Evie and Tai kept to themselves in the days following their disastrous misadventure. They barely left their rooms.
Neither one of them was sure why they did the things they did except that they enjoyed the challenge and it sounded fun. Her parents were only four, maybe five years older than her when they were saving Ferelden from the Blight. And while the others had mentioned the occasional escapade, it had either been necessary or hadn't caused quite the same problems as their hijinks.
Evie glanced up at Tai, where she was sketching him. He was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. In her picture he was trying to wrangle a mabari. And failing. It was very well done in her opinion. But her drawings were getting progressively fuelled by boredom. Since she had never left Denerim, she really had nothing else to inspire her other than her imagination. She had already sketched, painted, and sculpted the landscape all around here and in every season since she was a child.
Kieran's proposal was a tempting one. But she just couldn't do it. Maybe she was afraid to leave. As stifling as it felt at times, it was home. Her brother and her father were here. Her uncle and aunt. Hirik and Tai.
"Maybe we could just sneak out into the city for a little while; we don't have to get up to anything terrible," Tai suggested.
"We don't have to, but we will," she said. "We always do."
"So what, are you going to hide in your castle for the rest of your life because you're afraid of fun?"
"That wasn't fun."
"It was at the start. Admit it."
She rolled her eyes. He wasn't wrong. It was fun at the start and during the planning. And she loved performing, even if it was only as part of their plan. But it had turned into a catastrophic disaster.
"I know you're bored," she began. "Why not learn a new skill?"
"Like yours? Making pretty pictures and pretty sounds?"
Her lips pursed, and she narrowed her eyes on him. "Just because you're bored doesn't mean you can insult what I love."
"Apologies," he sighed.
"Would you like to spar?" She asked, softening a little.
Being cooped up in the castle as they had been with naught but each other for company—while the company was good, the surroundings had grown stale. And the list of interesting things to do that wouldn't get them into trouble was nonexistent.
"Yes!" He groaned out, rolling to his feet. "Let's go."
There were other people he could spar with in the castle, but they were keeping their distance from others right now. Evie wasn't even entirely sure why. Shame, perhaps. They missed Hirik and Kieran as well. While they did go lengthy periods without seeing Kieran, they saw Hirik every day.
Tai headed back to his room to get changed and give Evie some privacy to do the same. Her dress wasn't exactly conducive to sparring. Although she could shoot a bow quite well in her dress, she'd practiced. But the running, jumping, and dodging became a little harder.
When she left her room, dressed in something more fit for training with her bow and quiver on her back, Tai was already there waiting for her. They fell into step beside each other as they made their way down the corridor.
They saw Queen Anora walking towards them, her handmaids in tow. Tai bowed and Evie curtsied as she passed by, their eyes on the floor. The bottom of Anora's dress stopped in front of them, though, and they both looked up but stayed bent.
Queen Anora gestured for them to rise.
"I hope you're not on your way to cause trouble," Queen Anora said.
"No, your majesty," Evie replied. "We're merely going outside to spar."
"Tairyn, go on ahead. I would have words with Evangeline," Queen Anora told him.
He looked reluctant, shooting a glance Evie's way, but she silently urged him to go. They couldn't disobey the queen. He knew that.
"The marketplace has been cleaned up after your... spectacle the other day," she informed Evie. "Repairs are still ongoing, however."
Queen Anora gestured for Evie to walk with her. Her maids followed a few feet behind.
"You're of an age now where thoughts of soulbonds become... compelling," Queen Anora began. "They're a romantic notion. Beautiful. But impractical for someone in your... particular position."
They had had similar conversations in the past, but Evie wondered why she brought it up right now. Had her father said something to her? It wouldn't be the first time the queen had hinted how her bastardy could be a problem for her soulmate. Or how her penchant for recklessness could bring trouble to those who might make it their obligation to protect her.
"Your soulmate is Antivan, if I recall correctly. A world away. And your father holds you so dear."
These were not new thoughts for Evie either. If she were to ever meet her soulmate, she could not leave the people here or force her soulmate to leave his home to be with her. Sometimes she wondered why the Maker would bind her to the man he did. She used to assume it would all make sense, but then she had seen instances where it didn't make sense. So she knew the bond could be... imperfect, even detrimental to those in it. She knew the bonds weren't always as the bards sang. And given who and what she was, it was not conducive to a strong, healthy, and loving bond. Her soulmate could manage something happier and healthier with someone else.
"Some people wait their entire lives for a soulmate connection that never comes," Queen Anora continued, each word dipped in sympathetic warning. "And in waiting, they lose every opportunity for a meaningful life. You can be practical, can't you, Evangeline? You understand that survival sometimes means accepting what is offered, rather than chasing impossible dreams."
It was a gentle reminder that Evie's only worth was in what connections and advantages she could bring to the crown. She would never be as useful as a legitimate child, but nor was she completely useless.
"Master Renvar has shown significant interest; he has a son a scant few years older than yourself."
Evie had met Master Renvar's son; the man was over a decade her senior. A vile man rumoured to have fathered several bastards of his own. Handsome and well aware of it.
"The merchant family's wealth could have certainly contributed to the repairs to the marketplace, the Arl's estate, and the western watchtower, the east wing...."
Evie cringed at the reminder of the many, many mishaps they had been part of or outright been the cause of. The damage they had caused, the coin spent to clean it up, and the debt she owed, even if it had never been said outright.
And Evie was a bastard; she was lucky to be offered anything at all.
"Think on it, Evangeline. Stability, a family of your own, and you need not move far at all. Master Renvar has an estate in Denerim."
Anora rested a hand on Evie's shoulder a moment before inclining her head in something resembling a dismissal and continued on her way, leaving Evie to consider her words. She started walking towards the training yard to meet Tai, measured steps, back straight, chin high. The picture of composure.
Portraits lined the hallway: noble faces, legitimate faces. Not a bastard among them. Until her father. The last Theirin, the only reason he had been accepted. And even still, some days he fought an uphill battle. He was looked down on by many of those born the right way, to the right people. Her existence hadn't helped his cause.
Under her sleeve she could practically feel the name burning her skin. What would he think, her unknown soulmate, when he discovered he was bound to a king's mistake? A stain on the royal lineage. How his face would fall, his disappointment barely concealed behind hollow courtesy. His acceptance fuelled by obligation.
The self-loathing came in waves, familiar but always painful. She was the living reminder of the king's indiscretion, even if her mother was his true love.
Half-royal, half-Dalish, all nothing. Too noble to be common, too common to be noble. None of the feats her parents had accomplished that had at least earned them the nation's respect. Nothing to her but a reputation for chaos and destruction.
She paused at the doors to the outside, banishing the maudlin thoughts. Tai was perceptive; he would pick up on the turmoil. She didn't want him to worry.
She let out a breath and pushed the doors open, making her way down the stairs to where he was balancing the tip of his dagger on his fingertip. He flipped it up when he saw her, his brow furrowed.
"What did she want?" He asked.
"Updating me on the repairs to the marketplace and a warning not to do it again." It was only half a lie.
He examined her a little before he drew his daggers, taking a few steps back. "Ready?" He asked, a mischievous glint in his dark blue eyes.
Evie's response was a raised eyebrow.
They began their familiar dance. Tai's daggers were extensions of his arms, and he moved first, darting forward.
Before Tai could close the distance, an arrow sang through the air. She wasn't aiming to wound, just to force him to dodge. It whistled past his ear, close enough that he could feel the wind of its passing.
Tai laughed, a sound of pure joy. He twisted mid-step, ducking low and launching at her. The daggers became a blur, one aimed high, one low, a classic twin-blade approach meant to divide her attention.
Evie was already moving. She dropped to one knee, her bow shifting seamlessly to become a defensive weapon. The first dagger glanced off her bow's reinforced grip; the second she deflected with a quick sidestep.
"Getting slow," Tai teased, spinning away from her potential counterattack.
"Says the boy who can't land a hit," Evie retorted.
Another arrow flew, but Tai saw it coming. He knocked it from the air with a dagger, the metallic ring echoing across the courtyard. But Evie had anticipated this. A second arrow was already nocked, aimed, and flying his way. It cut through his sleeve, a hair shy of drawing blood.
He froze, looking at her with wide-eyed amusement, and she grinned back.
They continued, a blur of motion and skill. Daggers flashed. Arrows sang.
Neither would truly win. But that was never the point.
"Are you going to tell me what Anora really said to you?" Tai asked as they were making their way back inside after releasing their pent-up energy.
"Master Renvar is interested in marrying me to his son," she sighed. "They're wealthy and stable and reside in Denerim for much of the year. It's probably a better arrangement than I could have hoped for."
"You're not going to agree."
"I'm not sure if my agreement is necessary. After our latest stunt, I think this is how they keep me out of trouble."
"Owned and pregnant!?"
She winced at the volume and disgust in his voice. "It might not be that bad."
"What about your soulmate?"
"What about him, Tai? I may never meet him, and even if I did, the chances he would be happy about it—"
Tai rolled his eyes. "You've been listening to the poison of court and queen too long."
She wouldn't call it poison, but it was something she had lived with her whole life—the reminder that she was less than. Perhaps the words had settled under her skin somewhat, but they weren't wrong either. It wasn't malicious gossip; it was just... fact.
Neither was this the first time marriage had been mentioned to her. She had the sinking feeling there had been a finality to her conversation with the queen.
"Can I ask a favour, Tai?" She asked when they got to her room. She gestured for him to precede her inside.
"Of course I'll do it," he replied.
"You don't know what it is," she smiled, though it quickly died. "It might make you uncomfortable, and I understand completely why you would say no. No hard feelings if you do, and please be absolutely sure before—if you say yes."
"What is going on, Evie?"
"Would you... sleep with me? I just—I want my first time to be with someone who I can trust not to hurt me."
His mouth worked a moment, trying to find words. "You're going to marry Renvar Junior?"
"Maybe. Or maybe not," she said, loaded with meaning.
It took him a moment, but he caught on.
"Besides, I want the who, where, and when of my first time to be my choice."
The silence stretched a moment before he rested his hands on her shoulders. "Evie, I'd do anything for you."
Evie nodded, hearing the unspoken but. "I understand."
"I don't think you do. I'd do anything for you. Besides, I'd prefer my first time to be with someone I trust. And there's no one I trust more than you."
She breathed a sigh of relief, wrapping her arms around his waist, and he held her tightly too.
This wasn't something she had just come up with; it had crossed her mind before, almost every time marriage was brought up with her.
She had heard tales of how some women were brutalised by their own husbands. She didn't want that to be her; she didn't want her only experience with it to be pain and self-loathing.
"When do you want to do it?" Tai asked.
"Would tonight suit you?"
Tai nodded and let her go. "I'm going to get cleaned up."
She nodded, and he left her room to head back to his. Her request had been a surprise and effortless to agree to. He loved Evie; she was more than his friend, more than family. He had no doubt she would agree if he were the one to ask. They didn't deny each other anything. And he would be lying if he wasn't curious to try as well. It would be a safe way to experiment and learn, and he would be able to treat her right, better than whatever husband she ended up with. If she ended up with one at all after this.
The Queen would not be interested in making sure Evie was looked after. And Renvar junior had a reputation; the man was a whoring drunk with a gaggle of his own little bastards.
Evie deserved better.