my break up text

JHey Ive been thinking about everything you said and honestly a lot of it really hurt.When you pointed out things like how I joke or how I come off blunt or detached it caught me off guard. I didnt think youd say things like that to me. You know Im neurodivergent. I thought you understood that the way I communicate and experience things isnt always like other people. I know I can come off too direct or like Im emotionally distant but its not because Im trying to hurt anyone. Its just how my brain works.So hearing you say youre struggling with that made me feel like the parts of me I cant change the parts Ive always had to apologize for are too much again. Like even with someone who knew Im still not enough. That feeling isnt new but I was hoping I wouldnt feel it with you.When I told you about my past about cheating I told you because I wanted to be honest. I wasnt trying to scare you or make you feel unsafe. I wanted to be transparent because I wanted to build something real with you. I didnt fully understand why it was wrong back then not in the way most people would and it took me time to learn from that. Im not proud of who I was but Ive grown. Ive changed. So hearing that my honesty made you question if Id do it again that cut deep. It made me feel like telling the truth just pushed you further away like maybe I shouldve just stayed quiet and thats a painful place to be.The hardest part is knowing I cant just fix this. I cant rewire my brain. I miss cues I speak too plainly I dont always know whats appropriate to say or how something will come off. And I try I really really try but no matter how much effort I put in it feels like Im still not enough. Like Im just a puzzle people get tired of trying to solve. And now it feels like you see me that way too like Im something to figure out or endure instead of someone to love.I still like you. I still care about you and I wanted this to work. But I cant keep putting myself in spaces where who I am is seen as a problem. I cant be with someone who needs me to be easier more understandable more normal. Ive spent so much of my life trying to shrink myself into something people could love and I just dont have it in me anymore.I feel like people dont respect the fact that I have a genuine disorder just because Im high-functioning. And honestly I thought you were different. But maybe I was being unrealistic thinking I could have a relationship when I struggle with basic social norms. I wanted to reply sooner to send a voice message and say all this but I havent been able to stop crying.I want you to know Im not seeing anyone else. And truthfully I think Im done with relationships not because I dont want love but because I dont like what they make me feel about myself. I hate feeling like Im broken. Like because Im not normal I dont deserve love. Thats how this feels. And I know you probably didnt mean to make me feel that way but its still how I feel. Ive been having issues with this but i feel like i cant tell you because you dont understand and this just kinda proves it and im sorry tbh I wanted to respond sooner and send an audio message but I cant stop crying.I still care about you. I just needed to be honest with where Im at i think we should stop talking its for the best