Frankly, Olive was a bit on the fence about this whole grad school thing.
Not because she didn't like science. ( She did. She loved science. Science was her thing.) And not because of the truckload of obvious red flags. She was well aware that committing to years of unappreciated eighty - hour workweeks might not be good for her mental health. That nights spent toiling away in front of a Bunsen burner to uncover a trivial slice of knowledge might not be the key to happiness. The devoting her mind and body to academic pursuits with only infrequent breaks to steal unattended bagels might not be a wise choice.
She was well aware, and yet none of it worried her. Or maybe it did, a tiny bit, but she could deal. It was something else that held her back from surrendering herself to the most notorious and soul - sucking circle of hell ( i.e., a Ph.D. program). Held her back, that is , until she was invited to interview for a spot in stanford's biology department, and came across The Guy.
The Guy whose name she never really got.
The Guy she met after stumbling blindly into the first bathroom she could find.
The Guy who asked her ," out of curiosity, is there a specific reason you are crying in my restroom?"
Olive sqeaked . She tried to open her eyes through the tears and only barely manged to. Her entire field of view was blurry. All she could see was a watery outline -- someone tall, dark haired, dressed in black, and. . . Yeah. That was it .
"I . . . is this the ladies ' restroom?" She stammered.
A pause. Silence. And then: "Nope." His voice was deep. So deep. Really deep. Dreamy deep .
"Are you sure ?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Fairly, since this is my lab*'s bathroom."
Well. He has her there. "I'm so sorry. Do you need to . . . "
She gestured towards the stall, or where she thought the stalls were. Her eyes stung , even closed, and she had to scrunch them shut to dull the burn. She tried to dry her cheeks with her sleeves, but the material of her wrap dress was cheap and flimsy, not half as absorbent as real cotton. Ah, the joys of being improverished.
"I just need to pour this regent down the drain," he said, but she didn't hear him move. Maybe because she was blocking the sink . Or may be because he thought Olive was a weirdo and was contemplating siccing the campus police on her . That would put a brutally quick end to her Ph.D. dreams, wouldn't it ? " We don't use this as a restroom, just to dispose of waste and wash equipment."
"Oh , sorry, I thought . . ." Poorly, She'd thought poorly, as was her habit and curse.
" Are you okay?" He must be really tall. His voice sounded like it came from ten feet up above her.
"Sure. Why do you ask?"
" Because you are crying. In my bathroom."
"Oh , I'm not crying. Well, sort of am, but it's just tears, you know?"
" I do not."
She sighed, slumping against the tiles wall.
" It's my contacts. They expired some times ago, and they were never that great to begin with. The messed up my eyes. I've taken them off, but . . . " She shrugged. Hopefully in his direction, " it takes a while, before they it better."
" You Put in expired contacts?" He sounded personally of- fended.
" Just a little expired."
"What's 'a little'?"
" I don't know. A few years?"
" What?" His consonants were sharp and precise . Crisp.
Pleasant.
" Only just a couple, I think."
" Just a couple of years?"
" It's okay. Expiration dates are for the week."
A sharp sound -- some kind of snort . " Expiration dates are so I don't find you weeping in the corner of my bathroom."
Unless this dude was Mr. Stanford himself, he really needed to stop calling this his bathroom..
" It's fine." She waved a hand . She'd have rolled her eyes, if they hadn't been on fire. " The burning usually lasts only of few minutes."
" You mean you've done this before?"
She frowned , " then what?"
" Put in expired contacts."
" Of course. contacts are not cheap."
" Neither are eyes."
Humph. Good point. " Hey , have we met ? Maybe last night, at the recruitments dinner with prospective Ph.D. students?"
" No."
" You weren't there?"
" Not really my scene."
" But the free food?"
" Not worth the small talk."
Maybe he was on a diet, because what kind of PHD student said that? An Olive was sure that he was a PhD student-- the haughty , condescending tone was a dead giveaway.
All PHD students were like that : thinking they were better than everyone else just because they had the dubious privilege of slaughtering fruit flies in the name of science for ninety cents an hour . In the grim , dark hellscape of academia, graduate students were the lowliest of creatures and therefore had to convince themselves that they were the best. Olive was no clinical psychologist, but it seemed like a pretty text book defence mechanisms .
" Are you interviewing for a spot in the program?" He asked.
" Yep. For next year's biology cohort , " God , her eyes were burning. " What about you?" She asked , pressing her palms into them.
"Me?"
" How long have you been here?"
"Here?" A pause . " Eight years.. give or take."
"Oh. Are you graduating soon, then?"
"I . . . "
She picked up his hesitation and instantly felt guilty.
" Wait, you don't have to tell me. First rule of grad School -- don't ask about other grads ' dissertation timeline."
A beat, and then another. "right."
"Sorry.' she wished she could see him. Social interaction were hard enough to begin with ; the last timing she needed was fewer cues to go by. " I didn't mean to channel your parents at Thanksgiving."
He laughed softly. " You could never."
" Oh." She smiled. " Annoying parents?"
" And even worse thanks giving."
" That's what you American get for leaving the common -wealth." She held out her hand in what she hoped was in general direction.
" I'm olive, by the way . Like the tree." She was starting to wonder weather she'd just introduced herself to the drain disposal when she heard him step closer. The hand that closed around hers was dry, and warm, and so large it could have enveloped her whole fist. Everything about him must be huge. Height , fingers , voice.
It was not entirely and unpleasant.
" You are not American?" He asked.
" Canadian. Listen, if you happen to talk with everyone who's on the admissions committee, would you mind not mentioning my contacts mishap ? It might make me seen like a less - than- stellar applicant."
" You think so?" He deadpanned .
She would have glared at him if she could. Through maybe she was doing a decent job of it anyway, because he laughed -- just a huff, but Olive could tell. And she kind of liked it.
He let go of her , and she realised that she'd been gripping his hand. Oops.
" Are you planning to enroll?" He asked.
She shrugged. " I might not get an offer." But she and the professor she'd interviewed with, Dr. Aslan , had really hit it off. Olive had stuttered and mumbled much less than usual. Plus, her GRE scores and GPA were almost perfect. Not having a life came in handy , sometimes.
" Are you planning to enroll if you get an offer, then ?"
She'd be stupid not to. This was Stanford, after all-- one of the best biology programs. Or at least, that was what Olive had been telling herself to cover the petrifying truth.
Which was that, frankly, she was a bit on the fence about this whole grad school thing...
" I . . . Maybe. I must say, the line between excellent career choice and critical life screwup is getting a bit blurry."
" Seems like you're learning toward screwup." He sounded like he was smiling
" No. Well . . . I just . . ."
" You just?"
She bit her lip. " What if I am not good Enough?" She blurted out, and why, God, why was she baring the deepest fears of her secret little heart to this random bathroom guy? And what was the point, anyway? Every time she aired out her doubts to friends and acquaintances , they all automatically offered the same trite , meaningless encouragements. You will be fine. You can do it. I believe in you. This guy was surely going to do the same.
Coming up
Any moment.
Any second--
" Why do you want to do it?"
Uh? " Do . . . What?"
" Get a Ph.D . What's your reason?"
Olive cleared her throat. " I've always had an inquisitive mind, and graduate school is the ideal environment to foster that. It'll give me important transferable skills--"
He snorted .
She frowned . "What?"
" Not the line you found in an interview prep book. Why do you want a Ph.D.?"
" It's true," she insisted , a bit weakly, " I want to sharpen my research abilities --"
" Is it because you don't know what else to do ?"
" No."
" Because you didn't get and industry position?"
" No --I didn't even apply for industry."
"Ah." He moved, a large, blurry figure stepping next to her to pour something down the sink. Olive could smell a whiff of eugenol, and laundry detergent, and clean, male skin. And oddly Nice combination.
" I need more freedom than industry can offer."
" You won't have much freedom in academia." His voice was closer, like he hadn't stepped back yet. " You'll have to fund your work through ludicrously competitive research grants . You'd make better money in a nine-to-five jobs that actually allows you to entertain the concept of weekends."
Olive scowled . " Are you trying to get me to decline my offer?
Is this some kind of anti- expired - contacts-weares Campaign?"
"Nah."
She could hear is smile.
- ALI HAZELWOOD