I looked down at the bloody pulp beneath my feet as my chest heaved and my throat burned. Kona had fallen unconscious from the pain, and Nigel was standing next to me, talking. He was speaking to me, but I couldn't hear a word. I couldn't hear anything. He grabbed my shoulder as he continued to talk, but I didn't look at him; my eyes were locked on the sight on the ground behind him. On Kona and her now severed leg.
For some reason, it felt as if my hands were bound in metal, like I was unable to move at all. I felt a cold wash over my body as I looked at the gory sight. I couldn't help but see that gruesome sight in that cave again. I couldn't help but see Kona's body strewn alongside the others. I wanted to throw up.
Why? Why did this happen? Why was I the one who was spared? It wasn't fair. I should be dead a dozen times over, but why do I have this power when they should have it? It wasn't fair. I had to do something, I had to give Kona my powers, I had to find a way to pull Wrath out to give to her.
It wasn't fair. Those were the only words repeating through my mind as my right hand reached up and gripped my left arm by the elbow joint and pulled. I pulled and pulled until my repetitive thoughts turned into screams of pain as the flesh and muscles ripped, and blood gushed from the wound down my arm.
Nigel stepped back and, in a flash, drew his blade and sliced. My right hand was severed, and the ripping stopped. My left arm repaired the damage I had done, the muscle fibres and flesh stretching to reattach where they had broken apart. I looked down at my right hand as it lay in the grass at my feet. I squatted to pick it up and held it to my wrist. My knees gave out, and I sat there in the grass. There was nothing I could do, no way I could help; I felt powerless. My vision blurred, and I welcomed the coming dark, but I didn't pass out, no. It was tears welling in my eyes and streaming down my face. I wanted to bash my head against a rock and go unconscious; I didn't want to feel this feeling, but I couldn't help it. I felt a pair of hands cup the back of my head as I was pulled into a shoulder, this only made me cry more; it was as if I finally had permission to cry.
I hated myself for this. I felt selfish, as if I weren't allowed to do this. I pushed Nigel back and wiped my face dry; now was not the time. "What do we do?"
Nigel sat in front of me, reeling after being pushed onto his rear suddenly. "What?"
"What do we do?"
Nigel looked around at the violence that had unfolded. He stumbled to his feet and brushed himself off. "I suppose, water… get some water for when she wakes up. Sun rises soon, so I'll get food."
"Is that it? Just…"
"The bleeding stopped, the wound is closed. There's nothing more to be done." Nigel reached his hand out, and I grabbed it and got to my feet. Pulling him close to me into a hug.
"Thanks. I didn't know what to do, so… thanks."
"It's okay. Get some water and be next to her when she wakes, okay?"
"Okay."
I went to the smouldering campfire, retrieved a water pouch and returned to Kona, sitting by her waiting for her to awaken. I kept thinking about how, if there was a way to help, even slightly, even just to ease the pain.
"Blood." Wrath's voice rang out in my mind like thunder. "There is power in blood."
I brought my hands together and pressed the nail of one index finger against the skin of the other. I dug the nail deep and drew blood, only a few drops. I gently opened Kona's mouth and held my finger aloft, watching as a bead of blood formed and fell into her mouth. I knew it was impossible for me to heal her injury, but at least there was something, and I'm thankful Wrath was helping. At least this might dull her pain as Wrath had done for me.
She awoke after a short time. I lifted her head onto my lap and helped her drink some water. She looked up at me, confused, as it looked like she was trying to ask a question. She looked around and saw the corpse of Joseph to her right. She looked down and lifted her leg, looking at the now-formed stump, then she looked back at me. "That was real?"
I nodded faintly. I didn't want it to be.
"I don't feel any pain. It doesn't hurt at all." She groaned as she sat up I put my hand on her back to support her as she leaned forward and looked at her missing right leg; it was cleaved just above the knee, but the end had been burned closed. The other half of the leg was sitting on the grass nearby.
"Fuck." She whimpered out as tears started to well in her eyes. "I'm done, it's over."
She turned and clutched onto me as she wept. I comforted her for a while until Nigel came over with food, insisting that she needed to eat something to regain lost strength. Kona refused and shook her head. I grabbed the bowl and placed it in my lap, scooping up some of the stew and holding it out to feed her.
"You've lost a lot of blood. You need to eat." She looked up at me and reluctantly opened her mouth as I started to feed her. As I fed her, the sun began to rise. Looking down at her, I feel like there was some shred of happiness beneath the sorrow. Perhaps she was trying to focus on the here and now and ignore what had just happened.
Nigel started to rummage through all of the crates and barrels. After a few minutes, he moved to the full wagon and did the same. A few minutes later, he returned with Maria's book. I looked up at him as he approached. I didn't even need to ask the question for him to answer me.
"It's the logbook for their cargo. Figure we could use their stuff more than them now."
"You want to take their cargo?"
"Of course, their horses too. We can probably sell the wagons themselves in the city and keep the horses. I just want to see what we've got here and what's actually worth the money." He opened the book and started reading through it. He flipped through the book quickly and snapped it closed. Over the next few minutes, he searched Maria's corpse as well. "No trading permits, no slaver permit. Probably did the world a favour by taking them out, actually." He mumbled to himself as he searched Maria's pockets.
"Is that the kind of place we're going to?"
"The outer city is dangerous. It's the middle and inner city you want to stay in." Kona spoke as she finished off the last of the food I was feeding her. I looked down at her as I moved the bowl to the side.
"Are you okay?"
She shook her head as tears formed on her face again. "It's not fair. It wasn't even in a fight."
"The Northeners are a warrior culture. Losing a limb while young is bad, as it means they can't fight anymore. Losing one like this is something done as one of their worst forms of punishment. She will now be forced to act as an elder."
"I'm too young for that, I'm not even married yet." She sobbed. "I wanted at least four more years."
I wanted to ask why four years specifically. But she was already upset, I didn't want to ask something that could upset her even more. All I could do now was simply comfort her.
After some time, I fetched Kona's axe. She held onto it like a cane as she lifted herself and hopped towards one of the wagons, climbing aboard the driver's carriage. Nigel and I moved the horses and got the wagons ready to depart. We dragged the bodies into the fire pit and set it alight, dropping Kona's leg in as well.
Nigel drove the full carriage in front, and I sat next to Kona as she drove the second carriage behind the first. As we rode onward, I leaned against her side. I didn't want her to think she was having to suffer alone; I wanted her to know that I was here and could be relied upon.
"I'm sorry." I whispered out.
"Sorry? What for?"
"I'm sorry I can't do to you what I can do to myself."
"What, reattached limbs? Nobody can do that except you. Not being able to do that is normal. Besides, you probably saved my life yet again, so… thanks."
I looked up to see her face; it was one of pain and suffering. I looked away quickly. I couldn't bring myself to look, not yet. It wasn't fair.