"But that should be a story for another time," Levi said, snapping his fingers with a sharp sound that cut through the heavy atmosphere like a blade. The gesture was clearly meant to pull Ren back from the spiral of dark contemplation he was falling into.
"We need to focus on the present circumstances."
Ren blinked, his mind reluctantly returning to the counseling room and away from the disturbing implications of his forgotten past. The sound of Levi's fingers had an almost physical weight to it, like a hand on his shoulder guiding him back to the moment.
"The last condition for being one of the One Above All's chosen," Levi continued, his voice taking on the measured tone of someone delivering a final piece of a complex puzzle,
"Is the will to survive. Not just ordinary survival instinct, but something deeper and more absolute."
Levi's dark eyes fixed on Ren with uncomfortable intensity.
"Even if you have to sacrifice entire timelines, entire realities full of innocent people, you are willing to do it if it means you can continue existing. Most people have moral boundaries that would prevent them from making such choices, but the chosen have already proven they can cross any line when their survival is at stake."
The temperature in the room seemed to drop as Levi's words settled between them.
"I think you met this last condition when you got dropped into the soul ocean. When faced with complete dissolution, you chose to devour other souls rather than fade into nothing. You consumed the memories and experiences of countless dead, turned them into fuel for your own existence."
Ren found himself contemplating the path that had brought him to this point. The medical resident who had died of a heart attack seemed like a different person entirely, someone whose moral framework belonged to a simpler universe where the worst ethical dilemmas involved patient care and medical procedures.
But rather than diving deeper into that philosophical rabbit hole, he simply sighed and made a conscious decision not to think about it anymore. The weight of analysis was becoming too much to bear.
"To be honest, Levi," Ren said quietly, his voice carrying a tremor he couldn't quite suppress, "I'm terrified right now."
Levi's expression softened, and he leaned back in his chair with the patient attention of someone who had guided many people through similar moments of crisis. His smile was gentle, encouraging Ren to continue without judgment or interruption.
"I'm so fucking scared," Ren continued, his voice rising slightly as the words began pouring out of him like water from a broken dam.
"This situation is so fucking hopeless. Why do I have to suffer like this? I was just a normal person trying to get through medical school, trying to pay off student loans, trying to figure out how to be an adult."
His hands began to shake as the full weight of his circumstances crashed over him.
"And now I'm responsible for universal laws that affect entire galaxies? I can't even remember my own parents' faces, my mind has been editing my memories and emotions without my permission, and apparently I might be a murderer who forgot about committing crimes?"
Ren's voice cracked with the strain of holding back tears.
"How is any of this fair? How am I supposed to handle responsibilities that gods struggle with when I can't even trust my own thoughts? Every time I think I understand something about myself, I discover that it's probably artificial, created by some mental defense mechanism that's been lying to me since I arrived in this world."
The words came faster now, fueled by months of accumulated stress and confusion.
"And the worst part is that I don't even know who I really am anymore. Am I the person who chose to become a doctor to help people? Or am I someone who killed innocent people and had my mind wiped clean? Am I genuinely caring about others, or is that just another lie my Mental Resistance skill created to make me functional?"
Ren buried his face in his hands, his voice muffled but still audible.
"I feel like I'm drowning in secrets about my own life, and every answer I get just creates more questions. How do you build an identity when you can't trust your own memories? How do you make moral choices when you don't know what moral choices you've already made?"
He looked up at Levi with eyes that were bright with unshed tears.
"I'm supposed to grow strong enough to handle cosmic responsibilities, but I can't even handle knowing who I am. I'm supposed to become some kind of cosmic force for good or evil or whatever, but I don't even know if the person I think I am actually exists."
Levi listened to the entire outpouring with the patience of someone who had heard similar speeches countless times before. When Ren finally ran out of words, exhausted by the emotional release, Levi spoke with the gentle authority of an experienced counselor.
"Ren," he said softly,
"What you're feeling right now is completely valid. The weight of cosmic responsibility combined with the uncertainty about your own identity would break most people completely. The fact that you're still functional, still asking questions, still trying to understand your situation, speaks to a core strength that even your Mental Resistance skill can't touch."
Levi set down his teacup and leaned forward slightly, his voice taking on the warmth of genuine compassion.
"Identity isn't just about memories, Ren. It's about choices you make in the present moment. Whether you killed someone in your past life or not, whether your emotional responses are artificial or natural, you still have the power to choose who you want to be going forward."
"The person who chose to become a doctor to help people might have been operating on incomplete information about himself," Levi continued,
"But that choice still came from somewhere real inside you. The person who risked his life to save his teammates, who fought cosmic horrors to protect others, who is sitting here now despite being terrified because he wants to understand and grow stronger, that person is real."
Levi's smile became warmer, more encouraging.
"You don't need perfect self knowledge to make good choices, Ren. You don't need to remember every detail of your past to decide what kind of future you want to build. The fact that you're questioning your own morality, worrying about the consequences of your power, feeling guilty about responsibilities you didn't choose, all of that shows that your core values are intact."
"Mental Resistance might edit your emotions," Levi said with quiet conviction,
"But it can't create compassion where none exists. It can't manufacture genuine concern for others. It can't forge the kind of determination that keeps you fighting even when everything seems hopeless."
Ren sat quietly for several moments, processing Levi's words. The terror was still there, the uncertainty about his identity remained, but something in his chest felt lighter. Not healed, exactly, but less crushed by the weight of cosmic responsibility.
"You're right," he said finally, his voice steadier than it had been throughout his emotional outburst.
"I can't control what I've forgotten or what my mind has edited. But I can control what I do next."
He straightened in his chair, meeting Levi's eyes with newfound determination.
"If I can't escape this situation, if I can't go back to being normal, then I need to accept what I am and face the challenges ahead. I need to become someone worthy of these responsibilities, even if I don't know who I used to be."
Ren took a deep breath, feeling some of his natural resolve returning.
"I've survived death itself, cosmic horror, battles with beings that could unmake reality. I've adapted to situations that should have destroyed my sanity completely. Maybe that's enough to build on."
"If the One Above All chose me for these reasons, if I really do have the psychological flexibility to handle cosmic responsibility, then I need to stop being afraid of that potential and start developing it consciously," he continued, his voice growing stronger with each word.
"I need to grow strong enough to actually use these laws I apparently possess, strong enough to understand the full scope of my situation, strong enough to make choices that affect entire galaxies without being crushed by the weight of those decisions."
Levi's smile widened, showing genuine pride in his patient's progress.
"That's exactly the mindset you need, Ren. Acceptance of what you are combined with determination to become better. That's the foundation every chosen of the One Above All needs to build upon."
"In that case," Levi said, standing up from his chair with fluid grace, "let me give you some power to begin that journey properly. Let's head to the real library."
"Huh?" Ren blinked in confusion. "Is this not the library, Levi?"
"No, Ren," Levi replied, his smile taking on a mysterious quality that seemed to make the room itself shimmer with anticipation. "Not even close."