[Flashback]
"Okun~, beware of the panty storm. It's the fall of a great man."
"HAYI! Grandpa!" I replied with excitement as Grandpa patted my head, taking the piece of clothing from my hand. At ten years old, I didn't fully understand what he meant. He only started spouting these weird parables after catching me sniffing Grandma's panties fresh from the laundry.
"Good boy, but don't just sniff Grandma's panties. You should also sniff her bra and stockings, hehe," Grandpa said, pulling two black bras from his seemingly bottomless pockets and flashing a toothy grin as he handed one to me.
"Hehehe, thank you, Grandpa!"
---
Grandpa… I'll meet you and Grandma in heaven so we can sniff her panties together. I never got to experience the panty storm you talked about, but all that matters now is—wait. Where am I?
I am surrounded by complete darkness, floating in some kind of void. No body, no weight—I'm just… existing.
Is this the path to heaven? The place where I'll be judged for my sins—
Suddenly, a blinding light flared before me.
CRACK!
Like shattering glass, a rift split open, and a figure stepped out. He wore a suit-like outfit made of shifting, almost living material. A round black hat sat on his head, silver hair tumbling down his back. His skin was pale as snow, his jawline sharp, and his glowing blue eyes… unsettling.
I–Is this… an angel?
"Who are you? Are you here to judge me?" I asked the strange man—angel floating in front of me. Black miasma coiled around his body, yet his blue eyes lit up the void.
"Well, well, you are an odd one. You don't even seem afraid of me. Your soul's essence isn't fluctuating at all," the angel said, adjusting his hat.
"Let me make this quick. My name is Dark Schneider. I am the god of mi—ahem, the god of luck, and I'm here to bestow that luck on you, Okun. You have lived such a pitiful life I couldn't stand to watch you die like that. So, I'll give you a second chance of reincarnation into another world!"
I stared at him, this so-called god, cackling like a creep. My feelings were all over the place, but I didn't doubt him. This was already beyond anything normal.
"I don't get it… another world, god, second chance? None of this makes sense. I thought there was only one g—"
"Okun, it's more complicated than you think. I took pity on you because of your resolve before dying, you wanted a second chance. Well, here it is. You'll be reborn into a world you might've seen in an anime called Akame ga Kill. Sounds weird, I know, but a mortal like you wouldn't really understand."
"So, are you ready to reincarnate into this world? You'll have a big dick, of course," Dark Schneider said with a smirk, waving his hand as a holographic screen appeared, showing a woman in labor, crying and screaming while two midwives assisted.
"Big dick?!"
"Yes, you will have a big dick."
"A–And that beautiful woman… she's going to be my mother?"
"Of course! She'll be your mother. She's quite stacked up top, just how you like them. Best part? You'll be her first child, so expect some fresh, first-hand lactating tits," Dark Schneider said with the slick charm of a sleazy car salesman.
"So, will you accept my offer, Okun?"
Forgive me, Grandpa—Grandma.
"HELL YEAH!!"
"Alright then, I'll send you to the new world right away. I wish you a mi—happy life, Okun. Fufu~" Dark Schneider giggled, tracing bizarre patterns in the air. Crimson runes sprang from his gestures, swirling around me like fireflies.
In moments, the runes whipped into a whirlwind, then abruptly stopped, forming a cocoon around my soul, sealing me in.
"Enjoy your new world, Okun."
Those were his last words, delivered with a disturbingly twisted smile, before dizziness consumed me and just like that—I was gone.
---
After Okun's soul vanished, Dark Schneider's face contorted into a wicked grin, his right palm covering his face as he laughed hysterically, his back slightly arched.
"BAKA!!" His expression twisted into something even more malevolent, his laughter dripping with pride over the evil he had just committed.
"How could I ever let my prized sheep just die like that? The one who feeds me the most exquisite misery, hehe… Enjoy an even greater torment in your new world, Okun. Kekeke…" Dark Schneider kept laughing, savoring the thought of the gourmet misery he would harvest from him.
---
"It's a boy!"
"It's a bouncing baby boy!"
My eyes fluttered open to find myself cradled in the arms of one of the midwives I'd seen on Dark Schneider's holographic screen. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she was a giant.
"Congratulations, Madam. You are a strong woman." The second midwife spoke and unleashed a foul stench from her mouth.
What in the unholy cursed breath technique?!
Turning my tiny head, I spotted a man with a scraggly beard rushing toward my mother, embracing her tightly.
"Neru! Thank goodness you're safe! Thank goodness!" My supposed father blubbered as if he had just survived a war.
This pussy is forgetting about his son and hogging my mother instead. From the look of things, I was born into poverty, mosquitoes buzzing everywhere, a single candle flickering in what passes for a delivery room, and midwives wearing dirty clothes that probably have more bacteria than the floor.
"This baby isn't crying. Should I whoop his ass?" the second midwife asked, baring her nicotine-yellow teeth.
Wait—what?!
"Ugaaaa! Ugaaaa! Ugaaa! Ugaaaa!" (I want to suck breasts.)
"Toma, I want to hold my baby. You haven't even touched him since you came in," my mom said, shoving my dad aside and reaching for me.
Yeah, push that cuck away.
As my mother pulled me into her arms, a warm, inexplicable comfort washed over me. For the first time, I could truly see her, long pure white hair cascading down her back, white brows framing her piercing blue eyes, and a flawless, smooth face that would put any top model in my past life to shame. How the hell did my dad manage to bag her? The man looks like the human version of a stray mutt. I could only pray I inherited her looks instead of his.
"You must be hungry, right? Okun–chan," my mother said, casually lifting her top to reveal her large engorged breasts.
Wait… what did she just call me?