"Good things come from humans and they are the only species on the planet that can maintain order, but some are bound by a sick conviction to spread what we believe to be evil and what they believe is good. Humans are capable of the worst deeds imaginable, yet some are truly good. I believe there exists such a thing as a good person. Don't you agree, my dear friend, Key?"
I couldn't agree with this person and I should also mention this person isn't a friend.
Rarely do people ever commit good deeds solely for the good that comes from it. If I had one dollar for every truly good person in this world, even a cup of coffee would be out of reach. There isn't one corner of this planet that hasn't seen its fair share of evil. If evil hasn't been discovered somewhere, it's just that whoever's behind it is really good at hiding it.
The only intention people have under their false masks of purity is an innate desire that causes them to do anything for themselves–self image being the driving factor that must be nurtured and preserved. Humans live for themselves at the end of the day, we are animals at the end of the day. I couldn't wrap my head around the concept of human beings having a pure soul, not corrupted by some sick miasma.
It's not like I believed people never did good things, it's just that when you take into account that they also consciously choose to commit harmful deeds. The only way to remain the least tainted was to be in between good and evil, a state of complete indifference.
"Hah! God, Key you're such a funny guy don'tcha ya know?"
She read my mind again, does she not know how disgusting it feels to have someone stick their hands into your brain and mushing it around, scrambling together your thoughts with no concern for how that must feel? Disgusting. I'm obviously not joking, she knew that, but she loved teasing people and it never failed to get the best of me. I spoke my mind to her. Really, she loves to make you want to drive a stake through that throat of hers.
"Why are your cheeks blowing up like that while glaring at me…? That's weird, stop that you deformed pufferfish." She chuckled.
Weird.
This tall, smug, Japanese girl I was talking to was Kamijou. Just Kamijou, she never told me her full name because the meaning of her surname is enough to describe her essence. Apparently, it means something like "One above god" or "One above the heavens", quite egotistical in my opinion–though I think it's quite fitting…
Kamijou was something of a polymath that I had met at the academy I was currently attending. There seemed to be some pretty impressive rumors that she knocked out the leader of the Judo Club, Karate Club, Taekwondo Club–wait, why does this school have so many martial arts clubs and how is she beating all of these guys!? I mean, Kamijou's stature was that of a skyscraper… Even taller than me. Obviously, I wasn't sure but she had to be at least six foot tall.
Could it be that I'm really short or is she just that tall? Five foot six isn't short right? No, it's definitely so short to the point that it shouldn't even be something debatable, why did I have to be cursed by these dwarf genetics!
Her limbs look as if they were stretched out by some medieval torture device and her body looks like God wanted to make her the most gifted woman in history–in a way that would be too vulgar for me to speak of and not sound like a pervert. And speaking of gifts, her hair–right now, she was wearing a hat, but under that was a spectacle of blue. An ocean of blue. Deep blue. Oceanic, but royal… The very definition of elegance and beauty, that's honestly all a person could think about when looking at her hair. Honestly, it would've been a gift from the heavens to see her hair without that hat covering it.
She was known to have insanely good grades, but doesn't really do much but bully our martial clubs, play video games, and read her meaningless romance novels, but when she makes a decision it's absolute. She's kind of got her dexterity and strength maxed out.
"Hey Key… Why are you staring at me so much? You must be in love with me right? That's actually the only thing it could be! I'll let you kiss me if you just admit it." Kamijou ran up to me and immediately tried to lock me into a hug, but I was able to dodge it just by a bit. "You know that offer is enticing, but I have to keep up my non-chalant act to look cool."
"We're the only ones here though?" came from a tiny voice that broke a bit through my headspace that I crawled back into.
…I really tried my best to hide it, but that kiss offer was so incredibly worth it. I should've accepted it in a heartbeat. I hope another offer like that arises sometime, passing out on something like that will never be an option in my life ever again.
"Key hates me." She said, sadly.
"No, I dont…" I said, dejectedly.
"Key wants me dead… Key wants me to drown, Key wants me to choke on a piece of guava candy, Key wants me to fall to my death, Key wants me to–"
She kept going on and on, but I decided to just tune out her babbling and surveyed our usual meeting place for a bit to derail from that insanity. To be honest, I have no idea why she wanted to meet here so much, it's honestly such a weird place to just sit and talk. It was a dreary abandoned factory that could've been the set for a horror movie, but it was the place she thought was the safest–not that I knew what would possibly count as an "unsafe" location. For some odd reason, I was so attracted to the idea of going out late at night and meeting up with Kamijou. She was the only person I knew who could entertain me with meaningless conversations and cheap philosophizing, even though it feels like
We've only come here on whims too. I don't think there has been one time where we have both coordinated a meeting here besides our first time, there was no need for communication. We knew when we felt like talking, so we always came when we felt like it and there hasn't been one time where we've missed each other. Maybe there is some force at play that causes us to be tied together despite not having much in common… I don't believe in the supernatural, but if Kamijou is involved it inclines me to believe in something bigger at play.
Talking to her was the only thing that kept me entertained in life to be honest. Studying, reading, playing games, taking walks, and talking to Kamijou. That's all life really has to offer for me. My future isn't bleak from the perspective of others, but through the eyes of the one that will have to live in that future, there's nothing but a grey area.
It had been long since Kamijou recovered from her little grumbling and she had started speaking. She looked me in the eyes–I was met with a feeling unknown to me.
"Key… You know these conversations we have are really the only things I truly care for right?"
A lie…
"Key, I-"
It was obvious to me that she was lying in the first place, this person had successfully cultivated her life to the fullest. What hole do these conversations fill for her, what significance do I hold for her?
"Funny."
Finally, thinking that I had resolved myself and hid behind some nervous laughter, but when I had finally turned around, I saw her face. I noticed a solemn, seemingly tinged with a hint of fear in it before she started speaking. I don't know what she would be afraid of, but I think I'd be in an even worse state than her. It looked as if her lips had quivered, but a smile quickly formed and wiped away any semblance of negativity on her face..
"Key, you're so cold. Anyways, have we not been joking around for too long? Let's get back to what we were talking about. Tell me, Key..."
Honestly, I wanted to get back to the conversation, but her eyes were calling me. I was entangled by the gaze they shot out so immensely. The gaze that gently took me into their palms and softly caressed my very soul. The gaze was blue, but also held a tinge of grey. So dull. They're dull. It still managed to have a grip that would never let me go. I had to find the strength to speak before I succumbed to this unexplainable feeling.
"Alright, then is it possible to live a completely sinless life? To live without harming another living creature?"
Kamijou had actually looked quite befuddled at my take, so I thought I had finally said something smart. Said befuddling was negative…
"Do you think you've never committed a sin?"
…
"Don't ask a question like that if you're living proof of the exact opposite."
Hah… She's a real fucking jokester. I kept my composure.
What sin?
What sin?
The fact that you are just human is what disgusts me the most.
A synapse in my head immediately forced everything out of my head and I started speaking. "Alright, I could take the life of one human being for another. Now, tell me if that is an act of good or evil, Kamijou."
"At the end of the day, you're ending a life Key. Do you have no qualms with ending the life of another human being?"
Yes, of course.
"Well, it depends on how we view the situation, right? It's a matter of our own values and worldview that changes how we would handle and view this. It's an inherently flawed question that ends in a stalemate. It's getting late and I have morning classes so I think I'll take my leave."
Kamijou instantly shot forward towards me in a flash, grabbed me by the shoulders, and threw her voice straight into my face. "No! We're not ending this conversation yet!!" She sat me back down,she offered a rebuttal, and I gave her my ears.
God, does she have no self control?
What a stupid question with an answer that's right in front of me.
"Ahh… You have to think about it. What if you're tasked to kill someone who must die. Someone who commits heinous acts because it's simply part of their nature. An absolute existence who only knows wrong, a flaw that passed through God's system."
She's spouting bullshit now.
There is no being that must absolutely die.
All humans hold value just through living. That's why I don't care about dying. That intrinsic value that humans hold was not bestowed upon me the moment I was born. I do not know why fate had handed me such a terrible hand. A simple piece of the puzzle that served no purpose.
Stagnation.
Why do I have to be good or bad? Is there any point in picking a side? No, of course there isn't, whatever the opposite of absoluteness is the only way.
I grabbed my bag, got out of the withering chair I was sitting in, and made my leave. No goodbyes or farewells, we had mutually agreed that both of us had no interest in that anyways. However, unlike regularly, I decided to look back for once.
She held an ethereal look to her, it was almost scary to see her like this. Again, those two gems glistening beneath the moonlight, made me feel an alien sense of divinity. The light–that was now beaming on me–was permeating my very soul. I had looked back, as to not be swayed by it any further, I continued walking and walked out of the room. Whilst on my way, I heard something.
"Bye bye."
I'll see her another time anyways.