How long has it been? A day? Two? I can't tell.
Laying in the cell surrounded by nothing but my own reflection has slowly made me lose my perception of time. Every time I close my eyes, all I could visualise was that wretched dream that he had put me in. Tears rolled down my eyes again as I felt nauseous. My stomach growled begging for food, yet I felt that if I ate anything I would throw up immediately. Staring down at my reflection, I could see the desperation on my face. Contorted with an array of emotions. Hate. Guilt. Anger. Sadness. All flourishing inside me ready to blow me up. The scientist had not spoken to me after the dream I had, and the silence pulled me onto the edge. Even though I felt immense hatred towards him, the presence of another voice meant so much to me. Now I realise the price of loneliness. Deep down, I yearned to hear his voice. I yearned to converse with him. I yearned for another dream.
Reminiscing the dream that I had, my tears began to pour out again. I felt disgust. Deep hatred for myself. I knew everything that went wrong with my family. And I knew that I was the main reason for it.
If only I wasn't born.
I thought to myself. Staring down back at my hideous reflection, anger began to fill me as I struck the glass with immense force.
Crack.
Tiny shards pierced into my skin making me wince in pain. My once complete reflection had been altered into a million different sections, my face becoming more distorted. However, a smile filled my face as I felt contempt with the appearance in front of me.
Much better.
I thought to myself. Seeing a broken portrait of me was the greatest thing ever in my life. This crack a testimony to my shortcomings and a start to something anew. My looks were of no use, and I began to realise that.
Reflections are only imitations of our appearance, not who we are as people. And in breaking such imitations allows us to feel more comfortable. Because there is beauty in imperfections.
But I knew the real reason as to why I broke it. I hate myself. Everything I stand for. Everything that I built. It was for nothing. We can't cover the past and keep running away forever. Eventually, it catches up to us all.
"You look broken, Jolynn." He said, finally after ages.
"I am." I replied plainly. My eyes filled with tiredness.
"How come?"
"You know why. You made me like this."
"Did I? All I did was show you some old memories."
"Memories that I didn't want to remember."
"But they helped, didn't they? You can finally see the world differently."
"Maybe." I said curling up into a ball. "But maybe I preferred living in lies."
"We all do. No one wants to face the truth. Because in the end, lies are beautiful whilst truths are ugly. Similar to society. We lie to make others feel happy, we lie to fit in, and we lie to ourselves to make us feel better. But one truth is all it takes for our world to fall apart. Just a simple truth changes us. We fear the truth because we know it is right. Lying is a nature. Those who finally transcend lies are able to actually live."
"But lies make us happy. Even if it is fake happiness. We live for those lies. Those false praises, those meaningless awards. We continue to strive for them because we feel...satisfied. No matter how devastating the lie is, it allows us to live a normal life like everyone else."
"So, do you want to be ordinary? Just another sheep in the herd?"
"Yes. I don't want to change."
"We all fear change. But change is necessary. Nature destroys those that cannot change. As we near the next century people are beginning to change. Our ideals, our morals, our emotions and feeling. All of it changes. The world itself is. Technology is advancing as we become more intelligent. If we do not change with the world, we will be left behind. Fragments of a weaker past. Forgotten as another stamp in time. I cannot allow that. Will you?" His voice was filled with immense determination that resonated deep inside me.
"No, I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be left behind anymore. I want to be with everyone. To stand by their side. Be the reason for their happiness and joy. I don't want to be alone anymore." I said melancholy.
I could feel a tear stroll down my cheek and drip onto the crack that I had made filling in between the gaps to bring back my reflection to a whole. I could see myself again. Not the million different broken parts, but me as a whole.
"You may be a terrible human being, but I have to say you have a way with your words."
"Thank you, Jolynn."
"Why don't you get on with what you are here for? I know you want to do something."
"Ah, you know me so well. It's time for another dream. Goodnight."
Slowly, I slipped away into darkness.
Waking up, I was in the middle of field. I stared at the sky for a while, as a cool gentle breeze swept over me. My hair scattered across the grass stretching out as far as it could in all directions. I noticed that I wore a yellow sundress that reached down to my knees. Sitting up, I stared around at my surroundings, taking in the stunning display of nature in front of me. A grassy field for miles on end stretching further than I could see. In the distance, I could see tall trees standing like soldiers on guard duty. A tingling sensation trickled down my soul as I smiled from the comforting sunlight placed onto me. Standing up, I walked towards the trees, picking up a couple sunflowers along the way. As I made it to the trees, I noticed that they weren't made of wood, but paper.
A 3D model of a tree made out of paper. How interesting.
I thought to myself. Reaching towards it, I tried to peel of bits of the paper, but it wouldn't budge. Kicking it with my leg, a leaf slowly fell onto my head. Holding it in my hand, it felt much thinner than the paper like wood and I could easily tear through it.
Shuffle.
From the other side of the tree, I could hear some movement of what seemed to be some sort of creature. Carefully making my way around, I peeked from behind the tree to see what was there. To my surprise, all I found was a small girl playing with a bunch of flowers. She hummed a tune I recognised very distinctly as she made a flower bracelet. Slowly, she turned her head and stared directly at me, giving me a smile.
"Hello there." She said, her voice soft and innocent.
"Hello." I replied quietly, a bit shy about the interaction.
"What are you doing here?" She spoke.
"I don't remember." I replied.
"How did you get here?" She asked.
"I don't remember." I replied.
Standing up she made her way towards me. She wore a lovely brown skirt, and her hair was braided into pigtails.
"I'm Hailey. Hailey Parker. Nice to meet you."
My eyes flew wide open as tears began to well up in my eyes. I couldn't believe it. Knowing him, I knew that he was capable of something like this, but I never expected him to actually due it. My lips quivered as it felt hard to breathe. After a while, I finally let out a single word in a low shaky voice.
"Mom?"
"Mom?" She said tilting her head.
Realising what I said, I wiped the tear and tried to think of an excuse. "Oh, nothing, it's just you have the same name as my mother. I was just getting emotional thinking about her."
"Oh that's alright. I love my mom a lot too." She said smiling. "Wait, look at this." Running back to her play space, she grabbed a piece of paper and showed me her drawing. "That's me and my mom and my dad and my little sister."
A sister? Mother never told us anything about this. I thought to myself.
"What a wonderful drawing. If I may ask, what is your sisters name?"
"Jolynn." She spoke.
"Jolynn. I see that's the same name I have." I smiled, understanding a lot about my mother's mysterious past.
She never truly spoke about it, always answering me with riddles that I could never decipher.
"Oh, how cool is that. Your mother has the same name as me and my sister has the same name as you."
"Yes, it is really cool."
"Are you here alone?"
"Yes, I am. I was wondering if I could reside in your house for a bit?"
"Yes, mother wouldn't mind."
Making our way through the field, I watched as the past self of my mother ran through the tall grass with pure excitement on her face. Seeing her now, I couldn't believe that this is the same woman who raised me. She was much joyful now. Grabbing my hand, she guided me through the grass as we ran together laughing like little children. The feeling was amazing. My heart thumped with joy as I couldn't stop smiling. Seeing my mother like this brought ease to my heart. She played and ran for what felt like hours and I followed her every step. After a while I finally gave in to the tiredness, but Hailey continued to run and play with never ending stamina.
Continuing to make our way towards her house, we talked about our lives with each other. Hailey told me how she lived with her mother and father and younger sister in what seemed to be the same house I was raised in. She talked about how her father worked in the city and her mother would look after the animal. Jolynn (her little sister) had just turned five a few months ago and Hailey had turned eleven.
Finally, we reached to her house. It was quite different to what the house was like now. The walls were painted a dark, blood red colour and the windows were covered in paper sheets on the front blocking any sunlight from entering. In the distance, we could see Hailey's mother in the barn milking the cows. Holding my hand, she walked us up towards the barn. Her mother, noticing us approaching, stood up and made her way to us.
"Hello, may I help you?" He accent was quick and sharp, yet it had an underlying sweetness to it.
"Mom, I found her in the fields. She doesn't remember how she got here and was wondering if she could have a place to stay. Her name is Jolynn, like sis." She said with a smile.
"If that wouldn't bother you." I added.
"Of course, girl. All is welcome here. Come in, I made a hot meal just in time for ya."
Entering the house, I was bombarded with a sweet smell of lavender from all around the house. It was a strong, thick smell that flooded into my nose. As we made our way to the dinner room, on the table lay four plates. As we sat down, we waited for Hailey's mother to bring the food.
"Hailey, go call your sis."
"Ok, momma."
"So, your name is Jolynn, eh?" She said as she was preparing the food.
"Yes ma'am." I replied nervous.
"Don't call me ma'am dear. I'm Amy. What does your family do."
"They're farmers as well."
"Oh really? Well, ain't that lovely. We good a fellow farmer in the household. I hope you could help me with the animals whilst you stay." She said happy to hear that.
"I would love to." I replied smiling.
We continued to talk for a while, mainly about farming and animal. After a few minutes, Hailey returned with Jolynn. She had lovely brown hair and a dimple on the side of her cheek and her eyes were a dark brown colour. She sat on the chair, looking down and fiddling with her thumbs. An exact copy of how I was when I was younger. I smiled at her every time she made a sneaky glance at me.
"Hello, my name is Jolynn as well." I finally said.
"Really?" She said, her voice quiet and soft. I nodded in reply. "You're so pretty Jolynn."
"Thank you so much." I replied. We both exchanged a quick smile before Amy brought the food.
Bacon and eggs as well as chicken and bread lined up on the table. It look delicious and my mouth began to water by just staring at it. We did a quick prayer before digging in. The mood oozed into my mouth, with every bite giving me a shocking sensation in my mouth. Whilst we ate, we talked about our lives, and I learnt quite a bit about the. Their father was away on a business trip and so they had been alone for a few weeks now. Hailey had also been continuing on her education and Jolynn had just started hers.
"I want to be a scientist." Hailey said enthusiastically.
"What a cool dream Hailey. Well, make sure you study a lot and do well in your exams." I spoke.
"I want to be an actor." Jolynn said quietly.
"An actor? That is a first. Do you enjoy acting?" I asked.
"Yes, I went to a performance once with daddy."
"Well, I am sure you will become an amazing actor." I said smiling.
"Thanks." She replied shyly.
"Come now, finish your food it is nearly time for bed." Amy said. "Jolynn, you can sleep in the spare guest room."
"Thank you, Amy." I spoke.
After we ate, I changed into some spare clothes that Amy had given to me. Making my way to the room I noticed Jolynn was standing outside the door with a teddy.
"What brings you here Jolynn." I asked to which she turned around surprised.
"Um...I was...I was just here to give you this teddy. I...It get scary at night time so I thought that Mr Teddy could accompany you for tonight."
Crouching down, I took the brown teddy and patted her head. "Thank you. I will make sure to keep him close to me."
She gave me a smile before waving and running of to her room. Entering the room, it was quite simple. A bed and a medium sized cabinet. I peered outside the window and noticed someone standing there watching me. I knew who it was. That mocking smile and prideful mannerisms. He was watching me. Ignoring him, I lay in bed holding the teddy in my arm thinking about today. It was the most fun I had in a while. But I knew something bad would eventually happen. It was him who put me in this dream. With that thought and cautiousness inside my head, I closed my eyes. And I fell asleep.