" A contract."
A beat.
" What..?"
Another beat.
" You're joking!"
Another beat.
Jungkook stood rooted to the spot,the words slamming into him like a cargo train. His hands fell to the sides and he would most likely have fainted if he wasn't still leaning against the wall that somehow had become a habit each time he encountered Taehyung.His stomach twisted but it wasn't rage that drove him. Because that filthy,improbably corrupt part of him wanted to say immediately yes,wanted so desperately to be ruined. Wanted to be worshipped and owned by him.
" You're out of your mind." Jungkook rasped,voice dipped in disbelief and something far more dangerous beneath. Hidden,raving excitement well disguised." You wanna be my sugar daddy? This ain't some sleazy drama Taehyung. I'm not gonna play the sugar baby so that you'll satisfy your ego!"
The man, seemingly unaffected and indifferent, slumped backwards on the couch,the softest of smirks settling on his mouth, every move dripping predatory vibes,lunging a nearby chair to his direction which the younger ignored. "No, you're most definitely not." he casually agreed, undertone silk drawn over a blade." You're far more exquisite than that and I want you all to myself. It's got little to do with my ego."
Jungkook's heart jackhammered in his ribcage,making it slightly impossible to breathe and mask his joy behind coldness." I'm not for sale. I've told you before and I'll say it again.I'm not interested in your fucken money!" he spatted through gritted teeth but even in his ears it sounded fake.
" No but you want my fucken cock, don't you?" Taehyung pinned his intransigent gaze on him with an intensity so heavy it pinned him to the ground. Like he was stripping him naked, like he was eye fucking him."You think it's about money? No, it's about possession, Jungkook. About having the one thing no one else can touch. You."
" I don't belong to anyone." Jungkook finally choked out,voice trembling, matching perfectly the relentless pounding of his heart. "Especially not to you. I'm not some kind of a toy and I refuse to submit to the likes of you. Go find another boy toy."
Despite everything Jungkook's chest felt like it could barely tame the storm unleashed inside him. Every heartbeat thrashing against his ribs,heat surging through him, restless and unstoppable,making it impossible to stand still or think straight but he could hardly move.Every breath came too fast,too glib like the air wasn't enough to fill his lungs.
His mind spun in circles,torn between the magnetic pull of want and logic till it blurred into an unbearable rush. It was addictive, maddening,the kind of thrill that prickles your skin and moments away from either shattering or surrendering. A lethal cocktail of happiness and anxiety.
Taehyung's smile darkened,turning into a sinister smug. If Jungkook considered him a bloody fool,he was mistaken. The dazzling sparkles in his doe eyes,the unmistakable pumping of his chest,the flush on his cheeks,the shaky voice didn't go unnoticed. His expression betrayed him. It revealed - loud and clear what his words were hiding.He loved the prospect of being owned by the guy he claimed to hate. " Sooner or later you'll come crawling to me,needy and desperate and I'll be here. Waiting. Waiting for you to admit your defeat and surrender to me."
Hunching forward,his fingers dragged a file set on the coffee table to Jungkook's direction. A file the younger had failed to observe,hemmed in the prurient world of ecstasy.
" The contract. Terms are written, waiting for you to sign them.Most importantly,you break it off with that girl. Tell her you belong to someone else. Then and only then you'll come to me." The confidence coating his every word was both infuriating and lewd. It created an undeniable storm of emotions in the younger.
Jungkook's feet stepped back but again met the concrete surface,his palms touching the cold wall. The idea terrified him to the core,having to deal with Aecha,breaking her heart, rejecting her merely because he didn't have the balls to admit his own feelings and face reality. She was the real victim in this fucken war and he was the culprit. However,he couldn't afford to lose this chance. The opportunity to have Taehyung all to himself and in his bed.
The air inside the room thickened till it turned suffocating,heavy with unspoken words,hidden, burning desires,twisted thoughts neither of them could bear to say out loud. Jungkook pushed the chair, legs screeching on the marble floor,balled his fists,his whole body vibrating with the need to bolt because if he stayed, he'd fall to his knees and succumb to lust,doing all sorts of corrupted,wicked things with Taehyung and hell he had a face to preserve!
He had no intention of falling straight into his arms as if he was expecting the right opportunity. That would give the man too much power over him.Without a warning,he turned on his heels and stormed out of the room, towards the stairs, leaving him alone. But even as the door closed shut behind him he couldn't erase Taehyung 's voice dripping into his veins like sweet poison. The contract that would bind them together was still set on the table.
After a long and tiring shift Jimin had left with Yoongi and he'd spent the night at his place. Better for Jungkook as he wasn't in the mood for talking or explaining. He hurriedly went down to the personnel's room to grab his things but opening his locker a surprise awaited him.
The contract was there,placed on his backpack. Taehyung had obviously left it for him while he was working.He wouldn't take no for an answer and Jungkook kind of liked his persistence. With quick moves and searching around to see if he was alone,he shoved the file in his bag, didn't bother to change clothes, gathered his stuff,grabbed his helmet and loped to the back alley to get his bike.
_________
Steam cleaved to the mirror as Jungkook stepped out of his bathroom,towel secure around his hips,skin flushed pink from the shower. Water dripped down from his neck, sliding down his collarbones and chest, vanishing into the towel around his waist.
The file was tossed on the bed among the soft pillows for hours, Jungkook pretending he didn't care but was now drawn to it like a magnet. He couldn't sit still, couldn't stop pacing." I can't. I won't. I just won't." he lisped to the stillness of the empty room yet he was already sprawling on his bed, legs folded,towel loosening slightly and finally cracked the file open.
He skimmed through the pages with fierce interest."Three years..?" he whispered, dragging his fingers through his wet hair. His brows narrowed,half curiosity,half disbelief."Three years.. seriously?"
The neat stack of papers contained the faint smell of leather and Taehyung's cologne, a scent so damn familiar. Every line was precise and calculated. The weight of them burnt hotter than the knowledge of what he was about to get himself into.
Relationship type.
This is a consensual,non- marital companionship agreement between two adults. Both parties acknowledge there is no legal obligation beyond this written agreement.
Allowance/ Support.
The sugar daddy agrees to provide the sugar baby a monthly allowance of one million dollars in deposit on the first day of the month.
" Of course! He's rich enough to turn me into a fucken possession. Like he's buying a condo!" His eyes popped out rereading the amount. God it was astronomical! Reaching up to a million bucks for each month! He sure was a big spender! He swirled his head around to get rid of the stiffness in his neck that seemed to have camped there.That amount was hard to swallow because Jungkook wasn't after the money. Just his body.
Time and companionship.
The sugar baby agrees to spend quality time with the other party every day and immediately relocates to the sugar daddy's written address.
Sexual conduct.
Both parties consent to participate in the acts included: Penetrative intercourse,anal and oral.
Use of restraints ( handcuffs,rope bandage, dildo machines and other sex toys.)
Impact play ( spanking,light discipline,adult,verbal language)
Sensory play ( blindfolding, play with wax / ice)
Role- play.. reference as 'daddy' and baby boy and a bunch of other stuff. I guess Kim had a daddy kink? His attention shifted to another part.
" Wax play? Ice? What the actual fuck?" He narrowed his eyebrows, chewing on his bottom lip, dumping the papers on the bed." Spanking? Like he's gonna spank my ass?Mmmm."
Term and termination.
This agreement begins on the date signed and remains in effect for the duration of three years.
Consent and age verification.
Both parties confirm they are adults and entering into this agreement voluntarily.
He continued going through the rest of the contract with diligence, thinking he was way over his head.Reading the sexual conduct again Jungkook's lips parted,chest rising and falling in uneven breaths as his eyes kept skimming through the words. Official terms made the whole damn thing sound detached, a business deal between consenting adults but in his mind he could already feel Taehyung's veiny hands on him, brushing his skin, stroking, demanding. He could hear his deep, hoarse voice commanding him to do unspeakable things.
He munched on his lower lip, trying to steady the rush of paralysing heat deluging through him,his cock twitching between his half exposed thighs as if it had a mind of its own. It had already surrendered to Kim's dominance. And then came the last term,the one he never expected– as he should!
Emotional limits.
If either party develops or admits to developing emotions or romantic feelings for the other,the agreement will be terminated effective immediately and without further negotiation and both parties will take their separate ways.
His hand froze on the spot, clutching tightly on the page as if someone had poured cold water on him. His jaw tensed and a sharp, unwanted sigh left his parted lips. For a moment, a long moment,he stared at the piece of paper,towel loosening more around him,drops of water dripping onto the document.
" Feelings forbidden? " he jested, scoffing under his breath." Seriously? Like he's fucken allergic to love or something. Perfect for me! Who would wanna catch feelings for him anyway? I'd rather jump off a cliff! No parachute!"
A roaring laughter escaped him,bitter at the edges. He leaned back to the headboard, tousling his hair. A part of him wanted to crumple the entire thing,shred it to pieces and toss it to the trash. Another part— his twisted one thrummed with excitement,the idea of belonging exclusively to him was both terrifying and exhilarating.
He blew out an exaggerated breath,head tilting side to side, bending his knees." Fuck! Who needs his heart? Just his body..his cock. That's what matters." The words sounded convincing enough out loud although his chest oddly tightened as he said them. That heat climbed his spine and pooled lower in his belly. He tried to calm the rush but he was losing. His cock was painfully hard–again!
However,the irritation loitered. Why did it sting to know Taehyung had written that term? That he had made it part of their contract? Why did he feel like he was being rejected from the start?
A slow, calculated exhale to calm his raging heart. A second exhale to suck in the mess he was about to willingly enter. Fingers were dragged over the contract, the golden cage of his freedom, biting back the thoughts before they could turn into something lethally dangerous.
He was after Taehyung's body.
Taehyung was after Jungkook's surrender.
They were both after countless,steamy hot nights of rough sex.
He was thrilled. He was furious.
He had already signed the damn contract.
He officially belonged to Kim Taehyung.
___________
Words.
Words aren't just sounds or letters.
Words are powerful. Words can help people or hurt them deeply. They can heal but they can create wounds. Words can give you hope but can also crash you. Words can make you cry or put a smile on your face. Words can change a person's life..
Jungkook wasn't good with wotds…
The coffee in Jungkook's glass had already turned watery. He hadn't slept a wink all night, merely tossed and turned in bed,tangled in sweaty sheets and erotic fever. The weight of the contract was heavy in his chest after signing it. At some point,he abandoned the idea of sleeping,went jogging around the block,then brutally attacked the punching bag for about an hour but not even that relieved his stress.
His stomach was raw with hunger yet the thought of eating made him sick. Even coffee was hard to digest. He kept contemplating whether he had made the right decision or not. Three years of his life…three years of denying his freedom,bound by a contract,in exchange for steamy, lustful nights full of rough sex. He felt hemmed in but thrilled at the same time.
The glass nearly slipped from his fingers when the doorbell rang and he frowned. Jimin had probably forgotten his key again. How typical of him! He pulled the door open, ready to tease him but was struck dumb.
" Aespa?" His voice cracked saying her name. She was the last person he expected to see knocking on his door at the worst possible moment.
The woman, utterly obvious to what her presence had caused,beamed a radiant smile, holding up two bags of takeout." Surprise! I thought I'd bring you breakfast to cheer you up. You haven't texted me in days,you idiot!" Her laugh was soft, teasing, tossing her head back and pressing her lips on his, warm and slushy,before Jungkook could react. He stood still, blinking his eyes,his lips refusing to move,the blood in his veins turned icy cold.
Aespa recoiled a little, perplexed by his reaction but shrugged it off and flashed a beaming smile." Haven't had coffee yet,huh?" she asked, gazing at the untouched glass in his hands.
Jungkook's chest locked up,his stomach protested not from hunger this time but from anxiety. He stepped back to let her in,slowly closing the door behind them, trying to maintain a safe distance and striving to ignore the way she sharply gravitated towards him,the way her perfume spread into his apartment,not in a familiar kind of way but in an uncomfortable one.
" Coffee's hot." She wrinkled her nose at the glass between his fingers." Good thing I brought you one. Iced americano. Just how you like it!"
The younger gulped hard,his stomach tied into a knot and stubbornly refused to accept anything. The truth was he couldn't take anything from her. He couldn't even be in the same room alone with her.The right thing would be to tell her that their ' relationship ' had come to an end but couldn't bring himself to do it.
Words were grappling to come out. He took pride in gloating he wasn't a freaking coward but as it turned out when the time came he chickened out!His shadowy,tired face was steeped in guilt but still a feign,timid smile,placing his glass on the counter and sliding his hands into his pants' pockets.
" You didn't have to. My stomach is kind of a mess..maybe I'm coming down with something." He faked a cough watching her swiftly move around his kitchen as if she owned it, setting the bags on the table,taking out two plastic glasses of coffee and two boxes of donuts and triple chocolate cookies.
" Liar. You never eat properly and you shouldn't skip breakfast.That's why your stomach is protesting." She rolled her heavily lidded eyes and with a quick move closed the distance between them,her hand brushing against his chest." God I've missed you! You were constantly in my mind when I was away."
Jungkook went rigid,a splitting headache attacked his head. His entire body was numbed,his mind was calculating possible escape roots and methods,his heart pounding uncontrollably, retching and avoiding gazing at her. Her lips were tilted upwards,her eyes half-lidded and she cropped up her head, meeting his gaze,her breath warm against his jaw yet he felt cold and icy.
She didn't belong there. Not after last night. His instincts were screaming to push her aside, admit the truth, burning his flesh however the thought of hurting her was more than he could handle. So he shut his mouth and choked his desire to end this before things got out of hand.
" Uh..so…uh…how was Bangkok?" he blurred out, tossing his head backwards as though dodging.
Her perfectly shaped brows were knitted in confusion." Bangkok? Baby seriously?" She laughed,low and pulpy, crawling a finger along his arm." I didn't come here to talk about my trip. I came to see you because I've missed you. Haven't you?"
' Don't do this, please! Not now..' he thought, his pulse drumming with guilt,his mind echoing Taehyung 's words from last night. ' Exclusive. Mine. Only mine.' He once again felt branded even without his presence. He was given one week to clear things up,announce his decision to Jimin and move in with Taehyung. How the hell did he manage to create such a freaking mess?
" Aespa…" he spoke in a faltering tone, barely holding back. The air choked in his throat,torn between guilt and resistance but couldn't bring himself to reject her. He shut his eyes, heaving. She had always been kind to him,thoughtful and understanding. Well that didn't stop him from wanting a man more than the air he breathed and it was too damn late to refuse his need and back out.
As if she was reading his frustration,she sighed, lifting her head up,her red lips a breath away." Baby, what's wrong with you? We haven't seen each other for two weeks, haven't talked in days and..Are you.. avoiding me?"
Before Jungkook could scramble for an answer,a lie, salvation came from the door,two familiar faces and a teasing voice.
" Hey Kook! Ooops! Are we interrupting anything?" Jimin drawled,sing-song. The door was pushed open, Jimin and Yoongi barged in with the first freezing mid step, eyes sweeping from Jungkook to Aespa in his arms. His grin spread slowly and taunting across his ample lips." I guess we are!"
Aespa rapidly pulled her hand back,sensing the slight mockery in Jimin's tone,clearing her throat and stepping away from Jungkook,who could finally breathe for the first time. " Oh perfect timing." he bellowed out, way too quickly,way too relieved." We were.. just about to have breakfast."
Yoongi's sharp gaze landed on Jungkook then immediately shifted to her. He gave her a polite but bored nod,the kind that internally yelled 'I've had enough,woman!"
" Well.." Jimin chirped, rubbing his hands but it wasn't sufficient to dissolve the awkwardness,blaring the air." I hope you've brought enough food for four. I'm famished!" He didn't wait for an invitation,marching to the table, opening the boxes and grabbing a white chocolate donut.
Aespa blinked, lips slightly parting in a faint offense."I..mmm..I only brought for Jungkook and me. I didn't think you were here."
" I do live in this apartment,you know." Jimin sassily replied." No problem,we'll share." He popped open another box, staggering Jungkook with a look so quick and meaningful,only he could catch it.'You're welcome,brat!'
Yoongi rested against the wall,arms crossed over his chest,head lurching to the side,a stray of hair flipping on his forehead,his voice smooth but mocking." Looks like Kook's stomach is already full anyway." His gaze glided on Jungkook's flushed face only to make the younger bite hard the inside of his cheek.
Jungkook wanted to collapse with relief. They appeared out of nowhere, practically saving him and he was grateful. However he was well aware of the interrogation and lecture he'd face once Aespa would leave but he refused to think about it now. Inside he was a hurricane. Guilt for her. Gratitude for his hyungs. Shame because of Taehyung and a sick thrill that someone already owned him.
Jimin signalled his boyfriend to have a seat next to him,which he did with a teasing smile on his lips. He was enjoying the show. Jungkook was trying to avoid her with a terrified expression and Aespa was looking uncomfortable around them and kind of pissed they turned up to ruin her obvious ' attack ' on the younger. Jungkook owed them big time!
The woman gently held Jungkook's hand and dragged him to the table,making him sit next to her. Breakfast was quiet. A few polite words and odd glances exchanged. Jimin shared Jungkook's coffee with Yoongi because his friend couldn't possibly drink or eat anything. He only kept torturing a poor cookie,flaking it and timidly smiling from time to time.
When Aespa eventually excused herself murmuring something about meeting her family, Jungkook nearly sagged against the counter. The click of the door echoed louder than it should have. Jungkook exhaled deeply, finally letting his shoulders drop. It seemed he was holding his breath for too long. He slithered his right hand down his face, shutting his eyes but the minute he opened them his hyungs were observing him like hawks circling their prey.
" What?" he yelped, tapping his foot on the floor out of nervousness.
Jimin smirked, popping another bite of food in his mouth along with a sip of coffee." Oh nothing! Just enjoying the show! She was all over you,ready to eat you alive. She had you hooked! If we hadn't come in when we did…oops!"
" Shut up." Jungkook lisped, running his fingers through his dump hair then hid it inside his pocket. His interrogation had begun and he had to put up with both of them. A price he had to pay for being saved.
Yoongi cocked his head to the side,arms crossed,legs stretched under the table, tapping them in rhythm." Like a scared, little rabbit.Not exactly your usual style. Normally girls fall over themselves and you just..bask. But today? Mmmm." His smirk was subtle but razor sharp as he continued." You look like you were caught cheating."
Jungkook's heart hammered in his chest,lips pressed together tightly as if he was holding back his words and that hesitation was easily picked up by Jimin,his eyes shining with curiosity." You're hiding something. I know that look. The same one you had each time you stole snacks from the hyungs."
Jungkook rolled his eyes and averted his gaze towards the window, pretending to loiter outside." Mind your own business."
" Oh but your business is so much more entertaining than ours." Jimin tweeted and Yoongi chuckled under his breath.
" Speak for yourself babe. I don't particularly enjoy cleaning up after his usual messes." He stood up, closing the gap between them with lazy steps,his undertone low and playful." Sooo.. What's with that 'look but don't touch' stand you pulled out before? What's the deal?"
His works struck Jungkook like a bolt of lightning in a thunderstorm. His head snapped up,wide eyes meeting Yoongi's calm gaze." I.." he paused just to gulp the knot clogging his dry throat,the contract popping in his head like a flash. Exclusive. Feelings forbidden.
Jimin gasped theatrically, snatching on his chest." No! Tell me I'm dreaming! You finally gave in! Kook,you naughty, naughty boy!"
Yoongi arched his brow,the corner of his lips curled up." Didn't take him for the type to be collared but people often surprise you."
" Collared? Baby you make it sound like he's someone's puppy!" Jimin laughed.
" You saw his face, didn't you? Well puppy's about right."
" Yuk! " Jungkook barked, flushing pink." It's not like that. You're making it sound so..lame."
" What's it like then?" Yoongi asked softly,not letting him off the hook easily. Jungkook had to admit what he was feeling,what was going on and then get ready to live it.
Jungkook dragged his feet and plopped on the couch, folding his legs and hugging one of the beige pillows. He wished the ground would open up and shallow him. He didn't think it would be so damn hard to admit it when it was easy to sign the contract. His voice dropped,almost placid.* I made up my mind. I know what I want."
Jimin's laughter abruptly stopped,walking his way and sitting next to him. His eyes travelled from his boyfriend to Jungkook and vice versa."What do you want? Mind sharing?"
The room fell so silent you could easily hear a pin drop. The two men kept exchanging looks, Jungkook was fidgeting and munching on his piercing to hide his nervousness but it seemed impossible. It was written all over his flushed face. Taking a few deep breaths to calm his raging heartbeat that didn't seem too eager to obey,he broke the deafening silence." Fine. I signed a damn contract. Ok?"
Two pairs of eyes widened in absolute astonishment. Yoongi blinked once, swallowing his breath,then exhaled." Contract?"
Jimin drifted closer to his friend,just a breath away." What kind of contract? " Of course he knew. What kind and with whom but he deliberately pressured him to see if he'd cracked. To see if his so-called straight friend would tell them about his little deal with the 'devil'!
The younger let out a long groan,hiding his face into his sweaty palms." Fine. An exclusive one. Happy now?"
Jimin shrieked, holding his stomach as he doubled over." Fuck! You're under contact? Like you're someone's pet toy?" He wheezed with laughter,unable to control himself, every now and then rubbing his ears to make sure he had heard correctly.
Yoongi,on the other hand,flashed a devilish grin, savoring his words." So,let me get this straight. You willingly signed legal documents that bind you to someone." He perched on the edge of the couch,tone dropping." Didn't think I'd live to see the day!"
Jungkook's ears turned red as a poppy,his fluffy cheeks were on fire while he lowered his head,pouting.
" My baby brother is full of surprises. He signed his soul away!" Jimin responded,wiping tears of laughter from the corner of his eyes.
" More like his body. Am I right?" Yoongi added,tapping the younger's back while shaking his head." He signed a body- lease."
" Three years." The words slipped through his lips before he could stop them. He blew a huff, certain that mostly Jimin would keep irking and mocking him. He should have kept that tiny information for himself.
" THREE YEARS?" Jimin screeched and nearly fainted on the spot. If he was sitting on a chair instead of the couch he would have fallen off. Jimin was prone to falling off chairs and stools."You're basically a married man Jungkook. You skipped dating and moved straight to marriage. Good job!" He gave him thumbs up, winking at him.
Yoongi whistled low." Three years. Monthly payment.Living arrangements, exclusiveness in bed I assume."
Jungkook's eyes widened, squeezing the pillow in his arms. " How.. how did you..?"
" I've seen enough contracts to know what they include. Rich sugar daddy - obedient sugar baby."
Jimin gasped again, uncertain if he wanted to yell and smack his friend's head or hug him for taking the decision he truly desired, putting aside his hesitation and doubts. It was a huge step for 'straight' Jungkook who at the thought of sleeping with a man ran to the nearest bathroom to spill his guts out.
"Bedroom conditions included?"
Jungkook choked on his own saliva,his face went scarlet at Yoongi's question. The older man's grin was subtle but nevertheless wicked." Sexual conditions,sex toys,safe words." Yoongi was barely keeping his posture and not bursting out laughing at the horror expression lacing Jungkook's face.
" Yuk,hyung! " the younger shouted, hitting him in the head with the pillow. His entire body was sizzling with mortification and thrill. " Enough!Stop it."
Jumin picked up the pillow from the floor,wheezing." Kook is obligated by contact to get fucked! Oh my freaaaaking God!"
" Three years of service. I hope you sold your ass at a high price." Yoongi mused with an infuriating calmness,eyes glistering in amusement." You're basically a luxury pet."
Jungkook growled so loudly it rattled the window." I hate you both!"
" You love us." Jimin corrected him,choking another laughter. He was amused but didn't wanna scare him. He exchanged a knowing glance with Yoongi." Who's the lucky bastard? And how the hell did he convince you?"
" Bet you twenty bucks he's older." Yoongi grinned in satisfaction.
" Bet you forty he's filthy rich." Jimin shot back instantly.
" I'll raise you to fifty, he's absolutely notorious."
" You two are impossible! I should have kept my big mouth shut." Jungkook murmured through clenched teeth, cursing his luck.
" I wouldn't say impossible. Just curious." Jimin replied, leaning closer,eyes glowing with a mischievous sparkle.
Jungkook was trapped as a rat by their badgering and curtly darted his gaze from the window to the floor. He couldn't lie with both of them piercing holes in him. I mean they were bound to find out. How could he keep it a secret?Jimin from all people should be more subtle knowing perfectly well who the man was and keep the teasing to himself. However, admitting it in Yoongi's presence was the hardest part.
Finally with a docile glare and a voice barely above a whisper,he spat the name." Taehyung. It's Kim Taehyung."
No response. No shock. No wincing. No wide-eyed shock at least for Yoongi who arched a lazy brow and Jimin slumped backwards with a coy smile.
" What? That's it? Jungkook called out, uplifting his head, shifting it from one to the other,eyes wide open." That's your reaction?"
" What did you expect? Us falling on the floor? Of course it was Kim, dummy!" Jimin blurred out." But it was fun seeing you all flustered, stuttering like an idiot."
" It didn't come as a shock. I've picked up the looks,the tension. But I got to hand it to him. The guy has got balls to tie you down in a contract. You– the straight you! " Yoongi deliberately hid the fact that Jimin had told him about them,simply because Jungkook didn't need to know that tiny detail. He shifted his head to the younger 's side." Three years is a long time, Kook. Even if a paper forbids feelings it doesn't mean the heart obeys. It's got its own rules. You won't last. Not with him. So please be careful." He patted his back to show him they were by his side to help,advise and comfort him in case his heart started beating for Taehyung which was a strong possibility according to Yoongi.
Jungkook's heart raced,flesh blazed,not from shame but from the growing fear that perhaps Yoongi was right but shook the thought out, determined to stick to his original plan and not get carried away by preposterous theories."No, absolutely not..it's physical."
Neither of them fell for it.
Enmeshed in a situation like that,living under the same roof, spending time together,tangled in bed,having wild sex, sleeping next to each other night after night for three whole years was bound to get messy. Jungkook, despite his deliberate ignorance,was bitten off more than he could chew.
" Suit yourself,brat." Jimin eventually spoke out, slumping back to the couch, resting his head. "But before you move into his luxurious penthouse and comfy bed you mind wanna have a talk with your imaginary girlfriend."
That statement alone made Jungkook unwillingly plunge deeper into a guilty frenzy. He mistakenly thought that admitting his defeat facing Taehyung would be the worst part of this irrational journey but dealing with Aespa and breaking her heart was even worse. It had crossed his mind to ditch her over the phone but it would be too cowardice of him. She deserved a better,more direct approach than him hiding behind a soulless device just because he was scared out of his wits.
" I should, shouldn't I?"he questioned out loud, chewing on his piercing.
Jimi drilled holes through him with his stare."Unless you want her to find you on top of your sugar daddy making out and let her connect the dots."
" Jimin!" Jungkook lashed out, smacking his head." It's a serious matter. No need to joke. I've made a crucial decision about my life, ignoring my doubts and reservations whether I'm doing the right thing or not. A decision that affects three people." He let out an exasperated sigh as he stood up, walking towards his bedroom. Yoongi's voice halted him.
" Come clean with her before moving on. You can't build something new, whatever that is,on rotten foundations. It won't end well. Tell her how you feel and what you want. If she cares about you, she'll understand you can't force feelings on anyone." the man explained and went further."Be very careful Kook. Kim's trouble."
Jungkook gulped but didn't utter a single word. He just dragged his feet out of there and in his bedroom, shutting the door behind him as if he was shutting the world out. He toiled his feet to the window, leaning against the glass,breath creating patterns on the cold surface.
He understood he couldn't prolong the inevitable and eventually he would have to face her but he was getting cold feet. How was he supposed to look into her eyes and explain something he couldn't fully comprehend himself?
Bring to light that he had indecent, lustful thoughts about another person,a man in particular,let alone that man! The man he boasted about hating for all he represented but was now ready to jump into his bed.
Why was he always in a pickle?
____________
" It feels like forever since we last went out on a date." Aespa teased Jungkook, gracefully brushing her hair back." I thought you had forgotten me,baby and I was so happy to get your text. It's wonderful here." Her eyes travelled around the restaurant,all smiley.
Jungkook had chosen this specific place on purpose. It was warm and cozy,not too crowded but filled with low chatter and the strong scent of BBQ. Soft beige and golden lights casted across round, polished,wooden tables,creating a detached warmth. He needed that safe distance,that crowd of strangers around them to stop this whole dreadful situation from caving in on him.
His apartment wasn't an option,he had no desire to be alone with her or have Jimin interrupt them with his usual,sassy behaviour,mocking him. He had finally found the courage to come clean and the clock was ticking as only four days were left till he would move to Taehyung's penthouse. Well, he'd have to tell him that he had signed the contract first but that was merely a technicality.
Aespa had arrived in her usual rush,her black,leather boots clacking on the shiny tiles, marching towards him,her hair loose on her shoulders,cheeks flushed from the cool night breeze,wreathed in smiles when she spotted him sitting alone in a corner. She stooped over pressing a soft kiss on his lips before Jungkook could pull back, sliding into the chair across from him.
Jungkook's throat constricted,forcing a timid smile,fingers curling around the glass of beer,choking the urge to wipe his mouth."I've been.. rather busy." He felt twitchy inside his light blue, baggy jeans and tie-dye print hooded sweatshirt, constantly tapping his left foot on the floor, sneakers clicking in nervousness.
Her eyes softened staring at him with care."Busy or simply avoiding me,baby? You've been acting weird lately,even before my trip to Bangkok."
Her sincerity and intuition made him nearly choke on his saliva. He lowered his head, staring at the drips of water wetting his fingers, lacking the guts to say what was in his mind. He had researched it countless times in front of the mirror, coming up with appropriate replies to every possible sentence. Almost all of them ended up with her thrashing his head with the BBQ grill. In his desperation he had even brought a soothing cream for burns! Ok,he was being paranoid!
" Maybe you're right." He sighed, shrugging his broad shoulders." Maybe both."
She laughed loudly." Oh baby, you're such a tease!" The shaking of his head, the averted gaze,the guilt and reluctance in his eyes and the ongoing munching on his lips,made something inside her waver along with her voice." Kook.. What's going on? You can tell me baby."
The younger one inhaled,held his breath for a brief moment then exhaled deeply." Aespa, you're a wonderful person. Every man would consider himself lucky to have you. So kind and giving and it's damn hard to find the right words but..but we can't keep seeing each other."
The air between them rapidly shifted. That pork belly BBQ scent cloaking the air was stirring Jungkook's stomach,his eyes prowling around to spot the nearest toilet in case of an emergency.
Her smile slowly vanished, confusion and surprise spread across her now slightly wan features." What do you mean? You don't wanna date me anymore? Is that it? Did I do anything wrong?"
" No, of course not. You're perfect. It's me." Jungkook was suffocating on the weight of it all. Air refused to come easily and the truth was trapped behind ragged breathing. His succulent lips had formed a thin line, hurting from the biting." I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry but it's..over. Our relationship can't continue. I never meant to take it this far but I can't keep lying."
Aespa blinked several times,her long lashes flattering, utterly stunned." You're joking. Tell me this is a hoax."
" It's not." His voice, low and trembling,shuddered. His chest was panting and burning like it was set on fire or he had swallowed hot lava." It's true. It's my truth. The one I've been avoiding,hiding for so long because I was confused and a fucking coward. It's not fair to you, Aespa. I'm not here, not fully,at least. Or how you want me to be.You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can appreciate all you can give him, love you the way you want. Someone who will belong to you,body and soul." There,he said it! The first,hard part was over. One more was left. The hardest part. The one he couldn't entirely reveal.
Her face had lost its sparkles,eyes crinkled and fighting back tears, drawing her lower lip between her teeth ,a muscle in her jaw twisted, biting back the words hoaching in her head but eventually slipping out." You're breaking up with me? Just like that? Like I was nobody in your life." She leaned forward,balling her hands into fists,her burgundy, polished nails digging into her palm." Ok. We can work things out. Go slow. Take one step at a time. No pressure."
It wasn't a request, more of a plea. Her last attempt to change his mind and make him reconsider their break up. Jungkook swallowed hard,both hands clenched in fists under the wooden table. He dreaded this part but had no other choice to convince her there was no future for them." I'll be honest. There's someone else. Someone I can't resist and it kills me. It was the last thing I wanted to feel but I can't control it. It just happened."
For a few moments her gaze,sad and piercing,stung his heart. Yet,steeped in guilt,he failed to notice that glimpse of wiliness in her eyes when she suddenly diverted her gaze.He hated doing this to her but he had made a decision and she deserved to know. All of the sudden her expression changed, letting out a short, incredulous laugh." Oh Kook! You can't be serious! If this is your idea of a joke, I'm not.."
His silence and lowered head wasn't the answer she was expecting. Her fingers slithered on his cheek, cupping it while Jungkook, startled and uncomfortable from the touch, pulled back, avoiding her. He didn't want to but he had to. He had no right to take anything from her,even a simple touch, when he was clearly at fault. His unexpected, unwanted obsession with a certain man– the wrong man, caused this obscure situation.
Her hand fell flat on the table. She slumped backwards in her chair,shoulders straightened,lashes flattering too fast,for too long as if she was trying to maintain her composure." I see." she lisped,her voice steady but tart. The woman guzzled a generous sip of beer, quelling a sigh,making an effort to tame her raging heart and sound casual." Do I at least get to know who she is? Is she.. beautiful? Have you..two slept together?"
Jungkook's throat closed. He jerked his heavy head,eyes moving from side to side." Please don't make it harder. Just know that I haven't slept with anyone but..this is real."
"Well at least you're frank. I hope she knows how lucky she is.You're stubborn, frustrating, incurably flirty and impossible at times.." Her voice mellowed."..but you're a kind soul."
He stared at her,feeling the walls closing in,guilt clawing his chest. He was a jerk. An asshole. He had found the perfect woman and screwed it up because of his lust for Taehyung. Aespa was too composed,too gracious in the face of being rejected and heartbroken. He wanted her to scream,to curse at him for his inexcusable behaviour,to smack his head,to make it easier for him to walk away instead of dealing with it with profound dignity.
" I won't make a scene. It's not in my nature." she said as she guessed his thoughts,her hands twisted in her lap." But I thought we had something nice going. Something worth fighting for.
" We did. That's why this hurts so much.I'm sorry Aespa. I never wanted to hurt you.." his voice croaked, brimming sadness.
" Ce la vie!" Aespa bashfully smiled as she looked away and eventually stood up, nodding and bulging up. Jungkook was left observing her figure disappearing into the night, feeling the weight of his guilt settling inside him. He gulped down the rest of his beer, stretching his legs under the table. He had betrayed her trust,broken her heart to protect the secret he couldn't share. He had traded her kindness for lustful nights in Taehyung's bed.
When he stepped out of the restaurant,the cold,damp air hit him harder than he expected, carrying the strong scent of rain drizzling above his head. He put on the hoodie of his black,puffy jacket,shoved both hands in his pockets and clambered to nowhere particularly,roaming the bustling streets of Seoul. Nothing could ease his guilt,his thoughts still trapped inside that restaurant, at the table where he had traumatized one of the few people that were nice to him.
The hurt in her eyes stabbed his heart. Her voice, steady but cracking.Jungkook hated himself for it. Hated his weakness to think rationally,to resist the growing temptation. But he couldn't deny what his body craved and it wouldn't be fair to anyone to keep lying.
People brushed past him on the streets,their laughter and small talks creating a meaningless noise in his whizzy head. Jungkook felt detached,each step was heavy,his chest a tangled knot of guilt and relief, regret and freedom. He tried to reason himself. It was better this way. More honest. But above all necessary. However,none of the thoughts soothed the sharp pain spreading through him.
Aespa didn't deserve the hurt in her eyes,the sudden ending without a reasonable explanation. She deserved the truth,he couldn't give her. How could he explain that his body longed for Taehyung's touch? That his mind was filled with corrupted,wicked thoughts of all the things he wanted Taehyung to do to him? It scared the shit out of him.
How could he tell her that only he could awaken the erotic desire he was seeking for years? Taehyung was the only person who could make him hard in ways he could never imagine. And he wanted that to last…
Stopping at a crossing, Jungkook dragged his right hand over his drenched face, exhaling deeply. Leaves were blocking the drain inlet, causing a large puddle to form. Cars slicing through the night like arrows of light.He hadn't realised how fast his fucking heart was beating till the silence between the traffic lights made it impossible to ignore.
The pulse was throbbing in his veins and temples. By the time he reached his building,his throat was dry,he was soaked from the rain,pale as a ghost. He couldn't ride his bike,afraid he might cause an accident and a taxi was out of the question.
Sluggishly walking up the stairs to the seventh floor, deafening silence cloaking the dim corridors, he stood outside his apartment, blankly staring at the door. Then he finally admitted to the one thing he had been avoiding for so long,out of sheer fear.
He'd pay a heavy price for placing his life on Kim's hands..