Her lips felt a slight pain.
Jiang Sui finally let go, not for long, save for the girl's slight gasps from discomfort, her eyes a faint, watery glint.
He didn't close his eyes either, taking in every reaction from Su Qing, scrutinizing her inch by inch.
The girl's slightly reddened eyes, a hint of grievance, softened his heart, yet he couldn't bear to let go.
"Qing Qing, be good."
"I know you don't like being forced, but if I don't force you, you just keep running away. You never tell me if you need my help, and you absolutely don't need me."
He just kept feeding her what he thought were good things for her.
She was like an outsider, someone who could disappear at will. She never called him, never asked about anything. Even the things he'd heard others say about girlfriends checking up on him, he hadn't experienced.
Nothing.
She was indifferent, as if he was the only one in the whole scene. This feeling tormented him immensely.
She never even asked any further questions. Even though he could see she had doubts and misgivings, she always maintained a perfect sense of propriety and distance.
Jiang Sui felt a sense of defeat. He didn't know anything about the steak, or much else. He just wanted her to be free in the little world, free to think about nothing and do nothing.
But he realized she was somewhat restraining herself.
"Jiang Sui, it's not that I don't need you. It's just that I feel like we're a mismatch."
Su Qing felt a little powerless and tried to get out of his arms, but the boy didn't intend to let her go. She just said something evasive, which shocked Su Qing. He actually knew she wanted to avoid him.
"A mismatch?"
The young man repeated her words, as if trying to extract something from them.
"Yes, Jiang Sui, reality isn't a fairy tale. You have your family, and I have mine. I've never considered crossing the lineage barrier. While we may not be equals, at least we have to be able to make sense of it. I'm an orphan, my mother can't work, and my family is very poor, Jiang Sui."
This was the first time Su Qing had looked Jiang Sui straightly, her frankness frightening.
"I…"
Jiang Sui suddenly wanted to say something, but was stopped by the girl's finger, her pink, pearl-like fingertip resting on his lips.
"Jiang Sui, listen to me."
Su Qing's voice was soft, almost ethereal, and her pupils were shrouded in a mist that seemed impossible to dispel.
It was so rich and deep that one could not fathom its depths.
That feeling, untouchable and unfathomable, weighed heavily on Jiang Sui's heart.
His throat itched, and his lips, touched by Su Qing, felt warm.
He listened to the girl quietly, wordlessly.
She, for once, stopped struggling, as if she was digressing, or discussing someone else's affairs, someone completely different from herself.
"I still have a lot of things I can't bring up. I can't share them with you, and I can't even let anyone touch them. You're right, I'm avoiding them. I'm like a turtle or a hedgehog. I can't look at many things with kindness."
"The other people you mentioned were photos I received. I was a little surprised that you didn't answer call when the first time I called you. But you later told me you were having dinner with Hu Yifan, but the person you were having dinner with in the photo was a girl."
?!
The first phone call?
Jiang Sui remembered it vividly. That time...
He couldn't help but tighten his grip around the woman in front of him, eager to explain, unable to resist telling her it was impossible, but he suppressed it, listening to the girl quietly.
She looked at him, but it was as if she wasn't looking at him.
"May be you'll explain, or I'll believe you and there is nothing."
She was trying to make excuses, but Jiang Sui wanted to say she didn't need any.
The girl's expression was calm, as calm as an outsider's. This was what Jiang Sui couldn't stand the most. He was constantly indulging, but she was sober.
Su Qing blinked, staring at the beautiful face in front her. A tremor trembled within her, a bitter feeling slowly spreading.
"Jiang Sui, that's not the case. If I trusted you enough, I wouldn't have misunderstood you."
"The point isn't whether I misunderstood you or not. It's that I simply don't have the energy or time to care about these things. I just want to study. You know what, Jiang Sui? I do have a little bit of affection for you, right? It's impossible not to have any. You saw me come to see you today. If I lied and said I didn't, I'm afraid I wouldn't be convincing."
Jiang Sui's heart trembled as he listened. The frail girl was so light, so weightless. Her words, like her very being, were weightless, yet they struck him hard, making him unable to ignore them.
"Jiang Sui, the point is, any relationship that can be withdrawn by any elements, do you want it?"
"I cannot accept this relationship, or any negative consequences for me."
Her words were truly selfish, so selfish that she only considered herself, completely ignoring the young man in front her.
Jiang Sui's heart was bitter and swollen, as if it were soaked in bitter water.
Su Qing spoke bluntly, leaving no space for evasion. Her eyes were calm, clear, and emotionless, her face devoid of any complex expression, only calm.
He had been basking in the joy of her remark that she had feelings for him, but for a fleeting moment, that joy was doused like a bucket of cold water.
The spark of his feelings was instantly extinguished, pitiful beyond measure.
"So, you do have feelings for me, but I've caused you so much trouble. Do you want to give up?"
After a long pause, until they could only hear each other's faint breathing, Jiang Sui finally found his dry voice, unsure how to begin.
So this was why she didn't need his explanation at all, why she was ending it all so directly.
Jiang Sui's eyes dimmed for a moment, causing Su Qing to flinch. Her fingers tightened.
"Jiang Sui, I'm not worth it."
"It's not that I give up because of difficulties, but that I want to give up at the slightest difficulty, the slightest trouble."
Su Qing seemed to understand this clearly. She pursed her lips, her brows drooping slightly, and closed her eyes, turning away from Jiang Sui.
"Su Qing!"
The boy growled, his anger bubbling uncontrollably.
But he didn't want to hurt the girl, so he could only tremble.
"You can't do this, you know that!"