THE THREE PUREST and most arrogant people on Sisheng Peak were Xue Meng, the Tanlang Elder, and Chu Wanning. Xue Meng had already been tossed out by the lust gourd, and the Tanlang Elder hadn't always been celibate. He'd once had a wife, but her health had been poor, and she'd passed not long after the wedding. It was said the Tanlang Elder learned the healing arts so he'd never again lose those he cherished to illness.
Which only left Chu Wanning.
"The Yuheng Elder has this in the bag."
"Definitely. If the young master can't handle it, we'll have to rely on the young master's shizun."
These words needled Mo Ran, but he couldn't do a thing. He scrambled for a random solution and turned to Xue Zhengyong. "Wh-why don't I give it a try?"
Xue Zhengyong looked him up and down before tactfully replying, "Ran-er, the first condition to subdue the lust gourd is virginity."
Mo Ran didn't offer again.
Across the courtyard, Chu Wanning had successfully drunk the wine gourd under the table. It toppled over with a thunk; when the smoke cleared, only a small jade-green gourd remained, quiescent on the ground. Xue Zhengyong scooped up the little wine gourd and stowed it in his qiankun pouch, delighted. "Ha ha, there's really no one like the Yuheng Elder. Here, have a go at the lust gourd next."
Chu Wanning's expression was unchanged, but he lowered his lashes, refusing to meet Xue Zhengyong's eyes. "No thanks."
Xue Zhengyong gaped at him. It wasn't just him—the whole assembly of disciples and elders stood stunned. "Wh-why?"
"I've had too much to drink. I'm tired."
Xue Zhengyong wasn't stupid; it was no exaggeration to call Chu Wanning a man who could down a thousand cups. He stared long and hard at that aloof man in white, until Chu Wanning lost patience and turned away with a flick of his sleeves. Suddenly it dawned on Xue Zhengyong; he blurted, "Yuheng, don't tell me you've—"
Chu Wanning's ears flushed crimson. He turned back in a fury, phoenix eyes spitting sparks. "What nonsense are you speaking?"
Xue Zhengyong's lips couldn't even shape the words "had sex." Impossible, he thought. Who was Chu Wanning? Yuheng of the Night Sky, the Beidou Immortal; if he had any salacious encounters… No, who would believe it? Xue Zhengyong slapped his own thigh. "Then—then give it a try? Otherwise the gourd will keep wandering about here. It'll annoy us to death even if it doesn't attack anyone. The Gourds of Debauchery have thick skin. You couldn't cut through it even if you hacked at them for years at a time."
Chu Wanning scanned the crowd. The disciples all looked back at him eagerly—save for Mo Ran, who watched him with hot guilt he couldn't quite hide. Chu Wanning swore inwardly, but he was indeed stuck. If he left now with a sweep of his sleeves, there'd be talk tomorrow. After some thought, he said, "I'll give it a try, then."
In the next moment, the lust gourd sucked Chu Wanning into its hollow middle, spinning in place. The disciples of Sisheng Peak were certain the lust gourd would submit to Chu Wanning; Mo Ran alone knew the truth. On a rainy night not long ago, in the dark little room of a Wuchang Town inn, on that bed where mouths met and skin brushed, he had despoiled the purest cultivator in the world with his own hands.
Chu Wanning opened his eyes.
Contained within the gourd was a dreamlike world. Just as the legends described, a wedding chamber lay inside, red candles shining bright and bed canopies hanging low. As he stepped to the center of the chamber, he saw a rosewood bed covered with thick blankets, strewn with dates and peanuts. Every detail was rendered, from the coverlets to the hangings.
An old woman stood at the doorway, obviously an avatar of the gourd. Her hair was jade-green, and her grin revealed teeth the same hue. Chu Wanning knew he had no hope of defeating the lust gourd and preferred not to waste his breath. Taking a few steps toward the old lady, he said, "Grandmother, you can send me out now. I've no need to lift the veil."
The old woman smiled. "Mhm mhm," she mumbled.
Chu Wanning blinked. He hadn't expected the old woman wouldn't understand human speech; she wasn't as intelligent as the wine gourd and couldn't understand Chu Wanning's intentions. He had no choice—he took a breath and braced himself, then turned to the bed.
A person sat at its foot, dressed like a bride in black upper robes patterned with dragons and crimson skirts embroidered with phoenix feathers. His feet were bare, and his head was veiled, hiding his face.
The old lady tottered closer. There was a small pop as smoke rose from her hand and transformed into a jade ruyi scepter. She handed it to Chu Wanning and gestured for him to approach the bed.
The idea of Mo Ran dressed in a bridal gown hardly bore thinking about; the thought repelled him. But when he remembered how he himself had been made a ghost bride at Butterfly Town, he realized he would be missing a unique opportunity to see Mo Ran looking silly if he didn't take a peek. More than distaste was at stake—he would never forgive himself for missing such a chance.
Face green-tinged, Chu Wanning took a deep breath. He stepped forward.
The old woman seemed to be getting impatient. "Mhm mhm." "I know, don't worry." He lifted the scepter and let the veil fall
back. Chu Wanning's eyes widened slightly. "You're…"
In the crimson light of the canopy, a man in a beaded crown looked up. The candlelight played over his pale yet handsome face, his dark eyes filled with a mocking ridicule. He tilted his chin to smile up at Chu Wanning.
Chu Wanning froze.
It was indeed Mo Ran, but his face was unnaturally pallid, his complexion sickly. On the whole he appeared bizarre.
"Ah, it looks like Wanning truly can't forget this venerable one." Chu Wanning's face must have shown his shock. The man reached out and grabbed his wrist. His touch was ice-cold, and the look he pinned Chu Wanning with was a vulture's cruel glare.
Mo Ran grinned, but his smile was eerie; it held no warmth. "This venerable one is glad."
…What was this nonsense?
Chu Wanning thought with exasperation that this lust gourd might've been locked inside Golden Drum Tower so long it had lost its mind. Its creations were incomprehensible. "Let go."
Mo Ran did not.
Chu Wanning turned to the green-haired old woman. "Make him let go."
He was still speaking when the "bride" Mo Ran shot to his feet. Chu Wanning saw the beads of his crown sway and felt a sudden grip around his waist; the world spun, and when he returned to his senses, he'd been pushed down on the red and gold bed. Mo Ran was bent over him, pinning him beneath his body as he reached down to grab his jaw.
"Looks like you really enjoyed what this venerable one offered you." The man's hot breath scalded the crook of his neck. "You still can't forget me…"
Chu Wanning shoved him away, brows knitting in a frown. The dialogue this lust gourd had devised was too outrageous. Mo Ran had always been gentle, courteous, and respectful toward him. Why would he ever speak like this? Awkward and amused, embarrassed yet helpless, Chu Wanning evaded his touch, making a wrinkled mess of the bedding.
Suddenly Chu Wanning narrowed his eyes, looking again at the crimson embroidery on the bed. Realization struck like lightning.
The dream.
He froze, scarlet rising in his cheeks.
This—this was the dream he'd had. Mo Ran had been just like this in those visions, his mouth full of filth and his hands rough and brutal.
This wasn't an illusion the lust gourd had created whole-cloth, but something drawn from his own unspeakable imaginings. The shameful realization left him mortified. Even the tips of his ears were burning.
"Baby…"
He felt a scalding wetness. In his moment of distraction, Mo Ran had started sucking on his earlobe. He stuck his tongue greedily into Chu Wanning's ear.
"Ah…" The sensation drew an involuntary gasp from Chu Wanning.
His voice was hoarse in his ears, thick with humiliated tears. Hearing it made him feel beyond disgraced.
For some reason, the scene before him felt real, as if he'd been with Mo Ran like this a very long time ago. As if they had tangled together just like this, Mo Ran pinning Chu Wanning to the bed, kissing his neck, his cheek, his ear, his movements rough and urgent.
Panicked and furious, even the ends of Chu Wanning's eyes had gone red. He struggled uselessly to break free, until Mo Ran's mouth nearly landed on his own—
Boom!
The illusory Mo Ran froze, staring disbelievingly at Chu Wanning.
Seizing his chance, Chu Wanning pushed him aside. Golden light shone in his hands; Tianwen crackled to life and slammed down on Mo Ran in the illusion.
The sight of the golden willow vine left Mo Ran stupefied. "You're…" he blurted. "You're…"
Tianwen lashed down again, showering sparks. Mo Ran took the blow without fighting back. He stared, eyes wide in abject shock.
A faint haze of smoke rose. The green old woman disappeared, as did the illusory Mo Ran. Within the wedding chamber knelt a green-haired and pointy-eared young man with exquisite features, whom Chu Wanning didn't recognize.
Still incandescent with rage, Chu Wanning rose from the bed, clutching at his gaping lapels. He glared at the little demon with eyes both sensual and furious, his voice like an angered panther, low and dangerous. "Beast," he pushed through gritted teeth.
This was the lust gourd's true form. It stared at Chu Wanning, face colorless in shock and fear. "It's you…"
Chu Wanning whipped around in rage. "What do you mean, it's me?"
The lust gourd had been reduced to a trembling mess. It fell to its
knees, kowtowing again and again. "This junior didn't know it was…" It couldn't seem to say Chu Wanning's name. Flinching, it slammed its head against the ground. "Xianjun, please forgive me. Xianjun, please forgive me."
Chu Wanning eyed the creature. Many years ago, Chu Wanning had defeated countless demons and spirits on exorcism missions. Tianwen was infamous among their number, and several lesser spirits were known to go shocked stiff at the mere sight of him. He hadn't expected the lust gourd to be the same.
Chu Wanning recalled Tianwen and rose from the bed, staring down at the young man kowtowing on the floor. "Let me out."
"Yes, yes!"
The lust gourd didn't dare delay. It recited the incantation, and mist exploded from the ground, forcing Chu Wanning to close his eyes. When the fog cleared and he could see again, he'd returned to the courtyard before Loyalty Hall.
The crowd rushed forward and surrounded him. "Shizun, are you alright?"
"Nobody does it like you, Yuheng!" "Shizun, Shizun, were you injured?"
The mist smelled of rotting gourds. Chu Wanning felt dizzy, and it
took him a moment to realize the giant lust demon had disappeared. In its place, on the stone slabs before him, lay a little pink gourd.
Still caught in the shame of the illusion, Chu Wanning wasn't in the mood to elaborate. He turned to Xue Zhengyong. "Take both gourds and keep them in the demon-suppressing tower."
"Okay. Um…" Xue Zhengyong's gaze fixed upon Chu Wanning.
He opened his mouth and let it hang, as if hesitant to speak.
Chu Wanning had a bad feeling. "What is it?" "Nothing."
Xue Zhengyong's expression certainly said otherwise. Chu Wanning
swiftly realized everyone else was eyeing him with a barely concealed curiosity and amusement. When he turned, he found even Mo Ran watching him with an awkward look, his tanned skin flushing.
"What…" Finally, Chu Wanning realized what was happening. He looked down at his clothes.
At some point—perhaps the second he'd entered the lust gourd's bowels—his customary white had been swapped for a set of auspiciously embroidered robes like Xue Meng's. Precisely the sort of clothes worn when performing wedding bows.
Chu Wanning was left speechless.
The story of the Yuheng Elder defeating demons in wedding garb swiftly made the rounds through all of Sisheng Peak. The question most debated by the disciples was: whom had the Yuheng Elder married inside the gourd?
Someone who had their fill of living cheerfully answered, "I'm sure it was a gorgeous woman."
Someone wholly ready to die waggled their brows and added, "Who knows, it might've been a beautiful man."
Someone who cherished their life replied in all seriousness, "When he lifted its veil, the elder likely saw the lust gourd's true form. If he saw anything else, the lust gourd would've been angered, and he wouldn't have been able to defeat the demon."
The group cast disdainful looks at this spiritless coward who cared so much about his continued existence. Shaking their heads, they left it at that.
There was one brave warrior on Sisheng Peak, however, who feared not death. One gloomy morning when morning practice was canceled, Mo Ran snuck into Red Lotus Pavilion with breakfast to canoodle with Chu Wanning.
After they ate, the man upon whom the masses had bestowed such titles as "gorgeous woman" and "beautiful man" took Chu Wanning's hand with a grin and asked, "Shizun, inside the lust gourd, did you make me your wife?"