Jin Ye opened his eyes and immediately groaned.
Not because he was hurt. Not because of some deep existential realization.
No.
Because someone was chanting motivational nonsense next to his bed.
"Trash can become treasure! Hard work surpasses talent! Destiny is not fixed, brother!"
"Shut up," Jin Ye muttered, eyes still closed.
"—Eh?"
The voice paused.
"Wait… Junior Brother? You're awake?!"
Jin Ye sighed and sat up. His body was skinny, his robes cheap, and his cultivation—oh, wow—nonexistent.
Yup. Qi Condensation, First Stage. The tutorial level of cultivators. The realm where you could still die from tripping on a root too hard.
He looked around the tiny wooden room. One bed, one rickety table, a cracked window, and the unmistakable stench of poverty. Outside, birds chirped like everything was fine. But Jin Ye knew the truth.
He had reincarnated.
Again.
"Great," he muttered. "Round three."
---
The loud, energetic cultivator standing nearby was grinning ear to ear. "You were unconscious for two days, brother! I thought the elder's punch killed you!"
Jin Ye stared at him. "And you're…?"
"Oh! I'm your senior brother, Mu Shun. Inner disciple of the Prestigious Skyward Leaf Sect!"
He puffed out his chest like this was supposed to impress someone. It didn't.
Jin Ye rubbed his temples. The name triggered a vague memory. Right — Skyward Leaf. One of those third-rate sects so far down the food chain they were practically plankton. He must've landed here after dying in his last life.
"How'd I die last time…" Jin Ye mused. "Right. I insulted a Phoenix."
"Eh?"
"Nothing."
---
Mu Shun leaned closer. "Junior Brother, I know your dantian is shattered, your meridians are twisted, and your spirit root is literal garbage—"
"Great bedside manner."
"—but don't worry! You can still succeed! You just need to work a thousand times harder than everyone else!"
Jin Ye blinked at him. "Is that all? Just a thousand?"
"Yes! In fact, Elder Ping said you're the most hopeless disciple he's ever seen!"
Jin Ye stood up, stretched, and cracked his neck. "Sounds like a challenge."
Mu Shun blinked. "Eh?"
"I'll be in the core sect by the end of the month."
"EH?!"
---
Later That Morning...
The training yard was full of hopefuls punching air and doing low-level breathing techniques like they were summoning the Heavens.
Jin Ye stood in the middle of it, yawning.
He had spent the last thirty minutes poking around this new body's memory and found something hilarious.
His cultivation manual was called "Leaf Breathing: Beginner's Guide to Air Appreciation."
It was, to put it mildly, trash.
But here was the thing.
In his past life, Jin Ye had reached the Immortal Realm. He had created dozens of original techniques, some of which were so powerful they accidentally collapsed small dimensions. He had once rewritten the Laws of Karma to dodge an arranged marriage. He'd even invented a new Dao path: the Dao of Petty Revenge.
Now, he was stuck in a teenaged body with zero talent and a breathing technique made by someone who thought leaves were sacred.
And he was still going to win.
---
Mu Shun watched as Jin Ye sat down cross-legged, closed his eyes, and immediately fell asleep.
"Brother? Are you okay? That's not—um—that's not how you cultivate…"
Jin Ye ignored him.
Because inside, something absurd was happening.
As he breathed, the trash technique began converting ambient Qi. But instead of trickling in like a slow leak, the energy funneled toward him like a vacuum. The surrounding disciples paused and looked around. The air got colder. The wind stopped.
And then it happened.
BOOM.
Jin Ye's body glowed. A flash of light burst from his back, cracking the stone beneath him. His cultivation surged.
Qi Condensation, Second Stage.
Third.
Fourth.
Disciples screamed and jumped back. Someone dropped their sword. Mu Shun looked like he had seen a ghost marry a dragon.
In under sixty seconds, Jin Ye had broken through four stages.
While napping.
---
Elder Ping landed from the sky like a dramatic pigeon. "What is the meaning of this?!"
He was the sect's enforcer — long white beard, angry eyebrows, constant rage issues. He marched toward Jin Ye, who was now stretching like he'd had a good massage.
"You! Brat! What pill did you take?! What formation did you use?!"
Jin Ye blinked. "I was cultivating."
"Impossible! You were unconscious!"
"Exactly."
Ping's eye twitched. "You dare mock me?!"
"I don't dare. I do."
Several disciples gasped. One fainted. A squirrel fell out of a tree in shock.
---
Elder Ping raised his hand. Lightning danced in his palm. "Impudence!"
Jin Ye sighed. "Alright."
He stood up, yawned again, and took a stance that looked suspiciously like he was just scratching his back.
Then, he moved.
A single palm.
Nothing fancy. No glow, no roar, no spiritual phenomenon.
Just one lazy, almost bored slap.
BOOM.
Elder Ping was launched into the sect's stone wall with a thunderous crash. Dust flew. Birds screamed. The wall cracked.
Silence.
Mu Shun's jaw hung so low it was cultivating its own path.
---
Jin Ye turned back to the disciples. "Who's next?"
No one moved.
A distant rooster crowed.
"Good," Jin Ye said. "Now, can someone bring me tea? I prefer oolong."
---
Elsewhere, in a secret meeting...
"He broke through four stages in one sitting?"
"Yes, Sect Leader."
"And defeated Elder Ping with a slap?"
"Yes."
"Using what technique?"
"Unconfirmed. Possibly 'Back Scratch of the Lazy God.'"
The Sect Leader, an old man with too many rings and not enough hair, leaned back in his chair.
"This Jin Ye… is he a hidden expert?"
"No, sir. He's technically illiterate."
"...Interesting."
---
Back in Jin Ye's Room...
Mu Shun stood frozen while Jin Ye calmly sipped tea and read through the sect's manual.
"This is the dumbest thing I've ever read," Jin Ye said. "Chapter 3 is just a poem about breathing respectfully."
"But… it's our foundational text…"
"Foundational garbage."
He tossed it aside.
"From now on, I'll write my own cultivation manual. Rule one: If it works, it works. Rule two: Don't question how. Rule three: Never skip nap time."
Mu Shun nodded like he was receiving divine wisdom.
He wasn't. But Jin Ye didn't care.
---
Because somewhere, high above the mortal plane, the Heavens were watching.
A celestial figure looked down at a scroll showing Jin Ye's stats.
The lines were glitching. His cultivation talent showed as:
[ERROR: VALUE TOO STUPID]
And his fate line?
[Untrackable. Do not engage. Seek administrator assistance.]
The Heavens shuddered.