"Kiana, how did you oversleep again? Didn't we remind you yesterday?" On the St. Freya training grounds, Mei looked helplessly at the white-haired girl before her.
So, it was true. Even her best efforts to warn Kiana couldn't overcome Kiana's innate tardiness.
"I, for one, think that if the idiot Kiana wasn't late, it would mean the sun rose from the west," Bronya chimed in, completely unfazed by Kiana's lateness.
"You've got some nerve talking about me! You're no better! Without Mei, I bet you wouldn't be able to get up either!"
Kiana was furious at Bronya's taunt.
How come this girl, another queen of slacking, got to make fun of her?
Just because her dorm was closer to Mei's?
"Hmph. The idiot Kiana wouldn't understand." Bronya took Kiana's words as nothing more than envy and jealousy, which only made her feel more smug.
"Why you! I'll let you have a taste of my fists!" Kiana immediately rolled up her sleeves.
"The idiot Kiana's punches are as weak and powerless as a microbe. The Bronya is not afraid."
Project Bunny materialized behind Bronya, striking a JoJo pose.
"Alright, alright, you two. The assembly is about to start. Can't you just quiet down for a second?"
Mei was long used to the two of them being at each other's throats.
"If you two keep this up, there will be no games or snacks for you tonight."
It had to be said, Mei's trump card was highly effective. Both Bronya and Kiana instantly transformed into obedient kittens, ceasing their squabble.
"Speaking of which, Mei, what's this assembly for, anyway? Are we finally getting a mission?" Now that she'd calmed down, Kiana suddenly realized she had no idea what was going on.
"This assembly is because the Hyperion's new captain is arriving. The principal wants everyone to meet him first," Mei patiently explained.
"Huh? A new captain?" Kiana scratched her head. "Isn't Major Himeko the captain of the Hyperion? Why are we suddenly getting a new one?"
"Idiot Kiana, have you forgotten that Ms. Himeko was seriously affected by Honkai energy erosion and has to temporarily step down as the Hyperion's captain?" Bronya deadpanned.
The girl must have fallen asleep during the briefing again.
"Oh! So who's the new captain?" Kiana's curiosity was piqued.
Anyone who could become captain of the Hyperion had to be someone incredible, right?
"Shh! Everyone, quiet down. The new captain is here," said Fu Hua, who was standing at the front of the formation, shushing Kiana and the others who were still chattering in the back.
"Huh? Over there is..." Hearing this, Kiana eagerly craned her neck to look toward the front.
But when she saw the person leading the way, her face went rigid.
"Why is the new captain that guy?!"
When Mo Wang, following behind Himeko and Theresa, walked before the assembled Valkyries, most of them were utterly baffled.
It was clear that Mo Wang was something of a minor celebrity at St. Freya Academy.
Quite a few Valkyries recognized him.
After all, when you stick a boy in an all-girls school, and on top of that, he's constantly bickering and fighting with the school's other celebrity, Kiana, it's pretty hard not to become famous.
However, most people's impression of Mo Wang was that he was the Slacker King of St. Freya. He was a student in the captaincy program who had never once been seen piloting a warship, spent more time slacking off than in class, and was full of all sorts of weird tricks.
How did this slacker suddenly become a captain after just a few days?
Holy crap. Could this be the legendary "salted fish flipping over" moment—a total reversal of fortune?
"Ahem. Everyone, please be quiet." Theresa cleared her throat lightly. "As you all know, Major Himeko was severely injured during the last mission and will be temporarily stepping down from her position as captain of the Hyperion. In her place, the new captain will be an outstanding student from our academy's captaincy program, Mo Wang."
As Theresa announced this with a perfectly straight face, the Valkyries fell into a stunned silence.
Outstanding student?
Mo Wang?
Hearing this, everyone barely managed to suppress their laughter.
While Mo Wang's grades weren't what you'd call bad, given his usual antics, there was no way anyone would associate him with the words "outstanding student."
Besides, was it really okay to let a student be the captain of the Hyperion?
"I object! On what grounds does he get to be captain?!" A white-haired figure suddenly shot out from the crowd, pointing an accusatory finger at the slacker and decrying the school's injustice.
The crowd gasped.
Who was this, who dared to cause a scene here?
Everyone turned to look and saw it was none other than the Principal's own niece, Kiana Kaslana!
The crowd stared, shocked, before relaxing and settling in to watch the show.
"Kiana! What are you up to now!" Seeing that the troublemaker was her own rabble-rousing niece, Theresa wished she could just smack her unconscious with a bitter melon.
"What exactly do you object to?!"
But Kiana, already fired up, was fearless.
She strode to the front of the crowd and shouted, "I see the Principal is young and naive, and Major Himeko old and frail! That they would make a mere slacker the captain! Know this, I am a B-rank Valkyrie, yet I am passed over! How can this be?!"
"A slacker, daring to become captain of the Hyperion? Never have I ever seen such a shameless, brazen person!"
Kiana spoke with the righteous indignation of a loyal minister witnessing a corrupt emperor and chancellor, calling upon all the court officials to rise up and overthrow this traitor!
However, the so-called officials remained silent as cicadas in winter, terrified of getting caught in the crossfire.
"Hoooo..." After listening to Kiana's speech, Theresa took a deep breath and looked at her dear niece with a 'pleasant' smile. "Kiana, dear, where did you learn to talk like that?"
"Oh, this? I heard it from the class monitor. She said it was some kind of ancient literary format. Apparently, someone was once verbally berated to death using this style."
"So, Auntie, how'd I do? Was I convincing?" Kiana asked, looking proudly at Theresa.
Whether she was convincing or not was debatable, but somewhere in the crowd, Fu Hua's fists were clenched tight.
Damn you, Kiana! What the hell did you even learn?!
I taught you classical literature so you could use it to insult people?!
Her fists were clenched. They were itching for something to punch.
"Heh... heh heh! Have a taste of Judah!" Before Kiana could react, a golden cross suddenly appeared from behind Theresa and slammed the outspoken white-haired girl, sending her flying.
The terrifying force embedded her deep into a nearby wall.
Every so often, Kiana's perky butt would give a little twitch.
But the Valkyries present were long used to such horrifying sights.
Some even felt like grabbing some melon seeds to snack on.
"Don't be angry, Principal. Kiana's just a kid, after all. No need to take it so seriously. Here, have some bitter melon juice."
Mo Wang, who was thoroughly enjoying the show, even began to comfort Theresa, pulling out a bottle of bitter melon juice from who-knows-where to offer her.
(Don't ask why the protagonist has bitter melon juice on him. The answer is that it's a dedicated resource for feeding Theresa and must be carried at all times.)
Staring at the still-twitching Kiana, Mo Wang had already made up his mind.
From now on, cleaning the Hyperion's toilets would be her job.
Kekeke... The foolish white-haired Tuna had finally fallen into his hands.
"Hah... I'm not angry. I'm not angry." After a sip of bitter melon juice, Theresa finally managed to suppress her rage.
Beside her, Himeko could only offer a helpless, bitter smile.
Was putting these two school troublemakers together really a good idea?
"I still object!"
However, the white-haired cat embedded in the wall revived at full health after just a moment and leaped down.
"What else do you have to object to?!" Theresa snapped, deciding it was time to teach her disobedient niece a lesson she would never forget.
"Why?! Why does this slacker get to be captain?!" Kiana ground her teeth, glaring at Mo Wang, who was now watching her with a smug, triumphant look on his face.
She wasn't even allowed to be promoted to A-rank Valkyrie, so how did Mo Wang, who was on the same level as her, suddenly become her direct superior?!
"To be honest, I'd like to know that too," Mo Wang said with a shrug.
Did this girl really think being the captain of the Hyperion was some kind of great gig?
Any sane person could see that this captain's job was to be a scapegoat! Normally, it would be a question of whether he could even survive to see the next month.
However, that didn't stop him from flaunting his new position in front of Kiana.
"What? Not convinced? If you're not convinced, how about we have a little spar? Today, I'm going to make you submit!" Mo Wang beckoned to Kiana, his gesture dripping with provocation.
"A spar it is! Who's afraid of who?!" Kiana's teeth made a grinding sound. "Today, I'm going to turn you into a real salted fish!"
"Whoever loses becomes the other's servant for a year! The kind that has to obey every single order! You dare?!"
"Why wouldn't I dare, you scoundrel!"
Both of them had rolled up their sleeves, looking like they were about to start another brawl.
"Principal, are you sure we shouldn't stop them?" Himeko asked Theresa worriedly, watching the two head toward the training grounds.
"It's fine. As a drop-in captain, Mo Wang needs to use some special methods to establish his authority," Theresa said, taking a pleasant sip of her bitter melon juice.
This kind of power play was all too common in Schicksal.
"But... can Mo Wang handle it?" Himeko wasn't so sure. Although Mo Wang was a decent fighter for a male student, compared to someone like Kiana, whose raw power was already approaching that of an A-rank Valkyrie, he was still completely outmatched.
It wasn't like the two of them hadn't fought before.
But basically, every single fight had ended with Mo Wang's defeat.
"He should... be fine? After all, that kid is full of sly tricks," Theresa mused, recalling the scheming smile Mo Wang had worn earlier. She wasn't entirely certain either.
For all she knew, the kid might have slipped something into Kiana's breakfast this morning.
[The Slacker King of a Certain Hyperion]: Live stream today! Watch me battle the white-haired girl for three hundred rounds!
[A Certain Blond from Teyvat]: What, is this the legendary battle of the Slacker King versus the White-Haired Tuna?
[The Trash-can King on a Certain Train]: The two titans will battle to the very edge of the universe!
[The Savior of a Certain Human Order]: To witness a battle between two such masters, I can die without regrets!
[The Owner of a Certain Video Store]: GAH! Retreat! It's the Honkai-addled fans!
[The Slacker King of a Certain Hyperion]: Tune in next time for: The Strongest in History! not include Go/Jo!