Mo Wang was at a loss for words.
A top-priority mission... that they had let sit for over a year? And did they really need to go dungeon-crawling for the Xuanyuan Sword?
The early-game writing for Honkai Impact was so sloppy.
A Judgment-class Honkai Beast that took the combined sacrifice of Immortal Phoenix, Ji Xuanyuan, and the Fuxi&Nuwa sisters to seal?
It sounded impressive, but in the grand scheme of things, it was barely a mid-boss. And the legendary Xuanyuan Sword was just one of the many Divine Keys created from the Herrscher of Domination.
He wouldn't be surprised if Fu Hua had a few dozen of them stashed away in her closet.
The only thing special about Ji Xuanyuan's particular sword was that it contained a sliver of power from the first six Herrschers. But even with that boost, it still couldn't defeat Chiyou on its own.
So why was Otto so obsessed with finding this specific one?
"Also, I have to ask," Mo Wang interjected, changing the subject before his brain melted from the plot holes. "Why are we having a meeting in this furnace? Aren't you guys hot? The other offices have working air conditioning, right? And so do the classrooms."
The three women stared at him, their expressions completely blank, as if he had just revealed a profound universal truth.
"Oh, right..." Theresa said, clapping her hands together with a dawning realization.
...
"Ahhh, I'm alive again," Theresa sighed blissfully, letting the classroom's AC unit blast cold air directly onto her face. "Alright, now that we're all cooled down, let's continue the meeting."
"Wait a minute, Principal," Mo Wang said, a deadpan expression on his face.
"A meeting is a meeting, but why are you sitting on my lap? Is this some new form of workplace harassment I'm not aware of?"
Theresa, having made herself comfortable on his thighs as if it were her personal throne, puffed out her cheeks. "What, you got a problem with me sitting on you?"
He could practically see the word "pervert" written on her forehead in glowing red letters.
"No, no, of course not. How could I ever be dissatisfied with our cute principal?" he said smoothly. "But shouldn't you be a little more mindful of your image in front of your subordinates?"
If this were any other time, he would have been more than happy to have the world's cutest 40-something-year-old on his lap. But this was an official mission briefing. There had to be some level of professionalism.
"Well, it's your fault for being the coolest person in the room," she mumbled, her face turning a shade of red that he couldn't quite see from his angle. "By the way, why do you smell like calamansi?"
"Oh, I have a couple of them with me..." he said, and pulled two small, green citrus fruits from his pocket with a practiced motion.
"What's calamansi? Is it good?" Theresa asked, her curiosity piqued.
"Why don't you try one?"
Under Fu Hua's strange, analytical gaze, Theresa popped a slice of the fruit into her mouth. Her face immediately contorted.
"So sour! What is this stuff?!" she yelped, fanning her tongue. "Mo Wang! Why are you carrying this stuff around?!"
"Well... maybe I've just been craving something sour lately. Haha." He laughed awkwardly. Everyone knew what a sudden craving for sour things usually implied, and he was definitely not pregnant. He was just trying to balance out the sweetness of his life recently.
"Enough, you two! This is a meeting!" Himeko snapped, slamming her hand on the student desk with enough force to make it shudder.
"Now, as I was saying," she continued, massaging her temples. "Besides the Xuanyuan Sword, there may also be Ji Xuanyuan's stigmata in the Nine Realms. It is a legacy of one of the ancestors of humanity, and Schicksal considers it a high-priority asset. That's why the Overseer has ordered us to investigate. The matter has been delayed for far too long, and he is urging us to proceed."
Well, at least this time, it's not because Himeko is about to have a relapse that we have to go to the Nine Realms, Mo Wang thought with a small measure of relief. The original story's motivations were a complete mess of retcons and abandoned plot threads.
"So, how are we going to find the Nine Realms?" Mo Wang asked, gently patting the principal still sitting on his lap. "With current satellite technology, shouldn't we have found a place that big by now?"
Himeko looked at Fu Hua, who produced an ancient-looking, yellowed scroll from her sleeve.
"According to this historical text, the Nine Realms is a pocket dimension located in the deepest, darkest part of the world," Fu Hua explained in her calm, melodic voice. "If we follow this clue, we should be able to find its entrance."
She could just use Fenghuang Down to look at her own memories, Mo Wang thought. Why all the theatrics? She must enjoy the role-playing.
"So? What do you need me for?" he asked, getting to the heart of the matter. "You guys seem to have it all figured out. You can just go find it, right?"
"You idiot! Don't you get it?!" Theresa said, and smacked him lightly on the back of the head.
"Ahem! Mo Wang," Fu Hua interjected smoothly. "What the Principal and Teacher Himeko mean is, they want the two of us, who know the most about Chinese culture, to lead the expedition..."
"No way! I'd rather die!" Mo Wang said, and made a firm 'X' with his arms.
They wanted him to work overtime in this heat? No way in hell. He'd much rather be in his cool, air-conditioned room, cuddling with his demanding, high-maintenance, and absolutely adorable girlfriend.
But Theresa was prepared. With a serene, almost sinister smile, she calmly took out a small bottle of bitter melon juice from her pocket. "Fine, if you don't want to go, then you don't have to."
A cold sweat trickled down Mo Wang's back. "P-Principal, what do you mean by that?"
"Well, you've been on 'vacation' for a month, but you haven't done any official work, have you? And since you're working now... you don't need your student subsidy, do you?"
Her words were like daggers to his heart. His student subsidy was his primary source of income for snacks and new games.
"But, Principal! Doesn't the Overseer pay my captain's salary directly?!" he protested.
"Yes, but it goes through St. Freya's accounting department first. And if you don't work, you don't get paid, do you?" she said, taking a triumphant sip of her vile green concoction.
"You... you're so cruel!" he cried, clutching his chest in mock agony.
If he didn't have a salary, how was he supposed to support his girlfriend?
Kiana's appetite alone could bankrupt a small nation. How was he supposed to buy the latest video games?!
This evil, bitter-melon-loving loli had him by the balls. He had no choice but to go on this stupid dungeon crawl.
The three women exchanged triumphant glances over his slumped form.
The plan was a success.