be loud enough like the rest of us.
Sometimes i envy that.
Sometimes i just want to disappear.
But if i stopped smiling, stopped this act... what would they say?
"Drama queen."
"Attention seeker."
"Did you see her post last night? yikes."
Ive heard it all. just not about me. For now.
I check my phone under the desk. Notifications. Hearts, comments, fire emojis.
All of it feels fake today.
I glance back to the quiet boy.
For a moment i think about sending him a message.
"Hey"
I hit send before i can talk myself out of it.
Then quickly throw my phone face-down and continue being that girl everyone sees.
Even if no one really looks.
Mabye hes just quiet. Or mabye hes drowning too.