Roori
I hear her footsteps walking away and I feel like I'm gripped in a vice.
What's happening again?
First Ava, now Min...
I sink into the chair and put my head in my hands.
Why? Why did I come here?
I see Susy's narrowed eyes again and my blood runs cold.
Her.
Wickedness in person.
The executioner.
The one who orchestrated my drama.
To see her, you wouldn't think that behind such a sweet, cute face, with an angelic smile, lurks the queen of pain.
Susy makes no facial expressions as she hits you.
She doesn't purse her lips as she spews the worst words at you.
And her smile is a grotesque mask.
It's the coldness on the face of a fake angel.
That same face that has enchanted so many boys and even old Mr. Kim.
I thought that at least he...
Enough!
I mustn't give them the satisfaction of collapsing.
"Dignity!"
Ava always tells me this, every time I collapse.
But it's hard to remember.
Everyone's very good at encouraging others, but when it's your turn... well, that's a whole different story.
I tried, with all my strength, to forget, to get up, to fight that fear that was squeezing my heart, that was blocking my legs.
And I thought I'd succeeded, but seeing these people again...
I feel like throwing up.
I hold back a sob and try not to cry.
I get up and throw my head back.
I approach the window, but I can't see anything, except a lonely patch of garden.
I have to keep myself busy, do something, or I'll go crazy.
Inspire and open the book.
"He who is small before Heaven is great among men; he who is great among
men is small before Heaven."
I read Confucius's quote and I remember my dad.
Sigh.
When he talked about his family, he repeated it over and over.
"The Kims are a great family; they made history in my country, South Korea. But here, in the US, they're a drop in the ocean. And yet, they stand out. For their tenacity. For their strength. For their dignity."
But all I remember about the Kims is the arrogance, the presumption, the tyranny born of economic power and the oppression of others.
And death.
Dad's.
Mom's.
Min-Jun's father's.
And perhaps who knows how many others.
Mysterious, violent, invisible deaths.
I've always been afraid of being part of it, of disappearing without a trace.
I'd wake up at night with my throat parched with pain and tears streaming down my face.
If it weren't for Ava...
And now, they've separated us.
Maybe it's true that they've given her a mission that excludes my presence, but I can't react.
What if Min doesn't come back either?
NO!
Enough!
I slap myself hard on the cheek and gasp in pain.
I have to concentrate.
I pick up the book again and look for the story "Who Can Ascend to Heaven."
There must be the right message somewhere, and I will find it.
I read the passage several times, lingering over every word.
But no matter how hard I try, nothing seems to make sense.
What should I look for?
What should it tell me?
I'm about to close, dejected, but a sentence jumps out at me:
'Fish thrive in water.'
Fish...
And suddenly I know what to look for.
I must warn Min!