Rory plucked at the cuticles of his fingers anxiously as he sat across the desk from the therapist while she read over notes from his last visit. It had been nearly a month of hour-long biweekly appointments.
"Hum… I see that during your last appointment, we added a dream blocker to your sleep meds along with a booster to your anxiety meds. How are those doing?"
Rory's eyes stayed trained on his hands, rested in his lap. "I… I'm having fewer nightmares… When I sleep…"
She frowned. "Are you still having problems with insomnia, Rory?"
Rory blew out a heavy sigh. "It's not so much insomnia as much as forcing myself to stay awake. I don't want the others to suffer because of me. They are all working so hard right now, and I'm putting so much extra work and stress on everyone…"
She pushed the laptop to the side. "And are you feeling any less anxiety about returning to work yourself, Rory?"
Rory risked a glance up. His troubled eyes searched hers, hoping to find something there that he hadn't been able to find among his housemates over the past several weeks.
She frowned as she laced her fingers together on the desk. "Rory, you need to talk with your team. They will not understand how you feel if you do not communicate with them."
Rory nodded as he bit into his lip. "I know… but it's my job and what is expected of me. Rin has made it very clear that if I can't do my job, then I'll be replaced."
"You have tried to leave. Is that not your goal? Would getting fired not be a good thing?"
Rory's lips trembled as he continued to pluck at his cuticles. "I… I don't know. I keep running around in circles with myself about that very question." Rory bit deeper into his lip. "I love Rin and I want to be with him… but then he does things that are so selfish… or does and says other things that make it obvious that it will never be just the two of us."
"And that's what you want?"
Rory shrugged. "That's what I thought I wanted…"
"And now?"
Rory's troubled gaze met hers. "Since the motel… I've been relying more on the others, and it's hard to see a future without them… but I don't know if I want anything more than what we have now… You know… But I know, at least in the past, they were more… together…"
"Have you felt like they have pushed you to be more?"
Rory shrugged. "Not since the motel… Rin hasn't even touched me… in that way… since then…" He slid a hand over his arm and squeezed it. "I… I'm not sure if he feels the same about me as he did before…" He squeezed himself tighter as his gaze shifted to the corner of the room. "Or… or if perhaps he's lost interest in me and all that is left is pity… from all of them."
She tilted her head and studied Rory, "And what makes you say that?"
Rory didn't shift his gaze as he dug his fingers into his arm. "Rin's focus has been on his work… which is understandable… when he does look at me, I can see the pity in his eyes… When I do fall asleep and have nightmares, it is always Dillon who comes to me and comforts me." A silent tear trailed down Rory's cheek. His voice broke as he continued. "Before he would always… act differently toward me… caring but pushy and flirtatious, now he just treats me like I'm some frail, pathetic thing… broken and discarded for him to look after…"
"Rory." She waited until his gaze moved back to her. "Let's talk more about this. Do you think maybe you're projecting your own feelings onto your… friends? I'm sure they are concerned for you right now. You are going through a challenging time, but perhaps you are mistaking their concern for something more negative…"
Rory frowned. "I… I don't know…"
"Hum… Maybe you should have a conversation with them. Let them know how you are feeling. Communication is always key in these situations." She glanced back at the computer screen. "How is the perceived notion of being followed? Do you still see this Mike person's face in crowds?"
Rory instantly regretted the moment of weakness last week that had led him to mention the hallucinations he'd been having since the last event… the hallucinations that were growing progressively worse as the next event was growing nearer. He clutched his upper arms, squeezing both arms tight. "The… the meds are helping with that… some…" He gulped past the lump that was building in his throat.
The therapist frowned as she closed the laptop and crossed her hands over it. "Rory, you understand I'm here to help you, not to judge you. But in order to help you, I need your honesty."
Rory gulped again. "I… I still see his face… It has gotten worse… Sometimes I see him even when I'm alone… especially in the house at night…"
She frowned as she nodded. "I see… Why do you think it is his face that you are seeing?"
The nails of both hands dug into Rory's arms as his eyes burned into hers. "Because the taunts from the messages sound exactly like things he would say… because no one else can play mind games like him… It would only make sense if it were him…" His eyes grew blurry as he continued staring at her. "Because I felt it in my gut the night he tried to pull me from the car." Tears flooded his eyes, and his entire body began to shake. "I know I sound crazy to everyone, but I know him well enough… I know that it's him!"
"I see." She muttered as she lifted open the laptop and began typing again. "We're going to add Ambien. You need to sleep, Rory. We will also increase the Prozac. That should help with some of the anxiety you're still feeling. I suggest that you talk with your team. Let them know how you feel about the upcoming event. I feel like a lot of your anxiety is increasing because of the anticipation of a repeat of the last event. Can you do that, Rory?"
Rory nodded but kept his focus on the desk. He kept his head lowered as he followed her from the office.
Dillon shot up from the lobby chair he was sprawled out in and tossed the magazine to the side. "Finished already?"
Rory nodded, his body still trembling slightly as he forced his feet forward.
Dillon glanced toward the reception desk, but Rory shook his head. Dillon shrugged. "Alright, cool. Then let's go, shall we?" Dillon placed a hand on the small of Rory's back as he guided him toward the door and pushed it open. He led him toward the waiting car and pulled open the passenger door for Rory. "Do you need to stop anywhere before we head back?"
Rory nodded. "Pharmacy…"
Dillon frowned. "Did she add more shit?"
Rory nodded again as he lowered into the car.
Dillon ran his hand through his messy hair. His eyes moved back to the building they had just left as a frown creased his lips. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but he knew Rory wouldn't answer any of them. He forced a smile as he rounded the car and settled into the driver's seat. "Would you like to grab lunch on our way back? Sabastian will be out for the next few days, but we could pick Rin something up and take it back."
Rory chewed his lower lip. "Can we go through the drive-through or get take-out?" Rory hesitated for a second as he fumbled with his hands. "I… I don't feel like eating out…"
Dillon's forced smile faded. "Sure… Is there anything particular you feel like?"
Rory shook his head, his gaze still trained on his lap.
**
Dillon rapped lightly on the door as he stepped into Rin's office. He set the bag of take-out on the edge of the desk before flopping down on the broken-in sofa across from the desk. "Still at it? Not even going to go out and say hi to him?"
Rin frowned as he continued scrolling through the social media accounts. "How did today's appointment go?"
Dillon shrugged. "Don't know. He won't talk about it with me. Had to stop by the pharmacy and pick up more meds. Before long, they'll have him a completely drugged-up zombie…" When Rin only grunted in response without looking away from the computer, Dillon sat up. "Dude, you need to give this a break and go talk to him. He's an absolute mess, and it's because of you."
Rin grunted again. "You think I don't already know that? Most of it is because of me… mixed with a bit of trauma from that ex of his…" Rin squinted against the glare of the computer screen. "But maybe if I find this asshole…"
Dillon pushed up from the sofa and rounded the desk. He propped himself up against the bookshelf and crossed his arms over his chest as he glared down at the screen. "You've been at this for weeks now. What do you think you're going to accomplish? Just go talk to him. At least let him know you're in here trying to help him and not just avoiding him."
Rin leaned back in the office chair and rubbed his tired eyes. "What if I'm doing both?"
Dillon arched his pierced brow. "Then I'd say you're even more of an asshole than I thought you were."
Rin squeezed the bridge of his nose. "It's not like that, ok."
Dillon's brow lifted higher. "Do tell. How is it? Cause right now your boyfriend has been waking up screaming and falling asleep crying in my arms damn near every fucking night since before we left his mom's house."
Rin blew out a frustrated huff. "That text he got before we left his mom's… The stalker said he wasn't a fan of ours, just Rory's, right?" Rin ran his hand through his hair. "Well, if I can go through our accounts and trace the viewers that are following just Rory… I've seen a silhouette of the man; I might be able to narrow it down, you know. If I turn that list into the detective, and they catch this guy…" Rin's eyes moved to Dillon.
"Then you can prove that it's this fan and not his ex?" Dillon supplied.
Rin sat forward with a sigh. "Yeah… but how can I tell him that I still don't believe him? He's so convinced…"
Dillon pushed away from the bookshelf and clasped Rin's shoulder. "I get it, I do… but do you really think this is the best way to go about it? Going behind his back while avoiding him when he needs you most?"
Rin curled forward and rested his head on the desk. "No… but I don't know how to face him right now. I can see it in his eyes every time I look at him… He knows I'm hiding something from him…"
"Then talk to him, man… You can't just keep him here like this. As it stands, he's not going to be able to go on stage at all, not even for simple interviews."
Rin nodded. "I know…"
Dillon patted Rin's shoulder before moving away. "I'll be out here on cleanup while you decide… but if you care at all, you'll come out and face this head on and stop hiding." Dillon didn't wait for Rin's reply before leaving the office. He frowned as he stepped into the living room where Rory sat, his untouched meal on the coffee table in front of him. Dillon frowned as his eyes moved over Rory's thin body. He'd lost all of the weight he'd put on since moving in with them. He was now back down to where he was when he had first moved in. Dillon blew out a heavy sigh as he flopped down beside him. He plucked the new pill bottle from the table. "You know, you should probably eat with this."
Rory frowned. "I wasn't as hungry as I thought…"
Dillon frowned. "What if we watch a movie or something while we eat?" A smirk curved his lips. "They always say you shouldn't because you're more likely to overeat if you do so, right? Well, using that logic, if you're not feeling like eating now… if we put on a movie, it should make you want to eat. What do you say?"
Rory stared back at Dillon, dumbfoundedly, before busting out into laughter. "That is the stupidest thing…"
Dillon laughed along with him for the longest while. His laughter faded, and he reached out and pulled Rory into his arms. "I know you've had a rough day, and you may not feel like talking about it… but… just know, I'm here if you'd like to…"
Rory didn't fight against Dillon this time. Instead, he nestled against him, finding comfort in Dillon's warmth. Tears burned his eyes as he realized just how much he wished it were Rin's arms instead. His hand trembled as he slid a hesitant hand around Dillon's waist.
Dillon leaned forward and retrieved the remote from the table before leaning them both back on the couch. "If this is what you need, that's fine as well… Use me however you need."
Rory didn't reply as he snuggled closer and buried his face deeper into the soft tee Dillon was wearing. He closed his eyes and allowed the subtle blend of body spray and fabric softener to envelop his senses. It was one way Dillon and Rin were very different. Their smell and the feel of their bodies were completely opposites, just like their styles… Rory rubbed his cheek against the protruding bones of Dillon's upper chest. It was nothing like resting his head against the firm mounds of Rin's pecs… but he was getting used to this now… had begun finding a form of comfort in the rough ridges of the now familiar frame.
He wasn't sure when he'd drifted off to sleep, but it was the soundest sleep he'd gotten in the past month. Soft murmurs woke him. His eyes fluttered open, and the dim glow from the TV screensaver was the only light in the room. The hard, bony body beneath him was a direct indicator that he was still in Dillon's arms and not Rin's, though it was Rin's voice that echoed through the otherwise silent room.
"I think I've found him… and I think we can use the event to lure him out…"