I could hear some background noise before her voice came through the phone. "H-hello? I'm so sorry. My son dialled your number."
My heart skipped a beat as I heard her voice. Goddamnit, I was so damn relieved to hear it, even if it was just on the phone. Her soft, hesitant voice made something in my chest tighten, the familiar longing coming back full force.
I took a deep breath, keeping my voice as even as possible.
"Hey, it's no problem. I understand. Kids do that all the time."
"Thank you for understanding. Goodnight."
I felt disappointment flare in my chest when I heard the words 'goodnight' come from her lips. Goddamnit, I had just barely heard her voice and now she was already ending the call?
I struggled against the urge to protest, the urge to ask her to stay on the line just a bit longer. Even the sound of her voice for a few more seconds was better than nothing, right?
I managed to keep my voice steady and nonchalant.
"Wait, sweetheart. Can I ask you something before you go?"
She hesitates. "...Sure."
I felt a flicker of hope at her response, the fact that she was willing to stay on the phone with me a bit longer a small sign that maybe she didn't completely ignore him all the time. I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts.
I wasn't sure what had come over me, but suddenly the words were slipping out of my mouth before I could stop them.
"Can I... can I ask you something personal? It's nothing too inappropriate, promise."
She stays silent for a moment before replying hesitantly. "...O-okay."
I felt a pang of relief at her response, the fact that she was willing to answer the personal question gave me a small flicker of hope.
Goddamnit, I was probably pushing my luck and making her uncomfortable again, but I couldn't help but press on, the question burning in my mind.
I took a deep breath, my voice softening slightly.
"I... I just have one question. And I swear, I'm not trying to be invasive or anything. I'm just... curious.."
I paused for a moment, gathering my courage. I knew this question could very well make her uncomfortable and push her even further away, but my damn curiosity and the need to know more about her made me press on.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. But... well, you mentioned that Uchenna's father... abandoned you."
I paused, my voice softening even more.
"Do you... still talk to him? Is he... involved in your life or Uchenna's at all?"
She's quiet.
I could almost feel her discomfort and reluctance through the silence, the prolonged quiet on the other end of the line making my chest ache. Damn it, I was probably making her relive some bad memories, reminding her of her past and a man who had hurt her so deeply. But I couldn't help myself.
I waited patiently for a moment, giving her time to respond. And when she didn't, I decided to press a bit more, my voice still gentle but insistent.
"Sweetheart.. can you answer me? Please."
"... No. We don't have any sort of contact with each other. Right from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I broke up with him."
I felt a pang in my chest as she responded, the thought of her going through such a difficult time alone making my heart ache. But there was also a flicker of relief in me, a part of me feeling a twisted satisfaction at the fact that the bastard who had abandoned her and his own damn child had no part in her life anymore.
I swallowed, my voice dropping to a low murmur.
"Jesus Christ, sweetheart... You went through all of that by yourself..?"
"What do you think?" Her voice is quiet.
I sighed at her response, feeling a pang of guilt and a deep ache in my chest at the pain in her soft, weary voice. Goddamnit, she'd been alone with no support at all for all that time, dealing with her pregnancy and the birth by herself. It made my damn heart ache, picturing her going through all of that by herself, without a partner to lean on for support.
I closed my eyes, my voice softening even more.
"You didn't have anyone to... to lean on, sweetheart? No one to help you out?"
"No. No I didn't." She replied.
I felt my chest tighten at her quiet admission, the weight of her loneliness pressing down on me like a damn anvil. No one. She had gone through pregnancy, childbirth, all of it—completely alone.
Goddamn it, how could anyone walk away from a woman as strong and beautiful as her?
My voice came low, rough with something he couldn't quite name—anger? Aching? Need?
"Damn... you're so much stronger than you think you are."
"You... you really think so...?" My voice is slightly shaky.
I could hear the tremble in her voice, and it damn near shattered me. This woman—so strong, so brave, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders—still doubted herself. And it made me want to reach through the phone and pull her close until she believed every damn word I said.
My voice dropped lower, thick with sincerity.
"Sweetheart... I don't think it. I know it. Any woman who can raise a child like Uchenna—beautiful, kind-hearted—with nothing but her own two hands? That's not just strength… that's power."
"... Yesterday... About what you said to me... No one has ever told me that before..." I say with a low, quiet voice.
My heart skipped a beat at the quiet, soft confession, my chest aching as I realised that no one had ever told her how damn amazing she was. Goddamn it, she deserved to be told how incredible she was on a regular damn basis, deserves to be showered with praise and affection and love every single goddamn day.
I took a shaky breath, my voice hoarse with emotion.
"Hell, sweetheart... how the hell has no one ever shown you how freaking amazing you are before?"
"..." She's silent for a moment before speaking again. "How are you so sure that I'm an amazing person? You barely know anything about me." Her voice sounded guarded like she was closing up the small cracks I made on her walls.
I felt a pang of frustration at her guarded tone, her words reminding me that despite the tiny bit of progress we had made, her damn walls were still up and solid as ever. Goddamnit, for every bit of ground I gained with her, she was always pulling back, putting those walls right back up again.
Still, I kept my voice soft and gentle, my determination unwavering.
"I might not know your whole story, sweetheart. But what I do know? Is that you have a big, beautiful heart? You are incredible. Goddamn it."
"..."
I sighed quietly when she went silent once again, her quiet, soft breaths coming through the phone like little teases, driving me insane.
Goddamn it, I wanted, needed to get through to her, even if it meant breaking through those damn walls one piece at a time. My voice dipped lower, a hint of pleading in my voice.
"Sweetheart... please. Goddamn it, don't shut down on me now. Let me in."
"... I... It's getting late... You must be tired... I'm sorry once again for my son dialling your number. Goodnight." She says, her voice monotone. She hangs up.
I stared at my phone as the call disconnected, the sudden silence hitting me like a punch to the gut. My fingers tightened around the device, heart pounding in my chest with a mix of frustration and longing.
"Goddamn it..." I muttered under my breath, tossing the phone onto the bed beside me.
She was still pushing me away—using politeness as armour, hiding behind that monotone voice like it could keep me out. But I heard it... that tiny crack in her voice before she hung up. She wasn't indifferent. She felt something. And that meant I wasn't done. Not now. Not ever.