On November 11th, Year 26 of Konoha, the Third Hokage stood on the rooftop of the Hokage Tower, his headache growing as he gazed toward the top of the Kage Rock.
"Ay he, ay ho, ay hahaha! Happy Bachelor Festival to all the single men of Konoha!"
Listening to this maddeningly catchy tune that sounded exactly like what had appeared over half a year ago, the Third Hokage deeply regretted ever sending that troublemaker on a mission in the first place.
"Hokage-sama, I've identified the client. It was a B-rank mission posted in the name of Nawaki Senju by Shen Uchiha," an Anbu operative reported, appearing on the rooftop.
The Third immediately understood what had happened. Clearly, that troublemaker had gotten bored and made up his own mission just so he could legally play music in the village again. But he couldn't quite figure out why he chose to blame Nawaki this time.
"When is the mission scheduled? How did this task even pass review?"
"One week. This mission suddenly appeared at the mission center, and before anyone could confirm, Shen Uchiha had already claimed it."
After hearing the report, the Third wanted to slap himself silly. It was practically a carbon copy of the written Chunin Exams—right down to the same scapegoat taking the fall. He deeply regretted not ordering the Barrier Unit to focus particularly on that nuisance currently DJing and singing loudly atop the Kage Rock.
"Wait a minute! That kid's no slouch when it comes to barriers; if he really set one up here, wouldn't it last longer than just a few days? Since he can fly around and disappear underground anytime, how am I supposed to stop him? Are we seriously going to put up a sign that reads 'Entry Forbidden for Shen Uchiha'? If we do that, will he just post another long-term mission next time?"
The more the Hokage thought about it, the more annoyed he became. Eventually, he decided to stop ruminating and deal with it directly, making his way toward the Kage Rock.
"Good morning, Konoha bachelors! Long time no see, truly missed everyone. Now let me drop some grown-up music for you!" A certain DJ was cheerfully talking himself up on the rock, spouting off bold remarks.
Cough. "Shen, are you sure the mission document really says that?" A cold voice cut through the air beside the DJ.
"Of course! Don't believe me? Take a look then."
Little Iceberg took the mission document and saw indeed that it was written exactly as described, but the four huge characters listed under the client section made her lips twitch involuntarily.
"What is Nawaki doing right now? He'd never issue a request like this, would he? Did you tamper with something, Shen?" Nayou immediately questioned him.
"Shh, Nayou. The earpiece I'm wearing is still in experimental testing phase—it can't be switched off yet..."
Instantly widening her eyes, Little Iceberg stared at him. "So everything we're saying right now can be heard by the entire Konoha?"
"That's right. Therefore, the client of this mission is clearly Nawaki Senju. Everyone in Konoha knows it now, don't they?"
Shen knew perfectly well that without this mission, the usual scapegoat would definitely end up smashing rocks or venting his frustration outside the village. With absolutely no guilty conscience, he felt nothing wrong about declaring this publicly.
Since the scapegoat was out of the village and couldn't hear any of this anyway, there was absolutely no escaping the blame this time.
Little Iceberg stared at Shen, who was lying through his teeth with a perfectly straight face. When he shot her a meaningful look, she had no choice but to reluctantly add, "That's right! I really didn't want to take on this mission either!"
As she emphasized the words "really didn't want," she clenched her teeth tightly, as if silently expressing her displeasure toward someone.
In response, Shen raised three fingers.
Nayou immediately shook her head in disagreement, raising both hands wide open in front of her body.
Shen naturally agreed right away—after all, whether it was three times or ten made no difference to him. Having convinced her, he snapped right back into DJ mode, cracking jokes and mixing tracks again.
Ahem, "three times" or "ten times"—obviously that means buying everyone a hotpot dinner. Like, there's no way that kind of nonsense could ever happen! Anyone reading into it can just surrender yourselves now!
The Third Hokage had just climbed onto Kage Rock when one of his steps was nearly ruined by Shen's overly bold and blunt words, almost causing him to slip and fall off. He adjusted his posture and stepped up again, only to be startled once more by Nayou's equally scandalous complicity, making him stumble beneath his feet. Having nearly fallen twice already, his mood became even grumpier.
"I can't keep going like this. I need to find an excuse to send him far away from Konoha. Wait, wasn't there a long-term mission in the village about searching for the Sword of Kusanagi? Then I'll upgrade it to an S-rank and assign it to Team One. As clever as he is, he'll surely figure out that I can't tolerate his mischief in the village anymore. After a year or so, I can make up an excuse to call Team One back, then he'd finally settle down, right?"
Just as he came up with a solution and was about to quicken his pace, he nearly missed a step again due to a joke from that DJ. The Hokage had already nearly humiliated himself in front of the whole village—twice in one day. At this moment, the Third Hokage was even more determined than ever to assign this troublesome and time-consuming mission to that troublemaker.
Arriving on the platform of Kage Rock, the Third Hokage quickly darted over to a certain DJ who was mixing tracks, only to immediately darken his expression upon seeing him activating his Sharingan and pulling out two scrolls.
"Oh wow, it's Uncle Hokage! For a second I thought some bad guy was coming to kidnap kids."
Once Shen recognized the visitor, he naturally put away the scrolls in his hands and deactivated his Sharingan, clearly feeling not even slightly awkward about the situation.
Unlike him, Nayou was mortified. Her hands flailed helplessly, unsure where to go or what to do. With what looked like a gentle tap, she sent all the equipment on the control table flying.
"My precious gear!"
Quickly rushing to the edge of Kage Rock, Shen stretched out his hands as though trying to grab something, and the sharp cry of grief he let out caused the two figures behind him—one tall, one small—to shiver slightly.
Luckily, the microphone was still under testing mode—once out of range, the chakra connection cut off automatically. Otherwise, rumors across Konoha would've gone wild tomorrow.
"Shen, I'm really sorry. I really only gave it a light tap just now. And please, just talk normally, okay?"
Nayou quickly snapped out of it and stepped forward to apologize sincerely. After all, it was genuinely her fault this time. She understood the basic principle that wrongdoers should apologize—it's common sense everyone knows. Her EQ's not as low as someone we know who's out here demolishing mountains with his fists.
"That's fine. If it falls down, then let it fall. Snake Uncle has plenty of spares anyway. Even if he didn't, I could just make more myself."
Third Hokage was deeply annoyed watching Shen shift his expression so abruptly, like a sudden face change—from desperate tension to complete indifference. That act—switching from life-or-death desperation to total calm in an instant—made him seriously suspect that Shen was putting on a show just for him.
Was Shen acting? Actually, yes. His gut told him the Third had arrived on a mission of confrontation. Right on cue, Nayou looked so awkward she fumbled nervously and "accidentally" knocked the DJ equipment over. Passing up the chance to stage a dramatic interruption like that wouldn't even be worthy of an Academy Award nomination this year.
"Ahem...Shen, the village has decided—"
"Nayou, quick! Let's go downstairs and retrieve the equipment. Wait—I just thought, if we leave that junk like this, it might mess up Konoha's environment! Sorry Fire Shadow Uncle, but we'll be going first!"
"Whoosh!"
Before Third Hokage could finish speaking, he saw a tiny black figure dragging a white one rapidly vanish right before his eyes. Standing atop the Kage Rock, the cold wind swirling in their wake swept through his robes, leaving him standing there—utterly flustered and still.
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