"Alright, Madara, take it easy."
"It's just some provocation from the Land of Waves. Not worth your anger."
"Seriously, reel it in! Your spiritual pressure is crushing us!"
The air in the room grew thick and heavy, each of them struggling to draw breath under the immense, suffocating pressure radiating from Uchiha Madara. He stood with a thunderous scowl, but after a tense moment, the crushing weight was lifted.
"The audacity," Madara growled, his voice a low, dangerous rumble. "This is a personal insult."
"It seems Hayashi Yuto is making his moves" Orochimaru mused, tapping a finger on his chin. "He knows we won't back down from attacking the Land of Waves. This is just posturing."
"What infuriates me is that we are trying to save the shinobi world, and he has the nerve to label us the invaders?" Ōnoki snapped. "Does that brat even understand who the real villain is here?"
"When you've convinced yourself you're the hero, you stop seeing things clearly," (touchè) Tobirama said, his gaze cutting toward Madara. "Only an idiot would rise to bait this obvious. Don't be the idiot, Madara."
"I'm not—!" Madara began, his temper flaring, but he caught himself just in time. Losing his composure now would be playing right into Tobirama's hands. He took a breath, forcing his expression into one of cool detachment. "Who's angry? I'm amused. It's a pathetic move, really. Petty."
A heavy silence fell. No one bought it, and the exchanged glances said as much.
"Anyway," Madara said changing the subject. "They've thrown the first punch. We answer it. That's only fair. Any objections?"
A chorus of agreement echoed around the room. This wasn't about placating Madara; the Land of Waves' inflammatory leaflets had insulted every single one of them. Letting it slide was not an option.
"The question is how," Tobirama pointed out, ever the strategist. "What intelligence do we have on Hayashi Yuto? Any scandals? Embarrassing secrets? We need ammunition."
The room went quiet as everyone glanced at each other, drawing a collective blank.
"He did assassinate the Daimyō and nobles of the Land of Fire," Hiruzen Sarutobi offered.
Madara let out a dismissive scoff. "And? Those pompous figureheads deserved worse. Why should shinobi be ruled by men with no strength of their own?"
"Madara, that's extreme," Hashirama said, placing a calming hand on his friend's shoulder. "The world needs structure. Shinobi can't manage everything alone; we need the Daimyō."
"My brother is right," Tobirama agreed. "But from their perspective? Killing a Daimyō isn't a scandal; it's a badge of honor. Using that would only strengthen their resolve and make them martyrs in the eyes of their followers."
"He's got a point," Ōnoki grumbled. "We'd look like fools."
"Then what?" Yagura asked, his tone flat. "Do we talk about what they put us through?"
A visible shudder ran through the other Kage.
"Uh, let's not."
"No, that's… that's not necessary."
"Really, we can skip that."
Tobirama's eyes narrowed. "What did they put you through?"
"It was nothing," Hiruzen said a little too quickly.
"Minor inconveniences," Ōnoki added, looking away.
"Honestly, forget it," the Fourth Raikage waved a dismissive hand.
Yagura, however, stared blankly ahead, his voice completely devoid of emotion. "They fed us a massive overdose of 'Revitalization Pills' and locked all of us in a small room together."
The color drained from the other Kage's faces.
"Yagura! Why would you—?"
"We agreed never to mention that!"
The memory of that particular brand of horror was still etched into their souls.
Tobirama looked puzzled.
"Revitalization Pills?"
Hiruzen shifted uncomfortably.
"They're, ah… conjugal aids. For… fostering marital enthusiasm."
The revelation hit the Senju brothers and Madara like a physical blow. They stared speechless.
"So… Hayashi Yuto drugged you all with… those… and locked you in a room?" Tobirama clarified, a rare hint of disbelief in his voice.
A wave of miserable nodding and angry muttering confirmed it.
"You have no idea…"
"They're monsters, I tell you."
"We never spoke of it. The humiliation…"
"I… see," Tobirama said composing himself. "While I sympathize, I'm not sure global humiliation is the counterattack we're looking for. We need something that undermines his credibility, not just… that. Think. What else?"
There was a long pause before Hiruzen's eyes suddenly went wide. "I've got it! The guy has a… thing. For mothers."
The room froze.
"A thing for what?" Hashirama asked, bewildered.
"Mothers. You know, women with children. Other men's wives," Hiruzen elaborated, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.
Madara, Tobirama, and Hashirama just blinked in unison.
"Wait, he's just a kid, isn't he?" Minato asked, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.
"Don't let his age fool you, Minato," Hiruzen said gravely. "His mind is decades older. And we all know about his secretary. An Uzumaki and She's a widow with a child. It fits the pattern."
"It's practically public knowledge at this point," Ōnoki stated dryly.
"You know about it too?" Minato gasped.
"The boy announced it to the world in the middle of the Chunin Exams." Ōnoki deadpanned.
Minato looked stunned.
"He… announced it? Wow. Kids these days. Back in the day, Kushina and I would blush for a week just from holding hands."
"And they don't call him the 'Seduction Demon of the Shinobi World' for nothing," Hiruzen added, driving the point home.
"The what now?!"
"That's a real thing?"
"Unbelievable."
As the room erupted into astonished chatter, Madara's voice cut through the noise, final and decisive.
"That's it. That's our angle." A vicious grin spread across his face. "A leader who preaches justice but preys on married women? I'll write the response myself. This time, we will bury Hayashi Yuto."
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