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Eldritch Horror? No, I'm A Doctor
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The temperature dropped.
It wasn't gradual. One moment the blood-soaked Grafting Room was cold but bearable, and the next it felt like stepping into a freezer. Nox's breath misted in the air, visible even through his plague doctor mask. Frost began creeping across the blood-stained walls, delicate crystalline patterns forming over the dried gore.
Colonel Steven Bright's eyes opened.
Both of them.
The new eye on the left side glowed bright blue, illuminating the circle beneath him with cold light. The iris wasn't just blue, it was ice itself, frozen and perfect. And within that ice, visible if you looked closely, was the faint outline of a skull. The Skinless King's mark, embedded forever in the Colonel's vision.
Pressure radiated from the Colonel's body like a physical force. Not magic, The kind of weight that made the air feel thick, hard to breathe. Nox took a step back instinctively, his tentacles twitching beneath his mask.
Steven sat up slowly from the summoning circle. His movements were stiff, like someone waking from a very long sleep. Blood from the circle clung to his uniform, but frost was already forming on the fabric, crystallizing the red into patterns of white and crimson.
Nox watched with satisfaction. The procedure had worked. No explosions. No mutations into some shambling horror. Just clean evolution, exactly as the Grotesque Gospel had promised.
He retracted his tentacles, pulling them back through the split in his mask. The porcelain segments closed together, reforming into the smooth surface of the plague doctor's beak. Then he brought his hands together.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
"Congratulations, Colonel Steven Bright," Nox said, his voice carrying across the frozen room.
"On your evolution."
The Colonel seemed dazed. His good eye blinked several times while the new blue one stared unblinking, unmoving. He turned his head slowly toward Nox, the movement mechanical.
"Although that was extremely terrifying," Steven said, his voice hoarse,
"I sincerely thank you."
He stood up slowly, testing his legs. They held. The skull pattern in his new eye seemed to shift slightly, rotating in the frozen iris like something alive trapped in ice.
Nox nodded. "Well, don't thank me yet. Look at your status screen first."
Steven frowned, then summoned his interface with a gesture. The translucent blue screen appeared in front of him, visible only to his eyes. He read the first line.
His eyes went wide.
Both of them, the brown and the blue.
"What?" His voice pitched higher.
"What? Whattttttttttttttttttttttttt?"
He scrolled frantically through the screen, his hands shaking.
"Oh my God. Oh my God!"
Then Colonel Steven Bright, decorated military officer, veteran of countless gate raids, and stoic leader of men, rushed at Nox and tackle hugged him.
They both fell to the bloody ground.
"Thank you, Doctor! Thank you so much! I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"
Nox landed on his back with a grunt, the Colonel's weight pinning him to the floor. Steven was nuzzling against his chest like an overexcited dog.
Huh. Why do I always get touched by men? Is this my fate? Nox thought, staring up at the blood-covered ceiling.
Now I'm getting hugged by military officers. What's next?
The Colonel continued snuggling, apparently too overwhelmed with joy to notice or care about dignity.
"Hey," Nox said. "Let go of me."
"Ah!" Steven jumped up immediately, his face flushing red with embarrassment.
"Sorry. I got carried away."
Nox stood slowly, brushing blood and frost off his Umbral Gentleman's Attire.
"So. What skill did you acquire?"
"It's... it's..." Steven's voice was breathless with excitement. "It's an S rank skill!"
"What?"
"Yes! An S-rank skill! How did you do it, Doctor? How did you make me acquire an S-rank skill from an A-rank monster?"
A System notification popped up in Nox's vision.
Oh, it must have triggered the 30% chance critical evolution.
What is that? Nox thought.
Didn't you read the manual? The Grafting Room, although it looks like a horror movie, I didn't design it that way just to fuck with you. Well, not ONLY to fuck with you. The room is real deal equipment and has a 30% chance to acquire skills beyond the material's rank.
So the Colonel got an S-rank skill because of critical success?
Of course.
You can be useful sometimes.
I'm ALWAYS useful. I just want to fuck with you for entertainment.
You're an asshole.
Thank you for the compliment.
Nox turned his attention back to the Colonel, who was practically vibrating with excitement.
"So," Nox said casually, "will you pay with cash or card?"
Steven blinked. "Ah, sorry. I misspoke earlier."
"No, you didn't misspeak," Nox corrected.
"Will you pay in cash or wire it to my account?"
"I'll wire it to your account." Steven pulled up his banking interface and made the transfer. "There. Done."
A notification appeared in Nox's vision.
╔═══════════════════════════════════════╗
║ PAYMENT RECEIVED
╠══════════════════════════════════════╣
║
║ Amount: $2,000,000
║ From: Steven Bright
║ Status: CONFIRMED
╚═══════════════════════════════════════╝
Nox reached into his inventory and pulled out the Colonel's eyepatch, the leather worn from years of use. He held it out.
"Well, I guess you won't be needing this anymore."
Steven took the eyepatch, looked at it for a moment, then smiled and put it back on over his new blue eye.
"It's still more comfortable wearing it," he explained.
"And the appearance of the blue skull iris is a bit eye catching."
That was an understatement. With one brown eye and one glowing blue eye with a visible skull pattern, the Colonel looked like he'd walked out of a supernatural thriller. The eyepatch at least let him pass for normal in public.
"Now then, Doctor," Steven said, his tone becoming more formal, more military.
"Can you please follow me?"
"Huh? Why?" Nox crossed his arms.
"I won't take commissions outside of this clinic."
"No, no. There are patients. Three patients."
"Then why didn't you bring them here with you?"
"No, no. It's not like that." Steven's smile took on a slightly unsettling quality.
"They're not patients yet. But I will make them patients. And I will cover the medical expenses."
Nox stared at him through his mask, processing that statement. "You're going to injure people and then pay me to heal them?"
"Exactly."
"I feel like I should have moral objections to that."
"But do you?" Steven asked.
Nox thought about it. "Not really, no. As long as you're paying."
"Excellent. Shall we?"
They walked out of the Grafting Room together, leaving the blood-soaked surgical circle behind. As they passed through the red door and into the normal hallway, Nox glanced back at the horror movie set he'd paid a million dollars for.
At least it works, he thought.
See? I told you it was worth it.
You also made it look like a crime scene.
Aesthetic choices.
They continued down the hallway toward the waiting room. The fluorescent lights hummed overhead, creating the illusion of normalcy after the nightmare realm they'd just left.
.
.
In the waiting room, the trio sat in various states of boredom and discomfort. They'd been here for hours now, waiting for the Colonel to finish his treatment.
"Think he's dead?" Jack asked, leaning back in his chair.
"Probably," Ash replied, not looking up from his phone.
"Remember how much we screamed? He was screaming twice as loud."
"Three times as loud," Kai corrected. "I've never heard the Colonel make sounds like that. Like a little girl who saw a spider."
"A really big spider made of nightmares," Jack added with a grin.
"Made of tentacles and chainsaws."
"That was literally what it was," Ash pointed out.
They all laughed, the sound echoing in the empty waiting room.
"You know what the best part was?" Kai asked.
"When he was yelling 'Help me! Someone help me!' Like we were going to charge in there and fight the horror doctor."
"Bold of him to assume we'd risk our lives " Jack said.
"Very bold," Ash agreed.
"I mean, I like the Colonel, but not 'face the tentacle doctor' levels of like."
"Remember when he screamed about being sacrificed to an old god?" Kai was grinning now. "That was peak entertainment."
"I should have recorded it," Jack lamented.
"Could have used it as blackmail material."
"He'd court martial you so fast," Ash said.
"Worth it," Jack insisted.
They continued talking, completely unaware of the figure standing in the doorway behind them. Colonel Steven Bright, his new blue eye hidden beneath his eyepatch, watched them with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"When he said 'I have a daughter!'" Kai was doing an impression now, his voice high and panicked.
"Like that would make the doctor stop!"
"Didn't even slow him down," Jack agreed.
"The doctor would just kept going like 'cool story, back to the surgery.'"
"And the screaming!" Ash was laughing hard now.
"It went on for so long! How does someone scream for three hours straight?"
"Military training," Kai suggested. "Learned to scream efficiently."
"Tactical screaming," Jack added. "A valuable skill."
"Sooooooo," Steven said, his voice calm and measured,
"When I was scared shitless, you all were having fun, huh?"
The trio froze.
Kai's smile died on his face. Ash dropped his phone. Jack's jaw fell open.
They turned around slowly, in perfect synchronization, like characters in a horror movie realizing the monster was behind them all along.
The Colonel stood in the doorway, his uniform covered in dried blood and frost. His visible brown eye was calm, almost pleasant. But there was something in his smile, something cold, that made all three of them want to run.
"H-hey, Colonel," Kai managed to stammer.
Jack, who was always slower to catch on, sniffed the air.
"Hmm. Does anyone else smell the scent of piss?"
The Colonel's smile widened. "I guess I should teach you some manners, huh?"
"Wait," Ash held up his hands. "Colonel, we can explain."
"No need," Steven said pleasantly.
"I heard everything. Every word. Every joke. Every impression."
He took a step into the room.
"You know, when I was lying in that circle, covered in my own piss and terror, wondering if I was going to die," Steven continued, his voice conversational,
"I was thinking about my loyal soldiers. My trusted team. The men I'd fought beside for years."
Another step.
"And do you know what I was thinking about them?" Steven asked.
"That... we're great?" Jack offered weakly.
"No." Steven's smile vanished.
"I was thinking about how I couldn't wait to beat the absolute shit out of them for leaving me to that horror."
"In our defense," Kai started.
Steven moved.
For a man who'd just undergone major supernatural surgery, he was fast. His fist connected with Kai's stomach, doubling him over. Ash tried to dodge, but Steven grabbed him by the collar and threw him into Jack, sending both of them sprawling.
"You left me!" Steven's voice was cheerful as he kicked Kai's legs out from under him.
"You abandoned your commanding officer!"
"We were following your orders!" Ash protested from the floor.
"I don't remember ordering you to make fun of me!" Steven grabbed Jack by the ankle and dragged him across the floor.
"I don't remember saying 'please mock my terrified screaming!'"
"It was really funny though!" Jack said, then immediately regretted it as Steven kicked him in the ribs.
Not hard enough to break anything. Just hard enough to hurt.
Steven moved through the trio like a one-man army, delivering precisely calculated strikes that caused maximum pain with minimum lasting damage. A punch here. A kick there. A throw that sent someone sliding across the floor.
It was almost artistic.
"You know what the worst part was?" Steven asked, now sitting on Ash's chest while the hunter tried unsuccessfully to push him off.
"The worst part was hearing you laugh. Hearing you joke about my suffering while I was getting my fucking ribs opened up!"
"We're sorry!" Kai gasped from his position curled on the floor.
"Oh, you're sorry now," Steven said, standing up and brushing off his bloody uniform.
"But were you sorry when you were doing impressions of me?"
He grabbed Kai by the collar and hauled him to his feet, only to deliver a sharp punch to the shoulder that sent him staggering back.
Jack tried to crawl away, but Steven stepped on his hand. Not crushing it, just pinning it in place.
"Going somewhere?" Steven asked sweetly.
"Nowhere, sir. Absolutely nowhere."
"Good answer."
Nox watched from the doorway, his arms crossed, thoroughly entertained. The Colonel was clearly enjoying this. And honestly, the trio had earned it.
After a few more minutes of what could generously be called "educational correction" and more accurately called "an ass beating," Steven stepped back, breathing slightly harder but looking satisfied.
The trio lay scattered across the waiting room in various states of pain and regret. Kai was curled in a fetal position. Ash was sprawled on his back, staring at the ceiling. Jack was face-down on the floor, groaning softly.
"There," Steven said, dusting off his hands. "I feel much better now."
He turned to Nox, his smile returning to something almost friendly.
"Doctor Nox, you have another three patients. Please cure them. I will handle the medical expenses."
Nox looked at the groaning, battered trio on his waiting room floor. Then he smiled behind his mask.
"Sure."
The tentacles sprouted from his face, the black porcelain splitting open like a flower of flesh and nightmare. Ten tentacles emerged from where his mouth should be, each one tipped with a circular mouth full of small teeth. Four more burst from his back, rising up like cobra heads ready to strike.
The trio's heads snapped up in unison.
"No," Kai whispered.
"Nope," Ash said, trying to crawl backward.
"Fuck that," Jack stated clearly, attempting to stand on legs that wouldn't cooperate.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they screamed in perfect three-part harmony.
"Come now," Nox said, his voice distorted by the tentacles. "The Colonel is paying good money for your treatment. It would be rude to refuse."
"WE REFUSE!" Kai shouted. "WE ABSOLUTELY REFUSE!"
"Refusal is not an option," Steven said cheerfully from behind them. "You're getting healed whether you like it or not."
"THIS IS ABUSE OF AUTHORITY!" Ash tried to argue while simultaneously trying to climb over the chair to get away.
"Consider it a learning experience," Steven replied.
Jack made it to his feet and started running for the door. He made it three steps before a tentacle wrapped around his ankle and yanked him backward. He hit the floor hard, sliding across the tile.
"NOOOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO GET TENTACLED!" Jack screamed, clawing at the floor as he was dragged toward the operating room.
"SOMEONE CALL THE MILITARY!" Kai yelled, even as two tentacles grabbed his arms. "CALL THE POLICE! CALL ANYONE!"
"I am the military," Steven pointed out. "And I approve this treatment."
"THAT'S A CONFLICT OF INTEREST!" Ash shrieked as tentacles lifted him off the ground. "THIS IS MEDICAL MALPRACTICE!"
"You signed waivers," Nox said calmly, his tentacles efficiently corralling the three struggling hunters. "Very thorough waivers."
"WE DIDN'T SIGN SHIT!" all three screamed together.
"You will," Steven said. "Retroactively."
"THAT'S NOT HOW WAIVERS WORK!" Kai protested.
The tentacles began dragging them toward the hallway. Their screams echoed off the walls, growing more desperate as they got closer to the operating room.
"I DON'T EVEN NEED HEALING!" Jack insisted. "I'M FINE! PERFECTLY HEALTHY!"
"The Colonel kicked you seventeen times," Nox observed. "You definitely need healing."
"I LIKE BEING INJURED! IT BUILDS CHARACTER!"
"Please don't make this harder than it needs to be," Nox said reasonably as his tentacles pulled the struggling hunters down the hallway.
"HARDER? YOU'RE DRAGGING US WITH TENTACLES!" Ash yelled.
"I could use the chainsaw," Nox offered. "Would that be easier?"
"NO! NO CHAINSAW! NO TENTACLES! NO NOTHING!" Kai was crying now, actual tears streaming down his face.
"PLEASE, I'LL DO ANYTHING! I'LL CLEAN TOILETS FOR A YEAR! I'LL TRANSFER TO FORBIDDEN ZONE! JUST DON'T TENTACLE ME AGAIN!"
"Too late," Nox said as they reached the operating room door.
"You should have thought about that before making fun of your commanding officer."
The door swung open, revealing the blood-stained examination table and the full array of terrifying medical equipment.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the trio screamed in unison.
Steven stood in the doorway, watching his men get dragged inside. He was smiling. Actually smiling, with genuine happiness.
"Karma," he said to no one in particular, "is a beautiful thing."
The screaming continued as the door closed behind them.
and that day after the closing hour one can hear a creepy vomiting sound echoed to the entire district