The Celestial Lotus Summit was supposed to be peaceful.
Because right now, the only thing echoing through the sacred valleys was Hwan Do's terrified shrieking as he ran for his life.
YOU CAN'T KILL ME OVER SOUP!
One Hour Earlier
Morning mist clung to the mountain like a lazy cat. Birds sang their little bird songs. Somewhere, a spiritual deer probably achieved enlightenment.
Hwan Do? He was committing culinary war crimes.
Let's see... He stirred the pot with a stick he'd licked clean earlier. Mushrooms? Check. Bamboo shoots? Obviously. Oh! His eyes lit up at the glowing red pepper dangling from a nearby tree. That looks spicy!
Seo Rin had specifically said before leaving to meditate: Don't touch anything poisonous.
Which, in Hwan Do's defense, he technically didn't, he threw it in the pot. That's different.
Final ingredient: some weird blue root he'd dug up. It pulsed faintly, like a heartbeat. Probably just... mountain vitamins, he reasoned, tossing it in.
The soup bubbled ominously.
Seo Rin returned, nostrils flaring at the scent. What is that?
My famous Whatever Was Nearby stew! He grinned, shoving a bowl at her.
She eyed the swirling purple broth. Did you taste test this?
I licked the spoon. Pretty sure I saw my ancestors.
Against all survival instincts, she took a sip.
Silence.
Then
Her sword vibrated in its sheath. A single tear rolled down her stone cold face.
Hwan Do leaned in. Is it Good?
Seo Rin stood slowly. Drew her blade. Said calmly
I need to kill you now.
What followed was the most one sided duel in cultivation history:
Hwan Do Screaming, tripping over his own robes, face full of existential terror.
Seo Rin Gliding after him like Death's prettiest butterfly, sword gleaming.
IT WAS ONE BAD SOUP!
That was Thunder Root and Wrath Pepper!
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST SPICY!
They use that combo to execute traitors!
A tree exploded beside him. He yelped, diving behind a rock. I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU! TEA! FOOT RUBS! I'LL INVENT A NEW KIND OF PORRIDGE!
Seo Rin halted. Blinked. Then
Hiccup.
Her cheeks flushed pink. Her lips twitched.
Then, horrifyingly
She giggled.
The sound was so unnatural, nearby birds fell out of the sky. Somewhere in the demon realm, a warlord dropped his teacup.
Hwan Do gasped. Oh no. Oh no no no. I drugged the Ice Queen.
Seo Rin, giggling: I hic hate you giggle-snort
Just then, a loud twang echoed through the mountain.
A single guqin string vibrated in the wind.
Someone's playing music? Hwan Do asked.
No, Seo Rin said, standing up and drawing her sword. That's not music. That's a martial signal.
A man stepped out from the trees, dressed in white robes embroidered with golden strings.
He carried a seven string guqin across his back.
I am Zhao Lang, the Seven String Executioner, he said in a melodic voice.
I kill with song. And you, boy, owe my sect a death.
Hwan Do blinked. What did I do?
You insulted the Grand Music Sect by defeating their champion at the dumpling contest last year.
I won because their dumplings had no filling!
Exactly. And now… you must pay.
Hwan Do blinked. That was a year ago!
An empty dumpling is a crime against heaven.
Seo Rin, still woozy: Is... is this real?
Zhao Lang plucked a string. A shockwave shattered trees.
Zhao Lang strummed again aiming at her. Sonic energy rippled toward her chest.
She deflected it with a sweep, but her arm trembled.
He's stronger than expected, she said.
Do we run? Hwan Do asked, hiding behind a log.
No. He's too fast.
Okay, plan B. You fight him… and I'll… play background music.
She glared.
Fine, I'll throw a rock!
He picked one up and hurled it blindly.
It smacked the guqin.
TWAAAANG
The cord snapped.
Zhao Lang gasped. You struck… my middle string!
Hwan Do blinked. Oh wow. Is that bad?
That's the string of Death Echo! Without it, I can't complete my Deadly Harmony Form!
Seo Rin surged forward, blade gleaming.
One slash.
Zhao Lang fell unconscious.
You're... not completely terrible, Seo Rin muttered.
Hwan Do grinned. Was that a compliment?
Don't push it.
But when he glanced over, she was smiling just a little. Just for him.
His chest did a weird flip.
Nope. Not love. Definitely just heartburn from all the poison.