MJ and I stayed at Starbucks for quite a while. It wasn't until closing time, but we didn't leave until nine o'clock. But neither of us wanted the evening to end. After all, there were still so many unspoken stories about our friends left to tell. Anyway, after the coffee shop, we went to a bar.
I certainly can't get drunk on alcohol, even if I try hard, but I do have a way to get completely wasted. Vampire booze is nothing more than blood plasma. It hits you in the head just as hard as absinthe does to humans. I always keep a small flask of it with me.
Overall, I was in a great mood, in good company, and more importantly, I was relatively full, so I decided, why not?
Mary-Jane and I went on a real bar crawl, which lasted, I think, about three hours. It was fun, and at one point, you could say we were really drunk, when we found ourselves in the middle of a bar fight. Apparently, baseball fans were settling things. They were also drunk, but even so, they tried not to hurt me. Like, men are the weaker sex and all that. I was a little infuriated by this interpretation, and I'm not proud of myself, but three women were left in that bar with compound fractures.
Oddly enough, I didn't really feel like eating them. Apparently, plasma dulls hunger; I'd never consumed it in public before, so I didn't know it had such a beneficial effect. Which means I can drink as much as I want, within reason, of course. Plasma is twice as expensive as blood.
One way or another, after the brawl, we decided to call it a day with the drinking and not wait for the police to arrive and arrest us all. After catching a taxi to Mary-Jane's house, we dropped by her place at half past twelve.
Having sobered up to a point, I wanted to put MJ to bed and head home. But Mary Jane didn't want to sleep. The redhead demanded that the party continue. Honestly, I wanted to hypnotize the girl so she'd fall asleep and stop whining. But when she looked at me with the eyes of the cat from Shrek, I suddenly changed my mind.
As it turned out, Mary-Jane had a couple of bottles of wine at home, which she said was relatively good. So we continued the celebration, MJ drinking, and I, in the absence of plasma, enjoying her company on an empty stomach. But I'm not complaining. Redhead can drive you crazy, in a good way, just with her presence.
Around two in the morning, we got the idea to, so to speak, try out the songs I'd "composed." How the neighbors didn't call the cops, given our drunken screams, is a mystery I'll probably never solve. However, I have a hunch they were simply lost in the sound. Mary Jane's voice is amazing, with a three-octave range—even tipsy, I could tell.
Honestly, I got turned on, even starting to make advances on Red, caressing her thigh. The scene took place on the living room couch of the girl's three-bedroom apartment. Apparently, she had two other roommates with whom she shared the rent, but they weren't there, and I wasn't particularly interested in who MJ lived with. For some reason, it didn't occur to me that it could be someone I knew, so I didn't even ask Mary-Jane who her roommates were or where they were.
"Parker, I told you, until you can guarantee me that you won't want to grab a bite from me in between, you can't count on moving our relationship to a horizontal plane," the girl removed my hand from her thigh.
"You're ruining all the fun, Mary-Jane," I made a pitiful face.
"Little mouse, is it really that hard to be patient?" she winked at me.
"Does that mean all I have to do is wait a little while?" I asked hopefully.
"That's not what I meant," the redhead said, embarrassed.
"Is it just me, or do you want me to persuade you? Where did that brave and determined woman go who would just go and seduce me herself?" I teased her.
"When you stop hypnotizing my carotid artery with your gaze, then I'll seduce you!" she declared.
"It wasn't like that," I quickly looked away from her neck. Maybe I really was starting to lose control, and that couldn't be allowed. That's why I immediately took a sip of blood from the flask. "I just can't take my eyes off you," I said.
"What crude flattery!" the beauty protested, theatrically indignant, but her eyes showed she wanted more praise. After all, women are all the same in some ways, regardless of the universe.
- Don't tell me you didn't like it, I won't believe it.
"You won't get Jimmy today," the redhead gently brushed me off.
"Don't be so cruel, I agree to limit myself to a sensual kiss, as a sign that you have become my girlfriend," I hung over her, violating the boundaries of her personal space.
"I haven't agreed to date you yet," she whispered.
"You don't want to? Don't you really like me?" I cornered her, gently tracing the line of her cheekbone with my finger.
"You're in too much of a hurry," she took my hand and carefully removed it from her face.
"It's all because you drive me crazy, Redhead," I stopped trying to grope the girl.
"Can I take this as a confession?" MJ was taken aback. I was about to answer her, when…
- What the!? - a vaguely familiar female voice came from behind me.
"Are you already bringing the guys while we're away, MJ?" came another vaguely familiar female voice, more mischief than irritation. I slowly pulled away from Red and turned my head in the direction of the sound.
"Parker!? What are you doing here? MJ, what do you mean?" asked Gwen, the voice that spoke first. Stacy was dressed like civilians, not in her super-cool getup, just like her companion, who turned out to be none other than Felicia Hardy. I briefly lost consciousness, captivated by the beauty of the blondes before me, but pulled myself together just in time.
"You didn't tell me you were living with Gwen and Felicia," I whispered, "Mary Jane."
"They weren't supposed to be home today. They rarely spend the night at home anyway, it's a professional hazard and all that," Red whispered back, furiously and irritably.
"Are you ready to stop ignoring us yet? This is a bit annoying," Felicia complained, though I'm imagining it, or is she enjoying the piquancy of the situation?
Honestly, if there was any female comic book character I loved more than Black Cat, I think I've forgotten her. It wasn't even her looks, which, by the way, were beyond praise. A beautiful oval face, green eyes like two emeralds, a slightly upturned nose, and a luxurious mane of snow-white hair, not to mention her perfect body: D-cup breasts and a firm butt, to boot.
But I didn't fall in love with her because of her looks. Comics have always been full of sexy nymphs; it's practically a rule of the genre—a female character has to be a sex bomb. But it was her personality that drew me to her. She was a vibrant extrovert who stole every scene. She was downright brazen, selfish, and at the same time principled and loyal to her people.
The roots of my attraction to her, I suppose, lay in my own character. The thing is, I was not only a classic vampire, but also an energetic one. In other words, I'm an introvert who, for an active social life, needs the right extrovert to recharge me with. I always thought Felicia would be perfect for me. You could say I was in love without knowing.
For the reasons I've already stated (in my head), I was having a hard time focusing on the situation in front of me, and if it weren't for Mary Jane sitting next to me, I probably would have just been grinning stupidly, staring at Hardy. But thank goodness for Stan Lee, Red noticed my stumbling in time and elbowed me in the ribs.
"Thank you," I nodded gratefully to her. I didn't want to look stupid in front of my idol. "Black Cat, Spider-Gwen, oh, I meant White Spider," I greeted them.
"I don't understand what you're talking about, Parker. What did you call me?" Gwen was the first to come to her senses, playing dumb. "Didn't Percy tell them I knew about them? No, that's unlikely. It's more likely that she thinks Mary-Jane doesn't know and wants to keep it that way."
"I've known for a long time who you girls are," MJ admitted, and pinched my arm painfully.
- Hey, why!? - I was indignant.
"I didn't want them to know that I knew!" Red muttered resentfully.
"Wow, how long have you known Tigress?" Black Cat asked. And it dawned on me: so that's why Mary Jane called cannon Peter "Tiger"! She was marking her territory, in front of the other girls!
"Does it matter?" MJ answered with a question.
"Some, so what?" Felicia persisted.
"And when did you start?" Redhead said, keeping to her style.
"What's wrong with you, Jimmy? When did you find out?" the platinum blonde turned her attention to me.
"Didn't Percy tell you?" I picked up Mary-Jane's style of conversation.
"About what?" Hardy asked, turning her gaze to Stacy, who pursed her lip and chose to look away rather than meet her friend's eyes. Instantly realizing that, at best, she'd been forgotten about something important, she hissed like a real cat. "Why am I always the last one to know?"
- Sorry, Felicia, I was busy and forgot to tell you that Jimmy knows everything about us. Percy only told me yesterday and asked me to help him find him.
"Hey, I'm still here," I said, drawing attention to myself.
- That's exactly it! What the hell are you doing here!? - Stacy snapped at me, - Percy hasn't found you for three days!
"Seriously? Was she even looking? I don't think I was hiding," I shrugged.
"She went to your house, you weren't there, then to the Connors' country house, you weren't there either, and yesterday you showed up in New York with your powers, and your sister asked me for help. I've scoured the city looking for you, and I'm expecting an explanation!" Gwen propped her chest in her hands, delivering an angry tirade while I tried not to stare at her breasts. Communicating with beautiful women eats up too many of my nerve cells.
"First of all, I accidentally showed up in public the day before yesterday, to be precise. Secondly, you could have called me; it's obvious we just missed each other," I expressed my point of view.
"You have all your calls forwarded, smart guy," Stacy said, disproving my theory.
"No, it can't be," I took out my phone and started rummaging through it, "Um, sorry, I seem to have gotten into the habit of putting it on airplane mode," I scratched the back of my head with my right hand in an apologetic gesture.
- You...! - Gwen choked with indignation.
"Well, I'm sorry, Blondie, but do you want me to make up for the trouble by asking you out on a date?" I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I'll seduce Gwen and nip her hysteria in the bud.
"Why would I date a gay guy? Do you think I'm that pathetic?" Stacy exploded. Wait a minute, didn't Percy tell them anything?
- Gwen, remember what exact situation you found me in when you arrived?
"You teased MJ, so what? It never happened before, and here it is again." Well, she's right in a way. Old Jimmy liked to tease girls like that, even those who didn't know about his orientation and tried to pick him up. His favorite part was gently moving a lock of hair from one of the girls' ears and ingratiatingly telling her, "I'm gay." A nasty guy, in a word, but you can't deny that he was witty.
"Okay, let's approach it from the other side," I began, but…
- Crunch-crunch, what!? - Felicia got hold of some popcorn and began to watch our conversation with fascination.
"Um, so, can I ask what exactly Percy told you about me?" I tried to figure out where to begin explaining. Frankly, I was getting tired of retelling this tired story to everyone over and over again. And I'd have to do it at least once more, for my uncle and his family.
"Your sister told me you could probably be in danger and that she knew who we were. She didn't explain why, only adding that you'd tell us everything yourself if you deemed it necessary. Which makes me wonder: do you trust us enough to explain your status and what's going on?" Gwen looked at me searchingly.
"But they didn't even share such a small amount of information with me, but don't get distracted by me, continue," Felicia waved her hand.
I even felt ashamed for my sister, what had she been thinking, sending her friends after me without really explaining anything to them, what if I'd gone crazy with bloodlust and attacked them? In short, I need to set Percy straight immediately; she's clearly not handling the position of team leader, although her sudden respect for my secrets is nice.
"Hah," I sighed heavily, looked Blondie straight in the eye, and made up my mind, "Gwen, I'm going to tell you something now that might shock you, so I'll ask you to control yourself. No sudden movements, really. I..."
"Jimmy's a vampire, a daytime one at that, and he's also straight now. They're connected somehow, but I haven't figured out how yet," Redhead interrupted, and at my indignant look, as if to say, "I wanted it myself," she simply shrugged. "You hesitated too long, I'm tired of it, and then you ratted me out first, Mouse—it's all fair and square."
Felicia choked on her popcorn, and Gwen was stunned. I wanted to break the news gently.
"So you were seriously trying to knock Mary Jane up!?" Black Cat asked, clearing her throat.
"And if you hadn't interrupted me, I would have succeeded," I muttered discontentedly.
"Nothing would have worked for you," MJ said, offended.
"So you were serious when you asked me out?" Gwen froze.
- Yes, do you want to? – I asked.
"I don't even know. What about vampirism?" Stacy asked, confused.
- I only kill people in self-defense, I eat canned food, I recently overcame my photophobia, I think that's all.
"You killed people? You didn't say so before," Red's voice sounded somewhat accusing.
"They tried to kill me, I defended myself," I answered simply.
"So he asked Gwen out on a date, but ignored me," Felicia teased.
"Would you go if I invited you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, but the lack of an invitation is insulting in itself, don't you think?" Hardy purred. "By the way, what's this 'Little Mouse'?"
"I gave him that nickname," MJ boasted.
"You're really putting me in an awkward position, Tigress," Black Cat complained.
"Why don't you want to go on a date with me?" I said, composing myself after such a metaphorical blow to the gut.
"No offense, Jimmy, but you've been a self-absorbed jerk for as long as I can remember. Charming, no doubt, but still a jerk. I doubt vampirism and a year in self-imposed exile have changed that. I'm a distinguished woman, and I certainly won't be alone, so I'm not about to jump at the first opportunity to settle down—damn you, old Jimmy! Now, because of you, the girl I crave more than anyone else has practically said outright that she despises me as a person."
"So I don't have any chance with you," I almost whispered dejectedly.
"Why not?" Black Cat heard. "If I see that you've changed for the better, that you've grown as a person, so to speak, I might change my mind and give you a chance. But then I'll be the one asking you out on a date, 'Little Mouse,'" the silver-haired girl giggled.
My life is a tin can. Well, at least there's some hope. It's not like I'm going to spin like a weather vane for every girl who catches my eye. But maybe when she sees that I'm a better match for old Jimmy, she'll relent. In any case, Felicia isn't one to throw words to the wind, and there's no point in hitting on her, since she said so herself.
"I think I'll hold off on drawing any conclusions until I get to know you again," Stacy cut me off.
What's wrong with them all! I don't care when they realize what an opportunity they missed to snag me at the start of my heterosexual life, let them only blame themselves. I can already imagine them chasing me, and me giving them the runaround. My revenge will be terrible, heh-heh.
"What are you thinking about with that devilish expression on your face, Parker?" Hardy narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"What are you even talking about?" I said, feigning complete incomprehension.
- Parker!
"You imagined it," I waved it off.
"You're clearly up to something nasty, I can see it!" Felicia persisted.
"I solemnly swear that I am planning a prank and nothing but a prank," I replied.
"Don't play with me, Jimmy, I'm a real expert on this field," Black Cat threatened, a real pun intended. She was clearly enjoying herself, though, and her eyes sparkled with interest, wondering what I was up to.
"Enough! It's late, everyone has things to do tomorrow, let's go," Gwen called us back to order. Our collective voice of reason. She's probably right.
"You're right, I've been here for a while, I'll go," I said, jumping to my feet.
"Stop," Stacy said, stopping me from entering the hallway.
- What? - I was surprised.
"You leave in the morning, I won't let you out tonight. Your sister's been on edge lately. I don't want her accusing me of being irresponsible," Gwen declared decisively.
"You know that night is the time of vampires. Nothing will happen to me," I tried to convince her, but it was no use.
"Let's not make a scene, okay? You can sleep on the couch where you hit on MJ. Come on, tip-top," Blondie pushed me toward the said piece of furniture.
"If you insist," I decided not to make a scene out of the blue and sat back down on the sofa.
"That's all for today, I'm off to bed," Felicia said, heading to her room. Unfortunately, I couldn't help but stare at her backside. Of course, she noticed and gave me a condescending smile. I sighed sadly.
A minute later, Gwen drank some water from the fridge and went back to her room. MJ and I were left alone again. She was about to follow her friends' example, but I stopped her by taking her hand.
- Tell me, Mary-Jane, do you think I'm an asshole too?
"Were you that offended by the cat lady's words?" Red returned to the sofa.
- Stronger than I would have liked, but you still haven't answered.
"You've always been a charming bastard to me, Mouse. You have your faults, but you're clearly better than the description that shabby cat gave you."
"I hope so," I smiled through force.
- Do you really like Felicia so much that her words mean so much to you?
"As you see," I answered sullenly.
"You know how to make people jealous," MJ said, moving away from me.
- Believe me, if I heard such a description from you, I would be no less upset.
"The bend is counted, Jimmy," Red decided to leave me alone again.
"Wait, Mary-Jane, do your words mean that you've admitted that we're in a relationship?" I caught her.
"That's mean of you to take me at my word, Parker! Good night," MJ said her final goodbye.
"Good night," I watched her go, and stared at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep.
***
I woke up around eight in the morning and was surprised to find the girls still there. Someone had mentioned yesterday that they had a lot to do today, hmm. Felicia was apparently still asleep, and Gwen and Mary-Jane were drinking coffee in the kitchen and chatting about something.
After washing up, I decided to join them. Well, actually, I was planning to say goodbye and take my leave, as I was terribly hungry, but the topic of their conversation intrigued me.
"I'm telling you, Gwen, this is a sure thing, just read these lyrics," MJ tried to convince her, apparently emphasizing the benefits of resuming her musical career under my watchful eye. It wasn't going according to plan, damn it; she had to work on the other band members first.
"I don't know, Mary-Jane, I'm not really in the mood for music right now, you know. School, work, other things," Blondie tried to jump off.
"Good morning, girls, how are you?" I interrupted.
"Hello, Jimmy, how did you sleep?" Gwen asked.
- Wonderful, thank you for your hospitality.
"You're welcome," the blonde responded.
"Little mouse, help me! Our Miss Stacy wants to spend her whole life as an office worker instead of getting rich right now!" Redhead said to me.
"I thought we agreed that we would act a little differently, Mary-Jane," I chided her, sitting down on the empty chair.
"Sorry, but I couldn't help myself. Your songs are so great, I don't understand how Gwen can't see it!" MJ complained.
- Maybe she just doesn't want to hear it. How are you after yesterday, by the way, do you have a headache?
- Everything is fine...
"Hey! Don't accuse me of being blind and deaf, okay, people? I'm sitting right next to you," Spider-Woman Number Two protested.
"Do you know what your problem is, Gwen?" I asked her.
"Come on, enlighten me," she said sarcastically.
"I'm willing, though, and it's not just you, it's all superpowers. So, you don't think ahead, not at all. You live for today, and you think it will always be this way. You defeat the villain, put her in jail, she escapes, and it all starts again. And so it is with everything, now you think there's nothing more important than your heroism. I saved another life today—the day wasn't wasted, so you think, while your "hobby" is slowly destroying your life. My career is going down the drain, so what, I'll die in the process from a stray bullet, so what..."
"My career isn't going down the drain, Parker!" the blonde interrupted me angrily.
- Don't interrupt! I'll express my thoughts, and then you can tell me what an asshole I am! So, you risk your life for strangers without considering the cost, and it's colossal! Now you're twenty, and you think your whole life is ahead of you. That's true, but by endlessly sacrificing your interests for others, you put your life on hold, but it doesn't stop, Gwen! Look at Percy - she's a genius in several fields, and she's on the verge of dropping out of university! And why? It's all because she has no time for herself, because the hero's path is self-denial.
"What's the alternative? Standing by when you can save someone's life! If we don't take to the streets, people will die," Stacy hissed.
"I'll let you in on a terrible secret, Gwen: people die—all the time. That's just the way life works. They died before you were born, they're dying right now, and they'll keep dying until humanity is completely extinct. And that won't change! But let's get back to you, my friend. You're not thinking about the future, so let me build you a model of how your life will unfold. There are exactly two options, right? You'll either die in the midst of your incredible work, leaving a laceration in the hearts of everyone who knew and cherished you, including me. Or you'll be lucky—though that depends on how you look at it, of course—and you won't die at the height of your glory. You'll be a hero until an injury or the chronic fatigue of such a life forces you to hang up your tights. Let's say you last quite a long time, like 20 years..."
"James, please stop…," the girl asked.
"No, Gwen's not enough! Imagine this: you're 40 years old, you have no family, no children, and a job that allows you, at best, to eat, because you weren't striving for career advancement, you simply didn't have the time. Can you imagine?"
"What makes you think it will be like this!?" the blonde exploded.
"If you want a detailed explanation, fine. If you don't have time for a career, where will you find it for, say, a child, even one conceived artificially? A child is a responsibility, and as a heroine, you wouldn't wish that kind of life on them—always sitting at home, waiting to see if their mother returns alive today, meaning you won't have children. And if you're dreaming of a serious relationship, I hasten to disappoint you: you superheroines are professionally unsuited for it. Look at yourself, Percy, Felicia—you're all simply beautiful, in your prime, you should be swarmed, despite the vast selection available to any heterosexual man. But look, not one of you has a boyfriend. And you never will with that lifestyle; you're turning everyone down, including me, just yesterday."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Gwen whispered, almost crying.
- Because I care what happens to you! But let's get back to the topic. You can cite a couple of exceptions, like Tony Stark or Jenny Storm, who have no shortage of guys. But to gain their popularity, you need three things you can't or won't do: first, reveal your identity; second, have a decent amount of money in the bank, or better yet, an indecent amount; and third, act like a whore. Which, for you, at least I'd like to believe, is unacceptable. But that's all just poetry. Are these ladies married? The answer is no, they simply have the opportunity to call an escort to satisfy their lust, but they still have no personal happiness. But that's not about you; you want the right man and true love.
"Why are you arguing so early in the morning?" Felicia appeared from her room.
"Sorry if we woke you, we're almost done," I responded.
"Come on, you don't have to rush, everyone's awake now, after all," Black Cat stretched, flexing her limbs. Considering her curves, and the fact that she was wearing only her underwear, I'd seriously lost focus.
"One way or another," I continued, more calmly, "you have a choice, Gwen. I'm not suggesting you hang up your costume immediately or give up being a hero altogether. When the whole world, or someone close to us, is in danger, I'll crawl out of my hole to do my part. But fighting the mafia and preventing bank robberies is clearly not something worth living and dying for. Be that as it may, that's the job of the police, the government, and everyone else who gets paid for these things with something more substantial than verbal gratitude. If they can't handle it, you shouldn't insure them for free, otherwise nothing will change. MJ!" I called to my friend, who seemed to be thinking about my words.
- "Eh...what?" she responded after a while.
- Call Liz and Jill and tell them there's a band meeting and rehearsal today at five o'clock. Can you guarantee their attendance?
"Yes, they will definitely come," Redhead assured me.
"Okay. I hope you'll come too, Gwen. Believe me, you won't regret it if you decide to," I squeezed her shoulder, to which she nodded absentmindedly.
"I missed all the fun again," Hardy complained.
"I'm sure MJ will give you the rundown. By the way, come to the rehearsal—it's a unique opportunity to hear the first songs that could soon become hits," I invited her too.
"I don't promise anything," the girl purred, stretching out on the table.
"Okay, people, I hope to see you all today at five, bye," I said goodbye to everyone, and taking my motorcycle helmet from the dresser in the hallway, I left the girls' apartment.
- Oh, and where did I leave my bike yesterday, I'd like to know?