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Eldritch Horror? No, I'm A Doctor
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"Hey, what the fuck do we do, Axel?"
"How the fuck should I know, you cunt?"
Major General Ralph Waibel's face went red. "What did you just say to me, you little bitch?"
Major General Axel Krane stood up from his chair, fists clenched. "You heard me. Stop asking stupid questions and think for yourself for once."
"Stupid questions? STUPID QUESTIONS?" Ralph slammed his hands on the table. "We have a cult actively making contact with a potential Legendary-rank Phenomenon, and you're calling my concerns stupid?"
"I'm calling YOU stupid for not having a plan already!"
Within seconds, the two Major Generals were on each other. Ralph threw the first punch, catching Axel in the jaw. Axel responded with a knee to Ralph's stomach. They grappled, trading blows like drunk bar fighters rather than high-ranking military officers.
Colonel Steven Bright sat in the corner of the conference room, sipping whiskey from a flask. "Fuck, when are they gonna stop?"
Beside him, Major Daniel Kleiner let out a tired sigh. "Haha, well, we're all tense right now."
The conference room was crowded but not with its usual occupants. This was an emergency meeting, hastily assembled after Lieutenant Adrian Cross's report had reached the upper echelons. The four men present represented what could only be described as the doctor's victims, or more accurately, the three closest to the situation and one victim of secondhand emotional stress.
Major General Ralph Waibel, head of the Supernatural Division. He'd been investigating Dr. Nox since Varyn's transformation.
Major General Axel Krane, head of the Research Division. He'd classified the doctor as Phenomenon-08.
Colonel Steven Bright, who'd received the Skinless King eye implant. Still dealing with PTSD from the experience.
And Major Daniel Kleiner, who hadn't been directly treated by the doctor but had spent enough time passing out at his clinic.
For the past few days, cultists had been lurking around the clinic. Not openly, but the military's surveillance had caught them. Members of the Children of the Mother Goat, watching, waiting, testing the perimeter. It was only a matter of time before they made contact with Dr. Nox.
And if that happened, if the doctor got angry at being disturbed or harassed, there was a very real possibility he'd go berserk. Hence this emergency meeting of high-ranking officers who'd dealt with the doctor before, gathered to discuss how to prevent a catastrophe.
The door exploded inward.
Wood splinters flew across the room as the door was literally kicked off its hinges. Jennifer Moss, Axel's secretary, stormed in like an avenging angel. Her eyes blazed with fury.
"WOULD YOU TWO FUCKING STOP? HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW, YOU FUCKING MORONS?"
Both Major Generals froze mid-punch. Ralph had Axel in a headlock. Axel had his fist cocked back for an uppercut. They looked like children caught fighting by their mother.
"Sorry," Ralph mumbled, immediately releasing Axel.
"Sorry," Axel echoed, straightening his uniform.
Jennifer's glare could have melted steel. "Don't let me catch you fighting again, otherwise I'm gonna shove those reports up your asses!"
She grabbed a stack of folders from the table and hurled them at Ralph. Papers scattered everywhere as the reports hit him in the chest.
Jennifer turned on her heel and walked out, her footsteps echoing down the hallway.
The room sat in stunned silence.
Steven took another sip of whiskey. "That's the third set of doors today."
Daniel nodded slowly. "Jennifer must be quite mad."
Ralph bent down and started gathering the scattered papers. His movements were stiff, both from embarrassment and from the punches Axel had landed. He walked back to his desk, organizing the documents as he read through them.
His expression turned gloomy. Then he slammed his fist on the table.
"FUCK!"
The table broke in half, both sides crashing to the floor. Coffee cups, pens, and paperwork went flying.
"What's going on, Major General Ralph?" Steven asked, setting down his flask.
Ralph's face was pale. "They made contact with the doctor."
"What? The cultists?"
"Yes." Ralph ran a hand through his hair. "This is bad. Really bad. Fuck, we're fucked in every way possible."
The atmosphere in the room turned heavy. Even through the broken furniture and scattered papers, the weight of the news settled over everyone like a physical presence.
Daniel stood up, his analytical mind already working. "We need to analyze this more thoroughly."
"Call those three idiots too," Steven said suddenly.
"What? Kai, Ashes, and Jack?"
"Yes." Steven's expression was grim. "We need all the help we can get right now. We need to brainstorm every possible scenario."
"Agreed," Ralph said, already pulling out his phone. "Get them here. Now."
Twenty minutes later, the conference room was even more crowded. Kai, Ash, and Jack had arrived, looking confused and nervous. They stood in a corner, whispering among themselves while the officers reorganized the space around the broken table.
Ralph had pulled out a laptop and projector, connecting them to display the reports on the wall. Everyone gathered around, reading through Lieutenant Adrian Cross's account of what had happened at the clinic.
"According to Adrian's report," Ralph began, his voice steady now that they were focused on the problem, "a cultist entered the clinic while the doctor was performing surgery. The cultist conducted some kind of test on Dr. Nox. Adrian doesn't know the details because he was unconscious during most of it, but he heard voices. Conversation. And the doctor survived whatever they did to him."
"Survived?" Axel leaned forward. "What kind of test requires surviving?"
"Unknown. But here's the important part." Ralph tapped a section of the report. "The cultist left peacefully. No violence. No conflict. They just... talked. And then left."
Steven frowned. "Why would the doctor let them live?"
That was the first question everyone needed to answer. Dr. Nox had killed before. He'd transformed Varyn into a five-brained horror for threatening him. He'd terrified Steven so badly during the eye surgery that the Colonel still had nightmares. The doctor wasn't shy about using lethal force when provoked.
So why let the cultists walk away alive?
"Maybe he's joined hands with them," Daniel suggested hesitantly.
The room went silent.
Ralph shook his head immediately. "No. That can't be right."
"Why not?" Daniel pressed. "Think about it. The cultists worship eldritch entities. The doctor creates eldritch horrors. They have compatible interests. Maybe they made a deal."
"I don't buy it," Axel said flatly. "The doctor is too independent. Too territorial. He doesn't strike me as someone who'd submit to a cult's authority."
"He wouldn't need to submit," Daniel countered. "He could be their equal. Or their superior. Maybe they offered him something he wanted. Resources. Test subjects. Protection from military interference."
Steven took another drink from his flask. "Or maybe he's planning to use them."
Everyone turned to look at him.
"Think about it," Steven continued. "The doctor is smart. Calculating. He doesn't make impulsive decisions. If he let the cultists live, it's because he has a reason. Maybe he wants to see what they're planning. Maybe he's infiltrating them. Or maybe he's just curious about what they want from him."
Kai spoke up from the corner. "Could he be buying time?"
"What do you mean?" Ralph asked.
"Well, if the cultists are dangerous, and the doctor knows it, maybe he's pretending to be cooperative to avoid a fight he's not ready for yet." Kai shrugged. "It's what I'd do if I was outnumbered."
Ash nodded. "That makes sense. The doctor is powerful, but he's not stupid. If there are multiple cultists, all of them high-rank, he might be stalling until he can deal with them on his terms."
Jack added quietly, "Or maybe he just doesn't care."
Everyone looked at him.
"About what?" Daniel asked.
"About the cultists. About what they want. About any of this." Jack met their gazes. "Maybe he let them live because killing them would be inconvenient. More cultists would show up. It would draw attention. The doctor seems like someone who values his privacy. Maybe he's just trying to avoid a bigger mess."
Ralph considered this. It actually made sense. The doctor operated a clinic. He had patients. Regular business. Turning his building into a war zone would disrupt all of that.
"So we have multiple theories," Axel said, summarizing. "The doctor is either: one, allied with the cultists. Two, infiltrating them. Three, stalling for time. Or four, avoiding unnecessary conflict."
"We need more information," Ralph said. "But we can't just walk in and ask him. Not after what happened with Varyn."
"We could send someone to observe," Daniel suggested.
"Who?" Steven asked pointedly. "Who here wants to volunteer to spy on a potential Legendary-rank Phenomenon who turns people into multi-brained horrors when he's annoyed?"
Silence.
"Exactly," Steven said. "Nobody."
Ralph rubbed his temples. "Then what do we do?"
"We make contact," Axel said. "Direct contact. Official contact. We ask him what the cultists wanted. We offer assistance if he needs it. We position ourselves as allies, not enemies."
"That's risky," Daniel said. "If he thinks we're interfering, he might react badly."
"Everything about this situation is risky," Axel countered. "But at least this way, we control the narrative. We show respect. We acknowledge his autonomy. We make it clear we're not trying to control him, just understand the situation."
Ralph nodded slowly. "Alright. We make contact tomorrow. Give him today to process whatever happened with the cultists. We show up, polite and professional, and we ask questions. No demands. No threats. Just information gathering."
"Agreed," Axel said.
"Agreed," Steven echoed.
Daniel looked uncertain but nodded. "Alright. But who goes?"
That was the question that made everyone uncomfortable.
Ralph looked at Axel. "Not it."
"Fuck you, not it," Axel shot back immediately.
They both looked at Steven.
"Absolutely fucking not," Steven said. "I already got tentacle surgery. I'm not going back."
Daniel's eyes widened. "Don't look at me! I've never even talked to him!"
"That's exactly why you should go," Ralph said quickly. "You're neutral. Unthreatening. Just a curious officer asking polite questions."
"Are you insane?" Daniel's voice rose. "You think being unthreatening matters to someone who turns Brigadier Generals into science experiments?"
Kai raised his hand. "Sir, respectfully, we're also not going."
"Nobody asked you three," Ralph said.
"Just clarifying our position," Ash added. "In case there was any confusion."
"We will fight cultists," Jack said. "We will fight gate monsters. We will fight rogue hunters. But we are not fighting the tentacle doctor."
"Nobody's asking you to fight him," Axel said. "Just talk to him."
"The last people who 'just talked' to him ended up with either new body parts or psychological trauma," Kai pointed out.
Ralph looked around the room at all the terrified faces. Every single person was finding reasons to avoid this assignment.
"Fine," he said finally. "We do this the fair way."
He pulled a coin from his pocket. "Rock, paper, scissors. Best two out of three. Loser makes contact with the doctor."
Everyone groaned.
"Are we really doing this?" Axel asked.
"You have a better idea?"
"...No."
They gathered in a circle. Ralph, Axel, Steven, and Daniel. The four officers who'd been dealing with the doctor situation from the beginning.
"On three," Ralph said. "One. Two. Three!"
Hands shot out.
Rock. Paper. Scissors.
The room held its breath.
And that's where we'll find out tomorrow who drew the short straw and has to visit Dr. Nox's clinic to discuss the cult situation.
God help whoever loses.