I paced the office, first in one direction, then in the other. Twenty minutes had already passed. Why hadn't she come? Was she ignoring me again? I was angry, because I wanted to know. To know what had actually happened last night.
The door opened slowly. My heart stopped. What is happening to me? Why is it so important for me to know this? Maya slowly entered the student office and closed the door behind her. She stood in silence, her hands lowered in front of her, her fingers interlaced, her gaze fixed on the floor.
I had to ask her, but my agitation did not allow me to open my mouth. Everything had gone dry. Although, perhaps it was just ordinary dryness. The agitation in my chest kept growing. Why am I standing here in front of her, while everything inside is raging? Where does this come from? Is it all because she might be Soup? Is it all because she might be the one I like so much?
—Yesterday. — I began slowly, so as not to frighten her. —More precisely, at night.
There was no reaction from her. How am I supposed to get her to talk?
I stepped closer and slightly bent toward her.
—Don't worry, I called you here just to talk. —She raised her head, and her eyes looked at me.
Everything inside began to rage again. I stepped away from her. I need to stay calm. —Last night we met at the pool, didn't we?
And again, silence. What is she waiting for? Why did she come if she is going to ignore me anyway? How infuriating it is.
—Answer me. —My voice sounded more insistent. She continued to look at me. —Answer! —My voice broke free and rose.
—No. —Her reply was quiet and lifeless. She lowered her head to the floor.
I don't believe it. I won't believe it. I need to know.
—I don't believe you. —I was angry; it enraged me that she didn't want to speak. —Tell me, it was you there — Soup. —Apparently, I had completely lost my mind.
She slowly raised her head and looked at me.
—You. —Her calm voice… how it irritated me. —You love her that much? —she asked, without taking her eyes off me.
—I had a different question. —I couldn't restrain myself and stepped closer to her.
—I am Maya, if that interests you. —She continued to look at me, but something new could be felt in her eyes. Her eyes were cooling.
—Tell me the truth. —I don't want to believe this.
—You can believe it, or you can not believe it. That's your business. —Her voice was calm, but her eyes were the complete opposite. I was looking only at them. —I am Maya, the girl who has been sitting right in front of you for five years, and you never noticed. Soup is the one who troubles you, whom you exalt so much, but whom you don't even dare to meet. So what is it that you want?
What do I want? I… She is so close. I want so badly for her to… be her?
—I was invisible to you for all five years. I am a girl who has nothing except the desire to study. So let it stay that way. Just stop noticing me again. —Her eyes grew cold. They became the same as the first time I saw them. Her words irritated me.
She wanted to leave, but with a sharp and strong movement of my hand I closed the door. And once again this position, just like on the first day when I saw her eyes. I was standing behind her, I could feel her entire body. It was driving me mad.
—It doesn't matter how much you want it. I am not her. I am not Soup. —Her voice was quiet and even. —Just STOP.
—Then why you? —My anger burst out. I bent even lower, to feel her body more tightly. —Then why you…
Why am I running after you? Why is it so important to me that it was you there? Why does it enrage me that it isn't true? Why is all this happening to me when I look at you? Why? I bent down, pressing against her even more tightly. Her scent and her body… It gave me no peace. Why?
She turned around and with her familiar move simply pushed me away with both palms to the chest.
........................…
Even if my head did not remember everything so clearly, my body remembers. My chest remembers that shove. It responded with a dull pain.
Her breathing was uneven. Her eyes looked at me coldly.
—I give up, you won, MAYA!
I slowly walked up to her. Her breathing was returning to normal.
—You won, MAYA. —I repeated it to her again, looking into her cold eyes.
I give up. I will accept it. I don't want to run from this anymore.
I bent down, and my lips touched her lips. I just wanted this. I desperately wanted to kiss her…
...