01. "Misery & Other Things"
Days pass me by, nights fade away, time travels rapidly and everything around me seems to be a daze.
I keep running to anywhere but the past, chasing the better version of me but I end up stuck in a long daze, if only I could control my fate, things would turn out differently but this is where I am, stuck in a daze.
All of these thoughts trapped in my brain, tryna free myself with these words, searching for some kind of validation from my work turning out to be my best product thus far.
No man should be without a woman, every man needs a woman's spirit in his walk of life, a source of light and the sense of balance, warmth and safety but I just can't seem to find the right place in love. I write all of these sweet words, with nobody to share them with, I meet all of these girls but none of them is made for me because here I am now, being a man without a woman's love.
I keep writing about nothing but love, tryna manifest healing and new beginnings with my words but it seems like I'm going nowhere, if only I could write my life, I would have a good girl loving me.
Days pass me by, nights fade away, time travels rapidly and everything around me seems to be a daze.
02. "Distant Star" / "Hate Me"
Yet again, I'm one to blame, once again, I'm the bad seed in this shit, I'm too honest and she can't handle it. I said my side of the truth, she didn't love the fact that I can't love anybody, all she heard was "I don't love you" out of the words "I can't love anybody right now."
How can you fall out with me for the hundredth time? Everytime I tell the truth, she takes offence and paints me as a bad sprirt in her life that's disturbing her peace and fucking up her mind.
I'm too fucked up to be doing this back and forth with this girl, we fell out all because of my truth, she made a choice, I am taking a step back, I'm too fucked to be allowing her to stress me out.
03. "Loveless Relationship"
What's the point of fucking if we can't love? I pull up everytime she needs me, I always end up hypnotized by her sexy booty and thighs, that's when she gets her way into my jeans, she's not in love with me, she's just in love with the sex I give her body.
There's no such thing as a loveless relationship, so I guess we're in a sex fling, I don't love her and neither does she, the sex numbs the pain but the issue is when she leaves and then I'm left by myself to deal with my pain.
She doesn't love me, she just loves the things I make her body feel, as soon as we sit down, she wanna get on top of me, it's so hard to keep my hands to myself when she's horny because of the face she makes, her eyes and lips get to me too, I admit that I love the sex but I need love more.
Sex numbs the pain but love heals the pain, we can't call this a relationship, we can't treat this as a love relationship, whether she knows it or not, this is a loveless relationship, we're just in a sex fling.
We can't and won't connect anyway,we both contribute to this situation because we just can't stop fucking,we can't sit down and have a conversation,if we can't open up,how are we ever gonna connect?
04. "Painkiller"
Just came back from a 4 hour company with somebody, came in the house with a cake scent on my fingers, her fragrance on my skin, I swear feel out of this world when her hands are in my pants, it feels like a painkiller when her tongue is on my tongue.
This ain't love, all we do is kiss, fuck and sleep, she asks me if I'm free or not, I tell her I'll swing by like usual, she waits for me and then she feeds my sexual appetite as soon as I arrive. She likes to kiss me and please me, she ain't my girlfriend but she's my painkiller, especially when her lips are on me.
She's not here for love and emotions, we've got our understanding, even though we can't love nor connect, we make it seem like it's possible when we get lost in each other's sexual energy.
I close my eyes and let her do her thing, I know I always say I'll get my shit together then I end up next to her, I'll probably be like this forever, keeping girls around for my selfish reasons.
A single reminiscence of her pink, soft lips, her thick thighs and her brown skin makes me feel like this is the best situation ever.
Her kisses hit me like a sip of sweet wine and once I taste her skin, I can't stop, our touches go deeper than the sea, it feels like a painkiller, especially when her tongue is on my tongue.
05. "CHEETAH"
She said how do I expect to find love when I'm going back to being a fuck boy, I told her I still got some shit to deal with, she asked me how can I deal with my issues when I give myself to all these girls, I said I guess I'm just a cheetah.
Just a cheetah out in the wild, running to nowhere in high speed, from one place to the next, from one girl to the next, look at me caught up in a situation with a girl that won't let me leave yet she won't stay.
Running in the bushes, high speed, low focus, I might crush into a tree and run out of tracks, I might hit a curve but I'm gonna keep running, look at my phone, pictures of different girls in my gallery, voice messages from different girls in my phone.
Just a cheetah on a loose, jumping from one spot to another, if I slow down, hyenas might catch up to me, so I keep running to nowhere and I won't stop, even though this place is full of animosity and danger.
I might run into a lioness that'll protect me from hyenas or I might run into another cheetah, I might run into a tree and lose my way but for now I keep running, look at me talking to the prettiest girl I've ever seen, look at me starting a situation that won't end well with another girl.
06. "Rescue"
Everytime she gets on my nerves, I write, each time she doesn't act right, I write and all the times when I've had to figure some stuff out about me and her, I came to write.
Fucking outdoors, doing the freaky shit to each other, coming home late at night, that doesn't sound like me, I know but I just been reacting to all the things that have been going on in my life, because it's been affecting my heart, mind and soul negatively.
I haven't been able to open up again, I been out there, giving zero fucks, acting like a rebellion against every single thing, doing all things out of character.
I don't think I'll ever open up to love and romance anytime soon, maybe I'm ruined for a long time, truthfully I don't give a damn anymore, I might raise everybody's eyebrows, I may seem unusual to those who know me but pain affects us differently.
Love gives you a lot only to take a lot from you later, all these toxic moves and sex doesn't help with anything..
07. "MAKE LOVE TO HER"
Been waiting on this for a while, she's gonna find me right outside, I wanna get a clear view of her walking towards me, I've got a sexy surprise for her inside, today we gonna do some grown shit and make love.
I've got the candles on, I closed the curtains, the light is already off, the bed is already covered in the towel for her juices, I've turned on the sex playlist even though the sex will take us out of here, the rubbers are already on the bedside and I told her last night that it's clothes off as soon as I shut the door.
We gonna have the greatest sex, we'll indulge in every position until we can't move, the first round is for her climax, the second round is for me and then the 3rd round is for both of us, for the 4th round I'm gonna need her to sit it on my face before she gets on top of me, love is what we'll be making.
I brought a tie for her eyes, I got another tie for her hands, I also got something for her to bite when she gets too loud.
I've been waiting for this moment, she's gonna find me waiting outside, I wanna get a clear view of her walking towards me, I've got a sexy surprise for her inside, today we gonna do some grown shit and make love.
08. "Survive The Fight"
I'm just trying to survive the fight, take my own advice to never love again, fucking and having "fun" is all I'm doing, used to take the drugs to keep somebody off my mind, even though she follows me in my dreams.
There's been a storming rainfall for months, it's been 6 months and it feels like I've been six feet under water, sinking in my own sorrows.
This shit has been a part of everyone else's life for a while now, I just have never imagined that I would be the one in this situation, I stayed away from love for a good reason, now it's my reality.
"Can't fix what's broken, can't fight for what's dead, can't lose yourself over somebody who doesn't care about you, can't push away everything good for a ghost, just get along with now until you move on from what used to be", I hear it all, I'm just having issues understanding some shit but I guess it's not worth the stress.
I'm just trying to survive the fight, take my own advice to never love again, fucking and having fun is all I'm doing, trying not to take the drugs again, working hard to keep somebody off my mind, even though she follows me in my dreams.
08. "Change The Subject"
She touched a nerve when she mentioned her name, rolled my eyes and took a deep breath, I just can't bring myself to talk about it.
I could easily answer the question but then there's gonna be questions like, did I cheat, did she cheat, do I miss her, do I still love her, what happened for us to break up? Everytime she comes up,I rather change the subject.
09. "Killing Me"
I'm doing whatever to help me sleep at night, I keep my mind occupied, using these girls for my distractions, this good sex and toxic energy helps me to cope with the pain, I'm addicted to the bad intentions and evil energy, I'm good when I'm talking to a girl but my demons always catch up to me when I'm all alone.
That's when I remember what's going on in my head and heart, my spirit is haunted by the memories shared, I wish we never met because she came into my life only to mess it up and it's killing me that it's over, it's fucking killing me because I can't do a thing but accept my fate.
I wish I could forget her, erase every single shit that involves her because it's killing me that this is what it ended up being. It makes me regret the year we shared, makes me wish I never loved her because that one mistake is the reason why I feel like I'm falling apart every single second.
Pretty thighs, good girls, bad girls, it's all the same in the dark, good sex and toxic energy, bad intentions and evil energy..
10. "Once A Love"
Once a home, always a home.. Every door I knock on, shuts down on me, every table I've tried to sit on, had no chair for me and every bridge I've been on has burnt down to ashes but everytime I'm back to that one girl, it erases all the pain, misery and loneliness.
Where else could I go if every single girl I've come across hasn't made me feel anything like she did? She creates a space for me, she lets me talk about what's bothering me, she hears me out, she makes herself available for anytime my world gets crazy and she's never paid attention to my flaws, so where could I go when everywhere I go, nothing seems to work?
Once a love.. always a love.