Ren floated in a weightless void, his mind a chaotic swirl of memories, like a bad montage of regrets. *When did that woman sneak into my life?* he wondered, scratching his nonexistent head. Yuno's face popped into his mind—cute, shy, the kind of girl who'd blush if you said "I like you."
She was just a customer at his dead-end job, nervously ordering coffee while he fell harder than a drunk on a barstool. Her soft smile had him hooked. He still remembered her stammering, "I… I like you too," after his sweaty-palmed confession. *Man, I thought I'd won the lottery.*
But a year later? Oh, boy. Yuno's sweet "I love you" turned into a verbal guillotine. "Who's that woman you work with? Why were you *laughing* with her? And that guy at the store—what's *his* deal?" Her questions came faster than a game show host, her love a straitjacket with extra buckles.
"I hate these crazy women," Ren muttered, his soul practically rolling its eyes. "If I'd known Yuno was a yandere, I'd have sprinted to the hills screaming, 'Nope, nope, nope!'"
Suddenly, he noticed his body was… *poof*—gone. He was just a floaty soul blob.
Am I dead? Did I get hit by a truck while daydreaming about freedom?
No...that's not how I died. That crazy bitch killed me...my so-called lover.
Before he could spiral into full-blown panic, a blinding light exploded like a cosmic firework. A giant woman lounged on a throne of clouds, her beauty so unreal it hurt to look at her. Golden hair cascaded like a shampoo commercial, but her face? Pure disgust, like she'd just smelled expired milk.
"How dare you trash-talk your love like that?" she boomed, her voice dripping with condescension. "Yandere love is the pinnacle of devotion, and you're out here whining? Are you dumb? Dumber than a sack of potatoes? Dumber than a mule who failed mule school?"
Ren's soul recoiled.
Who's this cosmic Karen? And why's she yelling at me? "Uh, lady, no offense, but—"
"Silence!" she snapped, pointing a manicured finger that sparkled like a disco ball. "You and Yuno could've been the cutest couple just like me… me and my darling hubby! I would've blessed you with *more* obsession, *more* clinginess! But nooo, you had to be a buzzkill."
"Is she nuts?" Ren thought, his soul radiating skepticism.
That jealous, stalker-y nonsense isn't love—it's a restraining order without committing any crime.
The goddess's eyes blazed like she'd read his mind. "How dare you think that?" She shot up, her throne wobbling like it was about to file for divorce, then plopped back down, muttering, "Not good, not good. Can't let some mortal ruin my mood." Her lips curled into a smile so manic it could've starred in a horror flick. "Oh, I have a brilliant idea."
She clapped her hands, giggling like a kid who'd just discovered her first toy. "Recently, I've created a new world with my snuggle-bunny husband. A fascinating place, mostly ruled by women. Strong, gorgeous, *slightly unhinged* women. And you, Ren, are getting a one-way ticket there! It's one of the better worlds I created."
Ren's soul quivered like a dog in a thunderstorm. *What in the flying fuck is she on about?*
"I'm giving you a blessing even after all that, Ohhhh~ how compassionate I am. I am truly the greatest goddess out there," she purred, smirking like a cat with a canary. "I call it [Yandere Believer]. You'll be a total chick magnet, charisma oozing out of your pores. Women will fall for you left, right, and centre. But—*teehee*—I can't give you boring, vanilla love. Every girl who catches feelings for you will turn yandere. Good luck in a world full of fabulous women, you ungrateful little worm!"
Ren wanted to scream, *Are you insane, you cosmic nutcase?* but she waved her hand like she was shooing a fly. "Send his soul to reincarnation, please! I can't stand idiots."
"YOU CRAZY B—" Ren's curse echoed as a female angel swooped in, her wings glowing like a neon sign. She grabbed his soul like it was a misbehaving puppy and dragged him toward a blinding light.
Ren kept yelling, "This is unfair! Why do I meet all these crazy bitches! At least let me meet a less psychotic woman!" But just as his memories started to fuzz out, time screeched to a halt. The angel froze mid-flight, looking like she'd glitched in real time, and Ren's soul was yanked sideways into a dark corner of the space without any of his control.
A trembling figure huddled there, curled up like a kid hiding from a monster. "H-hi, my man," the man whispered, his voice shakier than a leaf in a hurricane.
*Who's this sad sack?* Ren wondered, his soul squinting.
The man looked up, his eyes hollower than a discount store's clearance bin. "Don't look at me like that man. I'm… the god. Y'know, the other half of that goddess you just met." He shuddered, glancing over his shoulder. "That chick is *bananas*, man. Certifiably cuckoo and crazy."
Ren's soul pulsed with shock. The god? This guy looks like he's one bad day from a nervous breakdown.
The god hugged his knees, rocking slightly. "She's a nightmare, my man. She keeps draining my memories, keeps me weaker than a newborn kitten. Our power's supposed to be 50-50 equal when it comes to equality, but it's more like 80-20, and I'm the 20 for any clarification. I used the last of my juice to grab your soul here before she reincarnates you into her crazy new world."
"Why me?" Ren asked, his voice a faint echo. "I'm just a guy who got killed by a crazy woman!"
"It's because we are similar and you can understand my pain. Love can be beautiful even if it's a bit obsessive to be honest, it will be even better if it's just bit..." The god looked at the sky with sadness. "It was like that at first and I thought life is beautiful here...but as time went on she got crazy and started to control my whole life and her ideals started to spread into the mortal world, and that's why we're both here...because of this Yandere concept."
The god's eyes gleamed with desperation, like a man who'd just spotted the last lifeboat on a sinking ship. "You're headed to her new world—a woman-dominated one. I only had 20% input that's why it's so imbalanced, so it's like your old world, but with superpowers and dungeons."
"How is it like my world if it has superpowers and these dungeons?" It was all a little too much for Ren to take in—after all, he'd been killed by the woman who claimed to love him, and now he was talking to a god who could easily be mistaken for a sad sack of potatoes.
"Those dungeons? They're basically heaven's toxic waste dumps. We build worlds like this to keep the cosmic garbage from blowing up in our faces and creating something awful, but even garbage, if it's reused properly, can be useful."
"Okay, cool story, but why am I your chosen one even if we can relate? I am nothing special, god," Ren pressed, his soul radiating impatience. "I'm not exactly Captain Hero material."
The god leaned in, whispering like he was sharing the secret to winning at hide-and-seek. "I didn't choose you, boy. You are all I have. You gotta help me, man. Free me from that psycho. She's got me on a leash tighter a wild animals in the zoo."
Ren would've laughed if he had lungs. "Me? Take on *her*? I'm a soul, god! I don't even have thumbs!"
"I know that's why you will come back here all powerful," The god's hands shook as he held out a faint, flickering light. "I've got a parting gift." The light sparked like a cheap firecracker. "This is a power I made of last bit of my power—a blessing called [Heartsteal]. It lets you copy the powers of any yandere girl who falls for you."
Ren's soul perked up. "Copy their powers? That's… kinda dope, actually."
"There's a catch," the god said, talking faster than an auctioneer. "You'll figure it out as you go. Oh, and you won't remember this chat after reincarnation—sorry, but that's just how it works here."
"Time's up, or she'll notice I'm doing something shady if you stay here." The god said looking at his wrist.
"Wait, hold up—" Ren started, but the god waved his hand like he was swatting a mosquito. "Kill that crazy chick, man. I'm counting on you. Do it, and I'll grant any wish—like, infinite pizza or a yacht full of hot babes that are not yandere, whatever you're into! Whatever you do don't come to genuinely like Yandere woman. I'm couting on you."
Ren's vision blurred as his soul was shoved back toward the angel. In the distance, he saw the goddess materialize, wrapping her arms around the god like an octopus with attachment issues. "My darling snookums!" she cooed, kissing him so aggressively Ren half-expected her to swallow him whole. The god's face twisted in pure terror, his body shriveling like a raisin as she clung to him. *Yikes,* Ren thought. *That's the stuff of nightmares.*
And the last thing he saw was how the goddess suddenly bit the god's head and started to drink something from his head.
Then, everything went black. He felt nothing, just a soul chilling in the void, probably doomed to a life of dodging yandere fangirls.
"Ugh~ I guess I got to do it if I want to be truly free," Those were his final thoughts, before he felt strange warmth around his body, as if he was inside a human.