Chapter 15: The One Where Adam's Ex Appears
Adam, a man who had spent the last two months flawlessly orchestrating his new life, a life of endless sitcoms, was a man who was, for the first time in a very long time, feeling a sense of profound, soul-crushing dread. It was a feeling so potent it made him want to curl into a ball and sing a song about a very, very quiet cat.
He was sitting in Central Perk, a calm, serene smile on his face, when a woman he had not seen in a very long time walked in. She was a woman who was a physical embodiment of his worst memories. She was a woman who was, in a very real way, the antagonist of his old life. She was his ex-girlfriend, Emily.
Emily, a woman who had a deep love for chaos, a woman who believed in a spiritual plane, a woman who had a deep love for chaos, immediately walked up to Adam and gave him a hug. She was wearing a dress that looked like it had been made out of a yoga mat and smelled of patchouli and unwashed feet.
"Adam! I knew I'd find you here!" she said, her voice a little too loud, a little too strained. "The spiritual plane told me you were here. It said you were trying to escape your old life. But you can't escape me, Adam! You can't escape chaos!"
Adam, who had been trying to get rid of a bunch of orange juice ice cubes, froze. He looked at Emily, a look of pure, unadulterated terror on his face. He had a secret. A secret that he had been keeping for years. A secret that, if it got out, would ruin his carefully constructed life. A secret that was, in a very real way, the opposite of everything he stood for.
The group, sensing his discomfort, immediately became obsessed. It was like they were a pack of wolves, and Adam was a juicy, red-meat-filled secret. "Who is she?" Rachel asked, her eyes gleaming with a mixture of curiosity and a deep, primal need to know. "Is she a friend from work?"
"No," Adam said, his voice a little too high, a little too strained. "She's... she's not that."
"Is she a woman who tried to get you to sing a song from Les Misérables?" Chandler asked, a look of pure, unadulterated glee on his face.
"No," Adam said, his voice a little too high. "She's... she's not that either."
Adam, who had been silently observing the scene, felt the familiar hum of his System. A classic sitcom plot. An "antagonist" episode. It was too good to pass up. The opportunity for a dramatic chase scene, for a high-stakes confrontation that was actually about a guy who was good in bed, was a gift from the sitcom gods. He closed his eyes for a moment, the world of Central Perk fading to a soft-focus hum. System, I need a guide to a Dramatic Confrontation with an Ex to understand the vulnerabilities of a potential partner.
[System request received. Request framed as 'Utilizing a dramatic event to showcase leadership and a problem-solving persona, key traits for a partner.' Request accepted. Generating 'Guide to a Dramatic Confrontation with an Ex.']
The holographic interface flickered to life behind his eyelids, the text appearing in his mind's eye with a crisp, digital clarity. [Objective: Get rid of the ex. Step 1: Use reverse psychology. Step 2: Use a truth serum. Step 3: Use a dramatic, televised-style confrontation. Sub-objective: Document key character reactions for future reference.]
Adam opened his eyes, a serene, almost conspiratorial smile on his face. He stood up and walked over to Emily, his voice calm and deliberate, a cool counterpoint to the mounting panic in the room. "Emily, you're right. I can't escape you. But I can make you a part of my new life. We can have a lot of fun here. We can… we can have a melting party!"
Emily's eyes, filled with the hope of a new father, lit up. "A melting party! Oh, my God, yes! I love melting things! I have a bunch of plastic soldiers in my bag!"
Adam, who had been trying to get rid of a bunch of orange juice ice cubes, froze. He looked at Emily, a look of pure, unadulterated terror on his face. He had a secret. A secret that he had been keeping for years. A secret that, if it got out, would ruin his carefully constructed life. The group burst into laughter. Adam, defeated, just sat back down, a defeated look on his face.
The mission was a success. The progress bar in his mind ticked up once more. The plot was unfolding perfectly. The comedic payoff was pure, unadulterated gold. And as he saw Monica's face, a mixture of outrage and deep, personal betrayal, he knew this was one for the books. The sitcom gods were smiling upon him, and the "Big One" was their little, un-put-together prophet.
Love [I'm In Friends? Unlock More Chapters and Support the Story!
Dive deeper into the world of [I'm In Friends I Control Pheromones] with exclusive access to 35+ chapters on my Patreon, plus 5 new chapters every week! Your support starting at just $5/month helps me keep crafting the stories you love across epic universes like [Grimm, Teen Wolf ,MCU and Arrowverse].
By joining, you're not just getting more chapters—you're helping me bring new worlds, twists, and adventures to life. Every pledge makes a huge difference!
👉 Join now at patreon.com/TheFinex5 and start reading today!