"What's your name?"
"Cassie."
"..."
"Cassie Houstan." I sighed.
"Age?"
"21."
"..."
"I'm 21 years old." I controlled my urge to roll my eyes.
"Why are you here?"
"I'm here to study."
"What is this place?"
"This is a university."
"What do you avoid doing here?"
"I avoid making trouble and hurt people."
"That's great!" The dean closed her book finally and I sighed in relief. She turned off the video recording placed in front of me and kept her camera inside her drawer.
"Anything else?" I asked
She gave her classic look for the third time with her one eyebrow raised and eyes peeking from above her golden rimmed glasses.
"Anything else I can do, ma'am?" I repeated politely.
"Nothing else. Your grades are doing good, so I hope there's no complain in your name after today."
"It won't happen again. You can trust me." I looked straight towards the wall.
"I wish I could. I hope you remember why you're standing here even after crossing all the limits. I hope you look around at people who have so many dreams in their eyes for you and reflect on your actions. Have a good day!" She stood up from her seat and left the office.
I looked down at my shoes and saw a small smiley drawn near the laces and a smile crept on my face.
I wish he was here to see that I wear these shoes everyday just to remember him, I wish I could tell him that I was now married and I wasn't happy, but again... Do I wanna talk to him at all?
"The classes are gonna start!" The woman from the reception spoke from the door.
"Yes, thank you." I headed outside and walked to my class.
As I entered the room, the whole class went silent and looked in my direction. I had no intention to clarify or talk to anyone, all I wanted was to run back home and cry under the warmth of my bed.
...with you...
I shrugged my thoughts and took my seat, avoiding all of their gazes and slowly the chatters increased indicating that nobody was scared of me but rather pitied me, hated me and were disgusted of me.
I could pat my chest and say that I didn't care, but I knew that I freaking cared.
I cared of how they looked at me, what they talk about me, what image they had of me. And I hated myself for expecting validation.
"Why is she here? Wasn't she expelled?" I heard a girl's whisper behind me.
"Her dad's a trustee. What do you think?" Another girl whispered.
"Oh the unfair world. So because of her dad, we have to live in fear?" She whispered back, but it was a little louder.
It was intentional.
I looked down at my palms which were shaking and sweating. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
'Its fine. No one knows anything. I'm fine.'
I could only chant those small words of assurance to block these noises until the class was silent.
"Good morning, dear student council. We have a new admission for your last year. Please introduce yourself." Our homeroom teacher gestured to the new guy.
I was petrified. Why was he here? Didn't he swear to never study in this university?
"I'm Tad Fidger. I'm 23. I took a break from the University for 2 years while I was abroad. Nice to be here." His eyes laid on me while my eyes were stuck on him since he entered the classroom.
"Please grab any empty bench, Mr Fidger. We shall begin the class." The teacher spoke.
He walked past me and grabbed a seat somewhere behind me. I didn't dare look at him and took out my notes of last semester and decided to just stop thinking anything.
It was tough knowing that his eyes remained on me and I recalled this morning's conversation with my husband.
"Stick to your morales while I stick to my rules. I will not allow you to be away from my eyesight!"
I wouldn't have imagined this was what he meant. Walking in my classroom all by himself as a student.
As the day continued, we headed outside to the meditation area for our new class.
"The line for today will be quite typical. I will expect you to give this more of a realistic touch than of fantasy." Our literature professor spoke.
My major was literature & psychology but I've been struggling especially since last year and these tests just further throws me mind block.
"Although it was raining, but the rain was unusual. The clouds weeped along with the woman who just sat and cried on a stone beside an endless road."
We wrote down these words and had fifteen minutes to come up with two hundred words to continue and give a life to the story.
My eyes laid on him as he stared at his own book while frowning deeply as if he was already brewing something and that made me more anxious.
As the minutes flew by, all the students started reading what they had written but professor Owen didn't look any impressed.
When the professor looked at me, I just shook my head and looked down.
"Who's left?" He spoke to the crowd and a half flew up.
Tad. He stood up and walked to the front beside the professor, who glanced at me and turned to Tad again.
"Anytime you're ready, Tad."
Tad began, "Although it was raining, but the rain was unusual. The clouds weeped along with the woman who just sat and cried on a stone beside an endless road. She was crying. But the tears were unusual. Her body fragile, shivering with the thunders but there was no one.
"She had no one. No one that could hold an umbrella, no one that could hug and ease the cold she felt, no one to wipe her tears and no one that trusted her. She had no one in this world.
"When she hugged her own self, she realised how no one looked at her or asked what she wanted, what was the life she dreamed of. No one wanted to believe she was innocent, but eager to throw her away. The world was cruel and so was the almighty that her left to weep under the rain. When the rain hid her tears, it was unusual."
I couldn't mask the shock on my face as vision blurred.
He was still there. He saw me crying. He knew I was alone, but he didn't show up. He didn't hug me, he didn't wipe my tears. All because he hated me.