I was now a far more battered version of myself than when this nightmare had started.
"Some modern designers would turn this look into high fashion" I muttered.
My clothes, once merely dusted with fine layers of sand that clung to the fabric, were now ripped and bloody in several places. Through the gaps peeked the wrappings around my wounds, makeshift bandages torn from one of the diapers I had saved from the pack.
The absurdity of the wrapping would have made me laugh at another time, but here, it was just one more symbol of my desperation.
"Can you imagine I'm here wearing your diapers, Kanie boo, mama is bad, right!"
Every step I trudged forward felt like an eternity, but I checked, and another four hours had passed, each minute stretched, made even worse by the oppressive overlord over my head.
Oddly, the sun had not shifted from its position since I had started walking again. On Earth, even in the heart of a desert, the sun would have begun to tilt by now, sliding into its downward path. But here, it hung in the same pitiless place in the sky, its rays digging into my skin. A thought haunted me: were the days longer here, unnaturally so? Or was this place some special kind of purgatory?
The hyena had not returned, at least, I had not seen it. That should have been a blessing, but the quiet absence puzzled me instead of reassuring me. Predators did not give up so easily, not in the wild according to what I remembered.
"Thanks to all the skimming of Animal Planet I did while doing laundry"
My hope that it had lost interest was most likely nothing more than foolish wishful thinking.
Earlier, in a fit of practicality, I had torn away the rest of my t-shirt and re-fashioned it into something resembling a head mask only leaving my eyes out. It made the air easier to breathe. The remainder hung like a cropped shirt over my chest, exposing my stomach and ribs to the desert winds.
A sandstorm that had been slowly building up over the last hour had now arrived in full force.
"Did they say I should find shelter in a sandstorm? Where am I supposed to find shelter here?" I glanced around again though I know I'm not going to find anything.
The wind howled and visibility had shrunk to almost nothing, I could barely see two meters ahead, if that. I forced my eyes into a tight squint, but even then the grit got into them making my eyes swell and water. Sand needled my bare midriff and arms with each gust.
Still, I moved forward.
Amid the raging storm, something far worse than physical pain began to settle inside me. A weight of loneliness. It came creeping in subtly but when it struck, it was like a hammer blow.
The realization came with glaring clarity, I was utterly, horrifyingly alone wandering through heaven-knows-what god forsaken corner of torment this world had spat me into, without even the faintest shadow of another human being.
I missed my family with a gnawing ache, but this feeling wasn't just about them, it was deeper, more. It was a primal terror of isolation. The fear that I might never see another person again, that I might forget the sound of laughter, the comfort of casual words, the rhythm of shared breath. My mind turned darker by the minute.
My steps faltered. They had already slowed to a crawl, but now my feet began to trip over each other, as if they were no longer mine. Each step sank me deeper into the sand, the grains pulling me down like quicksand. It felt as if some cruel, overpowering entity had taken a personal interest in my torment, nudging me closer to collapse, closer to giving up.
And yet, I did not let despair win, I couldn't. The desert might try to strip me of strength, but it could not strip me of love. I clung fiercely to one love that anchored me, my family. My husband's tired but patient smile. My baby's warm little hand wrapped around my finger. The bond between us was the rope that dragged me forward even as my body screamed to fall to my knees. With every breath I reminded myself: one more step. One more. Let's go, Mia!
And then the ground betrayed me.
At my next heavy step, instead of a solid footing, there was nothing, no resistance beneath my foot. A sudden weightlessness gripped me, my stomach bottoming out. I had stepped into a void. My body pitched forward, tumbling into empty air. For a heart-stopping moment, there was silence, the storm's roar cut off as if I had been swallowed. Then came the rush of falling.
Everything blurred, sand scraping my skin as I slammed against shifting sand giving way beneath me. My descent turned into a violent slide, gravity dragging me down a steep slope. I screamed, the sound piercing, torn from my lungs, though it took me a moment to realize the noise was my own voice at all. The wind roared in my ears, my body twisted and jolted, but there was no way to stop. I was caught in the earth's grip, being delivered downward into darkness.
At last, the fall evened out. My body skidded along the ground until, with jarring finality, I came to a stop. Pain radiated across my shoulders, my hips, my knees, my elbows, every part of me burned with new bruises and scrapes. My throat felt as if fire had been poured down it, raw from screaming. My chest heaved, fighting to pull in breath.
I lay there in the dark, trembling, my mind struggling to catch up to the reality that I was still alive. The storm above sounded far away now, muffled, like a memory. I raised a shaking hand and touched myself, my arms, my ribs, my legs confirming that they were still there and not ripped off somehow.
"Where the hell have I fallen this time?" It felt like I had been tossed around constantly since leaving my house.
The darkness pressed against me, heavier than any thick blanket. I could not see more than the faint outline of my own hands. My heart thudded in my chest. I dragged myself to a seated position, trying to orient myself, but the question kept repeating in my head: How the hell do I get out of here?